Notes and Funerals
‘A very good morning to you, lovely Nina.’ Standing at the end of her driveway, still decked out in a pink robe, slippers and a wool beanie, Mrs Hense resembled a fluffy-footed flamingo. ‘Someone’s in a rush today.’
Nina ignored her, occupied by the letter in her hand. ‘You there, Mum?’ she called through the fly mesh, impatient.
‘Darling, what’s all this about?’ Ava unlocked the metal security door, ushering her daughter inside.
‘Where have you been, Mum? I called you several times yesterday afternoon.’
‘I, ah, had a pressing financial matter to see someone about. What’s the urgency?’
‘A note. He wrote you a note.’
‘Who?’
‘John Tate wrote you a note to go with that basket.’ Nina thrust out her hand with the envelope. Ava glanced towards the kitchen bench and the assorted jams and chutneys.
‘I was wondering where all that had come from and why there wasn’t a note, especially since Mrs Hense seemed quite certain there was.’
‘Okay, so now you know. How about you read it?’
With one eye on her daughter, Ava unfolded the sheet of paper, immediately recognising the handwriting.
‘Read it aloud, Mum.’
‘Why? When you’re obviously acquainted with the contents.’ She grinned and perched on a stool at the breakfast bar. ‘Pass me my glasses.’
Ava looked down at the paper and her smile grew.
Dear Ava,
I hope you got the painting. I was hoping to hear from you and to know you liked the end result. I did warn you that portraits are not my forte. I thought you’d enjoy this basket. In hindsight I should have delivered the painting myself had I wanted a reaction. Then again, hindsight is not exactly my forte either, these days, although I have been thinking a lot lately. Mostly about what brought you to my door, and about my initial reluctance to have you sit. I now know the reason.
From the moment I saw you I didn’t feel capable of painting you. Some things won’t be captured, no matter how beautiful the subject or how talented the artist. Michelangelo would not be good enough to paint you.
Do you remember I told you about Dante Gabriel Rossetti and Elizabeth Siddal? Well, what I’m trying to say is that you, Ms Ava Marchette, may be my Elizabeth. You awakened feelings long forgotten and brought colour into a world I didn’t think needed any more. And, yes, I do believe Fate brought you to my door that day and you are welcome back any time.
Sincerely,
John Tate
PS. There is no invoice included. Consider the painting a gift in return for the gift of your sitting.
‘Well, Mum?’ Nina sat on the adjacent stool.
Ava huffed. ‘Well what?’
‘Will you drive back up to Ivy-May with me at the weekend? I really need to talk to Blair and I think you should see John.’
Ava remained silent, staring at the note.
‘Come on, Mum,’ Nina persisted. ‘This is what you wanted.’
‘To be someone’s concubine? Hardly!’
‘Am I supposed to understand that?’
Ava wrung her hands. ‘Elizabeth Siddal was… Oh, never mind, Nina. Perhaps you’ll give me a little time to myself.’
‘If you’re sure you’re feeling all right. I did think about not giving this to you, but then I… Please just say you’ll come to Candlebark Creek with me.’
‘Nina, darling, I’m sure if the property is as damaged as you say I’ll only be in the way. In fact, as lovely as John’s note is, I’m ending this here. This thing between John and me has to end before anything happens.’
Nina almost choked. ‘What are you saying? Why?’
‘I don’t believe in miracles and I don’t interfere with Fate. He had no recollection of me, which suggests some memories are meant to stay locked away. John’s had enough confusion and complication in his life, so let this go, darling.’
‘How do I do that?’ Nina was sounding desperate. ‘Just give him time. If you go back for a few more days, a week maybe—’
‘I made a choice thirty years ago, Nina. I left John with his family and I went away to make a family of my own. You, Tony, Ris and my beautiful grandchildren are my focus. My purpose in going back recently was not to invite anyone into my life, especially a man who’s had trouble enough in his own. I’m quite happy to have only myself to worry about – and you, Nina, always you.’
‘And that’s exactly why you need someone in your life, Mum. His note says he remembers, and the mother I know does not give up easily.’
‘I didn’t give up easily,’ Ava said. ‘I went back to Ivy-May to see him.’
‘You mean before last month?’
‘Nineteen eighty-six, before I left town. I’d been living and working at the local pub for months, waiting for John to be well. But staying there was becoming impossible for various reasons, so before I left Candlebark Creek for good I went to the house to see him. I had to see him one more time. I needed an answer.’
‘Was he there? Did he recognise you?’
‘He answered the door and I knew straight away. Then Marjorie made sure I saw a pregnant Katie and I understood all I needed to, or so I thought at the time. Marjorie had won and everything was different. John was different. Surgery had stripped him of his curls. He was thin, but he looked happy – really happy.’
