CHAPTER NINETEEN
SHANNON
I’m curled up on the couch with a fake mink blanket, a tub of Ben & Jerry’s Jimmy Fallon ‘The Late Night Dough’ ice cream, and the sugar gliders. A documentary on Netflix about a guy walking a tightrope looks interesting, but I’m barely paying it any attention, mindlessly shoveling Jimmy into my mouth.
I’m cozy, yes, but no amount of warmth or chocolate cookie swirl is going to make me feel better. I’ve lost my job thanks to my pig of a boss, and I’ve probably lost Gabe, too. That’s not to say I ever had him in the first place, but I thought I saw light there for a second, a glimmer of hope I’m not going to die a lonely old lady surrounded by her sixty pets.
As if on cue, my cell starts to buzz its way across the table. I leap for it, Jimmy tumbling over onto the floor, the sugar gliders scrambling for purchase on my sweater.
I answer, don’t even check the screen.
Please don’t be a call center. Please don’t be a call center.
“Shannon.” It’s Gabe.
My chest deflates with relief. “Gabe,” I reply. I immediately want to launch in and ask him where he’s been, but I don’t want to come across as overly needy either.
Impossible as it is, I try to let him do the talking.
“I’m so sorry,” he starts. “I know you’ve been trying to reach me.”
Play it cool. I’m angry, I can’t deny it, but I have to temper my tone here. I have to remind myself we aren’t actually together. “It’s no problem.”
“You sure? Because I had a ton of texts and missed calls here.”
I slap my hand against my forehead. “Ah, yeah. About that…”
“No, let me go first.”
“Okay.”
A slight pause. “Do you remember when I told you about my ex, Triss?”
I’ll remember that name until the day I die. Casual now, Shan. “Sure.”
“Remember I said she died overseas?”
“Yes.” I know where this is going, my fingernails raking my knees.
“Well, I was wrong.” Another pause. “She’s alive. She’s here, in town. She went to see my mother.”
I’m not a jealous person, but a green-eyed monster rises so big, so fast I’m actually a little scared of myself. She went to see Julie?
I picture this Triss with her cool Army tattoos and buff body, walking away into the sunset with my man.
He’s not your man, Shan!
It sounds like a damn sitcom tagline. “Wow,” I offer, knowing I lack the necessary enthusiasm the word dictates, “that’s great.”
What, you wish she was dead?
Of course not, but why come here? Why come to Gabe if she doesn’t want him back.
“It is,” replies Gabe, relief clear.
“How did she… you know…?”
“It’s a long story,” he says, “operational stuff.”
This only makes it worse, makes that green-eyed monster into a towering hulk. “Right.”
“I was just so blindsided at first. I still don’t entirely understand how this all happened.”
I swallow a hard lump in my throat down. “Is she going back?”
“To the Rangers? That’s the thing, the reason she came and found me. She wants me to join a mercenary group, a small band working outside of the regular channels—well-paid work.”
I can see him slipping away from me already. “That’s… great.”
“She wanted to catch up too, of course.”
“And you want to go?” I don’t add ‘with her.’
“Honestly, I’m not sure I want to be involved with that life again.”
I dying to, but I specifically avoid asking if they slept together lest my fragile tiny heart shatter completely. Buffy gives an empathetic squeak next to my ear, working her way up onto the top of my head. “I’m just happy your… friend, is alive. It must be such a relief. Look, I was just about to go to bed, so…”
Sensing something’s up, Gabe adds, “Nothing happened between us, Shannon.”
“I know.”
I’m close to tears. God, I have sex for the first time and subsequently turn into a Hallmark movie.
“You believe me, don’t you?”
I let the question hang, thinking about how to reply, tossing and turning over the right answer in my head.
‘Honesty is the best policy’—my father used to drum that one into me a lot.
“I do believe you, Gabe, even if I might have doubts.”
“Shannon…”
“It’s been a long day. I really just want to rest.”
“Alright.” He says it so quietly it’s hard to pull meaning from those two syllables, but I sense resignation, disappointment perhaps? All day I’ve been trying to reach him and now he’s here all I’m doing is trying to push him away.
His voice comes back. “Matt’s busy, so I have to go and see Mom tonight. I guess I’ll see you soon?”
“Yes,” I reply, unable to summon more than that. “Good night,” I add.
“Good night.”
I hang up, cutting his words short.
Way to ramp up the drama, Shan.
I slump back onto the couch, notice Jimmy’s sugary concoction leaking into the carpet. I right the tub and pull the gliders close. “At least you guys aren’t going to run out on me.”
But what bothers me the most, what truly has me unhinged, is the fact I’m already preparing myself to let Gabe go.