Spider

I was going to hell.

Luckily for me, I was going there with my best friend. The blood soaking into the ground around us was only proof of how far past the point of no return we were. At least it hadn’t been one of us to pull the trigger this time. The blood splattered across our chests was not from our doing.

Duke stood between us with Raider and Duke’s vice president on the other side of Bash. We had finally found the real rat, the one who had been leaking information to the feds. It hadn’t been easy, and we had been faced with several dead ends and at least two other people dead that had actually been innocent in everything except for by association. To Duke—to any MC—that had been just as bad as if they had been the one whispering in ATF’s ear.

Now, with The Red Dragons’ sergeant-at-arms bleeding out on the ground I suddenly felt as if I couldn’t breathe. This really was the end and we would be going home in the next day or so. Fuck! That meant I was going to be leaving Willa behind.

I felt sick and it had nothing to do with the fact that there was a dead body lying in front of me. I was familiar with death. This sudden gut wrenching pain in my gut and the loss that was filling my heart? Never experienced that before in my life.

Raider and Bash shook hands with Duke and his VP, while I tried not to throw up. No one paid me any attention and I knew it was because Bash was keeping their attention on anything other than the fact that I was slowly going insane.

Three days ago Willa had told me she loved me and I hadn’t said the words back. I should have. I should have told her weeks ago, before we’d even started having sex. I’d felt it then, maybe even before that. Now time was up and I didn’t know how to tell her goodbye.

“You could go nomad.”

I blinked as Bash stepped up beside me. Everyone else was gone, except for Raider who was keeping his distance by our bikes. “What?”

Bash shrugged. “Go nomad. Move closer to her. There are tattoo artist jobs everywhere in the world, brother. Then all you have to worry about is her mother.”

The idea had merit. Only I would be giving up just as much if I followed Willa as I would be if I didn’t. Creswell Springs was home. My family was there. My MC. Bash. I couldn’t just decide to pack and leave any of them just like that. I’d have to think about it.

We got back to the compound earlier than usual. Normally we were out until after midnight following leads. The compound was quiet tonight; everyone was both angry and grieving the loss of their brother and sergeant-at-arms. The betrayal cut deep, because the stuff the guy was feeding the ATF could have had everyone within the MC going down for some hard time. Not one of them would have been exempt and that was a burn that went to the heart. That it was their sergeant-at-arms, their president’s right hand… That made the cut twice as deep.

Bash, Raider and I sat with them and helped them drink a case of tequila. Of course it was my weakness. Tequila numbed me up good and I was glad for that numbness tonight. Raider said we were leaving in the morning. Jet had called him earlier and told him we were needed at home.

I drank nearly an entire bottle of Patrón on my own and stumbled upstairs to bed. I didn’t bother to turn on the light as I slammed the door behind me. Throwing clothes in any direction I fell onto the bed and found a warm body waiting on me. My dick instantly hardened, needing inside of Willa then and there.

Blindly I pulled her across my chest and grabbed her hips…

Swearing, I tossed the bitch off of me. Even in the dark and drunk off my ass I would have known if I was making love to Willa. The chick who had just about sat on my dick hadn’t been her. Reaching for the light beside the bed I snapped it on and found Tasha lying at the foot of my bed. She had a grin on her face and a glazed look in her eyes that told me she was just as drunk as I was. I’d heard rumors that she had been in love with the sergeant-at-arms, in her weird, fucked up way. They’d hooked up more often than any other guy she had ever taken to bed, so I guess that was as deep as Tasha’s love went.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I demanded.

“Thought we would have one last ride for ol’ time’s sake,” she slurred as she pushed to her feet. “But if you’d rather not…”

I didn’t say a word as she picked up her clothes. Without bothering to put them back on—and really I doubted she could dress herself as shitfaced as she currently was—Tasha left without a backward glance. Scrubbing a hand over my face I leaned back against the headboard and closed my eyes.

When the door opened again I didn’t bother to open my eyes. “Get the fuck out, Tasha.”

The sudden gasp from the direction of the door had my eyes snapping open to find a white faced Willa standing there. “Fuck,” I muttered. Seeing the tears I knew she was thinking the worst. Her sister had just left completely naked and here I was just as naked. “Willa, it isn’t like that.”

“Oh yeah?” A tear spilled free and trailed down her cheek. “Tasha just told me differently. Said you were still raring to go if I wanted to come in here and give it a shot.” Her gaze went to my still hard dick. “Looks like she was right.”

