Between Friends by Debbie Macomber (19)

Pine Ridge Herald

January 7, 1991
Obituary

Services are being held for Gloria Milton, 50, who died at her home Sunday, January 6th. Mrs. Milton succumbed after a long illness. The service will be held Wednesday the 9th, at 1 p.m. at Our Lady of the Woods Mortuary. Burial will be in Pine Ridge Cemetery.

Mrs. Milton was born August 10, 1942 in Portland, Oregon. She attended the University of Oregon where she met Dr. Steven Milton, OB GYN. They were married in 1964.

Survivors include her husband and two daughters, Maryanne Steadman and Sandy Princeton; two grandchildren, Bryce and Jay Ann; one sister, Joan, and one brother, Ken, in addition to several nieces and nephews.

Mrs. Milton was an active volunteer in the community. She was a member of the Regular Baptist Church, and sang with the choir. She taught first-grade Sunday school for twelve years.

In lieu of flowers the family requests donations to the American Cancer Society.

January 14, 1991

Dear Mom and Christopher,

Thanks for all the mail. I can’t tell you how great it is to hear from you. They’re keeping us busy here, so we barely have a moment to ourselves. It’s hot and miserable, but the desert has its own beauty, too. (Or so they say. I haven’t discovered it yet, but give me time.) We’re all working together toward a common purpose and because of that, everyone’s pretty much able to look past any discomfort.

I know you don’t want to hear this, but it looks like we’re going into battle soon. The brass haven’t discussed their battle plans with me, but war seems inevitable. I don’t want to die. If it happens, though, I want to be prepared for it. That’s one of the reasons for this letter. Mom, you’ve been the greatest. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother in the whole world and I’m not just saying that. I mean it with all my heart. I know that life with Dad was never easy for you, but you did everything you could to hold the family together. Lindy might not believe that, but Doug, Christopher and I do.

I haven’t heard from Dad in years. None of us have, but I feel like I should make my peace with him. I talked to a lady who works with the Red Cross and she said she could help me locate him. I’ve written him a letter and given her all the information I had. The last thing I remember, he was in Sitka, Alaska. That’s right, isn’t it? She said she’d do everything she could to find him and give him my letter.

Thanks, Mom, for phoning Meagan. She said it meant a lot to her. If I come out of this alive, I’m going to ask her to marry me. Do you have any feelings about that? I’d like to make you a grandmother within the next few years.

Don’t worry about me, Mom. I mean that. We each have a job to do on this earth and it could be that mine has been accomplished. You raised me as a Christian so I know where I’m headed if this is the end.

I’ll write more as soon as I can, but I wanted to tell you that I’ve sought out Dad. I don’t expect a reply, but there were things I needed to settle between him and me, just in case... I know you’ll understand.

Love,
David

February 4, 1991

I’m addicted to the television, watching news of the war. Desert Storm is a good name for it. It feels as though my entire life has been caught up in a sandstorm, a whirlwind of chaos and uncertainty. First David and Doug being shipped to the Middle East to fight for a country I’d never heard of until last year. Then Mrs. Milton died, and although it was expected, her death hit me hard. She was such a gracious, kind and generous woman. Poor Dr. Milton seems lost without her. He’s only been back to work these past two weeks and just isn’t himself. This is such a difficult time for him.

Cole Greenberg is one of CNN’s correspondents from inside Baghdad. Whenever his face flashes on the screen, I feel breathless. I’m instantly flooded with all these emotions I’d prefer not to confront. He was sincere with me, and I was young, foolish and afraid. My divorce from Buck left the children so needy, shaken to their core, and I had to be there for them 100%. I still believe it was best to cut things off when I did, even though I have my regrets.

Everyone expects the ground war to start soon. So far, it appears we have reason to be optimistic. Hussein is doing everything he can to draw us into battle on the ground, which includes turning Kuwait into an environmental disaster area. I realize that as soon as the war starts, David will be in the thick of it. All I can do is pray and trust in God. Living hand to mouth the way we did when Buck was part of the family, I thought I knew what faith was about. But leaving the lives of two of my children in God’s hands—that’s real faith.

