Floating through space isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Yeah, maybe I’m being too judgmental. Maybe I shouldn’t make snap decisions about the things that surround me, but right now I’m not interested in anything but going home. I miss everything about my home planet: the food, the housing, the people.
Unfortunately for me, home is a very long way away.
“You’re thinking again, aren’t you?” Kitty is beside me suddenly, and I turn to her. My best friend with her pale blonde hair and fair skin is absolutely lovely. She’s sweet, too, which is pretty rare these days. Most people are so tired all the time that the last thing they want to do is be kind to others.
War tends to have that affect on people.
“What makes you say that?” I ask quietly, but I know that the quiver in my voice betrays me. Of course Kitty knows I’ve been thinking. These days, it’s all I seem to do.
“We’ve been on the Extrinsic vessel for nearly a week now,” she points out. “And soon we’ll reach our destination.”
“Sapphira,” I say, whispering the word. The Hidden Planet. The place where the people are blue and secluded and don’t really like outsiders. For some reason, though, that’s where the Extrinsic team has decided Kitty and I, along with half a dozen survivors from Alipoiaen, need to be relocated.
I don’t think I need that at all.
Nope.
The only thing I need is to be dropped right back off on my home planet. So what if the rebels have destroyed most of it? So what if most of the planet is uninhabitable now? So what?
I don’t need to be rescued. I didn’t ask for Extrinsic to come in and save the day. Fuck those guys. They’re these big, macho, bad-ass motherfuckers who think they own the entire damn planet. Well, newsflash: they don’t.
“Are you scared?”
“Excuse me?”
Kitty lowers her voice. “It’s okay,” she says. “You know, if you are. I am. A little.” She leans closer, as if she’s telling me a secret. Is she waiting for me to pour my heart out to her?
“I’m not scared, Kitty.”
She looks at me with disbelief, like she doesn’t quite think I’m telling the truth, but I am. Scared is one thing I’m not.
Angry?
Yes.
Annoyed?
Absolutely.
But scared?
I don’t have time for scared.
“I wonder what Sapphira will be like,” she says, still trying to push the conversation, but I’m kind of beyond talking at this point. Kitty and I were taken, stolen away from our homes, and I’m not really interested in anything on Sapphira. I don’t want to go live on a planet with people I don’t know who have a culture I don’t understand. I don’t want to be on a place where I was taken out of some misplaced amount of pity.
That’s what it is.
It’s pity.
We weren’t rescued because the Extrinsic members have these big ol’ hearts of gold. No, we were rescued because they’re badass boys who want the world to think they’re so great and wonderful. You know what, though? They aren’t. If they were great and wonderful, they would have found a way for us to stay on Alipoiaen. They would have found a way to stop the wars, to stop the fighting, and to allow us to stay on our home planet.
They would have saved us.
They would have saved our planet.
They would have saved my father.
They didn’t.
“Maybe there will be some handsome men,” she says. Kitty has always been a dreamer. It’s one of the things I love about her, but I’m not that way. I don’t dream big. Not in the same way she does. For me, life stopped being about dreams and fun a really long time ago. When my father died, my childhood died with it. Dreaming of men is something I don’t have time for.
“Perhaps,” is all I say, and Kitty is wise enough to be quiet after that. I’m not trying to be a huge bitch. Really, I’m not. It’s just that there’s more to life than men and falling in love and being wooed. Life is much too short, much too chaotic, to have time for romance.
We stand side-by-side for a minute, just looking out the windows of the ship. We’ve been floating, moving for what feels like forever, and I’m tired. I want more than staring at the empty blackness of space. I want more than passing planets. I want more.
Who am I kidding?
What I really want is to go home.
After awhile, a bell sounds, indicating that it’s time to eat.
“Hungry?” Kitty asks quietly. I shake my head, and she nods. “All right. I’ll see you later in our room, okay?”
We have a small, shared space that’s perfect for the two of us. It has everything we need, and if it were up to me, I’d never leave the bedroom. Why would I? I don’t need to get to know anyone here. I don’t need to get to know the layout of the ship or how things work or what people are called because soon I’m going to be in a place entirely new.
Soon I’ll be somewhere different.
The only places I go on the ship are the dining hall, my bedroom, and right here. The big viewing window tells me everything I need to know about the vastness of space and how incredible it truly is.
“Okay,” I nod, again hoping that I don’t seem too bitchy or cross. Kitty turns and heads down one of the corridors. During our time on the Extrinsic ship, we’ve managed to find our way around pretty easily. Things were a little confusing at first, but when you don’t have anything to do but explore, you quickly discover where everything is.
I turn back to the window and just stare for a very long time, wondering how I ended up here.
Wondering how I’m ever going to get back.
Is it wrong that I can’t seem to look forward?
Maybe.
Perhaps I should be grateful we were hauled out of a terrible war situation. I should be happy that the Extrinsic team managed to save Gerald and Kitty and me, along with a few other people from my village. I should be happy we weren’t completely annihilated. I should be content with this, but I’m not.
