CHAPTER FOUR
Nicole
SUMMER’S INJURIES HAVE HER off work for about three weeks. When she felt up to it, we took a trip to Joan’s to meet Maria and Antonio. The introduction was easy. It’s everything after that that’s difficult.
Ben and Antonio are playing with matchbox cars, seeing who can get theirs to race the farthest across the floor. I’m playing tea party with Maria. She’s so beautiful with her big dark eyes, dark hair, and button nose. Her laugh is infectious. I guess I thought she’d be more apprehensive with me. Then again there’s a good three feet between us at the tea table.
I’m sitting next to her when Joan brings in some cookies, setting a special plate at the tea party table. We each take a cookie. Maria takes a bite first. There’s a crumb on the side of her mouth, so I take my linen napkin and lean forward to wipe it off.
She does more than flinch. Her entire body recoils and she lets out a keening wail. She falls off her chair and begins crawling backward away from everyone and into a corner. She begins rocking, her knees locked to her chest and her arms tight around her knees. Her eyes are wide, more than frightened—petrified.
Joan hears and comes into the room.
“I was just going to wipe a crumb,” I tell Joan helplessly. I’m panicking inside, wondering how I could have done things differently. “I should have told her before I reached out. Such a stupid mistake.”
Joan walks over to me. “Relax, Nicole. You were having fun. It’s not stupid. I don’t think either of you expected this reaction.”
“What do I do?”
I look over to Ben whose eyes are filled with worry but continues to play with Antonio, keeping him distracted.
Joan touches my shoulder. “Approach her—slowly. Sit about four feet away, legs crossed, and your hands under your butt. This way she’ll feel safe. It’d take time for you to get out of that position, time she’d use to run. Then you engage her in conversation. Reassure her.”
I nod and do as she tells me. I look into Maria’s wide unseeing eyes and I want to cry for this poor baby. I hope some big guy named Bubba makes him his bitch in prison.
“Maria,” I say softly.
I repeat her name calmly, softly multiple times until she blinks and looks at me.
I smile at her. “Well, there you are. You disappeared for a few minutes.”
She’s still closed off but she’s looking at me now. The wailing has stopped as has the rocking.
“I only meant to wipe a crumb from the side of your mouth,” I inform her.
She quickly swipes her hand across her mouth then wraps that arm back around her knees.
“I’m sorry, Maria.”
She looks up at me warily, confused. I doubt anyone’s ever apologized to her for anything. Another thing I plan to fix.
“I’m sorry. I should have let you know I was going to remove the crumb,” I say.
Her brows furrow.
“I wouldn’t ever hurt you, sweetheart. I promise you. Never, ever will you be hurt like that again.”
She stares at me and I remain silent, letting her process what I’ve just said.
Antonio comes walking over, Ben following behind. Ben sits exactly as I am and Antonio sits by Maria.
He cocks his head to the side. “You promise? Mommy always told us you can’t break a promise.”
“We promise. Both of us,” Ben insists. Maria looks at him, inspecting. If she sees what I see, she sees kind eyes. Kind eyes that belong to a man who would never raise a hand to a child.
Antonio looks at Maria. He nudges her with his shoulder and she looks at him in question. He leans in and cups a hand by her ear then whispers something. When he leans back, Maria nods then looks at us.
“Mommy said you need to pinky swear,” Maria whispers. Antonio nods his agreement.
“Okay,” I reply.
Ben and I slowly pull our right hands out from under our butts. I want nothing more to shake it out to get the blood flowing and eliminate the pins and needles feeling, but I don’t. I rest my elbow on my knee and hold up my pinkie, taking care not to make a fist of any kind. Ben follows suit.
Then we wait. And wait. And wait.
Antonio takes a deep breath and slowly crawls over to us. He wraps his tiny pinkie finger around Ben’s large one and tears fill my eyes. Just that was a huge feat for him, but it was one step closer to trust. He wraps his pinkie around mine and I smile and give him a wink. He smiles back and tries to wink but keeps blinking instead.
“How do you do that?” he asks, blinking like a baby bird.
“One day I’ll teach you.” I gently squeeze his pinkie. “Promise.”
He nods then looks back and Maria. She swallows—hard, so hard you can see it happen. I can see her body shaking and I wish I could wrap her up in my arms and show her what love really feels like. I’m sure her mother gave it to her, but her father’s beatings likely made her forget.
