Chapter One

“How about some bondage tape?”

Annie turned away from the clerk who was ringing up her new toy to see Paige holding up a roll of shiny black tape, which almost exactly matched the color of Paige’s long, straight hair. Annie’s cheeks heated and she gave her friend a “keep your voice down” stare.

It was a stare Paige either didn’t read correctly or simply chose to ignore. Wiggling the roll, she raised her brows and singsonged, “It says it’s perfect for kinky couple’s play.”

Annie barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Kinky couple’s play sounded good. It would sound even better if Annie was actually part of a couple. Even then, given her inexperience with kink in general and her plans for the weekend in particular—which included the very non-Annie action of having sex with a stranger, she couldn’t help envisioning that tape and her body taking part in a high school gym prank or something straight out of a horror movie.

Still…

It had taken her two days to work up the nerve to walk into Sweet Sensations, the city’s best sex store according to Paige. She was supposed to be having an open mind here.

“It could be fun to put on,” she conceded. “But pulling it off?” She mock shivered.

“Here you go,” the clerk said. The young woman had dyed red hair, piercings, and visible tattoos that contrasted with her vintage baby doll dress. She easily emanated the hipster “I’m not really trying” vibe that ran rampant in San Francisco’s Mission District. She handed Annie a discreet white-handled bag, smiled, and jerked her chin at Paige. “If you decide on the bondage tape, it doesn’t yank out hair or leave a sticky residue, so it doesn’t hurt when you pull it off. It also comes in all kinds of fun colors.”

There was that word again. Fun. Annie had to admit, she’d had fun today. It was, after all, the first time she’d visited a sex shop, and Paige was always good company. The upcoming weekend in Vegas was supposed to be all about having fun, too. Specifically, it was Annie’s opportunity to stretch her bad-girl muscles and complete her carefully planned naughty list.

So why did thinking about it make her want to throw up?

Because you’re set in your boring, nice-girl ways, Annie. That’s the point. You need to go against your instincts and be the bad girl for once.

Bad girls have more fun.

They also don’t waste their time lusting over their best friends.

You’ll see.

That’s what her naughty side was telling her. The stronger part of her personality, her inner nice girl, wasn’t convinced. She’d spent the last two months transforming herself. Not by being bad, exactly, but by doing things she normally wouldn’t. Like getting Lasik surgery so she could ditch her glasses. Highlighting her mousy brown hair. And starting to take diet pills when her slow-and-steady weight loss regimen had hit a wall. Now her eyesight was perfect, her hair looked awesome, and she’d lost over twenty pounds.

Unfortunately, she was still in love with Ryan as much as ever, and she’d barely even seen the guy. That’s why she’d made her naughty list.

It was time for drastic measures.

Annie took the bag from the clerk and said, “Thanks for the, um, tip.” With a quick glance behind her, she saw the line had gotten even longer while she’d been paying for her purchase. Sweet Sensations was packed with men and women, both young and old. Trying to appear nonchalant, she walked over to Paige and studied the display that touted the many functions of bondage tape. Restraint was just the beginning. It could also be used as a gag, collar, or harness, and to make boobtubes, dresses, and miniskirts.

“Talk about serving multiple purposes,” Annie whispered.

“I’m buying you a roll,” Paige declared loudly.

Annie laughed nervously. “Seriously, Paige? I’ve spent the past thirty minutes with my eyes as wide as saucers, and I just bought my very first sex toy, and you think I’m ready to graduate to BDSM?”

“It says right here on the label that it’s perfect for the bondage virgin.”

Annie shook her head. “I have enough on my list. I’m not going overboard. Plus, I’m already pushing the boundaries of safe sex by planning to sleep with a stranger. I’m not going to let one tie me up.”

Paige waved her hand in a pshaw gesture. “I’m buying it for you. If you decide to expand on your naughty list, you can thank me later.”

Left with no other choice, Annie waited while Paige got in line to buy the tape. She looked around, once again intrigued by the different dildos on display, the variety of which a helpful clerk had described in detail. There were glass ones and rubber ones. Long and thin ones. Short and fat ones. Double dongs and jellies and butt plugs. With some, tremendous effort had been taken to make the toy look and feel as real as possible.

As if someone could overlook the fact there was no body attached to a cock she was holding and convince herself she was actually having sex with someone rather than a toy?

She didn’t have that good of an imagination. The toy was simply a means of giving herself pleasure, and even nice girls desired pleasure. Besides, she wasn’t a complete prude. She masturbated the old-fashioned way just fine. This was about giving herself permission to go the extra mile, the same way her upcoming weekend in Vegas was.

Still, it all seemed unsettling to her, not to mention overwhelming, and in the end she’d decided on the toy that Paige recommended, something called a Rabbit that vibrated, rotated, and stimulated in multiple ways. Despite her embarrassment, she was proud she’d ventured into the store and made her purchase. Now she just had to get home, wrap it, and stick it under her Christmas tree before Ryan came over.

