Chapter Twelve

“We were never a couple.”

Sitting on the top step of her parents’ front porch while Buster laid on the sidewalk before them, Mia listened as Reed talked about his non-relationship with Jenny.

“Not officially, anyway.” He brought a bottle of beer she’d swiped from the fridge to his lips, drank, then returned his elbows to his knees with a sigh. “Makes me sound like a dick and there’s no doubt I was at times, but ending it when I did...for the reasons I did...” He gave his head a shake. “I tried to do the right thing.”

“But she was hurt, anyway. And, in a way, I think you were, too.” Mia leaned her head against the railing, watching him quietly.

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t enjoy being an asshole. It fucking sucked knowing I let her down. Shit, we’ve been friends almost as long as you and I have.”

Which begged the question—if he was so concerned about preserving friendships, what the heck was up with that kiss outside of McCauley’s? And what about all the flirting he’d done the past couple of days?

“So what were the reasons?”

Reed frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You said you had reasons for breaking it off with her. What were they?”

His eyes searched hers for a long moment before he swallowed and glanced back toward the street. A cool breeze rustled the leaves that had fallen from the red maple in the yard and, for a beat, they were the only sound.

Until he finally spoke again. “You were right earlier. About why it’s sometimes hard for me to look at Josh and Carissa. Hell, Mark and Ally, too. Tony, Nicole, Jenny, Brody... They’ve all found something lasting. Meaningful, too.” He paused and picked at the label on his beer. “I never thought I’d want any part of that. Until, one day, it was exactly what I wanted.”

“But not with Jenny?” Please, God, say no.

He shook his head. “I cared a fuck lot about her, but I never imagined a future with her.”

Mia sucked in a slow breath and then shifted on the step so that her head rested on his shoulder instead of the railing. Taking one of his hands into hers, she rubbed and caressed his knuckles and the lines in his palm.

“What do you imagine?” she asked quietly.

“Something I’ll probably never have.”

“That’s not an answer.”

He chuckled. “Technically, it is.”

“Reed Joseph Fletcher...” She jostled his knee with hers and he gave it right back to her.

“Ohh, breaking out the middle names, are we? Well, Malia Isabella Carderas, I think it’s high time you made good on your part of our deal. Tell me about the prick.”

Ugh. Stupid deal.

“Here...” He handed her the rest of his beer. “This will make it easier.”

No, it wouldn’t, but she took the bottle and downed a big gulp anyway.

“I was so stupid,” she began, hating that every part of what had happened with her and Ben made her look like such a fool. “I agreed to keep quiet about his cheating and our break-up so we could seal a big deal. One that Connor had wanted for a long time.”

“He’s the other partner, right?”

She nodded. “When that deal finally went through, I thought I could finally put everything with Ben behind me, but then a deal I really wanted to close came along. A family-oriented company with a husband and wife at the helm. They were older and never had any children of their own. They loved the idea of Ben and I taking over for them, so I figured a couple more weeks of the game wouldn’t matter.”

Reed nodded, though his tight expression promised he didn’t like one bit of this explanation.

“Before I knew it, months had passed. The deals were done, but the thought of being alone again scared the crap out of me.” And spending time with a man who’d cheated—and possibly still was—had seemed less terrifying than spending time all by herself. In that huge condo with a bunch of material things that meant nothing to her.

“You could’ve called me, M. I would’ve been there in a heartbeat.”

She laughed softly at his words. Words he spoke so adamantly, failing to realize she’d heard them before. From those very same, perfect lips.

“No offense, but I don’t have the greatest track record when it comes to promises like that. Frankly, neither do you.”

He flinched and realization put a slump in his shoulders. “Shit, Mia. We were kids the last time I told you that.”

“Maybe, but you were also the best friend I’d had back then. And you still let me down.”

“Wow.” He scrubbed his hands over his face and cursed under his breath. “Then why the hell are we here right now? I’m not trying to be a dick or anything, but if you don’t trust me, why’d you come out tonight? Why’d you kiss me?”

“You kissed me.” She smiled lightly and bumped her shoulder into his. Slowly, his frown softened.

“You’re the most confusing woman I know, you know that?”

“Yeah, well, you’re not exactly a road map, either.”

“The fuck I’m not.”

“Oh, really? You more or less just told me that you broke it off with Jenny because you cared too much about her to hurt her.”

“I did.”

“You’ve also claimed to care about me and you’re quick to make promises about being there for me if and when I need you.”

“Yup.”

“Reed...” She laughed and set the bottle on the step between her feet, so she could clench her fists in frustration. “You can’t kiss me and say things like you’re willing to wait to have me again and expect me to believe that we could be friends with benefits when you flat out admitted you couldn’t do that with her.”