“Willa, stop.” I stood, swayed a little and nearly fell onto the bed again. Cursing under my breath I tried again and this time nearly reached her. “I didn’t fuck Tasha. I found her in my bed and kicked her out as soon as I realized she wasn’t you.”

Willa shook her head. “I want to believe you.”

That she didn’t believe me cut deep and on top of all the other pain and confusion I was feeling, it only set me off. “Believe whatever the fuck you want, Willa. If you can’t trust me then it’s a good thing I’m leaving in the morning.”

“In the morning?” Her face crumbled. “When were you going to tell me?”

“I just fucking found out.”

“But…” She swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay. Have a safe ride home.”

And she just turned and left me there. No goodbye. No ‘I love you’. Nothing. Turning, I punched my fist through the nearest wall. The tequila kept the pain away and I fell onto the bed with tears in my eyes for the first time since I was a boy.

Willa

I paced. For hours and hours I paced.

My heart and head were at war with each other. Only problem was that I was more inclined to believe my heart when it came to Spider. But was I blinded by my feelings for him? Was I in so deep that I couldn’t accept what was right in front of my face?

Around four I gave up on the arguing and told my brain to shut the fuck up. I left my room and quietly made my way back to Spider’s. If he was leaving me in a few hours, then I had to make sure he knew that I loved him and would miss him. I needed one last kiss. Something, anything.

Tapping on the door I heard a raspy, “Come in.”

Opening the door I turned on the light and nearly vomited. Two girls were spread out on the bed beside Spider. They were in bras and panties while he was still as naked as I had left him earlier. Topaz lifted her head and blinked a few times to clear the sleep from her vision. “Oh, hey Willa. You need something?”

I glanced from her to the other chick now wide awake on the other side of Spider, who was out for the count. “No…” I whispered. “No, I don’t need anything.”

Somehow I kept it together until I was back in my room. Once I was safely inside, I lost it. Nothing was safe from my destruction as I threw things until the room was completely trashed. Then I started packing. I didn’t bother with the toiletries in the bathroom. Just tossed clean clothes in with the dirty and zipped up the case. I called a cab as I was going down the stairs.

In the chapel I found a piece of paper and wrote Duke a quick note, telling him that something had come up with my mother and I would call him. Sometime. Not anytime soon though. I didn’t want to deal with anything biker-related for a very long time.

“You leaving, girl?”

I nearly jumped at the sound of Cletus’s voice coming out of the dark. Turning, I found him at his usual seat at the bar. He had a cup of coffee in front of him while he smoked a cigar. I knew he must have seen everything, like he always tended to do when it came to the compound. There was no use in lying to him. “I can’t stay here.”

He nodded. “Understandable.”

“Tasha won,” I muttered.

Cletus shrugged his thin shoulders. “Yep. I guess she did.”

His confirmation only made me hurt worse. “See you around, Cletus.”

“Doubt it, girl. Take care of yourself.” He picked up his mug and took a long swallow, making me wonder if there was more than just coffee inside. “Tell your momma I said hello.”

Swallowing a sob, I nodded and nearly ran out of the compound. The trip home wasn’t fun. I cried on the flight home until I was sick. The flight attendants kept asking me if I was okay and I finally told them I had broken up with my boyfriend. They accepted that and left me alone except to bring me cups of coffee and chocolate bars.

My mother wasn’t expecting me and I hadn’t bothered to call her in the past three days or so. The last time I had talked to her she was having some trouble with the chemo treatments and wanted to be left alone. When the cab pulled to a stop in front of the little three-bedroom house just outside Seattle I breathed a small sigh of relief. It was then that I realized I was such a momma’s girl, but I didn’t give a shit right then. I needed my mother’s arms around me or I was going to fall apart.

Using my key I walked into the house. “Mom?” Her car was still in the driveway so I knew she was home. “Mom, I’m home.”

When I didn’t get an immediate reply my gut started hurting all over again. The kitchen, which was where she normally would have been at this time of the morning, was empty and there was no coffee in the pot or any breakfast dishes in the sink. I called out her name again and after a brief moment thought I heard a moan.

Running to the back of the house where our bedrooms were I opened her door and found her lying on the floor between her bathroom and the bed. When I had left six weeks ago my mother was at least ten pounds overweight. Now she was nothing but a bag of bones. She didn’t look like the same woman at all. Her eyes were shrunk back into her head, her face was lined with strain and sickness, her eyes and skin yellow with jaundice.

“M-m-mom?” I couldn’t help the wobble in my voice as I crouched down beside her. “What… what happened?”

“Willa…” She was gasping for air and I turned her onto her back. How had she gotten this bad over six weeks? It didn’t seem right to me. “I’m so happy you’re home… Something I need to tell you.”

