Chapter 5

I looked at my belly in the mirror. I turned to the side and sighed and then turned back to the front. At three months along, I was barely showing, but my pants were uncomfortable around the waistband. I felt bloated all the time and had terrible heartburn. I ignored all that and made myself stop staring at my body in my bedroom mirror.

I was still at my parents’ house. I’d been hiding with my tail between my legs for much too long and today was the day. I’d changed my mind about contacting Griffin. I’d done some legwork and found the contact information of Richard, the guy who’d hired me. I planned to call him today and inquire about Griffin. I wasn’t sure if legally he would be able to connect me with him, but I didn’t think it would hurt to try.

I sat down on the edge of my bed, pushed the hair out of my face and made the call.

“Hello, Island Associates, this is Lorelei. How can I help you?”

“Hi, Lorelei. I’m actually trying to contact the guy who hired me. I was one of the entertainment specialists and just have a quick question for him.” That question being, can you tell me where my baby’s daddy is, I thought to myself.

“That would be Mr. Hayes,” she replied happily.

“Yes,” I said totally not knowing what I was talking about. I realized that up to that moment I hadn’t ever bothered to ask his full name. I guessed it was Richard Hayes.

“I can see if he’s in. Can I ask who’s calling?”

“Nina Charles.”

“Nina Charles. Let me see if he’s in.”

She put me on hold and for some reason, I was nervous. I didn’t even have time to analyze why when suddenly Lorelei was back.

“Give me one second and I’ll transfer you.”

“Oh! Thank you!”

A second later, Richard greeted me warmly. “Nina! How are you? I wanted to reach out to you after your abrupt departure from the island, but I didn’t think a call from me would be appreciated.” He sounded nervous and I was confused as to why and then it hit me.

“I’m not going to sue you or anything like that. Nothing happened out there that was lawsuit or criminal charges worthy, trust me.”

He sighed. “I know, but I still feel guilty. I mean, I don’t know what exactly happened between you and Mr. Wallace, but I did feel partially responsible for your abrupt departure.”

“You’re a nice guy, Mr. Hayes. I was actually calling to see if you could put me in touch with Mr. Wallace.”

He coughed, startled. “I’m afraid not. We’re not allowed to give out any information about our guests.”

“I figured as much.”

“Yes, I’m sorry about that. I can’t give out his phone number or any contact information at all. I can’t even tell you that you can find him at the corporate headquarters in the Westmore building most weekends.”

I smiled to myself and quickly reached for a pen.

“I can’t tell you that if you go this weekend, you won’t have to worry about five different security guards finding you. In fact, the only guard you’ll have to worry about is Cliff. Tell him that you’re there to see Griff and that Richard sent you.”

“How do you know all this?”

“Don’t worry about it. Go get him. Good luck, Nina.”

We said our goodbyes and hung up. I stared at the information in my hand and then decisively reached for my computer. Less than ten minutes later, I was scheduled for a flight back to L.A.

I stood up and planted my hands on my waist, feeling in control of my life for the first time since I found out I was pregnant. And then I promptly dropped my hands as a bout of nausea hit me that could only mean one thing: it was time to hug the toilet bowl again. So maybe I wasn’t in complete control of my life yet.

* * *

A few days later, I caught a ride straight from the airport to the Westmore Building. It was an impressive skyscraper that was ultra-modern and ultra-chic.

I nervously walked in and was surprised to see so many people working. I scanned the lobby for the security guard, Cliff, expecting a 60-year-old man with a potbelly and a sour demeanor.

I was so wrong.

Cliff was tall and willowy and looked to be maybe 20 at most. He saw me and gave me a wave.

“Are you Nina?”

“Mr. Hayes, err Richard, told you I was coming, I see.”

“Yep. Are you a gamer too?”

I hadn’t figured Richard for a gamer, but what did I know?

“Not quite. Cliff, I’m here to see Mr. Wallace.”

He nodded. “I’ll call his office now.”

