2001
Jillian’s Journal
January 1, 2001
I wish I knew what’s happened to the last 12 months. I don’t need a calendar as much as a stopwatch these days. The weeks just melt away. In part this is due to how busy I’ve been this past year. First the trip to London with Leni Jo, then this second bout with cancer, which seems to occupy my every moment, all my strength and all my resolve. Even after the first run-in with cancer, I treated my health almost casually. This has been a lesson well learned. If I’m cured—not if, WHEN—I will never again take my health for granted.
Leni Jo is blissfully happy. Will is a marvelous husband and I think nothing of hopping on a flight to visit her for a few days whenever my treatment schedule allows. It’s exhausting but worth it.
I’ve seen more of Lesley this year than in the last five. She was here for my surgery and stayed both before and after. Gary and my dearest friend took turns watching over me. I’m feeling somewhat stronger now, and I’m very encouraged, especially with the new medications I’m on. The chemotherapy is rough and depletes me emotionally as well as physically, but Lesley and Gary have done their best to keep my spirits up.
Gary and I are closer than ever. After Lesley left for home, he took it upon himself to see to my care and comfort. He’s been wonderful and I’m deeply indebted to him. I know he emails Leni Jo and Will with regular updates. We continue with our daily walks and have dinner together at least three times a week and sometimes more. He’s my companion and dearest friend—after Lesley, of course. I know he’d like us to marry, but he hasn’t broached the subject in some time and frankly, I’m grateful. I wish I knew why I’m so hesitant. Fear, I guess. I’ve already had two great loves in my life, Nick and then Monty, and lost them both. I don’t think I could endure that kind of emotional agony again. Lesley thinks I’m cheating Gary and myself, and perhaps I am, but I have enough to cope with. I can’t think about marriage right now. Especially now. I don’t know what the future holds, not when I’m living with cancer.
Well, this election mess is finally over, thank God. Within days, George W. Bush will be sworn into the White House. Who would’ve believed this fiasco would drag on for weeks? I only hope this kind of confusion and craziness never occurs again.
I’m growing tired—a constant problem these days—so I’ll cut this short. Gary is taking me for a walk in the Park later and then out to dinner.
Jillian Gordon
From: [email protected]
Sent: February 28, 2001
Subject: Earthquake!
Dearest Jillian,
A quick note to let you know that I’m fine and so are all the kids. The news said the Seattle-area earthquake registered 6.8 on the Richter scale. I can believe it—we were all badly shaken. No pun intended!
Several photographs and pictures fell off the walls and all the drawers in the kitchen opened and stuff spilled onto the floor, but that’s minor compared to the damage in downtown Seattle. Now I know why so few people around here have brick houses. Thankfully, Steven was home and we were together when the quake hit.
I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, but I didn’t want you to worry.
Love,
Lesley
Lesley Milton
From: [email protected]
Sent: September 11, 2001
Subject: The events of this morning
Dearest Lesley,
Dear God in heaven, how can this be happening? Terrorists, madness, death and destruction. I hardly know what to write other than to assure you that I’m fine. The phones are useless and there’s no way I can call you and no way you can call me. By some twist of fate, Leni Jo and Will managed to reach me and I’m grateful to have spoken briefly to my daughter. We wept together and were cut off after only a few minutes.
My heart is screaming at the horror that is taking place so close to my home. I cannot believe anything this terrible would happen—not here in New York, not in my town, my neighborhood. Not to us as a nation. I am in shock, in pain and in mourning. I don’t think any American will ever be the same again. How can we be? How will we ever recover from such evil? I have no answers, only questions. Everything that seemed so important only a few days ago is irrelevent now.
I can’t donate blood, but I’ll do whatever I can.
God bless America, the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Jillian