Chapter Eleven
Paige sat at the bar twiddling her thumbs as Noah ran through the closing procedure. The metallic chink of coins sounded from the back office as he counted the till and prepared the float for the next day. The last remaining waiter had left about five minutes ago, and Paige was acutely aware of how alone they were.
And how many flat surfaces could assist in letting her act out her fantasies.
Stop it. It’s bad enough you’re playing with fire by agreeing to go out with him. Don’t lose your head.
The sound of beeping pulled Paige from her thoughts. Noah had locked up the safe, and she could hear him rustling around in the back room.
“All right, we’re done,” he said, strolling out with a lazy grin.
His hair was rumpled as though he’d run his hands through it too many times. She resisted the urge to smooth it back into place, because she knew the second she touched him it would all be over. It was a goddamn miracle she’d been able to get her wits about her last time.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” she asked, sliding off the bar stool and smoothing her hands over her denim skirt. “How do I know I’m dressed appropriately?”
His eyes tracked the movement, lingering on her legs before he raked his gaze slowly back up to her face. “Looks pretty good to me.”
She tried to cover the heat flooding her cheeks with a scoffing sound in the back of her throat. “Does that normally work?”
“What do you mean?” He toyed with his keys, the jangling sound rattling Paige’s nerves. It was hard not to notice how at ease he was compared to her—how totally cool, calm, and in control, while she was at critical risk of liquefying into a puddle. In fact, he seemed to be her opposite on every front. The pressure she placed on herself to be perfect was almost nonexistent in him. He seemed so…comfortable with who he was. So confident in his choices.
“Your cheesy lines.” She folded her arms across her chest. But instead of making her feel protected, the action only seemed to broaden his wolfish smile. “Do they get women to bend to your will?”
“Yeah,” he said. “They do.”
Paige rolled her eyes and started toward the door. “You’re going to have to work harder than that. I don’t fall to anyone’s feet.”
“Not a problem.” His footsteps sounded behind her. “I’m more than happy to be on my knees. I do some of my best work from down there.”
She hoped to God that Noah couldn’t see the tremor that rocketed up her spine. The visual of him on his knees, his hands braced against on her thighs while he did unspeakable things with his tongue—
Stop it. Now!
Clearly she needed to figure out a way to get some alone time with her vibrator, not easy when she was sleeping on someone’s couch. But clearly a lack of orgasms was causing brain malfunctions. Since when did she have the mind of a teenager?
“That’s very inappropriate,” she said primly as she stepped outside into the balmy summer night air.
Let’s ignore for a second the fact that you’re totally into it…
“Really? I find it’s much easier to clean my car’s rims if I’m close to the ground. Better for the back that way.” He shot her an infuriatingly cheeky grin as he set First’s alarm system and locked up the door. “You know, that way I can really get in there and tend to all the tight spots.”
Human combustion in three…two…one…
“Oh, wait? You didn’t think I meant…” He slapped a hand to his head. “Wow, you’ve got a dirty mind, Paige.”
She glared at him as they headed down the street. “Gee, I have no idea why I would have gone there.”
“Where did you go, Paige? Did you imagine me right there in front of you, pushing that little skirt up your legs?” He laughed when she shook her head, the guilt no doubt painted all over her face. “You know it’s okay to think about sex, right? You’re not going to get struck down by lightning.”
Thinking about it wasn’t what worried her. It was the raging desire to act on those thoughts that was becoming a thorn in her side.
“Not all of us think that sex is something to be bandied around.” She followed him down the main strip of South Melbourne, toward the city.
A tram rushed by them, its bells ringing. The roads were glossy and slick, reflecting back the neat row of streetlights, evidence that a summer storm had rolled through earlier. She hadn’t even noticed rain against the windows of First. But to be fair, when Noah was around she barely noticed anything else.
“Not all of us put sex on a pedestal,” he replied. “It’s a basic human need, not a big deal.”
“It is a big deal. It’s the most intimate thing you can do with a person.”
He shrugged. “I don’t agree with that.”
“What could possibly be more intimate than sex?”
Noah was silent for a moment, and the slap of her sneakers hitting the wet pavement filled the lull. She risked a glance up at him, and her gaze snagged on the lines forming around his mouth. A serious expression, not something he wore often—at least from what she’d seen.
“Arguing,” he said eventually. “Having a fight and then making up.”
She caught herself about to make a quip about how he must be doing relationships wrong, but she smothered the words in the back of her throat. She’d already tossed one insensitive comment his way, and that was one too many in her opinion.
“Sounds like there’s a story there,” she said carefully.
“There are a lot of stories there.”
Curiosity nipped at her. She wanted so much to scratch the surface on Noah’s breezy persona and find out what was underneath. But that wasn’t any of her business. They weren’t friends…were they?
“If you’re going to look at me like that, you may as well ask your question,” he said.
The city grew in front of them, lights glistening like hundreds of winking stars. They pressed on, their footfalls matched as though they’d walked together a thousand times before. It was all too easy to see how they might do it years from now, hand in hand.
She stifled the naive visual. “I feel like that might be opening up a can of worms,” she said. “And you don’t owe me any explanations.”