Jillian and I talk nearly every day now. She tries to hide how concerned she is about the war and David and Doug. She’s afraid my sons won’t be coming home. She’s terrified of history repeating itself. I remind her that this isn’t Vietnam, but I don’t think she hears me.

She’s coming for a visit in August. We have a condo booked in Mexico for a week. No kids, no worries, just sunshine and laughter while we create more happy memories. My prayer is that by then, this terrible war will be behind us.

P.O. Box 984
Lubbock, Texas 79460

February 11, 1991

Dear Lesley,

Surprise! I bet I was the last person you expected to hear from. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Listen, I owe you a shitload of child support, but the past few years haven’t been easy. I had enough trouble supporting myself, let alone four kids. It looks like you did all right without me, though. I probably won’t ever find the money to pay you what I owe. I wish things were different but they’re not, and you might as well accept that. Knowing you, I suspect you already have. You were never one to hold a grudge.

After my stint in Alaska I headed for Texas, which was a mistake. I won’t go into my troubles here, but there were reasons other than the child support issue why you didn’t hear from me. I’ve been sober for six months and think I’ve finally got my problems with booze licked. I’ve got a job and a decent place to live. I was married a second time but that was another mistake I made in the past thirteen years.

Enough about me. I had the surprise of my life when I heard from David. His letter arrived last week and I have to tell you it shook me up pretty bad. I had no idea he was over in the Middle East. Doug, too, he said.

I’m concerned about David. What he said in his letter led me to believe he doesn’t expect to come home. I’ve probably told you this before, but I’ve done a lot of things I regret. I’m not ashamed to admit it. Hell, everyone makes mistakes. But marrying you and fathering four children are the things of which I’m proudest. You did one hell of a good job raising ’em, and you did it with damn little help from me.

Getting David’s letter made me realize everything I walked away from when you asked for that divorce. I talked with my AA sponsor, and one of the twelve steps to recovery has to do with making retribution wherever possible. If it takes me the next fifty years, I swear I’m going to make up to you for all the grief I caused you and the kids.

I guess what I’m saying is I want to be part of the family again. David said you’d never remarried. I’m glad, Lesley, because that means I have a chance. Tell me I do. It would mean the world to me.

I handed in my notice at work this morning. It won’t take much to pack up everything I have. I’ll probably have to nurse my truck along the way, but it should get as far as Washington. If all goes well, I’ll be back in Pine Ridge before March 1st.

For the first time in a lot of years, I have hope. I gotta tell you, it feels damn good.

See ya soon.

Buck

February 15, 1991

Dearest Dad,

I don’t know if this will reach you before you leave Texas, but I had to try. Mom has let it be known that you aren’t welcome to live with her and Christopher, but you can stay with me if you want. I have a cat and it’s just a small studio apartment, but we can manage, don’t you think? It will be good to see you again.

Your daughter,
Lindy

February 16, 1991

It is with deep regret that we inform you that your son David Michael Knowles

Is Missing in Action

In

Iraq

February 20, 1991

Dearest, dearest Lesley,

I can’t sleep. I know we talked for an hour already, but I’m still in shock. I can’t accept this is happening. The ground war has yet to start. How can David be missing? You explained everything to me, but I’m having a hard time taking it in.

At least there’s hope. We know that when the helicopter went down, there were men seen on the ground who survived the crash. I have to believe David was one of those men, otherwise I think I’ll go crazy. I can’t allow myself to remember what happened to Nick. But as you’ve reminded me so often in the past few months, this isn’t Vietnam and David isn’t Nick.

I haven’t stepped inside a church since Monty’s funeral. I felt that God turned His back on me and to be honest, I haven’t missed Him. You’ve always maintained your faith, and while I considered all that Bible talk fine for you, I wasn’t interested. Religion is not the answer for me. But Lesley, I don’t mind telling you how afraid I am, for David and for you. This situation is forcing me to relive the biggest nightmare of my life.

