My first call this morning was to my mom, to see how Bree was coping. She’s in bed and after several hours of crying, has finally fallen asleep. Lily is much better now that Mom promised her a trip to the movies where she can have anything she wants at the concession counter.

Mom isn’t sure what to tell Lily about her father but I made them promise to leave that up to Bree because that’s her department and they shouldn’t be overstepping. I wish I could have stayed with Bree but at least I will be able to see her this weekend. When Danny cheated on me, I felt like the world was over. I can’t begin to process what it’s like for Bree.

I still have twenty minutes or so before I have to leave for work, so I call Jana and update her. We usually wait for updates during coffee but there’s just too much going on to wait today. I tell her all about Bree and how Will ruined everything.

“I’ve never liked your sister like that, but I do feel bad. What the hell is Will’s problem?” Jana asks over the phone.

“I don’t know but how hard can it be to love the woman who has given you a child and supported you for over five years? Why are all men assholes?” I bark.

“Well come on, be fair, it’s not all men, now is it?” she says, making fun of me.

“Okay, okay, Wyatt is different and while Bree has totally been consuming my thoughts, there’s always space for Wyatt in my head.”

“I see, and did you tell him that?” she asks.

“He knows I…like him,” I reply carefully.

“Bullshit! You love him!”

“That’s what Bree said the other day.”

“And what did you say to her?”

“Nothing, I changed the subject.”

“Well you know that won’t work with me. So, are you in love or not—wait! Wrong question: are you ready to say it out loud?”

“Um…I don’t know. It’s crazy, right? He’s amazing to me and helps me in a million ways and still…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it out loud right now.”

“I know but I should tell him something, right? I mean especially since last night…”

“Wait, what happened last night?”

“Oh, sorry. I was so busy going over the Bree situation—when we got home, he…I mean we…”

“OHMYGOD! Did you two finally have sex?!”

“No, but we were close. So damn close.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“I don’t really know. I mean, I thought we were headed that way and then he kind of veered off course and went an alternative route.”

“And do we like the alternative route?” she asks. Before I can stop myself, a moan escapes my lips. Jana laughs and says she takes that as a “yes.”

“He held me like I was so fragile and priceless. He possessed me like no man had before and I wanted him so bad, I damn near cried.”

“Damn, that sounds good. Where can I get that kind of guy?” She laughs.

“You can have any guy you want,” I remind her.

“Throwaway guys. I mean the real thing.”

“Are you saying you’re tired of being single, Jana?” She remains silent.

“Jana?”

“I’m just kidding. Let me get into this shower so I can get ready.”

“Okay, see you soon. Hey, Jana?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re an amazing best friend and I love you,” I reply. I don’t know what’s going on with her but it feels like she needs a boost. Since she’s usually the one supporting me, I thought I’d remind her how wonderful she is and how lucky I am to know her.

***

When I pull up to the center, all the blood drains from my face. My body goes cold as shock washes over me. I get out of my car and blink several times as if what I’m seeing can’t possibly be real. All the windows have been shattered, the building has been spray-painted with graffiti, and locks on the doors have been cut in half, thrown to the ground. My heart is pounding inside my chest as I run inside the center.

The hallway is littered with torn textbooks, trash, and shattered glass. I enter the nearest classroom and find all the tables and chairs overturned. Boxes of supplies have been hurled on the floor, their contents dumped out into the center of the room. I race to the other classroom and find the same chaos awaiting me.

“Shit!” I shout as I run up to the third floor and pray to God nothing has been damaged in the computer lab. I burst through the door and bite my lower lip to keep from screaming in anger. We have sixty-three computers and every one of them has been smashed, reducing them to mere paperweights.

I call Jana but I can’t find the words to tell her what happened. Luckily she’s only a few minutes away and will see for herself. They even got into the media room and smashed the two TVs we had. The dumped out all ten bins of snack foods and threw them everywhere. They used bats and bashed holes into the wall. By the time I discover the full extent of the damage, Jana arrives. I sit on the steps outside the center, numb.

Jana is horrified and making calls, a lot of calls. But I’m just sitting still, trying to absorb what happened. There must be thousands of dollars’ worth of damage. We won’t be able to repair any of it. It took so long to get those computers—we don’t even have enough for all the kids and now…

I’m watching people come in and out of the center, cops in uniforms and parents who live nearby. They ask questions but I don’t really hear them. I’m far away. In my head, I’m so far from this place. This must be what an out-of-body experience is like.