A minute later I was heading up the elevator on my way to see Griffin. I was proud of myself for having gotten this far. This had been a piece of cake. But as the elevator reached its destination, my confidence dropped with every passing floor. I was nervous. Scared. What if he kicked me out? What if he didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby? What if he didn’t want the baby? I felt as if my heart was in my throat as I thought about all those scenarios.

The elevator reached my floor and I walked out feeling emotional, and ready to run away. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and walked straight into the office.

“I’m here to see, Griff—Mr. Wallace, please.”

The assistant, another young guy, reached for the phone and said, “There’s a young lady by the name of—” He paused, covered the phone and said, “What’s your name again”

“Nina.”

“There’s a Nina here wanting to speak with Mr. Wallace.”

“Ok...ok…” He frowned and listened some more. He looked up at me then with sad eyes. “I’ll tell her.”

“Mr. Griffin is currently taking a very important call.”

“Oh,” I said, no longer nervous, just disappointed and irritated. I didn’t come all this way for this. “But I was told to come up here by Cliff. He told me Mr. Wallace was available.”

“Yeah, that was me who Cliff spoke to. There was nothing on Mr. Wallace’s calendar, so I thought he would be able to see you.” He gave me an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry, miss. Maybe you can come back later?”

“Come back later? You think it’s that easy?” I found myself feeling so annoyed that I wanted to scream. “This… this… this is unacceptable!” I knew I sounded like an old, cranky school teacher, but I was mad. I was beyond mad, I was furious.

“What is unacceptable is you coming in here and making a scene. Now I suggest you leave, or I’ll have security escort you out.”

I turned around slowly, immediately recognizing that condescending tone, her grating voice. Her presence irritated me even more. It was the grouchy woman from my interview. What was she doing here?

“You!” we both said at the same time, clearly not happy to see each other. Apparently, she disliked me as much as I disliked her.

“What are you doing here? You’re that sequins bikini girl!” she scoffed.

“She’s here to see Griff—”

“That’s Mr. Wallace to you,” she growled at the receptionist who looked ready to hide under his desk.

“I need to talk to Griffin. It’s a personal matter,” I said shortly. I felt intimidated by her but I was determined not to show it. Too much was at stake and she fancied herself some sort of gate keeper to Griffin.

“Whatever you need to speak to Griffin about, you can tell me.”

Before pregnancy, I would have just walked away like a coward, but not today. I had too much to lose. I shook my head. “I would prefer to speak to Griffin only, please.”

She stared at me and looked me over with disapproval and hostility practically radiating from her pores. I felt that my very presence offended her deeply. She clearly hated me, but she had no reason to. She didn’t even know me. I don’t know why, but I felt like crying. She was looking at me as if I were some sort of stray dog dragged in from the outside. I felt my resolve disappearing and I struggled to keep my emotions from spiraling out of control.

With a shaky voice, I said again, “I would like to speak to Griffin, please.”

“Again, young lady, I told you that won’t be possible. Griffin’s away on business.”

“The receptionist just told me that he’s taking a call,” I said, trying but failing to stop my voice from betraying my topsy-turvy emotions. I was feeling angry and upset, and barely able to speak.

“The receptionist lied,” she stated flatly.

The receptionist opened his mouth to protest and she shot him a steely look that made him openly flinch. It was clear to me the receptionist wasn’t the one who was lying.

I decided then to take a stand.

I looked around and sat on the couch nearest. It was one of those stupid, uncomfortable modern couches that were more pieces of abstract art than furniture. I was probably sitting on a sculpture that wasn’t furniture, but I wasn’t going to move now. It was too late. I was taking a stand, albeit by sitting down. I folded my arms across my chest and stared at the odd piece of art in front of me. Oh jeez, I thought to myself, maybe that was actually the sofa.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m going to sit here until one of you gets Griffin,” I said, trying to sound like I actually meant it. “And I’m not leaving until I see him.”

“Very well,” the woman said. And without missing a beat, she followed with, “Zach, call security.”