At the thought of Ryan’s broad shoulders soon filling up space in her little apartment, her pulse quickened. It had been only a week since she’d accompanied him to his college buddy Eric’s wedding on Coronado Island. However, the weekend had been tense between them, and not just because the groom had jilted the bride. No, the awkwardness had started well before that, when Ryan picked her up at the San Diego airport to take her to the wedding.

She hadn’t seen him in over two months and she’d been imagining the feel of his arms around her when he scooped her in for one of his hugs. Couldn’t wait to inhale his clean, woodsy scent. Only when he’d seen her, Ryan hadn’t hugged her. At least not right away. Instead, clearly shocked by her dramatic weight loss, he’d implied she looked unhealthy. Granted, she’d lost over twenty pounds in the two months he’d been away, and despite their frequent calls, texts, and e-mails, she’d managed to keep the secret from him. So, okay, seeing the improved her, complete with new hairstyle and wardrobe, had to have been shocking. But, damn it, she’d transformed herself into someone more like the women he dated, and all he’d done was criticize her. He’d hurt her feelings whether he’d meant to or not, and she’d withdrawn into herself, something she hadn’t done with Ryan before.

Eventually, she’d moved past it. It had been hard to stay mad given the way Brianne, the jilted bride, had insisted on going forward with the wedding reception and had personally urged Ryan and Annie to hit the dance floor. Whether he’d been boogying with her or holding her close for a slow song, dancing with Ryan was the most fun she’d had in a long time.

Over the past week, he’d called her almost every day, and while that wasn’t unusual in and of itself, there was a new hesitancy in his voice each time their conversations began. Hopefully after they had dinner tonight, things would be back to normal between them.

She was going to have a very busy and adventurous weekend, one that would require tremendous focus. She wasn’t a fool either. She was going to be bad, but she was going to exercise caution, too. She didn’t want to have to worry about her relationship with Ryan at the same time.

Annie found her gaze drawn back to the dildo display. Despite her determination to move on from such things, she was suddenly overcome by an image of Ryan using one on her, starting above her shoulders and working his way down to her sweet spot.

First, he’d tell her to get the toy nice and wet. She’d lick it from one end of the shaft to the other, making sure to roll her tongue across the head. Then she’d slip the dildo between her lips, taking it inch-by-inch, never taking her eyes off Ryan’s face as she increased the suction and let her tongue explore the toy’s length. He’d watch as her head bobbed up and down until he couldn’t take it anymore. Slowly, he’d pull the toy out of her mouth and slide it over her chin towards her chest. He’d circle her nipples with the toy’s damp tip, making her shiver with delight before he dragged the toy down her belly and toward the spot that throbbed from deep inside. He’d rub the toy against her, teasing her, and she’d be so wet that within seconds the toy would be coated with her—

“Ready?” Paige asked as she walked up to her, her own white-handled bag in hand.

Annie jerked and blinked rapidly, disoriented by how deeply she’d been daydreaming. Blushing, she flashed Paige a bright smile. “Definitely,” she said, her voice strained.

Paige patted her on the shoulder and laughed. “You did good for your first time. Next time will be easier.”

Next time? Yikes! She still hadn’t recovered from this time.

As they walked outside toward Annie’s car, Paige handed her the bag. “Merry Christmas, Annie! I’m sure you’ll enjoy it when the time is right.”

“Thanks, Paige.” Annie had already given Paige her gift earlier. “And thanks for coming with me today. It was an…experience.”

Paige laughed. “Nothing like what you’re going to experience in Vegas. I want a full report, including how Ryan reacts when he finds out you popped your bad-girl cherry in such a dramatic way.”

“He’s my friend. As long as I’m happy, he’ll be happy.” She tried to inject a note of confidence in her voice she wasn’t feeling.

Paige knew her well enough to know her statement wasn’t completely true. “Oh, is that why you’re not telling him your plans before you go?”

Annie bit her lip. “I just don’t want him to worry.” Or to try to stop her. Which he inevitably would, the way any sane man who thought of her as a little sister would try to stop her. God, if her dropping an extra twenty pounds had him worried, the knowledge of her flying to Sin City to fuck some stranger’s brains out would probably give him a coronary.

“He wouldn’t worry if he was the one you were flexing your bad-girl muscles at instead of a stranger.”

Never going to happen. Ryan had relegated her to the friend zone years ago. She remembered the exact day he’d made it crystal clear he’d never be interested in her as more than a friend. She’d gone over to his house to help him study for finals their junior year. Somehow they’d started talking about how Suzanne Miller and Peter Horace, two former best friends, had hooked up and then broken up, resulting in them hating each other throughout most of high school. Ryan had turned to her, ruffled her hair, and said, “Well, it’s a good thing we don’t have to worry about sexual chemistry. Let’s promise each other here and now, Annie, that we’ll never hook up and risk our friendship.”

