Penny walked up the front steps to her parents’ house Sunday afternoon. Tasteful lights decorated the shrubs and front porch. Old-fashioned warm white lights, not those new ones that ended up looking blue. But no reindeer graced the yard, and no penguins marched up the front steps. Everything was subdued. One day she was going to have a house she could load up with lights. Her homeowner’s association was very particular on what was allowed to be displayed, and large, light-up penguins weren’t on the list. She appreciated how detailed their rules were and followed them to the letter, but one day a sleigh would sit in her front yard, maybe a reindeer or two beside it.

Yes, it was Christmas, and she should feel festive, but everything was still strained with her family, and she hated it. At least her mother was keeping it small this year, so it would only be the five of them. She straightened her Santa hat headband, and tightened her hold on the container of perfectly decorated cookies under her arm. She might not totally embrace the spirit this year, but her need to dress appropriately hadn’t vanished. People called them ugly Christmas sweaters. She just called them sweaters. At least this one didn’t light up. She bit back her smile and knocked on the door.

Her father opened the door and ushered her inside. He gave her a stiff hug, which she briefly returned. “Hi, Penny. I’m glad you could come.” It was as close as her father would get to saying he’d missed her. Thanksgiving had been tense, and she’d managed to bail on the three dinners prior to that.

She wanted to say, Of course I’m here, it’s freaking Christmas. But she resisted.

“Hi. Am I the first one here?” she asked.

“Yes. Jill called to say they would be a few minutes late.”

Of course. Her sister never managed to be on time for anything. Punctuality was important. It was polite. Over the years, she’d resisted the urge to tell her sister they needed to be somewhere at least thirty minutes before the actual time.

Jill had called her last night to tell her that she better be at Christmas dinner because she had an announcement. Penny had an idea about what her sister was going to tell them. If Jill was pregnant, her parents would ooh and ahh about how excited they were that Jill was pregnant. And then they would look at her.

That sad look.

She’d seen that look before—when she’d called off her wedding.

That look sucked. It made her feel like she should be walking around with a baby bouncing on her hip, in her four-bedroom home, with a promotion. Oh, and the perfect husband who never would dream of cheating. Or at least have the illusion of a husband that never cheated. She’d started questioning her parents’ perfect marriage after their blasé reaction to Michael’s betrayal.

Penny bit back her laugh when she entered the kitchen. Her mother, wearing her now signature frilly apron, pulled a perfect turkey from the oven. How times had changed. After over thirty years in the financial field, her mother was now retired. No longer were meals made in a rush, which included defrosting chicken in the microwave.

She shuddered, remembering the rubber chicken of her youth.

Now her mom made meals from scratch. When she had time between her golf league and book club. It was like entering a parallel dimension when she came to visit. She’d seen The Stepford Wives, and it had freaked her out.

Her parents had met in college, completed their bachelor’s degrees, were married, and then supported each other as they went for their master’s degrees. Once college was completed, they bought a house, got a cat, and had two children. They’d been so career driven that sometimes she and Jill had wondered if their parents just had kids because it was next on the list.

List making must be genetic.

Her mother placed the turkey on the counter and turned. “Hello, Penny. We’re so happy you could make it.” Had her parents rehearsed that line?

“Hi, Mom.” She moved to give her mother a hug, but stopped as her mother waved a hand around the curls on top of Penny’s head.

“What’s happening here?”

And here it comes.

Wait, how long had she been in the house? Three minutes…tops.

She wished that was a record, but sadly, the record of ninety seconds, when she’d come home from college with her nose pierced, still held up.

Granted, she had done it for shock value, so she couldn’t really fault her father’s outrage.

It’d hurt like a bitch—thank you low tolerance for pain.

“What’s wrong with what?” Penny shot back.

“Your hair. It seems to be much curlier on the top and straighter on the bottom. It looks a little odd.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Penny replied as she tried to pull away from her mother, who had decided to grab her curls. “You really know how to make a girl feel good.”

“Did you wash it today? Maybe you should go see my hairdresser.”

“Yes, I showered, and no, I don’t want to see your hairdresser,” Penny grumbled. Self-esteem from sixty to zero in one point five seconds. Didn’t know it could go in reverse.

“Don’t be so grouchy, Penny. Frown lines will only get worse as you get older. Speaking of that, have you been using the moisturizer I gave you?”

“Yes, Mom.” The anti-aging one. She was only twenty-eight. When had she gotten old enough to use that? By the time this conversation was over, she was going to need to start taking Prozac.

“Oh good, honey. I think you should get an eye cream, too. Might help with those dark circles.” Her mother smiled at her.

Prozac and vodka. Were those on tonight’s menu?

“We’re here,” Jill yelled from the living room.

