The person at the door turned out to be Logan, we found out a few hours later. He came around and knocked again, and this time Wyatt was home. The two of them talked outside in the hallway for a few moments and then he was off. I can’t wait for Wyatt to come back inside so I can try to get him to talk about whatever is making him look so sullen.

“I thought Logan was gone already,” I begin.

“He’s on his way out of town, now.”

“Where’s he headed?”

“You never know with Logan.”

“Were you two arguing? You looked really upset when you first came back in the house,” I reply.

“No…we’re not arguing,” he says as he goes back to slicing into the veggies he’s prepping for dinner. I place my hand on top of his and take the knife away. I don’t say anything—I don’t need to. He knows we have to talk and he knows that I’m listening. So I take out two beers, hand him one, and sit across the counter, waiting for him to find the words. I know what’s that like, it’s not fun at all. He starts to drink his beer and by the time he’s ready to talk, nearly all of it is gone.

“Every year on Rose’s birthday, one of us goes with my mom to see her grave and to pay our respects. Then we take her out to dinner at Rose’s favorite restaurant and…everyone has gone to Rose’s grave but me. And Logan thinks this year it should be me that takes my mom. He’s on assignment out of the country, and everyone else is pushing for me to go with her.”

“How often do you visit Rose’s grave?” I ask.

“Never.”

“Wyatt…”

“I can’t, okay?! I can’t think of her like that—in the cold ground. Sometimes I miss her so much fucking the only thing that gives me any peace is thinking she’s just out of town or away for a while. If I go to her grave…then she’s dead.”

I feel my chest tighten and a lump forms in my throat. I reach and place both of his hands inside mine. “Baby, she is dead. Pretending doesn’t change that.”

“That’s just the half of it. Taking my mom there, watching her break down…I can’t do that,” he says as he walks away and heads to the bedroom. I follow and find him sitting on the edge of the bed, with his head down. I sit next to him and remain silent until he’s ready to talk again.

“Rose had such a big mouth. I can’t tell you how many times she would tell on us and get us in trouble. She wanted to tag along when we were kids and we had to take her with us or we didn’t get to go. Man, we hated that. But no matter how much we pushed her away she’d come back fighting. She never let us make her feel like she was too weak, too fragile, even though we were all three times her size. She was quick with a dirty joke, quick with an insult and laugh. She had a really good laugh, that kind that makes you want to join hands.

“And the guys would come for her and we always blocked them. In fact, you even so much as look at our baby sister and we’d punch your damn face in. She complained to Mom that if we didn’t stop she’d have to go into the nunnery. We said that’s right because she was never ever gonna get laid; not on our watch. No guy was allowed to touch her. We made her dating life hell. But I think she secretly loved it. She knew we had her back no matter what.”

“Aw, that poor girl! Having to put up with you and the rest of your brothers. If any of them are like Logan, that poor girl deserved a medal,” I reply.

He laughs. “She gave as good as she got. Growing up, Logan had a thing for this girl on our block; her name was Jessica. All he wanted was to go out with her, that was his dream girl. A few weeks prior, Logan had scared away this guy that Rose really, really liked. She waited like three months for him to ask her out. And then Logan scared him away by threatening to kick his ass if he even showed up for his date with Rose.

“Rose sat back and carefully panned her revenge. Logan was on punishment for skipping class, and had to volunteer at a free clinic in Brooklyn. Rose convinced Jessica that Logan was there so much because he had caught an STD that had yet to be identified yet. She’d find these obscure illnesses and convince Jessica that Logan had them.

Jessica stopped returning his calls and I swear not one girl would agree to go out with him. Logan didn’t get laid for like a year and no one could figure out why. When it came out, he chased Rose down the block with the nearest object he could find—an ice cream scooper. He threatened to lobotomize her. Jessica added his name to all these crazy mailing lists at the free clinic. And at least once a year Logan would get these STD pamphlets. Last year, he got one for bubonic plague!” he says, unable to contain his laughter. I join him, loving how his little sister got her revenge. When the laughter dies down, he inhales deeply and looks into my eyes. God these eyes…

“I haven’t thought about that in years,” he admits.

“That’s just it, Wyatt, Rose had a full life and by going to see the grave you relive not just the bad but also the good. She only dies if you keep stories like that about her to yourself. You guys loved her, give life to her memory. Remember her.

That way she’s never really gone.”

“Will you…I mean…I’d like it if you were to come with me—with us.”

“Sweetheart, I’m wherever you need me,” I reply, then bring his face closer and kiss him gently.