Somehow, despite feeling like he’d ripped her heart right out of her chest, she’d smiled weakly and given him the promise he’d wanted.

One he’d repeated back to her.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Annie?” Paige said, jolting her out of her thoughts. “Maybe you should wait until I can go with you. It’s not the safest thing, a woman going to Vegas by herself.”

“You’ve done it,” she pointed out. “You transformed yourself into a confident woman who could do it. And that’s what I’m going to do. I can do this, Paige.”

Paige looked torn for a second before nodding. “I know you can.” She blew out a breath and gave Annie a hug. “Tell Ryan I said hi.”

“I will.”

As Annie drove away, she tried not to dwell on how awkward things had been between her and Ryan last week or how guilty she felt that she wasn’t telling him her plans. Instead, she focused on how much she was looking forward to seeing him and how even more awesome things would be after Vegas.

She’d be that much closer to proving she could be the Annie she needed to be.

Confident. Sexy. Independent.

And no longer in love with her best friend.

* * *

At her front door, Annie dropped her groceries and the bag containing her secret present while she fumbled in her purse for her apartment keys. After leaving Paige, she’d headed to the local farmers market and picked up stuff for dinner with Ryan. Cooking for Ryan was easy—he had five main dishes he liked, and she knew how to make each of them. But before she got down to preparing the chicken piccata she planned to serve tonight, she had business to do. Namely, pack for her Vegas trip.

Finally finding her keys, she opened the door to her apartment and stood for a moment in the doorway, taking in the sights of Christmas. In the corner of her living room, she had an artificial Christmas tree, completely decorated with lights, tinsel, and colorful glass ornaments. On the mantel over the fireplace was a beautiful swag of pine boughs with red holly berries. And on the coffee table sat a lovely crèche.

Christmas in June.

She’d had the decorations up all week, and tonight, with Ryan, would be the final celebration.

Most people thought she was nuts, but this was her one way of connecting with her mother. Losing her when Annie was in high school had been devastating, but Annie had refused then, and still refused, to let the grief overwhelm her and dictate her life. Instead, she chose to celebrate her mother’s joy and verve for life on a daily basis. Christmas had been her mother’s favorite holiday, and when they’d realized her mother wouldn’t make it to the Fourth of July, they had decided to celebrate in June. Annie had continued the tradition.

God, she missed her mom. Annie suspected her mom wouldn’t have been too happy about Annie’s naughty list, but eventually she’d have told Annie she trusted her and to do what she needed to do. That’s what she’d told Annie when she’d given her “the talk” before she died. She’d also told Annie, “A girl who knows her own heart is a girl who’ll grow to be a happy woman.” For too long, she’d focused on her one-sided feelings for Ryan, so it was no wonder she’d never had a successful long-term relationship with another man. It was time for her to listen to what her heart was telling her right now—it was time to move on.

She quickly put the groceries away in the kitchen, then dashed into her bedroom where she packed for Vegas. Not knowing what she would need when she arrived in Sin City, she threw everything she could think of into a large rolling case and a smaller carry-on. Excited, she tossed in some new naughty lingerie she’d bought online. A bustier, a few teddies, and a bunch of G-strings with matching lace bras that looked as if they would rip the minute a man laid his hands on them were reverentially placed in the larger suitcase. If all went according to plan, some man would be enjoying stripping her down to her skin.

She went to her closet to grab more clothes, only to trip over one of the many cardboard boxes stuffed inside the closet. Boxes that contained memorabilia and pictures from her younger years. This was a fresh start for her, and she didn’t want to be constantly reminded of the chubby unhappy woman she’d been—the kind of woman who pined away for a man she could never have.

After heading back into the living room, she dug around in the hall closet for wrapping paper, scissors, and tape. Scooting the crèche off to the side of the coffee table, she took out her vibrator and proceeded to wrap it up in Christmas paper and put a big bow on it. "To Annie, from Annie," she wrote on a gift tag and taped it on, then stuck the present under the tree. Granted, she was going to open it up tonight, after Ryan left, but since it symbolized the gift she was giving herself, the gift of a new start, it seemed only right that she give its christening more grandeur than simply removing the package from the bag it had come in.

Although she had to start making dinner soon, she took a moment to stare at the Christmas tree. Sitting back on her heels, she pressed her palms together and breathed out deeply. Anxiety filled her body, but determination pushed its way through.

“Vegas, baby,” she murmured to herself. Yeah, her plan was a little crazy, especially for a nice girl like her, but she needed to do this.

It was time to move on to a bolder, more satisfying life, and Vegas was her key.