“Oh, they’re here,” Penny’s mom said, clapping her hands together in excitement. At least her mom’s eyes lit up for one of her daughters. The perfect one, of course. Jill had started dating Brian three years ago. She’d then completed her master’s degree at twenty-four. A year later she was married, and most likely she was here to tell everyone she was pregnant.

Right. On. Time.

God, she hated how bitter that sounded.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” her mother called out as Jill and Brian entered the kitchen.

“Mom, it smells great,” Jill said as she tucked her shiny and straight blonde hair behind her ear.

Yep, straight—and not a hair out of place. Sometimes Penny wondered if she was the milkman’s kid, but supposedly her father had had curly hair, prior to it falling out.

“Thanks, honey. So what’s this big news?” her mother asked, practically salivating.

“Oh, I couldn’t wait to tell you, and I’m so happy everyone is here. You’re going to be a grandma,” Jill squealed as their mother swooped in to hug her.

“I just knew it. Finally, a little one to spoil. When are you due?” Penny’s mother bent down to talk to Jill’s non-existent belly.

“In about seven months. A summer baby,” Jill replied.

“Congratulations, Jill,” Penny said as she gave her sister a hug.

“Yes, congratulations.” Their father came into the kitchen, shaking Brian’s hand before hugging Jill. Penny shifted back into the corner as her mother raved about all the presents she would buy for her first grandchild.

“Penny, can you set the table?” her mother called out. “For six.”

“Six? I don’t think the baby needs a place setting yet. It’s still inside Jill,” Penny scoffed.

“No, there’s someone else coming for dinner.”
“Who? For Christmas? I thought this was a family dinner?” Penny asked.

“Yes. It is,” her mother replied. The doorbell rang. “Penny, can you get that?”

Penny made her way to the front door. Who was coming for dinner? She opened the door and bit back a curse.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“Hi,” Michael said. Michael. As in the cheating, douchebag ex, Michael. Family dinner, her ass. And on freaking Christmas? Who the hell had she pissed off?

“What are you doing here?” she demanded.

“I was invited for dinner,” he replied, holding out a bottle of wine.

“Don’t you have your own family?” she asked, refusing to take the bottle, and crossing her arms over her chest.

“Hello, Michael,” Penny’s mother said as she came down the hallway. “Penny, aren’t you going to let him in?”

“Why is he here, Mother?” she gritted out.

“We thought you two should talk, and Michael said you won’t return his phone calls,” her mother continued.

She hated that she wasn’t surprised by her mother’s invitation to Michael. Where was the family loyalty?

“Maybe that’s because I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to have anything to do with him. In case you forgot, he cheated on me.”

“And I cannot apologize enough for that. I want to make this work, Penny. I love you,” he pleaded.

“Penny, just listen to him,” her father said as he came down the hall.

“You’re all unbelievable. Was this all a ruse to get me here tonight? Is Jill even pregnant?”

Her mother gasped. “Of course she is. We had no idea she was pregnant until she just told all of us in the kitchen. Do you honestly believe we would stoop to that level?”

“I’m not sure, Mother. I’m just not sure.” She shook her head, trying to hide her disbelief and pain. Not to sound melodramatic, but did they care about her feelings at all?

“Why don’t we all go into the dining room and have a nice dinner,” her mother said. She grabbed Penny’s hand. “Let’s not ruin Jill’s special day.”

“I’m pretty sure you did that when you invited Michael,” she replied before spinning on her heel and stomping into the dining room. She was officially trapped. She would sit through one meal, and then she would leave. She had no desire to hear Michael out, but she wanted to support her sister. And it was Christmas, after all.

Michael took the seat next to her, and she scooted her chair away from him. He took her hand under the table and she wanted to vomit. She ripped her hand away from his grip. “Touch me again and I will punch you in the throat,” she whispered harshly.

“Penny, please,” he pleaded.

“No. I don’t want to hear it. I’m going to have as nice a dinner as possible with my family because it’s the holidays, and then we are going our separate ways, and I never want to see you again. I cannot believe you got them to invite you to dinner.”

“How’s work going, dear?” her mother asked. Penny turned to see her mother smiling at her. That brittle smile that never made it to her eyes. Appearances were everything to her family.

“It’s fine.” Short answers would get her through this meal.

Her mother kept up the conversation, asking Jill about work and Michael about his family. Her father talked about the office. All in all, it was typical dinner conversation, as if there wasn’t a giant cheating bastard elephant in the room.

When Michael mentioned for the fourth time how much he’d missed everyone and how happy he was to be at a family dinner again, she resisted the urge to stab him with her fork, but couldn’t take it anymore.

“I can’t do this,” she said as she shoved back from the table, her chair falling to the floor.

“Penny,” her mother gasped.