***

I spend the next few days being buried in paperwork and being put on hold. The insurance company is paying us only a fraction of what we need in order to get the center back to what it was before. All the programs that normally hand out money to programs like ours have already allocated their annual budget and so there is nothing left. I’m trying to see the bright side but it’s getting harder to stay optimistic. Wyatt is trying not to step in and offer me money. I appreciate that because it would feel wrong to take it. But I do accept a generous number of neck and shoulder massages from him.

Work isn’t the only part that sucks right now. Jana is avoiding my calls and I want to help but I can’t if she doesn’t let me. I went over to her apartment twice already and she wasn’t home. I left a bunch of messages, and if she doesn’t get back to me soon, I’m going to camp in front of her place. I don’t want this thing to put any distance between us.

I do get some good news however; the art director who runs the program Carlos is in calls to tell me how amazing his work is and that they would love to have him come back next year. I’m so thrilled; I dance around like a crazy lady. I even get to talk to him for a little while as he’s getting ready to go to his next class. He has this light in his voice that totally makes my day. He sounds nothing like the kid I had to pull away from the gang a few days back.

When I get off the phone, I am still on a high from talking to Carlos and I hate to ruin that with the void that is the education department. Screw it, the work day is almost over, so instead of calling and being on hold for the last twenty minutes, I will call first thing in the morning. I check my email in case any of the programs we’ve contacted have some good news for us. Nothing. Crap. But I spot an email that makes me smile. The seller on eBay has the item I have been looking for to give to Wyatt. It’s a little pricey but he’s so worth it. I know he’ll really like it. I order it with the seller and have him send it to my mom’s address.

That way I can surprise Wyatt.

I hear him enter the kitchen and open the refrigerator door. I know what he’s looking for—the last slice of red velvet cake. I promised that I would leave it for him but I snuck into the kitchen and stole it about three seconds ago and I think he’s onto me by now. I hear him march towards the bedroom where I’ve hidden out. I try to chew as fast as I can, but it’s hard to chew and laugh at the same time. I sneak into the closet and hide. He opens the door and finds me in no time. Man, I’d make a horrible criminal.

“You are so fucking busted,” he says as he laughs and drags me out of the closet.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I reply with my mouth still half full, causing my words to sound muffled.

“Really? There’s frosting on your lips. Thief!” he accuses.

“That’s makeup. It’s a new style,” I mumble, unable to keep a straight face.

“That’s it, I’m gonna have to interrogate you until you confess your crimes,” he says. He yanks me up off the floor and throws me down onto the bed. I manage to finish the cake in my mouth but can’t seem to get all the frosting evidence off my lips. He gets on top of me, pins my arms up above my head, and starts to tickle me with his lips.

“No!” I yell playfully.

“Do you confess?” he asks with a big smirk on his face.

“Okay, okay!” I shout as I laugh and wiggle uncontrollably. He stops tickling me but keeps my hands up above my head. He wants my confession.

“Are you ready to admit what you did and face the consequences, Ms. Bennett?”

“I want a lawyer!” I reply.

“Oh that’s it! Now you’re going to be punished!” he says he playfully manhandles me and fills me with a mix of joy and anticipation. The doorbell rings before I can get my “punishment.” Damn it.

“Argh! You’re one lucky little girl,” he says as he reluctantly pulls away from me so I can stand up.

“I’m also very full,” I tease as I lick the last of the frosting off my lips. He drops his jaw and pretends to be shocked and hurt by my “betrayal.” We walk out into the living room, and he makes his way towards the door. The person standing on the other side is my best friend. She looks timid and reserved. In other words, she looks nothing like herself.

She’s dressed down in jeans and a sweatshirt. Her hair is in a simple ponytail and she has no makeup on at all.

“Hi, Wyatt.”

“Hi, Jana…come in,” he says, stepping aside to let her through. I rush to hug her and tell her that I have been trying to get in touch.

“I know. I kind of needed a little time,” she says as she shrugs her shoulders.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“No…” she replies softly. I look over at Wyatt and right away he gets it.

“Hey, I’m gonna take off. I’ll see you later, babe,” he says as he grabs his jacket, comes over, and gives me a quick kiss. He goes over to Jana and whispers in her ear. “Feel better, sweetheart. And whatever you do, don’t trust Winter around your dessert. She has prior convictions.” He jokes as he put his hand on her shoulder.

“Okay, thanks for the warning,” Jana replies. Wyatt opens the door and heads out of the apartment, leaving Jana and me alone to talk. We sit at the table and I make her a big cup of coffee. Luckily we have fresh bagels from the deli around the corner, so she has something she can eat with her coffee. I spread the butter on, thick like she likes it, and place the food before her.

