When I take Skye upstairs, that feeling stays with me — the feeling that this is an unusually good decision. Like this is something singular, something good. I’m not exactly planning to share it with her, so I keep it in my mind, hidden. A secret.

We reach the top of the stairs, and I look back at her. She looks like she’s about to bolt. Like a terrified wild animal, caught in a trap. Except I’m the one standing by the door, and she’s behind me, with the freedom to run if she wants to. She looks back down the stairs, like she just might.

“You look skeptical. Trust me — I won’t bite.” I pause. Skye is chewing her lip again, and something about it turns me on. My cock stiffens against the fabric of my jeans. An aching need I’m about to fill. Unless she runs off. And I can’t have that. She’s now a part of my long-term plan — whether she likes it or not. “Unless you want me to.”

“It’s not that I don’t.” She’s still chewing her lip. “Trust you, I mean. It’s that — like I said — I’ve never done this before.”

“No worries.” I take her hand before she can start thinking about it anymore. I’ve had a lot of girls tell me that they never ‘do this kind of thing,’ that they’re ‘not into one-night stands.’ That they’re not ‘experienced.’ They might not be experienced, but I always find a way to bring out the vixen hidden inside. It always turns out that they’re secret freaks. And that’s exactly what I predict is going on here. Beneath that librarian I-don’t-do-this-kind-of-thing exterior is a girl who wants to do this kind of thing. “I’ve done it lots.”

I pull her inside and bring her body to mine. She trembles beneath my hands, which is something I haven’t experienced in a long time. I have to say that I like it, her whole helpless, nerd-girl type of thing. That attitude doesn’t match the body that the good Lord gave her, and it’s fucking hot as hell. I bet she has a closet full of cardigans at home. And white, lacy bras. Little cotton bikini panties with bows on the center. The thought of those little panties makes me grab her ass, slip my hand in her skirt, see if those panties are soaked like I’m guessing they are.

I grab it. And that ass — it feels fucking amazing under my hand.

She yelps in surprise. “Hey, what are you doing back there?”

“Nothing. Just checking for — ” I run my thumbs between the waist of her skirt and her hot, smooth skin. There it is. “A thong.” I bring my lips to her neck. Beneath my lips and fingers, her skin turns to gooseflesh. Even in the dim light, I can see that her skin has turned the best shade of pink. I bet it’s spread all the way to her nipples, the tops of her breasts. And holy shit, I bet those are good. I cup one breast tenderly in my hand, other still firmly planted on her ass. Two fucking handfuls of perfection. A breath catches in her throat, and her eyes almost roll back in her head. Like it’s good to be touched. She’s about to find out just how good.

“I didn’t know things would move so fast.” Her voice trails off, and I take the opportunity to kiss her, my tongue finding hers. Skye’s lips melt into mine, and tentatively, she brings her arms around my neck. I like how her body moves, the way her hair smells, the heat and heft of her body. I could imagine waking up to this, or at least indulging again from time to time. “But I guess that’s good,” she mumbles when I pull away. “Get it over with.”

“Get what over with?” An alarm goes up in my head. That’s a weird fucking thing to say.

“But maybe we should go into the bedroom, where there’s less light.” Her voice is distant, her body still shivering like it was when I brought her in here. My cock throbs, straining now, aching for her. God, I bet she’s tight. Hot. Sweet.

I refocus. “Sure,” I say, my voice wary. I’ve dealt with enough drunk people at Dougherty’s. Skye is either at the drunk stage of saying weird shit — or she’s saying some legitimately weird shit. “I’ll take you to the bedroom, but maybe we should sit down first. What do you think?”

She nods, and I pull her over to the sofa. She’s stiffer than she should be. Nervous. But when I sit down next to her, she automatically straddles me, her skirt hiked up, showing off the expanses of her creamy, white thighs. It’s a strange thing for a nervous, uncertain girl to do. Especially one who told me she was inexperienced.

Red flag. Shit.

She’s fine, I reassure myself. Just tipsy. Just out of her element.

I bring my hands beneath her shirt and unclasp her bra, burying my face between her breasts. My mouth travels to one nipple and then the other, pulling them into my mouth through the soft, clingy fabric. She lets out a series of little moans. Her hips start to rock against me, the heat of her sex pressing into my hard cock. Her body is more limber now, warming up. Everything is just fine with this one. A good girl in the bar, a bad girl in my apartment. And a fine, sensible lady to present in front of the judge.