“No. I need to go. I’m sorry to ruin Christmas.” She rushed from the dining room and was in her car and down the street before she realized it. Luckily, it was a short drive home because the tears racing down her cheeks were disturbing her vision. She should’ve stood up for herself more, ordered Michael to leave, but she’d let him in. Let her family think that what they’d done was okay. Why did she let them walk all over her?

She pulled into the lot behind her building and made it into her townhouse without seeing anyone. She probably looked a fright. She stripped off her clothes and climbed into bed, pulling the covers over body, and curled up in a fetal position. She was moving past her cheating ex, but could she move past the fact that her family continued to support their reconciliation? Why was it so difficult for them to be on her side?

She itched to call Ethan. And say what? Come over? My family sucks. Your family sucks. Let’s commiserate.

But he was probably dealing with his own holiday drama. While her situation was awful, it couldn’t compare to what Ethan was going through tonight. She was still reeling from his confession about his brother. Who did that? And how could his family support Ethan’s brother and ex? No wonder Ethan had stayed away.

And yet she wanted to be there for him today. Maybe squeeze his hand under the table in support. Maybe stake her claim.

She paused. She had no claim on Ethan. She wasn’t supposed to want a claim on Ethan. But with each day, she did. And those kisses—she’d missed those kisses.

They’d been just as amazing as she’d remembered, but she was apprehensive. So many things could still go wrong, and her judgment had clearly proved faulty before. Could she trust herself now?

Ethan took in a deep breath and rang the doorbell. He’d grown up in this house, but he no longer felt welcome. Just a visitor wishing he’d come down with a stomach virus or something.  How was that for holiday cheer? Ally had called him again this morning to make sure he wasn’t going to bail. He wished Penny was standing next to him. She centered him, even when she was driving him crazy and running away. Hopefully, their kiss the other night had changed things, but he couldn’t be sure.

“You’re here,” his little sister said, slipping through the open front door and slamming into him. He had to juggle the bottle of wine that threatened to crash on the front steps.

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her and giving her a tight hug. She burrowed into his chest like she had when she had been a kid afraid of a storm. Even before the nightmare with his brother, Ethan had always been closer to Ally. She was eight years younger than him, a happy mistake in his parents’ eyes, but for some reason, he’d always been able to relate so much more to her than to Darren, who was only two years older than him. Their personalities just meshed.

When everything had gone down six years ago, she’d only been sixteen. He’d hated not seeing her, but he couldn’t bring himself to come home. But two years later, they’d picked up right where they’d left off. Visiting her at college, or flying her out to see him, had strengthened their bond even further over the last four years.

“Hey squirt, it’s good to see you, too,” he said, his laugh muffled in her hair.

“Don’t call me squirt. I can’t help it that you’re a giant.” She pulled back, grinning at him. “I’m so happy you didn’t bail.”

“I am feeling a little nauseated,” he said, reaching up to tweak her nose.

“Seriously, how are you doing?” she asked, her smile soft.

“I’m fine. It’s just dinner, and I have you to distract me,” he said, trying to reassure her. Christmas dinner probably wasn’t the best time for this little reunion, but he’d been away for Thanksgiving, and he’d had no desire to show up for a random family dinner.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. I haven’t seen you in ages.” She pouted, drawing out that last word. Sometimes he wondered if she should’ve gone into acting instead of mathematics. So dramatic.

“I’ve been home since September. You’ve just been too busy with school to come visit. All those numbers taking up your time.” He grinned, and his thoughts turned to Penny and her obsession with numbers and lists. He wondered how she was doing tonight. He itched to text her, but resisted.

“What’s that look for?” Ally asked, cutting through his thoughts.

“Nothing. Are you coming to the game on Tuesday?” he asked, hoping to steer her away from more questions. Not that Ally wouldn’t love Penny, and hopefully vice versa. He just wasn’t ready to talk about her with Ally.

“Of course. Right next to the penalty box, please. I like seeing those hot guys all riled up,” she said, grinning. “Especially Dominic. He’s yummy. And single, right?”

That mischievous twinkle in her blue eyes, that perfectly matched his, set him on edge. “Absolutely not. No hockey players for you. We’re all horrible. And I’ll get you seats in the upper bowl. A bird’s-eye view of the game is the best way to watch it.”

“No, it’s not, and you’re not all horrible. But I bet Dom is,” she said with a grin.

“I retract my offer. No games for you,” he said, tucking her under his arm.

“So not fair. What good is having a hockey player brother if he’s not going to introduce me to his hot teammates?” she said.

“When do you go back to school again?”

“You know I’m teasing. And it’s good to see you smiling again. Should we go in and polish off a bottle of what I’m assuming is ridiculously expensive wine?”

“Might as well.” Or they could just stay out on the front stairs. It wasn’t that cold out. Especially compared to the East Coast winters he’d gotten used to.