“Mrs. Wallace…” Zach said giving me a mournful look. “She’s harmless. I mean just look at her. She’s sitting on the sculpture for God’s sake. Maybe she just needs help.” The way he said the word “help” made me realize that he thought I had some sort of mental illness. Great. Just great. But whatever. If that worked in my favor, Zach the receptionist could believe anything he wanted.

“Useless,” she growled at him. She shoved him away from the desk and proceeded to call security.

Sweat began to pool down my back and my underarms. My heart was racing. What the hell do I do now? I can’t get arrested, I thought in panic. I’m pregnant!

Desperate, I tried one more time to talk reason to her. I tried to keep my voice calm even though I felt like crying and shouting in anger at the same time. “Listen, I just need to talk to Griffin. Just five minutes, please. Like Zach said, I’m harmless.”

“Security is on its way,” she said dismissively.

And she was right. Seconds later two guards showed up at the door.

“Miss, come with us.”

I stood up slowly and extended my wrists. I closed my eyes, waiting for them to put the cuffs on me. When nothing happened, I slowly opened my eyes and saw that the security guards were looking at me with a bemused expression.

One shook his head in confusion, hit my hand out the way, and grabbed my arm. “Let’s go…”

“Am I being arrested?” I asked, frightened as they escorted me out of the office. I glanced back at Zach and the old woman right as the door closed. The old woman had a small smile on her face and Zach looked like he was ready to cry.

Oh, God. I hope I didn’t get him fired, I thought mournfully.

The security guards didn’t say a word to me during the elevator ride down. I stood between them awkwardly wondering if a patrol car would be waiting for me downstairs. If I went to jail, I hoped they would allow me to have frequent bathroom breaks because I could barely hold it nowadays.

I started crying at the thought of being pregnant and alone and in jail. Pretty soon, I was sobbing in the elevator and the security guards avoided making eye contact with me.

“Come on,” the other one said as they pulled me out of the elevator. My legs were wobbly and I felt like I was going to faint. “No one’s going to arrest you. Just calm down.”

“Are you—are—are you sure?” I managed to squeak out between deep breaths and sobs.

“Jesus, lady. Get it together,” said the other guard. “You can’t stalk people without consequences, you know.”

“I’m not a stalker!” I said more loudly than I intended.

And then I felt a hand at my elbow. I looked behind me and it was Cliff.

“I’ll take it from here, fellas.”

One of the security guards patted me awkwardly on the shoulder as if to reassure me. “Listen, you seem like a nice girl. Find a nice boyfriend or girlfriend and get some help.”

He walked away with the other security guard and I watched them in silence as they disappeared.

“That was a disaster,” I said, tearing up again as Cliff guided me by my elbow out of the building.

“Listen, I’m sorry for what happened back there. I didn’t know the old witch was upstairs. She must have used the private executive entrance and didn’t notify anyone,” Cliff said.

“Who is she?” I asked, still shaken up.

“Mr. Wallace’s mother.”

“Ohhh…”

“Look, if you give me your phone number and contact information, I’ll get it to Mr. Wallace.”

I hugged him abruptly, driven to uncustomary displays of affection because I was so grateful for his help. I began to cry again as I hugged him. “Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. You’re a really great person.”

He pried himself out of my arms and said with a soft chuckle. “Hey, not a problem. So, stop all the crying, ok?”

I nodded and wiped at my tears. He pulled a couple of questionable looking napkins out of his pocket. “Here, wipe your face. You have some…” He gestured to my nose.

He didn’t have to finish his sentence as I wiped at my nose and thanked him again. I realized that I probably looked a mess. No wonder the security guards thought I was a crazed stalker.

“Anyway, I need to get back in before the old witch notices I’m gone.”

He programmed my number into his phone and wished me good luck.

As I sat on the corner, waiting for a bus to take me to my cousin’s home, I didn’t feel lucky at all.

* * *

I looked around the small ice cream shop that sat across from the beach. There were several families milling around and little kids darted in and out. Some collided with each other and moms spent most of their time apologizing to other moms for the actions of their rambunctious children. I hoped that I didn’t look like a weirdo staring at them, but they all seemed so happy whilst I was sitting there miserable.