I didn’t try to hide my tears as I held her. She was ice cold and I wondered how long she had been on the floor. “Don’t speak, Momma. I need to call an ambulance.” I already had my cellphone out, 911 already dialed and was about to hit send when my mother’s thin finger grabbed the phone from my hand.

“Willa… No.” She shook her head and I noticed her hair was thinner, brittle and dry. “I have to tell you…the truth.” She sucked in a few lungful’s of air, her lips trembling. “I wasn’t honest with you. This…it’s not just breast cancer. It had…already spread by the….time the doctors…found it. My liver. My lungs.”

This was a nightmare. I was going to wake up soon. I had to. I. Had. To. I would wake up back in the compound beside Spider and he would make love to me again before I got up for my run. He hadn’t broken my heart last night. My mother wasn’t dying…

Clara Blackstone’s fingers were so cold against my cheek it physically hurt and I knew that I was awake. Her fingers trembled and I pulled her closer to me, trying to let my warmth heat her up. “I…I have six more months, Willa. Maybe a year if…if I’m lucky.”

The tears were pouring from my eyes so fast I could barely see her face. “But you’ve been taking chemo and radiation.”

“They didn’t help. The cancer is…too advanced. I’m sorry, baby. So…sorry.”

Spider

The door to Razor’s Ink Shop opened, but I didn’t bother to look up from the back piece I was designing for Jet Hannigan. The dark angel was going to be very detailed and would require a lot of shading, so I needed to get this right before I started inking it on his back later in the week.

For the last two months I’d been working myself to death. The busier I was the easier it was to keep thoughts of Willa out of my head. Of course that didn’t help when it came time for bed. I had tried to drink myself into oblivion so I wouldn’t dream of her, but that had only made the dreams that much more real.

Two weeks after I’d gotten home I’d tried to call her cellphone. She had changed her number so now I had no way of making contact with her. I knew that she lived somewhere outside of Seattle, but I was fighting with myself about going nomad and going searching for her. I couldn’t breathe right without her, though.

The only thing stopping me was that I knew she hated me. When I had woken up the next morning with two girls lain out around me I’d known I’d screwed up even if I didn’t remember doing any screwing. Cletus had told me that Willa had walked into my room and seen the two females then taken off. I’d fucked up bad and I wasn’t ever going to get that girl back.

“I am officially linked to Satan for the rest of my fucking life.”

I dropped my pencil at the defeated tone in my best friend’s voice. Glancing up, I found him standing at the front counter, leaning on his elbows that he had propped on the glass top. His shoulders were slumped, his head bowed. Last month Tasha had called Bash and told him she was pregnant. She had no idea who the father was, could have been any of up to six guys including The Red Dragons’ sergeant-at-arms her father had offed. She had planned on having a DNA test and Bash had to produce his sample. That had been the end of it. Bash hadn’t seemed to be worried about Tasha’s kid being his.

Apparently he should have been worried, because now he had a huge problem on his hands.

Bash hadn’t been in a good place since before we had gotten home. Raven was avoiding him and I knew that was killing him. The chick had come out and told him point blank she wanted to be his ol’ lady. Guess his way of telling her no had put her off for good. Bash was slowly losing his mind, fucking anything with a vagina that got near him to get Raven out of his head. I could have told him it wasn’t going to work, but now he had living proof what a bad idea it was.

“What are you going to do?” I asked the only question that really needed answering at the moment.

Bash ran a hand over his face. “I told her that I didn’t care what she did with the kid. I’d send her support checks and that was all she was getting out of me.”

His answer had my jaw clenching so hard it started to ache. I wanted to yell at him that with a mother like Tasha to deal with, Bash should take at least some interest in the poor kid. It wasn’t my place though, and I wasn’t sure if I would have been able to say I would be handling this situation any differently if I were in his shoes.

“Are you going to tell the club?”

Bash shook his head. “Not yet. Not until I have to. I can just see Jet getting all holy on my ass, wanting me to get custody of the kid. She’d be better off without a shit father like me.”

I raised a brow. “She?”

“Whatever DNA testing Tasha had done confirmed she’s having a girl.”

“Congrats, man.” I slapped him on the back and then picked my pencil up. “What about Raven? You planning on telling her?”

His face tightened. “She isn’t talking to me right now, so no. I won’t be telling her unless I have to.”

“It won’t be forever, brother,” I assured him as I started on the tattoo once more. “Raven will be eighteen before you know it and you can have what is yours.”

“Yeah, if I survive that long,” Bash muttered as he walked out of the shop.