“WINTER, DAMN IT! DO YOU HEAR ME?!” Decker shouts.

“Huh? Yeah, yeah. I hear you,” I lie. I’m not sure when he got here. Jana must have called him or gotten his number from my phone.

“The Street Kings heard about Carlos leaving today; it doesn’t look good that they lost a new potential member to some after-school director.”

“Carlos! Is he okay? I have to go check on him!” I reply as I stand up, only to realize my legs have somehow been turned into rubber.

“No, I sent a patrol car to check on him, he’s fine,” Decker says.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. He’s okay. And today is when he goes to his art class, right?” he says.

“Yeah, he should be gone by tonight,” I reply.

“We need you to fill out the police report while I talk to my guys in the gang unit. Okay?” Decker says.

“Everything is gone. All our supplies, all our computers, everything.” He looks me over, shakes his head sadly, and pulls me in for an embrace.

“Ah…Winnie, there’s someone here to see you,” Jana says in a strange voice. I follow her gaze and watch as Wyatt gets out of the car, just in time to see me in Decker’s arms.

***

“Sorry, I didn’t know what to do. You gave me Decker’s number but when I called no one picked up. So, I called Wyatt,” Jana says, biting her lower lip nervously.

Wyatt’s face is etched with worry as he comes towards us but there’s something else written on his face—but it goes away quickly before I can gauge what it is. I pull back from Decker’s embrace and as soon as he sees Wyatt, he gets this look as if he’s bracing himself for something. Wyatt takes me by the shoulders and looks me over.

“Are you okay? Were you here when this happened? Did they say anything to you? Did you see anyone?” Wyatt demands.

“I’m fine—fine,” I lie.

“Wyatt, I—” Decker doesn’t get to say another word before Wyatt glares at him and marches into the center. He surveys the damage and begins to give orders. He sends some of the uniformed cops to canvass the neighborhood for witnesses while others chronicle the damage. While I watch him work, I’m struck by how in control he is and how much those around him respect him. He’s commanding, knowledgeable, and has an undeniable authority.

“Hunt, take a look at this,” one of the officers says as they show him a file cabinet. All the staff files have been pulled out and thrown on the floor. “According to Ms. Bennett, there are twelve people working at the center. We found eleven staff files.”

“Shit…” Wyatt hisses as he takes me aside.

“What is it, what does that mean?” I ask.

“They kept your file, they are not done with you.”

“You’re saying I can’t go home tonight?” I ask, in disbelief.

“I’m saying you can’t go home—period.”

“Wait, no…I can’t just leave my home,” I plead.

“You don’t have a choice until we find the guys that did this.”

“What about my things?”

“Look I’ll have a patrol car swing by,” Decker says. Wyatt’s jaw tightens when Decker enters the room.

“I need to talk to you,” Decker says.

“Not now you don’t,” Wyatt replies as he marches away. Decker takes off after him. I race behind Decker, fearing the two are about to get into a huge argument that is all my fault.

“Look, let me explain,” Decker offers. Wyatt is livid now and turns to face his partner.

“She doesn’t know what these guys are capable of, she’s a civilian. But you know this shit! You know what can happen when a gang wants to make their mark. You let her walk around with no protection and no security whatsoever. She works late all the time, she could have been here when they did this. You have been hiding this shit from me for God knows how long, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“We had it under control, Wyatt. We just didn’t—”

“Under control? Does this shit look like it’s under control?” he barks.

“She wanted to tell you in her own time—

“I don’t give a damn what she wanted. You’re a cop, you know what’s out there. This was about her safety. You fucked it up!”

“Look, man, you don’t get it—”

“NO! YOU DON’T FUCKING GET IT! SHE COULD HAVE BEEN HERE WHEN THIS SHIT WENT DOWN! SHE COULD HAVE BEEN...JUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!”

***

Wyatt can’t stop glaring at me. I’ve never seen him this pissed off before. He does, however, handle what needs to be done in terms of the case. He makes sure everyone is doing his or her job, and that there’s an accurate record of the damage. I am finally out of my haze, and I help Jana contact all the kids from after school and tell them we will be closed for at least a week. I call a few other programs like mine and beg them to take my kids for the week. Thankfully they agree and some even offer to keep them for two weeks if need be. I thank the staff for their help in getting the word out that we will be closed, and I promise to pay them for the week we are shut down.

Jana offers to stay with me if I need it but she looks worn out, and so I ask Decker to please take her home. I also tell him how sorry I am that I caused such a huge rift between him and Wyatt. He says he’s sure they’ll work it out. I wish I could be as certain. I ask Wyatt to please drive me to Carlos’s house so I can say good-bye to him.