He shook his head. “You’re not Jenny.”

“Obviously. I’ve been gone from your life for more than ten years. I mean, I’ve made some stupid decisions when it comes to men, but I’m not so dumb that I can’t figure out where that leaves me.”

He blinked at her.

“I’m not saying I’d end up wanting more, but I also can’t promise that I won’t. After all, I did spend a lot of years wishing for exactly that.” And that was the truth. Knowing Reed might hurt her again burned a lot hotter in her gut than Ben’s betrayal ever had.

“You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

“If this is where you try to sweet talk me and tell me I’m wrong so I give in and sleep with you despite my better judgment, we should probably say goodnight.”

His jaw tightened. “What’s my favorite color?”

“What?”

“Color.”

“Ugh!” She pushed a hand through her hair. What did his favorite color have to do with anything? Still, she humored him. “That’s a trick question because you’ve always told people that you love Bronco blue and orange, but in your heart, it’s actually red. Just like that bike that mysteriously showed up in your yard on your tenth birthday.” The bike no one in River Bend had ever owned up to buying. The one Reed secretly imagined had come from his father.

A slow grin spread across his face beneath the moonlight. “You’ve just proven my point.”

“I’m so confused right now.”

“Ten months or ten years, you still know me better than anyone.” He reached up and brushed her hair behind her ear, then said quietly, “Pink. Not hot pink or coral or almost purple. But pale, powdery pink. It’s been your favorite color since you were five and your dad won you that big ass pink bear from the county fair.”

Holy crap. “Not necessarily,” she stammered. “I mean, I might’ve changed my mind.”

“Your bathroom in Omaha is the exact same color. So is the bra you have on right now. Probably your panties, too.”

Dear God. Heat filled her cheeks and her heart began to pound in her chest as she adjusted her traitorous shirt and sweater. “What’s my favorite food?”

“Anything with green chili. Next?”

“Favorite music.”

“Old school country. Again, because of your dad. He always played the oldies station in the kitchen at the diner. You’re especially partial to the love songs because he used to sing them to you and your mother in Spanish. What else do you want to know?”

“What are you trying to prove?”

He dipped his chin in earnest. “We might’ve missed out on the past decade together, but you’re still the same person you’ve always been. Except stronger. Shit, Mia, you’re a fuck lot stronger now.”

God, she wished that were true.

“I’m not blowing smoke, babe.” He leaned over and scooped her up off the step, settling her in his lap, so he could cup her face in his hands. “I know you and you know me. Hell, you’re still the only person I trust with my darkest shit. Not even Josh or Mark know the things you know.”

The things about his dad? “Reed...”

“When I say you’re not Jenny, I don’t mean you’re less important to me.”

He was doing that thing again where he whittled away at her heart. Made her want to absorb all of his words and bask in them.

“You’re more, M. Always have been, even when you were off in Omaha making your own way in the world.” He threaded his fingers in the hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her forehead down to his. “I know you don’t trust me like you used to and I totally fucking get why. But there isn’t a damn thing I wouldn’t do for you and I’m willing to work my ass off to prove it.”

A soft hiccup rose in her throat and she realized belatedly that tears had welled in her eyes. “What about what happened in Omaha?”

“You needed to feel like the most beautiful, most special woman in the world. Like you were enough for a man. And you were. Fuck, you are, Mia.”

A silent tear slid down her cheek and he bent to kiss it away. She’d loved being with him like that, and he’d made her feel all of those things. But... “I’m not sure I’m ready to do that again.”

He nodded without hesitation. “I meant it when I said I’d wait. But Mia? Please know that waiting isn’t about me. It’s about you. What you want and what you need. Hell, you may never invite me back into your bed again, but if you do, I’ll be there. Ready to make you feel sexy and gorgeous all over again.”

Ah, but he didn’t need to fuck her to make her feel that way. He was doing a pretty good job right now.

“You’re awfully smooth with those words, Mr. Fletcher. I think you’ve had some practice.”

He chuckled and brushed a kiss across her lips. “Not as much as you’d think.”

“Mmm hmm.” She looped her arms around her neck and let her mouth play soft and whisper-like against his.

And then her phone rang.

“I swear to God,” Reed growled, already reaching blindly for her purse in the dark. “If it’s that fucker, I’m going to rip his head off.”

She didn’t bother arguing this time. Maybe if Reed told Ben off, he’d stop calling at all hours of the night just to try and make her answer.

“Uh, M? It’s your mom.”

All the feel good haziness that had settled over her as a result of the beer buzz and Reed’s moonlit confession cleared in a flash.