That tightness comes back to my center — it’s the longing to lose myself in someone, to forget my job, my bills, the courts, all the people and shit swirling around me. And with her, it might be the sweetest release. Innocent, pure. She shimmies out of her shirt and tosses her bra aside, revealing a set of impossibly perfect breasts. Nipples dark pink, and stiff, atop full, round orbs. My fingers find them again, and she moans, this time louder.

“Oh, my God,” she sighs. “This is better than I thought.”

I bring my mouth to one breast, tasting her skin this time. Her fingers come to my hair, and her nails trail over my scalp. My spine tingles. Everything does. I want to bury myself, lose myself inside of her. With my tongue flicking over her nipple, I bring my hands to my jeans, unbuckling myself and then bringing the zipper down to release my cock. I want to be inside of this girl now. I can fuck her first and focus on getting her to come later. But the need is overwhelming. I’m fast, moving her back slightly so that I can stroke myself.

“You’re so fucking sexy. I wanted you from the first moment I saw you.” I’m stroking my cock with this beautiful girl straddling me, and nothing else in the world matters. She moans, and she throws her head back. I think about wrapping my fingers around that perfect neck while I fuck her from behind. I might get to do that, too. When I get her to stick around. Once I make her come, she’ll be begging to stay. Skye is shaking like she was before, and she gasps when she looks down at my cock.

“Oh my,” she murmurs. “That’s… impressive.”

Something about the way she says it makes me look up at her face. I see trepidation. No, more than that. Fear.

“It won’t hurt. I’ll make sure of it,” I say. “I’ll get you warmed up.”

A line I’ve used a hundred times. It’s true. I have the reputation not just for a big cock — but for pleasing a woman like no other man in Manhattan.

But when I say it, her eyes go wide, like a deer in headlights. She pulls away just a bit, trembling.

“It’s just that — ” She stops and rolls away from me so she’s sitting next to me on the sofa. “It’s just that I haven’t done this before.”

“You said that. You don’t go home with guys like me. That kind of thing.” I’m immediately feeling a lot more sober, and there’s something slightly off about her tone. More than slightly off, if I’m being perfectly honest. I’m still as hard as I’ve ever been. Still, want her. But I zip up my jeans, going on instinct more than anything else. I gently place a blanket over Skye’s shoulders. She still looks afraid, but embarrassment is starting to creep in on her exquisite face. Her eyes are still as wide as saucers, her lips pursed.

“I mean — I haven’t done this at all before.”

I nod, like I understand. But what she’s telling me is so surreal I can barely comprehend it. I haven’t been with a virgin since before I graduated from high school. That can’t be real. It can’t be. “You mean you haven’t been to a guy’s apartment who works in a bar?” I crack a smile.

She shakes her head, pulling the blanket close around her. “I haven’t been with anyone. Not ever.”

“You’re what — twenty-five? You were just waiting — ” I try to search around for the right words, but I’m shit at this sort of thing. That’s why girls don’t stay put, why I don’t want them to. It makes me think too much about Tabitha and all the ways I failed with her. And all the ways I’m failing now with Brie.

“I’m twenty-three. I was waiting. For a guy that I thought loved me. But he said — ” She groans and lies back on the sofa.

I want this girl. I want her more than I’ve wanted anything in a long time — more than the rotating door of women, parading in and out of this apartment. Ceaseless, tireless. All the same.

I’m still hard, aching. Tight. The animal part of my brain wants to take her, throw her body back on top of mine, and watch as she lowers herself onto my cock. But as I look at her, half-dressed on my couch, dazed and nervous and trembling, I feel a wave of protectiveness. Shit I don’t normally feel.

“This isn’t the time then,” I say. I lean closer to her and brush a lock of silky dark hair behind her ear. It falls over her face again.

She looks at me, pupils dilated, skin flushed. She still wants it. Good God. I imagine how it would feel to take her for the first time, pushing all the way into her tight, virgin —

“I should probably go,” she mutters. She looks around for her shirt and bra. I watch as she picks them up and holds them protectively to her chest. Her fingers are long, the fingers of an artist. Delicate.

I’ve kicked women out for less. Set up a ride on Lyft while they were in the bathroom.

Skye gathers her things, embarrassed. Humiliated might be a better word. Since I’m an asshole, I just watch her for several seconds before speaking. But something in my character cracks, breaks inside, maybe for just a second. I wouldn’t fucking tell Finn about this kind of thinking, but I want to erase the pain off this girl’s face. When she’s pulling on her bra over those perfect, round breasts, I stand and catch her again, pulling her to me by her waist.