“It’s just like we’re back in my office and we are chatting away like schoolgirls with no bills and not a care in the world,” I tease.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” She smiles as she sips her coffee.

“Jana, I’m so sorry about the other day. I know things got heated and you were right, I was messing up my chance with Wyatt. We’re better now, for the most part. Anyway, thank you for yelling at me and telling me off.”

“Well, it’s my job, BFF code and all.”

“But that’s not all that was bothering you. I know there’s something else going on. You know you can tell me,” I encourage.

“A few weeks back I thought I was pregnant—I’m not. But it got me thinking. What if I had been? What kind of life would I be giving this kid? I have nothing more than a series of fuck buddies and time wasters. I was good with that before but something in me started to get…restless. But then I remembered that men mostly sucked and that there were no good ones out there. That made it easy to go back to my ‘one night only’ policy. Then you found Wyatt…”

“Oh.”

“Winter, you know I love you and I want you to be happy, I really do.”

“I know, Jana.”

“But a part of me thought that there were no good guys, so it was okay if I never got a steady boyfriend. But then Wyatt is a good one, isn’t he? I don’t mean perfect, I mean…he’s someone who genuinely gives a damn. And now that I know that kind of guy is out there…I know it sounds horrible to say—and don’t hate me—I’m a little jealous. Does that make me a bad person?” she says with tears in her eyes.

“No, not at all. I don’t think you’re jealous in the traditional sense. I mean it’s not like you want to take this happiness away from me, you just want some happiness for yourself as well.”

“Yes!” she says, latching onto my hands, relieved that I get where she’s coming from.

“I get it, I really do,” I promise.

“Things really changed when I got a cold the other day.”

“How did a cold change everything?”

“I couldn’t really get out of bed. I ached all over and I looked like a ‘before’ poster. It was awful. I called some guy I was with the night before and he thought I was making plans for later that night. When I told him I was sick and asked if he would bring me some soup, he just made an excuse. He didn’t give a damn. Said I should call when I feel better.

“That’s when I thought maybe ‘bring you soup’ guys are just some bullshit that romance comedy writers use to torture us single women. Maybe ‘soup’ guys don’t exist. Then Wyatt goes and sends you food just because he is worried and wants you to eat. So I can only imagine how good he’d be if you were actually sick. So, there are ‘soup’ guys. And now the question is, why don’t I have one? What’s wrong with me?”

“There is nothing wrong with you. It’s hard for everyone to find someone they click with.”

“Yes! Exactly! So please tell me you gave that dear man some head,” she pleads, only half joking. I laugh and she joins in. I nod in answer to her question.

“Yes!” she says as I hide my face behind my hands. When we settle down, I can’t help but marvel at the woman in front of me. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.

“I know it seems like it’s coming out of nowhere but I really do want to find someone, I’m just not sure I will,” she admits.

“You certainly can if that’s what you want. Sometimes, I’ve had to get a bat to shoo away all the guys around you,” I remind her.

“Yeah but they aren’t the kind of guys who are fit to be boyfriends. I want that. Winnie, I know how to get a guy to scream my name or get him so worked up he buys me tickets to an exotic island. But how do I get a ‘soup’ guy? And most importantly, do girls like me ever get ‘soup’ guys?”

“You can get whatever kind of guy you want. If you don’t want to have a series of one-night stands, then don’t. If you want to hold out for something more meaningful, then do that.”

“What if he never comes? What if there’s no one for me?”

“That’s just not true. I’m sorry but you’re sexy, sweet, and smart. You have it all and I won’t let you think otherwise for even a second,” I reply firmly.

“You’re saying I should hold out and not have sex on the first date?”

“Or maybe the first few dates.”

“Hmmm…”

“Look, if you do have sex, it doesn’t make you a bad person. But if you’re looking for a guy who is in it for more than the sex, he has to get a look at the ‘more than sex part.’ That means letting him get to see how wonderful you are standing up.”

“Am I even interesting standing up?”

“Oh sweetie, you are the eighth wonder of the world,” I assure her as she laughs.

“Is that so?” she says as she begins to perk up.

“Yes, and I know you have a bright, sexy, and kind ‘soup’ guy out there, who’s just dying to meet you.”

“Okay, but he better hurry the hell up while these babies are still kissing the sun,” she says as she looks down at her boobs.

“I’m sure he’ll come for you. And don’t worry, Jana, I see nothing but ‘sunny boob days’ for decades to come.”