Chapter Thirteen
“What do you think will happen?” she asked after a long time.
He caressed her hair and inhaled deeply. Their limbs entangled in such way he wasn’t sure where he began and she finished. Never—not even with his wife—had he experienced such intimate sex. His veins still throbbed from the aftermath, his body reeling from the powerful passion they shared.
He pondered her question. Did she ask in relation to them, to her stalker, or to sex? He could tell her that from then on he wouldn’t tie her up unless she asked him. He’d be okay screwing her without restraints because the recent experience brought so much and didn’t overwhelm him. It’d only made his want for her clearer.
If she wanted to know about them, he couldn’t yet answer. He’d tried to keep from thinking about it as much as he could, and so far that strategy worked. Despite the big catharsis of not needing to tie her up anymore, what else could he offer her? Did she even want him that way? Just because she seemed like the type who wanted a happy ending didn’t mean she believed he’d be the one to give it to her. And bringing such conversation into their relationship currently would only cause stress. They needed to work together to figure out who wanted to hurt her. Jaeger would be happy to punch the bastard.
“I’m working with the detective on Lee’s case. I can tell we’re close. I’m sorry I don’t have something more concrete right now, but when we least expect it’ll fall into place.”
“I hope so.” She sighed into the curve of his neck.
“We’re on the lookout for the guy who broke into my place. The one we identified. The police have been informed.”
“I can’t imagine how hard it must be to Mark. I called him and he’s devastated. Doesn’t want to see anyone. Must be tough, having to answer questions and think clearly after losing a the one you love,” she said, then perhaps realizing what she said, she cursed low in Portuguese and shifted in his embrace. “I’m sorry. I should have—”
He caressed her hair. God, he could do that for hours. “It’s okay. You’re right, there isn’t a perfect time to investigate. Some people take a long time to get over losing someone, and waiting is a luxury police and detectives can’t afford.”
She lifted her head and stared at him. “Are you over your wife? You can be honest.”
He nodded. “I won’t ever be over losing my son.”
“I completely understand. Do you have any faith? Do you believe in something?”
“I can’t believe in anything that would justify my son being taken from me. I got mad at God, and I don’t know if we’ve made up.” Didn’t know if they ever would.
“You can choose to be mad at whoever you want; it’s within your right.”
“Really? You think that?”
“One day you’ll be tired of being mad. And things will make sense.”
“What will make sense?”
She kissed his shoulder. “Acceptance.”
He winked at her. “Is this a consult?”
“No, but you should take advantage while my prices are low. When I’m done with my internship it’ll all be different,” she said, nudging his elbow.
Since she mentioned prices, he remembered the hefty check she’d handed his secretary after he accepted her as a client. He’d never cashed it, then ended up ripping it apart. He would never accept a cent from her, but he was afraid if he mentioned it to her it’d sound pretentious. So he’d instructed Therese to just say she had no more due if she ever asked or at the end of his assignment. In such a little time she’d shown him so much; protecting her was the least he could do. “Are you returning to Brazil?” he asked casually, wishing his heart didn’t skip a beat as he waited for her answer.
She tossed her hair to the side. “I’m not sure. I didn’t come with the idea to stay forever, but forever is such a long time. Then I have to say I really got used to the lifestyle. Everything is easy and it’s nice, people not knowing me. I’m not a celebrity in Brazil, but my brothers are well known, so I always felt people knew me before they really knew me, you understand?” She flashed him a shy smile. “It’s nice to live somewhere I’m not in their shadow and I’m my own person, especially given my occupation.”
What a woman. She had anything she wanted at her fingertips in her homeland, and yet she chose a do-over far away to be her own person. “I understand you.”
“I know you do.” She propped herself on her elbows and traced his lips with her index finger. A low rumble awakened his body, heat moving through him, desire stirring low in his groins.
He nipped her finger. “Are you going to abuse your new privilege of touching me?”
She angled closer, cupping his face, and peered at him in a way that quaked his insides. Her eyes grew bigger, glossier. “Count on it,” she said before she kissed him. The scary part wasn’t getting used to her touch, but craving it.
…
“I’m glad you joined us for lunch,” Leonardo said, cutting his steak. “We would have done more, but you seemed so busy.”
Camila glanced at her beautiful niece, Lyanna, sitting at a high chair and coloring. Well, she held the crayon and scribbled on the paper, so that was good enough.
“She has a boyfriend now, honey,” Satyanna said, winking at him.
Camila held her fork even if she wasn’t going to lift food to her mouth yet. The food tasted delicious, her steak tender and veggies crisp. But she’d been nervous to meet her brother and his family for lunch. She’d been able to dodge his invitation a couple of times, but since they were about to leave for Rio later that day, she had to meet him for lunch. Thankfully, Bruno and Addie had returned to Brazil already, and the newlyweds had flown to an idyllic honeymoon in Polynesia.