She crawls slowly then stops next to her brother. She lets out a shuddering breath. Maria reaches for me first, her sweet little finger curving around mine. I smile softly at her and she lets out a breath of relief.
Then she looks at Ben who somehow managed to make himself look smaller. He gives Maria a soft look, the one that lured me to him in the beginning. She very slowly approaches him, his large frame dwarfing hers. She holds her breath as she twists her pinkie around his.
Ben smiles at her and whispers, “I promise.”
As if she can’t help it, all the air she’s been holding comes out in one rushed exhale.
“I really, really promise,” he reassures her and it works because she becomes totally unaware of the fact that their pinkies are still hooked.
Joan walks over. “What do you think Antonio and Maria? When all the grown up boring stuff is finished, would you like to go live with Ben and Nicole? Their house is very big and there are tons of people living there.”
I grin. “Including Summer and Kadi.”
“Kadi!” Maria cheers.
“You will have separate rooms and Jace and Summer will take care of Kadi in theirs, but you’ll be in the same house,” Joan explains.
“Can I bring my dinosaurs and cars?” Antonio asks.
“Darling, you can bring anything you want,” Joan tells him. “We’d like to make this your forever home. What do you think about that?”
“They pinkie promised to not hurt us,” Maria whispers.
“Oh, well,” Joan begins. “Then things are perfect because Ben and Nicole take their pinkie promises very seriously.”
“For real?” Antonio asks.
“For real-real,” Joan answers.
Maria and Antonio look at each other, not saying a word but yet saying so much. Then they take each other’s hand and look at us.
Antonio nods. “Okay.”
“Do you have tea party there?” Maria asks me softly.
“I’ll make sure we have the best tea party ever,” I tell her, trying so hard not to cry. She looks less sad than when we got here. Thank the heavens for that.
Maria yawns.
“Looks like nap time,” Joan announces. “Thank you for coming. I know Maria and Antonio had a fun time with you today.”
Both Maria and Antonio nod.
“We had fun with you today, too,” Ben and I say at the same time, then chuckle at each other.
“Have a good nap,” I tell them.
Maria stands up and rubs her eyes, then turns to follow Joan out of the room. She stops and turns around to look at us.
“Will you come back tomorrow?” she asks.
I nod. I can’t speak. This is up to Ben.
“You bet we will, sweetheart. We’ll be here.” He holds up his pinkie and she gives him what I like to think is a small smile. It’s barely there, but I can see it.
Joan and the children leave the room. Ben and I stand up and he immediately engulfs me in his arms and I let the tears fall.
“Shhh, shhh,” he coos. “This was good, babe. So good.”
I nod in agreement against his chest. I look up at him. “Very good.”
We wait by the front door for Joan, when she approaches she’s grinning from ear-to-ear. “Today was huge. They’ve given you a little bit of trust today. They’re still leery, but you managed to put a tiny fissure in their wall. They’re still young enough to get past this without the abuse changing them. I can already see how good you are for them.”
“Thank you, Joan. For everything you’ve done so far—and not just for us,” Ben replies.
“We’ll see you tomorrow?” I question.
“Absolutely.”
We open the door and are just about to step onto the porch when Joan stops us.
“You gave them something today and I think they gave you the same gift.”
“Which one?” I ask. Those children give me so many gifts just by being in my life.
“Hope. None of you had much when you arrived today, but all of you have a lot more now.”
I nod. “Hope.”
We get to the SUV and Ben hugs me close. “You were the first one to give me hope, Nicole—back when you fell in love with me. I didn’t think anyone could love a man like me. Now you’re helping to give me even more.”
“You gave me hope when I thought I was going to die, Ben. You refused to let me give up. I think we give that to one another and now it’s time to share it with our children,” I tell him.
He nods, eyes glistening. “Our children.”
As Ben drives us home, I think about how horrible I felt that day walking out of school. Hopeless and sad because I couldn’t have children of my own. Now I know that’s not true at all and Ben was right. They don’t have to have our DNA to be our children. They just have to let us love them, and I think we’ve made progress in doing just that.
I’m going to hold it tight. Hope, and when Antonio and Maria are ready, I’m going to hold them tight too, as fiercely as I hold Ben.
My family.
THE END.
There’ll be more Ben and Nicole in the upcoming books to keep you up to date on the progress of their family.
I hope 2018 is your best year yet!
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