Chapter Thirteen
Dan
“Dan?”
The voice that called my name was tentative, and when I turned back to Scarlett, she was fidgeting in place, looking anxious.
“Don’t worry about them,” I said, taking a guess as to what had her so worried. “They’re friends of mine. They all have children of their own, so they’re helping me with the baby. I don’t know the first thing about children, you know.”
She winced. “Well, I didn’t either, technically. Imagine losing your virginity, then finding out you’re pregnant, and the man responsible just up and left without a word.”
I flinched again, and she definitely caught it. I’d hoped she hadn't. She pursed her lips, then sighed.
“I mean, I’m not exactly blaming you. You came with issues, and you were going to leave. It’s not like you had to say something to me, but…it would have been appreciated, Dan.”
I looked away from her, feeling guilty. It had been a shock when she told me I’d taken her first time. And I hadn't exactly been careful about it. Thinking back now, there was plenty I could have done differently. Not trying to use the first woman that had been so nice to me since my wife left me to forget my own heartache was the first thing I shouldn’t have done. I’d left because I was feeling guilty then, too, for ruining her first time, and for using her like that. I’d thought of her plenty after I left. Then shit hit the fan at work, and I pushed her to the back of my mind. Then I got fired, and I could barely think of anything besides how pathetic I was becoming.
Fuck! I hadn’t even recognized her when she was seated right next to me at that clinic, because I’d been focused on the wrong thing at the time.
I’d apologized to her back then, but I owed Scarlett way more than a mere apology.
“Hey, Dan!”
I felt irritation when Martin interrupted again, though I knew that wasn’t fair. They didn’t have to come here with me, they were around to lend support and help with the kid. I just really wanted them out of the way, so Scarlett and I could really talk.
“Can you give me a minute?” I told her. After she nodded, I walked back over to my friends. Martin held up a hand before I could speak.
“Yeah, we know,” he said impatiently. “You want time to talk to your girlfriend.”
“We’ll look after the kid,” Noah added.
“We’re gonna go down to town, though,” Chad said. “So we don’t intrude. Just give us a call when you’re ready to leave. And don’t forget we’re tied for time, here. We do have families to get back to.”
I sighed and waved them off. “Yeah. Thanks for this, you guys. I’ll definitely find a way to pay you back.
I would have to think of looking for a different job. My track record was shit, and there was no way my last job would give me a glowing recommendation. But, it was way past time I got up off my ass and did something, instead of moped around, feeling sorry for myself. Now that I knew I had a kid…a kid I was suddenly unsure whether I wanted to let go of or not.
Martin switched seats and got in the driver’s side. I’d left the key in the ignition, so the guys waved at me as they got inside, and they left. I sighed, then turned back around. Scarlett was standing where I’d left her, watching the car go.
“They’re just going to town, to find some place to wait for me so we can talk,” I explained.
She nodded. “I figured.” Then she narrowed her eyes at me. “I hope you have a cell phone on you, or we’re screwed.”
“I have one, don’t worry.”
We stood in silence for a moment, and it was awkward.
Scarlett broke the silence. “Would you like to go inside?”
“Yes please,” I said immediately. Then we can just go stand awkwardly indoors.
She led the way to the door as I followed behind her. She opened it, and we stepped inside. I froze with one foot inside, surprised at how empty the place looked.
“Were you thinking of remodeling?” I asked tentatively.
She arched an eyebrow. “Really, Dan? Of course not. I already told you the place is closing up, didn’t I?”
I hadn't thought she’d meant she was closing permanently. I just thought she was locking up to go somewhere…maybe, to find me and explain some things about the baby. That was the reason I was here in the first place, and it was what I should be focusing on, but I couldn’t help getting distracted.
“What happened?” I asked.
She shrugged, looking around what used to be the lobby. “You were right. My dad came back the same day you left and told me he was moving. He didn’t want to keep looking after the hotel, and after he left me alone, I couldn’t do it on my own. And then…news of the baby came.”
“You went through all that on your own, huh,” I mumbled, my thoughts grim.
“It wasn’t easy,” she went on. “Not at all. It was bad enough when my brother left, but after Dad… I didn’t have anyone else to lean on. And I don’t know the first thing of running a business, so after the first couple months, I couldn’t even keep taking guests. I sold nearly everything just to keep myself fed and to keep up with the bills. There’s not much left to sell besides the hotel itself.”
“Let me guess. You can't find someone to buy it?”
She nodded, like I expected. It made sense. She didn’t know a thing about business, so she probably didn’t even know how to sell a hotel, or where to go to look for buyers. I didn’t, either, but I had connections and I wouldn’t have floundered so much.
“It’s a good thing you didn’t try selling it on your own,” I told her. “Because you don’t know what you’re doing, you could have gotten ripped off.”
She shrugged, meeting my gaze. “Like you just said, I don’t know what I’m doing. I can't keep it if I can't keep it up. And I couldn’t look after a baby, either. I just saw you and… I tried talking to you, but you barely even looked at me. I wasn’t really thinking when I left him with you.”
I understood that she was at the end of her rope. She had no one to help her out and she could hardly look after a kid when she was having trouble looking after herself.
But… I could hardly help her with that. I’d lost my job and I hadn't thought much about getting another one. I was hardly a catch, let alone a good potential dad. Then again, my house was paid off. I had savings, so money wasn't an issue. It was just everything else. I'd already messed up my marriage and by the look of things, I was quite happy to mess up my life too.
“You could have said something, you know. At the clinic.”
Her expression turned sheepish, and she looked away. “I was kinda mad when you didn’t seem to recognize me, actually. It was petty of me, I know, but I didn’t want to just tell you.”
I winced. “Sorry about that.” I didn’t tell her that I had, technically, been stalking my ex-wife at the time. “Did you give the baby a name?” I asked. “You could have given me even that much, you know.”
“I did,” she said quietly, shooting a sad smile at me. “I named him Makas. I was looking for baby names in this book that used to be my mom’s when I found it. It means hope, so…”
Fuck. My heart tightened in my chest, and I felt guilty all over again.
“You wanted hope,” I said quietly.
She nodded. “I was by myself with a baby, Dan. I needed a lot of hope, even though it got me nowhere. I went to that clinic because I couldn’t afford to go to the local hospital. Even with the insurance cost, it was worth it. I got on a bus and made it there. The baby got his check-up, and you were there. It felt like the hope I was waiting for. But, you have no idea how hard it was for me to just leave the baby with you and walk away.”