“I know, but she’s my little sister. I want to see her whenever we can,” he said, and shot her an affectionate look.
Camila’s heart filled with guilt. She and Leonardo had been through a lot together, from when they shared a small house in Northeast Brazil to the experience of taking care of their ill father before he died. Together. And now she had to look at his face and lie through her teeth about the real reason she’d avoided meeting him for lunch earlier. “Well, you’re seeing me now.”
Satyanna took a sip of white wine. “How are you doing? I know you were close to your friend.”
“Yes.”
“And the police are still after the murderer?” Satyanna frowned.
Crap. She could tell by the way her sister-in-law studied her reaction she knew something didn’t sound right. Damn intuitive woman. “Yeah. We don’t know who did it yet. I mean, not we, nobody does,” Camila wished the last sentence didn’t sound so nervous.
Leonardo broke a piece of bread and gave it to his daughter. Thankfully, he didn’t pick up on her energy; otherwise, she’d be toast. She couldn’t compete with his lawyer arguing techniques. “Losing a close friend is terrible. He was so young. Did he have any enemies?”
“None we know of.” Sadness pinched her whenever she thought about Lee’s easy smile.
“Are you okay?” Satyanna asked.
“Yes. I’m good.” She looked away and cut her steak, bringing the heavenly meat to her mouth.
“I poo poo,” Lyanna said in her cute kid voice, and when they looked at her she hid her face in between her hands, embarrassed.
Satyanna leaned back in her seat. “Honey, it’s your turn.”
Leonardo rolled his eyes. “Really?”
Satyanna tossed her gorgeous red hair to the side. “I’ve done it three times in a row. I’m finally eating. Go for it,” she said, pointing at the restroom.
“Come to Daddy,” Leonardo said, pulling his daughter from the high chair and grabbing the diaper bag from the extra chair.
When he was far away, Satyanna leaned closer and said, “Are you in trouble?”
Camila squared her shoulders. “What?”
Satyanna glanced around them, then said in a low steady voice, “You brought that hunk to the wedding, whom we’d never heard about before. Then you left early, and not soon after we find out your best friend was killed. I noticed there is a guy with brown hair and tennis shoes a couple of tables over that keeps looking at you. Are you being followed?”
Omar. God bless Omar for keeping an eye on her at most hours. Jaeger hadn’t been able to join them because he’d gone to meet with Frank Burlo and do a couple of other things related to the case.
“No, he’s watching over me.”
Satyanna gazed at her and it was almost impossible to lie to those enormous green eyes. “I’m asking again: are you in trouble?”
From what Camila knew about her, Satyanna had had a rough childhood and teen years, so no wonder she could pick up on different behaviors.
“I’ve been getting some weird letters from a stalker, that’s how Jaeger and I met. I hired him to protect me and find the guilty party. The guy there,” she said, waving at Omar, “is a disguised bodyguard who babysits me while Jaeger is working on finding that person,” she said, unsure if they should mention a link to Lee’s death when it was only a possibility for the time being.
Satyanna rocked back on her chair. “Whoa. That’s some heavy stuff.”
She didn’t know the half of it. Camila took a deep breath and reached across the table and held her hand. “Listen, I didn’t want to tell the others because I would have hated to make it about me when Emanuel and Erika were so happy.”
Satyanna tilted her head to the side as if trying to figure things out. “Why didn’t you tell Leonardo just now?”
Camila let go of her hand and inhaled. Whatever you say, be diplomatic. She’s his wife and probably doesn’t care if he butts in her life. Vulnerability hit her at the core. What if Satyanna blurted it out to Leonardo anyway? “Because we’re taking care of the problem.”
Satyanna gave her a knowing smile. “And if you tell any of them, it won’t be your problem anymore,” she said in a soft, understanding voice.
“Exactly,” Camila said, wanting to give her a hug. For the first time, she shared her situation with someone from her family and could feel the tension in her shoulders ease up a bit. Satyanna understood her, and Camila trusted her to keep silent.
“I understand. You know the irony? Because I had it bad growing up, I’ve always wanted someone to share problems with. And because you had such an involved close-knit family, you need some solo time to figure things out.”
“Yes. Well, I share things with Jaeger, too,” she said, playing with her fork. Because of their time together she had told him a lot of personal stuff, and also listened to him. She liked to believe he told her things he usually didn’t tell the women he slept with, but what did that mean? They always seemed to skirt around the subject of a possible future together.
Satyanna squealed, uncharacteristically excited. “So it is a thing with him and not just pretending.”