I nervously tapped my finger against the table and with my other hand I played with the straw in my milkshake. I guess my fidgeting bothered the guy across from me as he looked up from the book he was reading, looked at my finger pointedly and then glared at me before burying his nose back into his book.

I gave him an apologetic smile and placed my hands in my lap. I leaned forward and took a big sip of my milkshake, and tried to focus on anything but how nervous I felt.

The day after being escorted from the office, I’d received a phone call from Zach telling me that Mr. Wallace would meet me at 1:00 pm at this location. I’d been so torn. Part of me had been ecstatic that Cliff had come through for me, but the other part of me was terrified about seeing Griffin alone again.

I watched the door as I sat drinking my milkshake. I’d arrived half an hour before the agreed time and had seen a lot of customers come and go.

I watched as a family came in with a little girl, around three years old. She was adorable. She wore a summer hat and a cute sundress. She waved to me as she walked by and I waved back wondering what it would be like to have a little girl of my own. I’d find out soon enough, I thought, feeling a little overwhelmed. The idea of being a mom filled me with panic, but also joy. I looked down at my stomach, which barely showed even a slight bump, and rubbed it without thinking.

It was then that I heard someone in front of me clear their throat. I snatched my hand away from my stomach and looked up. And then I promptly began to choke on the remaining milkshake in my mouth as I saw who had joined me. Mrs. Wallace, my unexpected guest, responded by thumping me hard on the back. I wasn’t sure if she had been trying to help me or kill me.

I tried to stop coughing and reached blindly for a glass of water while Mrs. Wallace seated herself across from me. She stared at me as I tried to control my coughing, but offered no further assistance. In fact, she looked bored. She wore a pants suit that looked like it cost several thousand dollars. Her makeup was perfect, and her hair was down for the first time since I’d met her. It was long and a deep chestnut brown without a hint of gray. Either she had no worries or an excellent stylist. I figured it was the latter.

Even after I stopped coughing, I didn’t say anything. I was in shock. What was she of all people doing here? Obviously, she’d found out about my conversation with Cliff or maybe my conversation with Zach? Or had she been responsible for the phone call I received from Zach? And then something dreadful occurred to me. What if Griffin had sent her? No… I didn’t think that was what happened. Granted, I didn’t really know him all that well, but he didn’t come across as the type of guy who would do that. It was too cowardly. No, if Griffin wanted to blow me off, he would have done it himself.

“What are you doing here?” I managed to squeak out finally.

She reached into her purse, pulled out a piece of paper and slid it across the table towards me.

I barely glanced at the paper. “I’m not sure who you think you are, but you have no right to interfere.”

“I have every right to protect myself and my family from predators like you.”

“Predator?” I said in disbelief. It hurt that she thought so poorly of me. “I’m not a predator. Everything that happened between me and Griffin was—”

She held up a hand. “Please spare me your sordid lies.”

“Sordid! Listen, I’ve had enough of you. I’m not sitting around listening to this.”

I stood up and she did too, grabbing the piece of paper on the table and thrusting it into my hand.

“That’s 250,000 dollars. I don’t care what you do with it, just stay away from my son.”

I looked down at the check in my hand and couldn’t believe all the zeros. My heart skipped a beat as I thought of a million and one ways I could use the money. Apparently, I had stared a bit too long because Mrs. Wallace had a small smile on her face once I finally looked up. Actually, it was more of a smirk. As if she knew all along that she could easily buy me. I tried to give it back to her but she stepped away from me.

“Take your money. I don’t want it.”

“Of course you do. You’re an out of work actress. You’re unemployed and living with your parents and sometimes your cousin.”

She’d had me investigated. I felt anger towards her for violating my privacy. No one had a right to do that. She’d gone too far.

“I don’t want or need your money,” I said coldly, my voice shaking. I felt nauseous, but I wasn’t going to show weakness around this woman. I said with conviction that I didn’t actually feel, “I’m going to reach Griffin. And you can’t stop me. It’s not illegal to speak with him.”