‘He’d moved on, just like that, and you didn’t say anything?’
‘I’d planned to say so much, but there was hardly time before Marjorie took charge. He looked at me with boyish curiosity and a polite grin, his confusion clear. He was going marry Katie, just like Marjorie had always wanted, and as much as I wanted to fight, to be in John’s life again, I had to consider what was best. To him I was a stranger at his door. He would marry Katie O’Brien, as planned, and we’d never be together. Rick had told me I was fighting a losing battle with Marjorie Tate, but I hadn’t wanted to believe him. To be honest, I wish I’d never started this silly portrait idea. So, please, Nina, drop this now. There’s something to be said for leaving the past in the past. Live for what today has to offer. Don’t waste life looking for what yesterday took away.’
‘So, that’s it? You’ll cut John Tate from your life again. Only this time, Mum, it’s not only about you.’
‘Nina, I’m not going to interfere or tell you who to love. You’ll also have to forgive me for being a little confused by the ring you’re still wearing.’
‘Confused?’ Nina looked at her right hand. ‘I’m furious with myself. I knew my answer that night yet I wasn’t brave enough to tell him no. Conrad might love me, but he doesn’t make me feel the way Blair does. He and I have this… this connection, and if you’ve ever known what it’s like to laugh at everything a man says and think about him every minute of the day… I’m not invisible when I’m with Blair. He values my ideas and makes me feel invincible. What if he’s the man I’ll love for ever and who’ll love me in return? What if I’ve found my place in Candlebark Creek? Would that be weird, Mum?’
‘Oh, Nina.’
Nina started to cry. ‘You’re going to have to tell me what to do. For once I really want you to tell me. Should I forget Blair, like you did with John?’
‘Why are you asking me that?’
‘Because, Mum, I see you with Mariska’s parents and they’re like an extension of our family. We all get together often and always have laughs and a good time. Tony’s so lucky. He never puts a foot wrong. Don’t misunderstand me. Team Marchette has been my rock, but nothing has ever filled the hole my father left in my life. I never told you, Mum, but I was so desperate that I met Dad when I was in Rome. We sat at a café, sipped coffee, but we had nothing to talk about, no connection.’
‘Why are you only telling me this now?’
‘I’m sorry, Mum. For some reason I can talk to John about anything. He’s like the father I never had. But even if Blair and I were to get together, this history you and John have makes me wonder if I’ll ever experience that sense of family because Blair is his son and you and John and Katie are…’
Ava knew what her daughter was getting at. ‘It’s not that I think badly of Katie,’ she said. ‘We were never friends. In fact, the first time I met her she let me know I was the enemy. I can’t help it if she still sees me like that.’
‘Great! I can picture my wedding day. “Groom’s side or bride’s side? Pistols or daggers?”’
‘Now you’re being ridiculous.’
‘I’m not.’ Nina’s exasperation spiralled. ‘This whole portrait and pearl ring thing came about because of deliberate deception. What Marjorie did to you and John was despicable. Don’t you think I feel bad enough that I can’t tell Blair what I think of his grandmother? I wish you’d never told me any of it, but then…’ Nina sighed ‘… I guess Blair and I wouldn’t have met. So basically, Mum, I’m too screwed up over everything I know about you and John to have any relationship that requires I keep secrets. Right now Blair’s thinking I’m no different from his ex-wife. How the hell is this ever going to work?’
‘Darling, I don’t have all the answers. All I can say is that with knowledge comes responsibility. I once had all the information I needed to expose Marjorie as a liar, and Katie to some extent, although I believe she was naïve and Marjorie used her. Instead I made a choice to move on. I kept their secret and the truth from John and accepted that Fate must have other plans for me. And it did. It had you and Tony.’
‘And it has me in an impossible situation with Blair. It’s not fair, Mum.’
‘Nina, I understand how romantic country life can seem, and while Blair is lovely, please don’t be in a hurry. You are still young in so many ways.’ Still sulking, Ava might have added. ‘What if I was to shout you and Miriam a trip overseas? You can see if you feel the same way about Blair after that.’
Her daughter sat ramrod straight. ‘All of a sudden, when it suits you, my settling down is not a priority. Not only that, you’re offering me money to go away. Jeez, Mum, you’ve turned into Marjorie Tate.’
Ava flinched from her daughter’s verbal slap.
‘You know what, Mum? I’m done and I don’t want to hear any more. Thanks for the offer, but I won’t be travelling abroad and I won’t sit around and do nothing. I’m going.’
‘Where, Nina?’
‘Blair needs help and I need Blair. I’m going back to Candlebark Creek and I’m going to tell him how I feel. It’s time someone started telling the truth.’