That’s probably the best word to use it now. “He’s a good guy. I…like spending time with him.”
A waiter came and poured more water into their glasses as Satyanna continued. “I’m happy for you. And before you ask me, I won’t tell Leonardo about your conundrum, with one condition: keep me updated. Let me know how it’s going and what you’re doing and when you find the bastard so I’ll know you’re okay.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
Satyanna gestured her head discreetly in the direction of Leonardo who walked their way carrying their daughter. “I’m proud of you, Camila. You’re taking good care of yourself.”
Camila only hoped that was true.
…
“Jaeger here. Any news?” He picked up the phone as he exited the elevator and walked into the hallway.
“We found a match for the second intruder in your place,” Frank Burlo said at the other end of the line. “Matthew O’Malley.”
“Good. I’m going—
“He’s dead. Died last night from a gang-related incident in Brownsville.”
“Send me his info. I’ll talk to his family. There has to be—”
Frank snorted. “Jaeger, thanks for sharing what you have on Camila Duarte’s case that could possibly be a link to Lee’s death. But you aren’t wearing the uniform anymore. You can’t go out questioning victim’s family when the police haven’t.”
“You’re right. Will you share with me whatever you find out?” he asked for the sake of asking. He’d text Tony and ask him to get the location of Matthew O’Malley’s last address. With such a common name, it’d take him long enough.
“Why don’t you consider returning to your old job? We’d love to have you.”
Jaeger cleaned his throat. “Thanks, but—”
“Don’t answer yet. Sleep on it. We’ll talk more later,” Frank said, before hanging up.
Jaeger curled his fingers into a fist and slammed it against the wall. Shit. This was Frank’s way of giving him a not-so-subtle message. If he wanted more about the case, he had to officially work it. Frank’s ass could be fired if NYPD found out he’d been sharing confidential information with a private detective—one who had left the force, nonetheless.
He greeted Omar as he approached his apartment, then reached for the key.
Once inside, he found Pork Chop cozied in Camila’s lap as she sat on the sofa, typing away on her laptop. The little firecracker merely lifted his head from the warmth of her legs, offering Jaeger nothing more than a silent greeting. He seemed happier to hang out with her than seeing Jaeger. I don’t blame you, buddy.
“Hi,” she said, probably sensing his presence.
“Hey,” he said softly, and took a good, self-indulgent look at her. His pulse raced, and a dangerous sensation of being alive expanded in his veins. As if that moment had such power. Jaeger cleared his throat.
Gently, she took Pork Chop off of her, and the sneaky dog whimpered like he hadn’t been touched in a month. She petted his head but didn’t give in to his skilled manipulation. She rose to her feet and walked in Jaeger’s direction. “I can cook for us tonight,” she said, and, before he replied, grabbed an apron and tied it around her waist. Until now, he hadn’t thought much about what it represented. It was a practical item to keep from getting juices and dressing on her new clothes. She’d brought it with her belongings from her apartment.
Jaeger popped his knuckles. How would his place look when she left? She’d brought so much life and things he hadn’t craved in a long time. Even during his marriage, he didn’t share this easiness with Ellen. He always thought he had to try harder, because Ellen liked things a certain way. Somehow, he’d become an outsider in his own marriage—maybe that’s why he ended up working so many hours.
Camila grabbed a couple of green peppers and chopped them on the board. “I’ve been thinking about inviting Mark over for dinner. He’s been so lonely; it can’t be easy.”
“That’s sweet of you, but not a good idea.” He’d already questioned Mark. If he visited them it would be on a friend level, and Jaeger couldn’t fraternize with Mark when he investigated the death of his boyfriend.
“He just lost the love of his life. I’d be devastated.”
Devastated. The word echoed in his ear. Camila had lost her parents, her dog. Was it fair to keep playing with her heart? If he continued, it’d only make things harder for her. Besides…he slammed his hands down on the countertop. Maybe deep down he didn’t want to find the criminal, because if he did, she’d be either out of his life for good or he’d have to face his own hypocrisy. He wasn’t ready for either, but he had to make a choice.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, eyes widening at his hands.
He shook his hand, the pain tingling his knuckles. Ultimately, he hadn’t been able to protect his wife and son. Was it fair to keep Camila without finding the culprit, and to keep from protecting her the way he should? Damn it. This misleading domestic bliss had to come to an end. “Camila, we need to talk.”
She put the knife to the side and dried her hands on the apron. “What is it?” she asked, her face sobered as if she could pick up on his energy. Shit. This wasn’t going to be an easy chat.
He cleared his throat and looked her in the eyes. She deserved his complete honesty. “I was chatting with Burlo about something important.”