My father is gone and I’m alone in space.
Will things ever be okay?
I stare out the window for a very long time, just thinking about how this all came to be. The rebel threat on Alipoiaen is something most people never took seriously, but they should have. Maybe if the government of the planet had considered just how unhappy its inhabitants were becoming, people could have been spared. Maybe they could have calmed the threat. Perhaps they could have come to some sort of agreement, but they didn’t.
Instead, all that happened was a slaughter.
My father…
I shake my head.
There is no room for sadness here. Not in my new world, my new life. I won’t be sad about this. I won’t allow myself to feel pain or devastation or anger. Not anymore. Nope. I’m moving forward and I’m going to be bold and brave and hard. I’m putting up armor around my heart because I’m not going to get hurt again.
Never again.
With one more deep breath, I turn and go back to my bedroom on the ship. It’s not far from my viewing space, but it’s comfortable. I must have been staring out the window longer than I thought because Kitty is already back.
“I brought you food,” she says with a smile, holding out a plate, but I just shake my head.
I don’t think I can ever eat again.
***
The next morning, I have to visit the medical bay for an exam. It’s part of the required paperwork for being allowed to leave the ship. Not only did these monsters take me away from Alipoiaen without my consent, but now they’re forcing me to undergo medical procedures and exams to make sure I’m “healthy” and “safe.”
You know where I was healthy and safe?
At home.
With my friends.
With my father.
“You don’t like it here,” the petite redhead smiles up at me. Doctor Sarah, she’s called, and she’s the nicest person I’ve met so far. She’s sweet and gentle, and I shouldn’t feel as comfortable around her as I do. Most people on this ship make me feel nervous and jittery. It doesn’t help that all of the alien men are super freaking huge. I saw one man that must have been nearly nine feet tall.
How is that even possible?
“What makes you say that?” I ask quietly, looking at her. I’m sitting on the exam table in one of the medical rooms. She’s been taking notes in a holographic chart about my condition, which, to be fair, seems to be quite fine.
“It’s not my first day being a doctor, love,” she says with a gentle smile.
“Is it that obvious?” It’s not that I’m a good liar. Not particularly. I just thought I wasn’t being quite so blatantly apparent in my hatred for living on this vessel. I miss my planet so much. It’s only been a week since I was torn from it: only a week since I lost my father. I didn’t even get to bury him. I didn’t even get to honor him.
And now I’m here, and I don’t know what to do.
My entire life, I’ve lived in the same village. I’ve eaten the same food. I’ve been friends with the same people. For years, I’ve relied on my father and my comfort in my own community. I’ve never branched out, but now I’m being thrust into a world where everything is different.
I know that everything is going to change the minute I walk off this ship.
Everything has already changed.
The question is whether I’m brave enough.
Am I willing to be bold?
Am I going to be courageous?
Or am I going to pout like a child because I don’t get to live on the same planet anymore?
Doctor Sarah gets up and walks to a cupboard, where she pulls out a big, heavy blanket. She comes back to me and holds it up. I look at her curiously, but I don’t have to wait long to find out what’s going to happen next.
“Lie back,” she tells me, and for some reason, I obey her instantly. I shouldn’t. I should fight her, but she really is being so kind and understanding. She’s being gentle and careful and just good to me. As soon as my head is on the medical exam table, Sarah places the blanket on top of me.
It’s not a normal blanket, though, and I realize this as soon as it’s on me. The blanket begins to tighten around my body and for a brief second, I panic, but Sarah’s voice soothes me.
“Breathe,” she says. “It’s just a harmony wrap.”
“What’s that?” I whisper.
“It’ll help calm you,” she says. “And then the two of us can talk.”
I close my eyes as the blanket wraps more tightly around my body. Somehow, it gets beneath me, so I’m completely enveloped by the warm fabric. Warm. It’s warm. Is it heating itself? Somehow, I really do begin to feel calm: calmer than I’ve been since I got on the ship.
Suddenly, I’m not thinking about my father or my planet or all of the things I’ve lost.
I’m just at peace.
I’m just breathing.
“There we go,” Sarah says, and I hear her beside me, but I keep my eyes closed. “Isn’t that a little better?”
“Yes,” I whisper. Internally, I feel like I should still be fighting her and arguing with her, but somehow, I just can’t bring myself to do it. The truth is that I’m tired. I’m tired of running. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of war.
I’m so, so tired of war.
I feel like my life has been nothing but stress for as long as I remember, but my life has also been familiar. There’s never been a question of change, and now I’m being bombarded with so many that I’m not sure how to feel or what to think.
“You and I are just going to talk, okay?”
“Is this part of my in-processing?” I ask her. In order to be allowed to go to Sapphira, I have to pass my medical exams with flying colors. Is this part of that? I guess I didn’t realize there was going to be a psychiatric evaluation, but I suppose it makes sense. Yeah, we were rescued from a terrible war zone, but it’s not like that means we can just go live somewhere. Of course the planet wants to make sure we’re not crazy or dangerous. They have to protect their citizens, too. They want to make sure we’re willing to adapt to their world: not bring the pain from ours into it.