“No, I don’t. But I get the feeling you’re judging me, so perhaps it might make you see that I’m not a manwhore.”
“I never said that.” She bit her lip. She had thought it, however.
“What do you call the leader of a harem, if not a manwhore?”
She winced. Okay, so maybe she’d already said more than one insensitive thing to him. “Touché.”
Was it possible she’d hit a nerve? Noah had acted amused at the time, like her words were nothing more than twigs being flung at a boulder. But perhaps he was more sensitive than he let on. She looked up at him. The night shadowed his face and the passing cars swept their headlights over his features, distorting his expression.
“Tell me,” she said.
“When you argue with someone, and I mean about something real, not about who forgot to unload the dishwasher, you can’t hide.” He jammed his hands into his pockets. “The only way that you come back from it is if the good feelings outweigh the bad. So by arguing, you’re betting that the other person will still accept you at the end.”
Paige blinked. It’d never occurred to her to think of it like that—arguments were part of life. And disagreements of opinion were not a “throw everything on the line” type of deal. But then again, Paige’s family didn’t often argue about anything real. She’d been brought up never to air her dirty laundry, as her mother used to say. And her parents, while they had their squabbles every now and then, rarely went toe to toe. She’d assumed that was because they never had much to disagree on, but perhaps it was easier to sweep things under the carpet than to appear vulnerable.
“That seems like an extreme way of looking at it,” Paige said. “People argue all the time.”
“Maybe. But where I come from, arguments meant packing your bags.”
The words wrenched in her chest. “I don’t understand.”
“I was in the system for most of my childhood. Lived with a bunch of different foster families.” His tone was dead. No emotion. No vulnerability. Just flat, monotone nothingness.
And yet it spoke volumes.
“Oh.” She had no idea what else to say.
“I got bounced around a bit. I guess I was what you might call ‘troubled.’” He made quotation marks with his fingers. “I didn’t like school…or authority. That meant a lot of the people I ended up with were disappointed with the merchandise. Figured they’d get some shiny little bundle of joy who was grateful for being saved…and instead they got me.”
“And your sisters?”
“Not blood related.” He cleared his throat. “But they’re still my family.”
That explained why she hadn’t picked up on any resemblance at the bar. God, she felt like an idiot. She’d labeled Noah—stuck him into the box of moral-less playboys—when all he was doing was protecting himself.
…
Noah wasn’t quite sure what he’d been hoping to achieve with that little spiel about his past. But part of him wanted Paige to understand the real Noah, the reason behind his reluctance to engage in anything more than sex. Not to mention his reluctance to take on a position that sounded like more trouble than it was worth.
Why? You’re used to people judging you—why the hell is she any different?
There was no rhyme or reason to it, but Noah found himself wanting to defend his position. He found himself wanting to make her see that he was a good guy even if he couldn’t offer her exactly what she wanted. That his desire for casual sex wasn’t about collecting notches for his bedpost.
It was about making sure he didn’t set himself up for failure.
“Ginnie and Megan are my family,” he said. The omission of Amanda’s name danced in the back of his head, but he didn’t want to go there right now. “And Paul and Des are like my brothers. That’s all I need.”
Paige bobbed her head. “You don’t keep in touch with your foster parents?”
“No.” Despite unrelenting pressure from his sisters.
“I feel like I have to share something now,” she said with a nervous laugh.
They found their way to the edge of Southbank, the Yarra River cutting across the path in front of them. Despite the earlier rain, people were out in droves. The area was a bit of a tourist hot spot, but Paige wasn’t from Melbourne so he’d hoped she might enjoy it.
“Why don’t we get a bite to eat and you can confess your sins over ice cream?”
Her eyes lit up. “Ice cream? Excellent idea.”
“Have you been here before?” They turned onto the strip that ran along the river.
The iconic Crown Entertainment complex rose up to their right. It wasn’t his scene. The casino and five-star hotel were a little too flash for him with all the designer shops and restaurants that served tiny portions of food for insane prices. Not his jam at all. But there was one thing he liked about this part of Melbourne.
“I don’t think so.” She shook her head. “We used to come in to Melbourne every six months or so but it was usually to do something specific like go shopping for a special outfit or to see a show. We never ventured down this end of town.”
“So you haven’t seen the dragons, then?”
“What?” She raised a brow, her adorable freckle-covered nose wrinkling.
He glanced at his watch. “They won’t arrive for another twenty minutes. Let’s get our ice cream and then we can sit here and wait.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I haven’t heard of any dragons.”
He reached out for her hand. “Just go with it, okay?”
“Fine.” She slid into his grip. “But this place better have mint chocolate chip.”
“And if they don’t?” His interlaced his fingers with hers as they walked toward the ice cream shop, which had a long line snaking from the counter.
“I’m tapping out and finding a supermarket.” She grinned. “It’s mint chocolate chip or bust.”
“Do you always get what you want?”
“Absolutely.”
They joined the end of the line. Paige’s hand was still nestled in his, and she hadn’t made a move to change that. It was impossible not to feel how smooth and slender her fingers were, or to imagine them gliding over his body. Despite the red flags popping up in his head, he wanted her more than ever. He wanted to win that bet and taste the sweet victory of her surrender on his lips.
