Tonight is the night, and the nerves are getting to me, to be honest. I am at Butcher’s house right now, and he is at the gate picking up the pizza we ordered.

I am terrified that I will be bad in bed and that it won’t be good for him. Hello, Virgin Mary here. I know it’s going to hurt, but that’s not the biggest thing.

Sex is such an intimate thing, and I have waited a long time for this to happen—and it’s all going down in a couple of hours.

I hear the door open and look around, and Butcher walks inside. My belly growls as the scent hits me. I am starving. He sets the pizza down on the coffee table, and I flip back the top and grab a slice. He sits down beside me and dives in.

We sit in silence and I want to say something, but what do I say? I feel like I should be cool and just let it happen. Then the other side of me wants to say something, but I don’t know what. I’m just a mess.

Smallville comes on and I grab the remote to turn it up.

“Pussy,” he says to me.

My mouth pops open, and I glare at Butcher in mock anger. “What did you say about my show?”

“Pussy,” he mocks and I snort. It’s hilarious when he tries to be funny.

He bursts out laughing and I drop my pizza. I have never heard him laugh like that before. I watch in awe as he laughs loudly and deeply. This is amazing.

Once he is done laughing, I press a kiss to his lips quickly and then go back to my pizza. I am so infatuated with him.

For the next thirty minutes we finish eating, and he gets up to throw away the pizza. I look at the clock on the wall, and it says eight o’clock.

I am ready.

I stand up and take my shirt off, and I throw it toward the kitchen. Then I walk to the stairs. I take off my bra and place it on the stair rail.

I hurry up the stairs and, at the top, I take off my jeans. I lay them down, and when I reach the entrance to his bedroom, I take off my panties and drape them over the door handle.

Oh my god. I can’t believe I’ve just done that. I know he has seen me naked before, but this is just different.

Hands touch my hips and I jump. I spin around and come face to face with Butcher. His hands move up my sides and then under my arms. He lifts me off the ground, and my legs go around his waist.

His face is intense as he takes in my naked body. I raise my face, press my lips to his, and run my hands down his back.

I feel the bed pressed against my back, and my stomach flips. He presses his lips harder against mine, his tongue twining with mine. His hands run up and down my sides, goose bumps breaking out across my naked flesh.

Then his fingers move from my hip to the edge of my pussy, and I gasp in his mouth. He is teasing me. He chuckles, and I move my hips over in hopes that his hand will move closer to where I need it to be.

He does what I need, and his finger strokes my clit. I moan into his mouth, and he moves his finger again in a slow circle.

The finger moves from my clit to my opening, and I relax as he slides a finger inside. “Soaked,” he growls in my mouth, and I raise my hips, his finger slipping farther inside. He presses his finger all the way in and slowly brings it back out. I curl my toes and throw my head back.

He kisses along my throat, and I feel him add another finger. He slowly presses them inside of me, and I wince slightly because his fingers are way bigger than mine. His thumb presses against my clit.

I hiss in pleasure and raise my hips, letting him press farther inside of me. His lips move from my throat to my breasts. He licks the tip of my nipple then sucks it deep into his mouth.

His fingers quicken inside of me, and I feel myself getting closer. His thumb presses harder against my clit, and I am right on the edge. I gasp and dig my nails into his back, and I raise my left leg up his hip, giving him better access.

His lips wrap around my nipple again, and his fingers curl inside of me, hitting the spot.

“Butcher!” I hiss and wrap my arms around him tightly, my body shaking.

He slides out of bed. His large hands grip the bottom of his shirt, and he pulls it over his head, and I drink in the sight of him shirtless. He has such a great body. His pants join his shirt and then his underwear.

Then it hits me.

This is really happening.

He reaches into the night stand and pulls out a condom. This is really happening. He climbs into bed with me, and my hands start to shake. I sit up and take the condom from his hand. I open the package and put the condom on him.

I lie back on the bed and stare into Butcher’s eyes. His face is softer and more relaxed than I have ever seen him.

He crawls up between my legs, and his elbows go to either side of my head. I reach up and touch his jaw. “I’m ready.”