“What is it?”
“He’s a good friend and did a lot for me when I worked with him. But he can’t keep on working alongside me because I’m not on the force anymore.”
She backed until she leaned against the counter, and folded her arms. “We didn’t have him before, right? We’ll be okay.”
I want you to be okay. “The option would be to give him my case…he can take it from here and find the link. I can still provide Omar to protect you, free of charge of course. But I haven’t gotten far for the first time in my career, and it may be because I keep getting distracted.”
“Because of me?” she asked. She didn’t cry yet, but her lips trembled a little and her face reddened in warning.
“No.” He massaged his throbbing temples. “Because of me.”
“So, this is a clean break?” she asked, and a tear finally made its way down her cheek. His stomach curled like someone punched him. “I’m someone else’s problem, and we say good-bye.”
During his lifetime, he’d had to give people bad news. He was used to tears, frozen stances, and the occasional desperate shout. But the way she glared at him, without any filter, tears streaming down her face, yet the expression was much more of challenge than pure sadness.
“I’m not letting you off the hook so easily. I’ll go, but I need you to know I’ve fallen for you.” She uncrossed her arms and took a deep breath, her chest rising.
He shook his head. Fuck. His heart came to an abrupt halt, then resumed beating at a much faster pace. “How do you know?”
“Because I’m an intuitive being with emotions.”
He glanced at the floor, unable to keep looking at her. “Exactly. You’ve been through the wringer the past few weeks. You’re vulnerable,” he said, unsure if the last sentence was about her or himself. No wonder he hadn’t found the connection between her stalker and Lee’s murderer. He wasn’t at the top of his game—and subconsciously prioritized the magnitude of his developing feelings for her.
She let out a sarcastic laugh, one he had never heard from her before. “Are you acting condescending because you think my feelings are a big inconvenience to you?”
“More like a liability. I never take long to crack a case, and my performance has been below average this time because I got involved with you,” he said, hoping it sounded convincing.
“Don’t be ridiculous. It could have taken anyone else as long.”
“A part of me didn’t want it to end because I had the perfect excuse in sleeping with you and keeping you as a client.”
She angled closer, hands perched at her waist. “So? The client part will be over, but that doesn’t mean we have to be over.”
After all, what were the chances of having her as a client again? Null. He rubbed the back of his neck trying to alleviate a stubborn ache. He hadn’t been able to protect her…not completely. He hadn’t discovered who the bad guy was, even though he should have been good at this.
If something had happened to her…his chest tightened. It would have been his fault. He had to stop this nonsense. It was one thing to sleep with her; it was another to build a life with her. He may not be a cop anymore, but he still dealt with dangerous people, street thugs, and fearless types who had nothing to lose. Bringing a sweet soul like Camila into his world wouldn’t just be wrong—it would make him question his decisions every day. Worrying about it would make him unfocused on his tasks—and maybe at the cost of someone’s security or life.
He glanced at the floor. “I’m sorry, Camila.”
“For being a coward?”
His throat burnt with regret of what he was about to say. But if he wanted to truly protect her, he had to let her go. He’d failed her, and she’d come out unscathed. What if she hadn’t? Would he survive losing her like he’d lost Ellen? “Yes.”
She stepped forward, and a single tear rushed from her eye, sliding down her cheek. She looked him in the eye and lifted her chin. He couldn’t tell if she dared him to tell the truth, or dared herself to believe what she’d just heard. He stretched to his full height, squared his shoulders, and managed to pull off a serious stance. If she suspected his real feelings, he’d be lost.
He curled and uncurled his fists and wished he could beat the hell out of a punching bag. Not having emotions had been easier than pretending not to have them—and damn her to hell, she’d been the one to teach him the difference.
She stormed out of the kitchen, and he heard the sharp sound of a zipper. By the time he made it to his bedroom, she had shoved several pieces of clothes inside her bag. “I’m leaving now.”
“Let me call Omar first. I’m not letting you out there by yourself.”
She sat on the edge of the bed and put on her shoes. “Screw you. I can’t stand to stay here for another minute with you.”
“I never lied to you.” Just now. “I never told you I wanted a long-haul relationship, Camila.”
She surged to her feet, holding her bag. “Yes, you’re right. Your honesty can be a turnoff sometimes. I wanted you to show me things. To get to know you. Maybe after all this, all we’ve been through, I’m an idiot for thinking you could do the same for me.”
His gut clenched, and when she moved past him, he jerked away. His stomach contracted like he had just lifted a three-hundred-pound bench press. He opened his mouth to speak, but common sense caught up to him and he simply clamped his lips. A slow heart rate reminded him he still breathed.
Losing her was, in some ways, worse than death.