Something niggled deep in his chest. Spending time with Paige didn’t resemble a usual “date” or make him feel the way he normally did when trying to seduce a woman. With her, he felt a little raw. A little exposed. She asked too many questions and picked him apart with her eyes. He was off balance, and he didn’t like it one bit.
“Okay,” he said as they inched forward toward the window of neon-bright desserts. “I told you something about me, so now it’s your turn. How about you tell me why you’re so hung up about casual sex.”
A dark expression flittered across her face. “Do I need a reason?”
“No. Your parents obviously did a better job at instilling values in you than mine did with me.” He cocked his head. “But I think there’s more to it.”
“My brother got a girl pregnant not long after his twenty-first birthday.” Her gaze drifted to the slow parade of people walking up and down the river’s edge. “He’d been away at university for three years and had offers for a bunch of highly coveted graduate programs in Melbourne. But then he came home, briefly, and had a one-night stand. She ended up getting pregnant.”
Noah swore under his breath. “That’s rough.”
“And that might be fine if you’re in a big city and no one knows your business, but in a small town everybody knows everything. When it was clear he still planned on leaving, people started calling him a deadbeat dad, and my parents were horrified.” She let out a rough laugh. “That’s not the kind of people we are. We take responsibility for our actions.”
“What did he do?”
“He turned down the job offers and proposed to the girl, but they broke up eventually. They never loved each other, and staying together for the sake of their son made them both unhappy.” The line shuffled forward, and Paige moved zombielike, her hand still entwined with his. “She gave him hell over custody, saying that if he moved away he wouldn’t be able to see Bradley because she didn’t have a car to drive him back and forth. So my brother gave up everything. All that time he spent studying, all those job offers. Poof, gone.”
“And now he still lives there?”
“Yep. Bradley is thirteen now, and he’s a smart kid. My brother can’t move away, not while Brad’s doing so well at school. His mother is flaky, too, disappears all the time, so John looks after him more often than what they’d agreed. He doesn’t mind, of course, but he’s tied to that place now.” She sighed. “He’s stuck there.”
“What does he do?”
“He works part time for my parents and is doing some study by correspondence to try to get a qualification in something useful, since they don’t have too much need for his international relations degree.” Her eyes were fixed on something in the distance. “He had all these dreams of seeing the world, but he never even got his passport.”
Shit. Noah felt for the guy. He understood all too well what it meant to get screwed over by life’s circumstances. To feel like you fell short because of a bad decision.
“It might have been okay if he’d loved the girl—they could have made it work and moved around for his job. But she treated him like crap and made him miserable.” Paige sighed. “And now he struggles with dating because a lot of women his age aren’t ready to deal with a teenage boy.”
The line had shrunk ahead of them, and before he had the chance to respond they were greeted by a young woman in a white apron. “What can I get you?”
“Single scoop mint chocolate chip,” Paige said, and then she turned to Noah. “What’s your poison?”
The sadness had cleared from her eyes and she smiled, but it was a guarded expression. One that told him not to push.
“You can choose for me,” he said, pressing his hand to the small of her back.
“How am I supposed to know what you like?”
He winked. “You’ve done a pretty good job so far.”
There was a slight twitch on her lips and the flicker of something dark and excited in her eyes. “Okay, it’s your funeral.”
Two minutes later Noah was walking away to some curious stares. Apparently, this creamy monstrosity was called a Perfect Princess. The purple scoop of bubble-gum ice cream had been dipped in pink sprinkles and had edible glitter dusted on top. A little stick with the top shaped like a crown stuck out one side. As they walked to the river’s edge, people raised their brows, and one little girl had pointed and proclaimed “I want one!” at the top of her lungs.
“How is it?” Paige asked, barely able to contain the laughter.
He might look ridiculous as all get-out, but he wasn’t about to let her win that easily.
“Delicious. Easily the best ice cream I’ve ever tasted.” He dragged his tongue across the top and tried not to choke on the tooth-achingly sweet dessert. “No idea why I haven’t tried it before.”
Paige dropped down onto a metal bench and tucked her feet underneath her. “You’d better eat every last bite of that. I don’t treat everyone to ice cream, you know.”
“Don’t worry.” He took the spot next to her. “I have a big appetite.”
Her eyes flickered over him as she ran her tongue along her mint-green scoop. “I’m sure you do.”
Noah chuckled to himself and leaned back against the bench. The ice cream was disgusting—but he was going to eat every last bit of it. Not only because he wanted to get the better of Paige but because he wanted to keep the night going as long as possible.
Instead of feeling stifled by his confessions about his past, he was curiously light. Unburdened. Shrink after shrink had told him to “open up” about his feelings, claiming it would help him deal with the anger and regret and frustration that’d plagued him since childhood. He’d never believed them. But Paige had a way of coaxing the real him to the fore, and she wasn’t backing away.
He slid an arm along the back of the bench and she took the cue to scoot closer. For once, he wasn’t putting on the moves. Simply being next to her had soothed the rough patches on his soul. And that was an entirely new feeling.