Carlos tells me he’s sorry for what happened at the center and I tell him the only way to make it up to me is for him to do his best in the art class and stay away from his new friends. And for the first time since this whole thing began, I think he really hears me. I hug him. It embarrasses him but I do it anyway. I watch as the bus headed upstate pulls up across the street from the group home. I’m weak with relief as I watch him get on the bus and on the road, away from the Street Kings.

Wyatt has been waiting for me in the car. He hasn’t said anything since he blew up at Decker. I know that he really wants to blow up at me. The fact is, Decker was just doing what I told him. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. My center is closed, our kids are displaced, the repair bill will be sky high, and I’ve ruined the friendship between Wyatt and Decker. I steal a glance in his direction and there’s no mistaking the look on his face—Wyatt hates me right now.

He arranged for a female officer to get some of my clothes from my place. They’re now in the back of his trunk. When he gets to his place, he gets my suitcase and takes it upstairs. All the while not saying a word to me.

Okay, I am not going to just bitch and moan about Wyatt being mad. I can fix this. Everything else is screwed up right now but not this, I can fix this. Okay, here goes nothing.

I enter the kitchen, where he’s just downed a bottle of beer in three big gulps. His jaw is tense, his arms are folded tightly across his broad, muscular chest. God, even when he’s pissed off, he’s sexy. Or especially when he’s pissed.

This is not a game, Winter! This man has really had it with you! Word…words…how do I find the right words to say?

“Wyatt, I wasn’t trying to keep this from you,” I venture.

“That’s funny because that’s exactly what happened,” he replies.

“I know. I was gonna bring it up but it was never the right time. And I thought that once Carlos was gone, they’d just forget about it,” I admit.

“Do you understand what you did? You threatened a gang that goes out of its way to be noticed. A gang that’s new and has something to prove.”

“I know, it was stupid.”

“No, it’s more than that. There are guys on that crew who are one violation away from going in for life! Do you know what they would do to you if they thought for a second that you could get them sent back to prison? They have enemies whose bodies we have yet to find. What the hell were you thinking, Winter?!”

“I’m sorry!”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too. Because not only did you put yourself at risk, you are not doing Carlos any favors by shielding him from having to make a decision.”

“You think I should throw him out to the wolves?” I counter.

“No! But you can’t make his decisions for him. You have to show him what gang life is really like. He has no idea. You could have asked me. I could have talked to him. I could have at least tried to reach him but instead—”

“Yeah, I know. Instead I tried to handle it on my own.”

“And when that didn’t work, you didn’t come to me. You went to Decker,” he said, sounding just as hurt as he is pissed off.

“I didn’t want to bother you.”

He places his hands on the rim of kitchen sink behind him and hangs his head in a mix of frustration and anger.

“I know it sounds silly, but you’ve already done so much for me, so…I didn’t want to push it,” I admit.

“I’m not sure if you’re just lying to me or if you’re lying to yourself too.”

“What does that mean?” I demand.

“The reason you didn’t come to me and tell me about this has nothing to do with you not wanting to bother me. It has nothing to do with how much I do or did not do for you.”

“You seem to have a theory, Mr. Hunt. You wanna share with the class?” I ask.

“Yeah, sure. Here’s my theory. You’re afraid of letting me in your life in any real way, so much so that you would rather go to anyone else for help. That way you can put yet another wall between us.”

“Hey, that’s not fair! That’s not what—” The doorbell rings in the middle of my reply.

“ARGH! Who the hell is it?” Wyatt barks as he marches up to the door and looks in the peephole.

“You gotta be kidding me,” I grumble as he opens the door. Standing in the doorway are all my staff members. They come bearing pizza and beers. Standing at the head of the small mob is Jana.

“Look, we all know how much today sucked for you, so we wanted to cheer you up. And I know you won’t mind, right Wyatt?” Jana says, giving him her best sweet smile. He looks over at me, and I can see he’s far from happy. In fact, he’s even more frustrated than when we first came in the house.

“Guys, thank you for coming but I don’t think we should take over Wyatt’s home like this,” I reply as I look over at him.

“It’s fine. Come in,” he says, stepping aside so they can all enter. As the group looks around and marvels at the layout of the apartment, Wyatt grabs his jacket and heads out the door. I open the door and call out after him as the crowd starts to gab in the background.

“Wyatt, wait!”

“I…I need some air...”