“It’s late. Stay the night. I’ll make it worth your time. There’s plenty we can do without — ” It feels strange to say the words, so I don’t. Without taking your virginity. The mere thought of it makes my brain and body nearly explode. It takes every ounce of strength I have to contain myself. “Without, you know.”

“That doesn’t sound like a great idea, Liam.” She doesn’t sound convinced when she says it, but that humiliation is still written all over her face. “I think maybe we should just leave this whole thing alone.” She chuckles for a second and looks up at me. “Maybe I’ll just hire a male escort to get this whole thing over with. Then I can come back next year.”

I grin. “You want to get this whole thing over with? That was your goal, huh?”

“Yeah. I think I ought to go for it before I’m twenty-four.” She chews on her lip like she did in the bar. And she laughs again, light, and airy. I stand up and take her into my arms again, this time gentler. I tilt her face to mine and kiss her again, this time slower and deeper, my hands finding her breasts again. She shudders and lets out a low, throaty moan, like it’s throwing her into ecstasy just to be touched. My fingers find her nipple again, rolling it beneath her shirt.

“Just how inexperienced are you, Skye? Tell me.”

She swallows before she speaks, looking nervous. “I had a boyfriend in high school and college. We kissed. He touched me — over my clothes. We never even came close. ”

A man has never touched her like that. Never made her come.

“Really?” I chuckle, then laugh louder, still holding her tight. “That’s crazy. I mean — really fucking nuts. How does that even happen?”

“It’s not really that funny. Or crazy.” She pulls away, pushing her hand against my chest. “I should go, like I said. I’m better off figuring this out myself without you being an asshole and acting like I’m a circus freak show.”

“Hey, I’m an asshole for sure.” I keep hold of her arm, gentle but firm. “But I wasn’t laughing at you. I’m laughing at the idiot guy who passed up a gorgeous girl like you. He’s the real asshole here. Stupid fucker. He was weird as hell if he wasn’t fucking you every single day he had you at his fingertips.” I flash her a grin, and for a second, she just stands there, looking at me with her eyebrows knitted. “Wasn’t he? Fucking idiot.”

She just pauses, like she’s thinking. “He was.”

“Personally,” I lean into her. She’s still letting me hold her arm, even though it feels like she might bolt for the door at any moment. “I’d fuck you every day. Sometimes twice. Three times. Basically whenever you got naked in front of me. Or sometimes not naked.” I shrug. “I’m not tied to one particular way of fucking you. I just know I’d do it a lot.”

That makes her look down and brush her hair behind her ear, which I like. Very much. It’s sexy as hell.

“Yeah? I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should. I’m up to the task.” I pull her back into me, and she doesn’t resist. She’s like a blank canvas, a sweet little girl I can teach while everyone around me thinks I’ve got some kind of dedicated girlfriend. Even fucking Marta. It’s better than I thought.

“Up to what task?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Making you — ” I kiss her on the cheek and trail my lips along the length of her neck, down to her collarbone. “Come. Teaching you what you need to do to — ” I let my hands move lower, cupping her ass, and then lifting her skirt. The smooth ripeness of her hips gives me the sudden image of her bent over, taking me to the hilt. This whole plan suddenly seems very enticing. “Please me. Please yourself.”

“What makes you think I want that?”

“The fact that you came up here tonight. That you even took a chance on a guy like me. I think we’ve established that I’m not exactly the type you would usually go for.”

She gives me an indecipherable look. “Okay, yeah. I wanted to get it over with and leave in the morning. I’m not looking for a long term… anything. Nothing long term.”

I shrug. “I think that’s what you need. Just for a while. Friends with benefits. You get the benefit of someone teaching you. I get to have fun while I do it. We’re both a little less — alone.” She smiles at that.

And you can play the part of my girlfriend. Fiancée. Wife if we need to.

Something about that makes me excited. Even though the deal is far from sealed.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?” I pull her in closer and kiss her again. It feels good, kissing her. Like I should be doing it. I wonder if I ought to inform her about what she’s about to sign up for. But I’ve never told any other girl about my daughter, my ex. About the custody battle. Anything like that. The words sit on the tip of my tongue, but they don’t come now. She’ll know tomorrow morning. Maybe it’s best if all the information comes out at once.

Instead of telling her, I lift her up into my arms, and I carry to the bedroom.

To show her what it feels like to give in.