Chapter Seven

Ava

I thought I wouldn’t have much to do for the move—I mean, it’s not like I have a lot of stuff—but there’s the matter of finding a place and arranging things with the relocation agency. The rep sent me a list of suitable apartments, and I pore over everything with Ray and Darcy. She insists on furniture shopping, since she’s a big believer of buying nice things to fill a new home. And every time we leave the house, I see Lucas’s pot—how I think about it now—on the porch. Each reminder is like a knot forming in my throat. It’s about time I emptied the thing and put it away. What did I promise myself when I started college?

Clean up your own messes. Don’t be a burden. Be kind, but firm. Don’t let anyone take advantage.

I bend down to pick up the terra cotta, then stop when my phone rings. I straighten and check it. The call’s from an unknown number in Virginia, but I answer anyway. It’s probably about my impending move.

“Hello?”

“Is this Ava Huss?” The voice is male, brisk and professional.

“This is she.”

“Excellent. My name is Don Peterson. I’m a lawyer representing Mr. Lucas Reed.”

My mouth dries as panic flares. Lucas got a lawyer? Why?

He knows about Mia…and wants to take her away.

Don Peterson keeps talking, but I can’t process anything through the roar in my head. Finally, he stops and says, “Does that make sense to you?”

I want to tell him none of it makes sense. Lucas doesn’t want me, and Blake made it clear Lucas doesn’t need me to inherit. So what gives?

“I’m sorry,” I start, forcing myself to stay calm. “The connection was a little bad, and you got cut off here and there. Do you mind explaining again?” I swallow, then gird my loins and focus.

“Of course. Mr. Reed would like to give you the money he’s promised and have you sign a document releasing him from any further liabilities or obligations to you.”

My mind goes blank for a moment. The money? “I don’t understand. What are you talking about?”

“It’s my understanding that Mr. Reed promised you two million dollars when you quit your job and returned to the States with him.”

Quit my job. What a joke. Is that what he told his lawyer? I was forced out of my job, thanks to his maneuvering. And the money… What the hell? Does he think throwing some money at me is going to make me forget what he’s done? There’s nothing that can make me pretend he didn’t lie to me. “You can tell Mr. Reed it isn’t necessary. I don’t need his money. I’ve told him so already.”

The lawyer clears his throat. “I’m not sure you understand. The money is yours, free and clear.”

“Didn’t you say you represent Lucas?”

“Yes.”

“So give him my message. This is good for your client, right? He’s going to save himself two million bucks.”

“Yes, bu—”

“Goodbye, Mr. Peterson. Please don’t call back.” I hang up, then empty the pot.

But putting it away doesn’t make me feel liberated from the hold Lucas has over my heart. Perversely, I feel like I’ve misplaced something vital.

Come on. Ending things with Lucas is more for my benefit. Do I want to become like my mother, unable to leave a toxic man who used her without any sense of guilt or wrongdoing, just because he could? Do I want to set a poor example for Mia? I’d rather die than to have her look at me with embarrassment or pity.

I’ve already accepted that Lucas isn’t the one to give me the future I want. I really need to stop feeling so awful. Just…forget it all. Move on.

One day at a time.

I pull my shoulders back and look skyward, opening myself and letting the sunlight fall on my face. I inhale deeply. Eyes closed, I imagine all the negativity and ugly memories fleeing my body like exorcised demons as I expel the air from my lungs. I repeat this a few times, enough to feel more centered and calm.

A loud tire squeal shatters my Zen state. I open my eyes and see a black Mercedes skid to a stop. Lucas jumps out.

I shake my head. This has to be a hallucination. What else could explain his presence? He hasn’t shown himself since I told him we were through.

But he doesn’t disappear. He walks closer, his gait wide and slightly uneven. The look in his eye is cold enough to freeze nitrogen. A flush tinges his cheeks, and his lips are pressed white.

He’s lost weight, I notice with a sudden pang. His pale sweater and dark jeans hang a bit too loosely off his frame, and the angles of his bones are as sharp.

The sight makes my heart ache, then soar, then ache again. I never wanted him to suffer when I made my point. I just wanted to be left alone, so I could rebuild my life. But he’s here, and I wonder if he’s going to ask me to give him another chance. The most lamentable thing is that I want to, even though I know I’m better off on my own. I’m so weak for him.

He stops a foot away. I can actually feel his body heat across the distance. Awareness prickles through me, and I curl my hands by my sides and drink him in.

“Why did you say no?” he demands.

“To what?”

“What the hell’s wrong with my money?”

Then I understand. “There’s no point. You only offered the money to make up for the job I lost, but I found a new one, so…” I shrug. “I can take care of myself again.”

“You will take the money.”

“I will not.” It feels too much like a payoff, like he’s trying to buy my forgiveness. My dad used to do that, too, with me and my mom, and the memories still leave a bad taste.

His eyes flare. “You think this is about me buying you.”

“Now where could I have gotten that idea? Oh, that’s right. You offered me two million dollars.” I smack my forehead. “Silly me.”

“This isn’t about any of—”

“What else could it possibly be about?”

“Closure.” He takes a moment, then breathes out audibly. “I didn’t go to Chiang Mai to get you back, Ava. I went there to finish things on my terms. Then I let my hormones derail my plan.”

Hearing him say this makes me sick and hurt, because it confirms everything I suspected.

He continues, “Now I’m getting back on track.”

“That”—my voice breaks a little in spite of myself—“involves giving me two million dollars?”

“Because that’s what I promised. I want nothing left between us.”

I swallow and gather myself. “I don’t need a payoff to know there’s nothing between us.”

Something hard flits through his eyes. “I need to clear the debt. To make sure it doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass. You understand why a man in my position needs to be careful.”

“If I ever come after it, you can say you never promised anything.”

“I’m not like you, Ava. I don’t lie or lead people on.”

“Lucas—”

“Take the fucking money and sign the form. You and I will be strangers.”

“You think that will just…erase everything?”

“It will for me, and that’s all I care about.” He reaches out and cups my jaw. His skin is so warm against mine, and inside I’m crumbling like a pillar of sand at the small connection. “You said I was toxic. So take the money and make me go away.”

My throat closes, and I can’t speak. If he is poison…there’s never been a sweeter one. I’m finally beginning to understand why my mother opted to self-destruct rather than let go of my father…even when he refused to marry her, forgot her birthdays, their anniversaries and Valentine’s and holidays. She craved him more than her sanity, more than her self-respect.

And I can’t do that.

Letting out a shuddering breath, I nod once. “All right.”

His hand drops. I shiver with a sudden cold that has nothing to do with the weather.

“Don is couriering the paperwork today. Sign and notarize it by the end of the week.”

With that parting remark, Lucas disappears into his car.

And I watch the man I’m still in love with drive away as my heart breaks again.