Sarah’s voice is soothing as she speaks. “You’ve been through a lot, Lana. Can you tell me about the day that Blake and Max found you?”
Blake and Max.
The names are familiar, but I’m so relaxed that it takes me a moment to recognize who they are. Then it hits me all at once.
They’re the men who pulled me from the rubble.
They’re the ones who found me, bleeding, crying, and starving.
They’re the ones who said they could bring me someplace new.
They’re the ones who saved me.
“I was hiding,” I say. I try not to think about that day or the way I felt. It was silent after the rebels had attacked the village. For hours, it had been loud. The noises had been angry and harsh, but then it fell silent. “We weren’t prepared for the attack. We were just a small little town. We didn’t think the fighting would reach us.”
“But it did,” she supplies helpfully.
“Yeah,” I swallow hard. “It did.”
“Extrinsic sent a couple of people to Alipoiaen to rescue a Sapphiran senator,” Sarah tells me.
“He was in our town,” I whisper. “He had been touring the planet and he needed to meet with my father.” I don’t tell her why he came to see Father. That was supposed to be private information. No one was supposed to know why Gerald came to see us. “That’s when the fighting started.” It had started so quickly, and the rebels had sprung up seemingly overnight. Nobody had been ready. There were sanctuary cities, or so I’d heard, but I don’t know if that’s true or not.
“And he came to your village?” Sarah asks carefully.
“Yes,” I tell her. “Gerald. His name is Gerald. He came to our village when the fighting began. He was trying to hide because he couldn’t get off the planet. His ship…he couldn’t get back to his ship, so he was hiding.”
Gerald had been so calm when the fighting began. I don’t know if he expected it to happen. Maybe he’d seen so much bad in the world that he just resigned himself to the reality. He didn’t panic the way others did. He and my father both stayed calm.
Me?
I was terrified.
“And then what happened, Lana?”
“My father helped me hide Gerald.”
It was the least we could do for an off-planet senator.
“Your father was important in your town, wasn’t he?”
“He was in charge. He was the leader. Most people would call him a mayor. Everyone viewed him as a father, though. They all called him Bapatrialea. It means beloved parent.”
“What happened when your father brought Gerald to you, Lana?” Sarah asks. “You hid him at your house, didn’t you?”
“That’s how the Extrinsic team found him,” I tell her. “He had a chip inside of him or something.”
“A tracking device, yes,” Sarah says. “Those are used when sending an important person to another planet. You never know what they might encounter, and Sapphirans like to make sure they get their people out alive. In this case, it ensured your survival, too.”
“Just not my father’s,” I say bitterly. They didn’t save him. They might have come to rescue me and Gerald, but my father was lost. They were too late for that. It’s not their fault. Not really. It’s nobody’s fault but the rebels. Still, it’s only been a week since I lost the most important person in my life. I’m an orphan now, and I am alone.
Suddenly, I feel Sarah’s hand on my hair. Her touch is gentle and comforting. It makes me feel at ease when I shouldn’t feel that way. I should be tense and uncomfortable. I should be pained and sad. I shouldn’t feel every muscle in my body begin to relax once more just from this simple gesture.
“What are you doing?” I whisper the words.
“I’m sorry about your father,” she says. “Losing a parent is hard, Lana. I won’t tell you it gets easier, but you do learn how to deal with the pain.”
“I want to go back,” I tell her. Why am I being honest? I don’t know. There’s nothing left for me on my home planet. Nothing. The rebels are quickly destroying the entire thing. There might not even be a planet left to go home to. We were on the verge of war for a very long time, but I still wasn’t expecting it. I still wasn’t expecting my world to end.
“Lana,” she says, and I hear a bit of hesitation in her voice. That’s the moment when I realize the worst really has come to pass. It’s when I realize that Alipoiaen is lost. We may have tried our best to save ourselves, but our best wasn’t good enough.
“It’s gone,” I whisper. “Isn’t it?”
I don’t open my eyes.
I can’t.
I squeeze them shut instead and try not to cry at the news that everything I’ve ever known has been destroyed.
“We managed to save the seven of you,” Sarah tells me gently. “Six citizens plus the senator himself. To be honest, even that was a surprise because the rest of your planet was in such disrepair already. There have been several planets that have performed rescue missions to Alipoiaen. Most of them were only able to save small handfuls of citizens due to the tumultuous status of the planet when they landed.”
“Sarah,” I whisper. I just need to hear it. I need to get the final confirmation of what I think she’s telling me. My eyes are closed, and although I feel anxious, the blanket tightens once more and I begin to relax. “Just say it. Please. Just tell me the truth.”
I have to hear her say the words.
“Alipoiaen is no more,” she whispers.
Then the tears begin to fall.