I could feel the tension between us as she carefully considered her next words. Her eyes flashed with anger, but she managed to control herself. She took a deep breath and gave me a tight smile. “Then go speak to him. He’s right across the street.”

I stared at her, not believing that she was telling the truth, and she smiled tightly again. “Trust me. He’s right outside. If you want to go talk to him… go do it.”

“I will,” I said decisively.

I turned away and marched out the door. I heard her coming behind me and I ignored her as I scanned the beach in front of me.

I saw him then. He had his hands on his hips, wearing swim trunks and a plain white t-shirt. I couldn’t help myself, I smiled upon seeing him again… completely forgetting my reason for needing to speak with him. He looked so attractive and happy.

I moved toward him and noticed that something to his left had caught his attention. And then I saw them. A tall, attractive, young lady and a little girl. They were waving to him and he smiled and moved in their direction. He picked up the little girl and spun her around. She seemed to be about four. He placed her down and bent to tickle her while smiling up at the woman who beamed down at him. They walked away together, Griffin holding one of the little girl’s hands and the woman holding the other. They continued to walk down the beach, the little girl happily skipping along between them.

“Is that his family?” I asked softly, ignoring the pain in my gut that made me feel as if I had just been kicked in the stomach.

She nodded and said, “That’s my granddaughter, clearly.”

“So, he’s married, with a family?” I forced myself to ask.

“I’m sorry,” she said in response, but she didn’t sound sorry. She sounded satisfied. And why shouldn’t she be? She’d gotten exactly what she wanted.

I didn’t want to believe what I was seeing. And I forced myself to think of any explanation. Something else, anything else. But I watched him playfully toss the kid onto his shoulders and then toss an arm around the shoulders of the woman. They were clearly a family and I felt like a voyeur, an intruder.

I turned away, not saying another word to Mrs. Wallace. I hurt so much, I could barely breathe and I didn’t want her to see me like that. I didn’t realize until I almost ran into someone that I was crying. I made it about a block before I couldn’t see any longer because that’s how fast my tears were flowing. I found a bus stop and sat there and sobbed. I must have been loud as even the nearby homeless people moved away from me.

I didn’t care that I was making a scene as I buried my hands in my face and let it all out. I was disappointed in myself. I felt dirty. I was an adulterer. I was a terrible person. And now I was pregnant by a man who already had a family. I’d just been his entertainment. I laughed bitterly to myself. After all, wasn’t I supposed to be an entertainment specialist?

I felt someone tug at my sleeve and it was the little girl I’d seen previously at the ice cream shop.

“Here,” she said handing me a tissue. “My momma said you could probably use this right now.”

I realized her mom was standing next to me. “Whatever it is, it’ll get better,” she said simply before giving me a kind smile and taking her daughter by the hand and walking away.

Her daughter looked back and gave me a small wave, I waved back to her. She turned away and her mom smiled down at her. I stared at them until they were out of my view and suddenly I didn’t feel as scared anymore. I had to move on from the pain and move forward. Life was moving forward and, whether I liked it or not, I had to make a choice. I could wallow in self-pity and uncertainty, or I could grow up and be the person I needed to be for my daughter. The type of person who didn’t sit crying at a bus stop.

I wiped my nose and buried the pain, at least for now. It was time to stop with the self-pity. Hadn’t it been Griffin himself who’d told me to be more confident? And if I didn’t feel confidence, that I should fake it? That’s what I decided to do. I ignored the self-pity that clawed at me like a bad stomach bug and made a promise to myself that I would do what I needed to do to provide for myself and my daughter. I was like a single tree being blown around by a tornado, but I had to stand strong for my daughter. I was done taking a beating. I had a little one who was counting on me to be strong. I’d forget about Griffin for the moment and focus on her.

I pulled out my cellphone, dialed my mother’s number.

“It didn’t work out, but I’m coming home. We’ll be ok, Mom.” I truly felt that I’d be fine with the baby. And with confidence that I didn’t need to fake, I said, “I’m scared, but I know I can do this on my own.”