You say the word and I’m on the next flight out of here. If there’s anything and I mean ANYTHING I can do, let me know. You’re as close as any sister I could have had.

Love,
Jillian and Leni Jo

February 25, 1991

Dear Cole,

In 1980 I decided it would be best if I didn’t contact you again. The decision was difficult, and I made it at a particularly rocky time in my life. Now I find that I’m changing my mind.

Two of my sons are part of Desert Storm. David is with the 101st Airborne Division and Doug is aboard the aircraft carrier Independence. Last week, two men came to the house bearing news that David is Missing in Action. There is strong evidence that he was taken as a prisoner of war. At this point, Iraq is refusing to release any information pertaining to him or his welfare, if he is indeed a captive. You can imagine what not knowing is doing to me.

Cole, is there any possibility that you can discover anything about his whereabouts and condition? I’ve faithfully followed your reports from Baghdad and am praying that you might know someone, someplace, who can give you information regarding my son.

I’ve thought of you often through the years and wondered how life is treating you. I’m well, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold on to my sanity if I can’t find out what’s happening to my son. I would be deeply grateful for anything you’re able to learn.

I ask your forgiveness in advance if I’m imposing on our friendship. I don’t know where else to turn or who else I might ask.

I can’t thank you enough.

Lesley Knowles

February 20, 1991

Dear God,

I’ve come to You before. When I didn’t get a letter from Nick, I prayed. When my husband was gravely ill, I pleaded for a miracle. The deepest prayers of my heart have gone unanswered. Now the oldest son of my dearest friend is missing, half a world away. I feel lost, helpless and empty. This is the same feeling I had all those years ago with Nick, and it’s tearing me apart.

I have been so angry with You. You’re supposed to be a God of love. Well, thanks very much, but I haven’t felt Your love in a very long time.

In the past, I’ve tried to bargain with You. If You do this for me, then I’ll do that. My “Let’s Make A Deal” attempts have failed, haven’t they? You don’t want or need anything I can give You. I realize that now. Lesley says that all You’ve ever wanted was for me to surrender myself to You. Well, I’m desperate enough to give it a try.

So here I am, God, willing to do as You ask, willing to place David’s fate in Your hands. It isn’t easy, but I’m ready to let go and to let You take over now.

Judge Jillian Gordon

March 1, 1991

Dear Lesley,

Thankfully, we were able to connect by phone, so most of what I found out you already know. I can appreciate your relief after learning that David is alive and reasonably well. Given the rate at which the ground war is proceeding, it shouldn’t be much longer before he’s released with the other captives.

As I explained earlier, I wasn’t able to speak with him directly, as David is being held in a restricted area. But through my contacts I did get a message to him and I got one in return.

It’s selfish of me to be grateful for this opportunity to speak to you again. Has it really been eleven years? It seems just a short time ago that you and I were corresponding, doesn’t it? You didn’t ask and I didn’t volunteer this, but I want you to know I’ve never been married. It appears you haven’t married again. For my part, I’ve been too involved in my career, traveling constantly, landing in one trouble spot after another. I assume you’ve remained single because of your children. You made it clear even back then that your family was your priority. I understood that because I felt the same way about my career.

As I said earlier, this war is just about over. It’ll be a pleasure to leave Baghdad and return to New York. I’ve got plenty of vacation time accrued and I’d like to see you, Lesley. You asked a favor of me and now I’m asking one of you. Have dinner with me? As soon as I hear from you, I’ll make my flight arrangements.

Until then,
Cole Greenberg

March 5, 1991

Dear David,

Your mother said she talked to you this morning after the Iraqis released you. It’s good to learn you got through all that and you’re okay.

I never had a chance to answer your letter, which found me in Lubbock, Texas. I’ve been living there for the last five years.

