Chapter Seventeen

Ava

I feel atrocious the next day. Not even a super-hot shower and a latte with extra espresso perk me up. And my throat hurts for some reason. I paste on more foundation and concealer than usual and select a pretty red dress as a pick-me-up because I’m definitely going to need it. I have things to do, and Lucas is coming over tomorrow to discuss progress and our next steps.

While Robbie’s in his early morning meeting with the other managers in operations, I go over his agenda for the next few days and answer some emails on his behalf. One in particular catches my attention. It’s from a counselor from a private clinic.

Robbie,

You missed yesterday’s appointment, and Jay wouldn’t talk without you. Is something wrong? Hopefully you can sort out your schedule and get back to me.

The name Jay is familiar…then it strikes me: Robbie’s wife. I feel vaguely like a voyeur as my sleep-deprived brain finally registers the name of the clinic: Pacific Family Therapy. I don’t ever recall seeing children’s photos on Robbie’s desk, so it must be for couples counseling.

I forward the email to Robbie and make a mental note to bring it up—delicately—so he doesn’t overlook it. Then I go over the replies I received from the catering firm for the fundraising event.

Suddenly there’s a commotion. I jerk my attention from my laptop. Jay is marching rapidly toward my desk, her stilettos hitting the floor like bullets. Her fitted camel coat is cinched around the tiny waist, and a loose navy skirt ends mid-shin, showing off toned calves. The floor receptionist is trying to stop her—why, I’m not sure—but Jay won’t have it. Meg is no match for the slim Asian woman, who comes to a halt right in front of me.

“You can’t come here without an appoint—” Meg says, but Jay raises a hand in her direction, palm out. Meg gives up, and heads off toward the conference rooms.

“Where’s Robbie?”

“He’s in a meeting at the moment. Is there anything I can help you wi—”

“You’re his assistant. So you know his schedule, don’t you?”

“Um, sort of.” I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry. “Why?”

“What was he doing between five and eight yesterday?”

Is this about the appointment he missed? “I don’t know. I’m not in charge of his personal sche—”

“You expect me to believe that? You’re his assistant.”

“Yes, but he doesn’t have me handle his personal matters.”

“Right.” Her dark gaze rakes me.

“Jay.” Robbie appears, trotting toward us. “What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t come yesterday.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I know. It’s my fault. I had so many meetings yesterday, and it slipped my mind.”

“Sure. That’s exactly how it is. You didn’t have a party in your hotel room.”

I can feel my jaw start to slacken. Robbie is staying at a hotel?

His gaze darts my way for a second. “Can we talk about this in private, Jay?”

“We were going to talk about it in private, but you didn’t show. Why don’t you just sign the damn papers? They’re so fair my lawyer’s ready to fire me.”

“Because that’s not what I want.”

“Right. Our entire marriage is about what you want.”

“Come on, Jay.” He reaches for her.

She raises both hands and steps back. “You know what? Forget it. Unlike you, I take my commitments seriously, and I have to be in surgery soon anyway. If you don’t show on Friday, it’s over, Robbie. I’m not wasting any more of my time.”

She turns around and stalks away as dramatically as she came in. After she disappears into the elevator, I lower my head, unable to meet my boss’s gaze.

“Ava, can I see you for a moment?” Robbie says as he walks past my desk into his office.

I follow him in and close the door.

“Have a seat.” He props his hip against the edge of his desk and breathes out heavily, shoving a hand through his hair. “Sorry about the scene.”

“No problem.” A very awkward silence permeates the room. “Is everything okay? Your…um…therapist emailed your work account last night.”

He tilts his head back, his eyes closed. “Damn it. She was supposed to call me on my cell if there’s a problem. Well, you’re going to hear about it anyway, so I might as well tell you now. Jay and I are going through some rough times.”

That would seem to be an understatement. “Um, yeah…I got that impression.”

“We’re in counseling at the moment—her idea, because she knows I’m against divorce, but she isn’t really interested in reconciliation.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Eleven years, and it all came down to one thing.” His eyes slide toward a recent photo of him with his wife by the laptop. “A kid. Jay can operate on impossible tumors and save countless lives, but not having a child just…put a hole in what we have.”

“I’m sorry,” I say again, but I don’t think he hears.

“She says I make her feel inadequate, that being with me is painful because she feels like she can’t be enough for me. I adore her so much.”

“Have you considered using the therapy to tell her how you feel about her?”

He shrugs. “She’s determined to not hear anything in there. She sits there in silence, and when she does talk, it’s to tell me I don’t know anything. It’s like the therapy is a test to see how far she can push before I break and tell her what she wants to hear.” He rubs his face. “Sorry, I don’t mean to dump all this on you. God, what am I thinking?” He gives me a tight smile. “I’ll make sure she doesn’t march back here and put you in an awkward position again. And I’ll do my best to ensure my personal life doesn’t impact my work here…or yours.”

“Hey, it’s fine. And I hope everything, you know, works out.”

But even as I say it, I know he’s not going to be able to give one hundred percent to the job. I’m distracted, letting my feelings for Lucas affect me, and we’ve known each other for what…maybe eight, nine months total if we add up only the time we’ve been together? Robbie’s been with his wife eleven years, probably longer if you count dating before the marriage.

As I leave, I steal a quick glance at Robbie. His shoulders slope, and he moves like an arthritic man to his work chair.

I feel an intense agony over the dissolution of my relationship with Lucas, and it’s got to be a hundred times worse for Robbie, who’s built over a decade of life with his wife. I’d probably crawl into a hole and die if Lucas and I broke up after what felt like a lifetime together.

For the first time, I start to understand my mother’s obsession with my father because I’m beginning to suspect my depth of feeling for Lucas is the same.