He nods and kisses me on the forehead. I feel his dick touching my entrance, and I relax my body totally.

Butcher reaches down and grabs my hand, then grabs the other. He raises them above my head, and I suck in a deep breath. He doesn’t move his forehead from mine, and we stare deep into each other’s eyes.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he confesses and I melt.

“I don’t care about that, I just want you. I want all of you.”

He closes his eyes at my words, and I feel him pressing. I close my eyes tightly, taking in deep breaths.

He slides in an inch and it starts to get uncomfortable. “Just do it.”

“Shay,” he starts to argue.

My hand is on the back of his neck. “I’m okay, just do it.”

He does what I ask. He slides all the way in with one smooth, solid movement. “Fuck.” I turn my head to the side as tears form in my eyes.

“I can’t take this shit,” Butcher growls, and I open my eyes in time to see him slam his fist into the headboard.

“I’m okay, it’s better now,” I reassure him and take the hand that hit the head board. “I promise.” It is, I just feel very full and there is a bite of pain, but it’s not bad. He brings his hand down and touches my clit. He rubs in slow circles, and the pain is immediately gone.

“Much better.” My voice deepens with pleasure.

“I can’t believe.” He stops talking and stares down at me in awe.

“You can’t believe?”

“That you’re mine.” He kisses me, and it’s such a tender, loving kiss that tears form in my eyes again, this time from pure happiness.

“Butcher,” I say with such raw emotion, and he starts moving. I moan when he hits the spot inside of me that drives me crazy.

That spurs him to go faster, and I raise my hands above my head and press them against the headboard. He growls and licks my throat. “Come for me.” He twists his hips and hits the spot again.

“Oh shit,” I gasp. I thought him going down on me was intense, but this is a whole different thing.

His teeth nip my lips and my throat, and I feel his finger on my clit again. Then a sharp pinch and I come.

“Oh god, Butcher.” I grip whatever the hell I can as my body quivers uncontrollably, and I feel him coming along with me. My leg slides from his hip onto the bed. “Let’s do that again tomorrow.”

I feel him shake with laughter and I grin. I got what I wanted.

He slides out of me, and I cringe at the slight pain. Butcher isn’t a small guy, and pain was going to happen—there wasn’t any way around it.

He takes the condom, ties it off, and throws it in the trashcan beside the bed. He rolls over onto his back and takes me with him—I’m lying on top of him. My head is on his chest, my legs on either side of his body.

We lie in silence, my eyes starting to droop closed, because he is running his hand up and down my back, which relaxes me.

“I lost my parents and my brother when I was eighteen. My twin brother. I lost all of them at once in a car accident, and I came upon the scene a few minutes later, because I wanted to follow them in my new truck.”

My heart is hurting right now. I lie completely still, letting him tell me what he needs to.

“I will never forget seeing the people I loved most in the world dead, their eyes blank. They were just gone, when they were alive just minutes earlier.”

“I had the funeral and then I joined the navy. I rarely spoke unless I had to. I was just dead inside, and I continued to be that way until you, my Shay. You made me feel for the first time in a long time. It fucking eats at me when you leave my sight, because I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you.”

Don’t cry, Shaylin. Tears pool in my eyes, and I suck my lips into my mouth. I have never felt pain like this. I have never hurt for someone before like I have for Butcher.

“A mission went wrong after I became a SEAL, and I was tortured for two days before I was rescued. I got demons, Shay, but you make that shit less haunting. Your light keeps them at bay.”

I’m done.

I sob against his chest, and I hold him as tight as I can. “Butcher, I am so sorry.” I raise my head and press my lips against his, holding his jaw in my hand. I kiss him with such emotion, letting how I feel about him come through. “I will never leave you, Butcher,” I tell him through kisses. I take my lips from his and kiss the scar on his cheek. “I will take all of your demons, Butcher, as long as I get to have you.”

He gives me a look that I can’t decipher, and I spot the next scar and kiss it. “Your scars are hauntingly beautiful, they make you who you are.”

He flips me onto my back and presses his face into the crook of my neck. I wrap my arms around his neck and just hold him.

I will never let go.