Like you wrote, our relationship hasn’t always been the best. I accept responsibility for that. I was the one who let you kids and your mother down. I’ve had a problem with the bottle that dates back to before you were born. You were kind enough not to list all my faults and I thank you for that. Everything you said was right on.

Your letter arrived when I was at a low point, crawling out of another financial mess I’d gotten myself into. But this time, at least, I was sober and could see my way clear of it.

Discovering what a fine upstanding soldier you are and hearing about your brothers and sister made me proud. It’s been years since I’ve had reason to feel like that about anything in my life. Your mother’s the one who deserves the credit for raising you right, but I was there in the beginning. I had a little to do with it, too. The television reporter talked about you and said you were a hero. The buttons nearly burst off my shirt when he said that.

What I’m getting around to saying is that your letter gave me hope that I could come back to you all. I know your mother isn’t going to welcome me into the family home with open arms, but Lindy said I could live with her for a while.

I’ve failed you in the past, David, but I intend to make it up to you now.

Your Father,
Buck Knowles

David James Knowles
P.O. Box 984
Lubbock, TX 79460

You are hereby notified that you are in violation of your parole as stated in your court decree...Unless you contact your parole officer within the next five (5) days a warrant will be issued for your arrest.

Parole Board
State of Texas

May 3, 1991

Dear Cole,

Our dinner was by far the most romantic of my life. You certainly know how to impress a girl! Champagne, candlelight and red roses. Thank you so much. I’m sorry you had to leave so soon, but I certainly understand.

In answer to your questions: Yes, I do want to see you again and yes, I think we just might have found something special.

Lesley

July 10, 1991

Lindy,

Sorry not to give you any notice, kid, but it became necessary for me to head out. I didn’t have a lot of choice about this so don’t be upset. The neighbor promised to feed your cat. I know you and your mother and your brothers will have a good time at David’s wedding. He understands why I can’t be there. Seeing that he chose not to mention my name on his wedding invitation, it seems he’s not very anxious for me to come, anyway.

I’ll be in touch.

Dad

August 8, 1991

This note should be waiting for you when you and your friend return from Mexico. I’ll be back in town September 7th. I hope you like Chinese food (and I’m not talking take-out chow mein, either).

Until the 7th...

Cole

October 1, 1991

Dearest Lesley,

I haven’t heard you sound this happy in years. I’m thrilled for you and Cole. You don’t know how badly I wanted to shake some sense into you eleven years ago when you abruptly ended your relationship. I understood, but I wasn’t sure I agreed.

Nothing you could tell me about Buck would surprise me. Why didn’t Lindy mention earlier that he’d borrowed money from her neighbor? The poor kid must be mortified. It’s bad enough that he left the way he did, but to place his own daughter in a financial bind is unforgivable. Lindy’s always had her eyes closed when it came to her father. I hope she sees now why you wouldn’t allow him to stay in your home. If you’d put out the welcome mat for Buck, I think I would’ve throttled you myself.

Thank goodness David and Doug weren’t put in a position of having to defend him. And as for Christopher, I’m impressed (and relieved) that he was savvy enough to figure Buck out early on.

One way and another, this whole year has been a bag of mixed blessings for you and your family.

I loved our time together in Mexico. Leni Jo informed me that she wants to go to camp every summer so I can travel anywhere I please and it won’t upset her. Is my daughter telling me that she’s a big girl and doesn’t need her mother anymore? I wonder if she realizes that I still need her to need me...

I’m having trouble slipping back into the routine of going to court every day. Dealing with everyone else’s problems is fast losing its appeal. Who knows, I just might find a reason to retire early.

Mom’s been feeling a little under the weather lately, but for 78 she’s in remarkably good shape.

I know Cole is in and out of the country a lot, but as your fortune cookie says, a good man is hard to find. Cole is a good man.

Give everyone a hug from me.

Love,
Jillian

November 1, 1991

Mom,

Remember all I want for my birthday are Rollerblades.

Love,
Leni Jo