“And you can tell me all about your new girlfriend,” she said, and then turned and walked into the house.

He was stunned for a moment. “Wait. What are you talking about?”

“Darren said he ran into you looking cozy with a puck bunny,” she replied.

“What the fuck? She’s not a puck bunny,” he growled. He knew by her giggle that he’d been caught.

“Ooh, sounds serious. Darren just said he ran into you on a date. I added the puck bunny part.”

He shook his head. He’d fallen right into that. “You scare me sometimes.”

“Only sometimes? Guess I have to up my game.”

He laughed, following her into the house, feeling relaxed for the first time since he’d woken up this morning.

“I haven’t heard that laugh in so long.” His mother’s hushed words cut his chuckle, and he stared back at the woman he hadn’t seen in six years. Her small smile was a twist to his gut, and he knew how selfish it’d been to stay away for so long, and yet he’d still done it.

“Hi, Mom,” he said. She rushed toward him, wrapping her arms around his waist, squeezing him as tightly as she could.

“I can’t believe we finally got you home. I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered against his chest.

He tried to hold back his shock as he held her. Yes, he’d had his reasons, but in this moment, he realized he’d been a complete ass. He’d stayed away for too long. Maybe not from his brother and Julie. But from his mom. From everyone else. He might tower over his petite mother, but in that moment he felt about three inches tall.

“I missed you, too, Mom,” he said, his voice gruff. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

She pulled back, her emotions clear on her face. “It shouldn’t have taken you this long to come home, but I understand. And your father and I are sorry for everything that happened.” The last sentence was whispered, and he stared down at her. Had they not truly supported what Darren and Julie had done?

Ethan was determined to move past this. It was time. “I’m sorry for staying away, but I’m here now.”

“Yes, you are. And I expect you to come to dinner without Ally forcing your hand.”

“I will,” he promised.

“Good. Now, it’s almost time to eat, so let’s go,” she said, giving him a pat on his back before spinning on her heel and heading down the hall to the kitchen.

“See. That wasn’t painful,” Ally said, a soft smile playing at the edge of her lips. “Now, can we talk about my hockey seats?”

He pulled her in tight, and chuckled. “Nosebleeds for you, kid.” As he followed in his mother’s wake, with Ally at his side, he hoped the rest of the night would go just as smoothly.

“You made it,” Robert called out. He came over to relieve Ethan of his bottle of wine, and gave his shoulder a squeeze.

His father walked over, giving him a stiff hug. “Ethan, it’s good to see you. It’s been a while.”

“Yes, it has,” Ethan said, returning the hug. This was going much better than he’d anticipated.

“Can I get you anything?” his father asked, as if no time or separation had occurred. That was his father’s way.

“Dinner’s ready,” his mother called out, bringing one last dish with her. “Ethan, you can sit next to Ally.”

“I finally graduated from the kid’s table,” Ally said, steering him toward his mother’s end of the table. He muttered greetings to a few cousins, another uncle, and his aunt, and took a seat.

“That’s because you were the last kid left,” Ethan said, reaching up to tweak her ear.

“Hey, knock it off,” Ally exclaimed in fake annoyance.

“One day we’ll have more kids in the family.” Ethan didn’t miss the wistful tone in his mother’s voice.

“Yes, you will,” Julie called out. Ethan bit back the pure irritation coursing through him. He’d managed to not acknowledge them at all, spotting them at the other end of the table right before he’d sat down. He’d kept his expression neutral, still hating the fact that she was here. That they still hadn’t apologized for what they’d done behind his back.

He swore he was over her, and he was. But his brother, that was another story.

“Did you have something to tell us, dear?” his mother asked.

“Not yet. But, we are planning on kids, hopefully in the near future,” she said, her smile bordering on smug. Why hadn’t he seen her constant need for attention when they’d been together? Of course, they’d both been so young, and thinking back, he’d overlooked a lot of things because he’d thought he was in love with her. But the lust-clouded glasses had broken long ago. Not that he was grateful for what had happened, but he was happy that they hadn’t ended up together. If only the guy she’d ended up with hadn’t been his brother, then Ethan would have no issues.

“Julie. Now isn’t the time,” Darren bit out, his hand gripping his wine glass tight enough that Ethan feared for the stem.

“What? It’s the holidays, and we’re all family,” she said before taking a sip from her glass.

Ethan turned back to his mother and Ally, focusing on the conversation around him, answering questions about the team and if he missed New York. He tuned out his brother and Julie. They’d hash it out eventually. Even he knew they couldn’t avoid it. But for now, he was happy to be back with his family. Sure, it would never be the same as before, and he probably wouldn’t show up for dinner once a week, but it was a start. That’s all he could ask for.