Nothing good ever came from a phone call after midnight.

“Mom?” She climbed off his lap with shaky legs. “What’s wrong?”

“Mija, come now. He’s had another stroke.”

* * *

Mia cried all the way to Grand Island, curled up in his passenger seat. Since hanging up with Stella she barely said five words, so Reed just held her hand and let her cry.

Neither of them needed to verbalize what Jose’s doctors had said that first night in the hospital. Another stroke so soon could—and likely would—leave Jose with more significant, potentially irreparable side effects.

What they’d find when they walked into that room in just a few minutes would change the Carderas family forever.

Mia leaned against him in the elevator, sniffling while he trailed his fingers up and down her arm and murmured reassurances into her hair.

“He’s a fighter, M. He’s got this.”

She just sucked in a shaky breath and led him to her father’s room.

Stella jumped to her feet, sobbing, the instant she saw Mia, and the two women huddled together for what felt like hours.

Jose lay in the hospital bed with a bunch of wires and tubes connecting him to more machines than after the first stroke. Not a good sign, and the way Stella clung to Mia reaffirmed Reed’s suspicion.

“They have him sedated to keep his blood pressure down and let his body rest. Everything happened so fast, mija. The nurse was helping him to bed after using the bathroom and—” Stella pressed her fingers to her mouth and cried. “I’ve never felt more helpless in my life.”

“Oh, Mama.” Mia stroked her mother’s head and, like he had done to her in the car, just let her cry.

Curiously, Mia had stopped crying herself. In fact, her cheeks were dry and her expression now was clear. Determined and strong.

Damn, this girl was a force to be reckoned with. Not only could she set aside her own feelings to console someone else, but she could do it with such tenacity and vindication.

He hated it.

Mia had lived her entire life putting the feelings and needs of others before her own and it killed him, knowing how broken she was inside. How hard it must have been for her to stand there and offer comfort to her mother when she was anything but comforted herself.

The shit he’d put Mia through was nothing like this, but it still ate away at his conscience, knowing he was to blame for how easy she made it look, flipping that switch, as if nothing was wrong. 

“Mom, why don’t you go get some rest? I’ll stay with Papi.” Mia smoothed Stella’s hair from her face and wiped the older woman’s tears.

“Actually...” Wrapping her hands around Mia’s wrists, Stella stepped away. “I have something for you. He worked on it all day and I think it’s important you see it now.”

Mia frowned as her mother pulled an envelope from a tote bag next to her chair.

“I didn’t read the whole thing. I couldn’t bring myself to.” Stella handed the envelope to Mia with shaky fingers. “All things considered, I think you should read it as soon as possible.”

“Mom, I’m sure it can wait...”

Stella pressed her fingers to her mouth and glanced at her husband. “No, baby, I don’t think it can.” Her last word ended on a whispered cry and Reed watched as Mia bit her lips together to keep from crying herself. “Reed, can you take Mia some place she can read this and then get some rest?”

He cleared his throat. “Of course.”

When he expected Mia to protest, she surprised him by giving her mother another hug and then going to Jose’s side, where she kissed his forehead and squeezed his hand, muttering words just for him.

Then she walked out of the hospital room, pulling Reed behind.

* * *

She should’ve known he’d do something like this.

As a kid, she’d found countless notes from her father around the house. Little messages of love or encouragement scrawled in his sharp, masculine writing on Post-Its or cards. Usually in Spanish, which had always felt so much more personal.

Writing a letter to her now, to express what he no longer could say out loud, made sense. It didn’t, however, ease Mia’s mind or diminish the tremble in her fingers when she sat on the edge of the hotel bed with the envelope cradled in her hands.

Her name was written in a shaky print that looked nothing like the handwriting she’d come to know over the years. He must’ve felt whatever was written inside was something that needed to be said now. In case he never got another chance.

“Do you want me to leave?” Reed asked from the other bed, still fully dressed despite the early hour and the shadows under his eyes.

“No, of course not.” She sighed as she took in the man before her. The man who’d been her rock since she’d come back to River Bend. “You must be exhausted. Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”

He shook his head. “I have strict orders to make sure you sleep. After you read that letter.”

She laughed softly. “Ah, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“But it might hurt me.” He winked, and she shook her head. Then, she swallowed back her nerves and asked the question she’d wanted to ask from the moment they left the hospital.

“Will you hold me while I read it?”

His gaze locked on hers, so dark and tender. “Let’s get ready for bed first.”

She didn’t have the energy to argue with him when he stood and helped her out of her shoes, then her leggings and sweater. He didn’t protest, either, when she tugged his sweatshirt over his head and tossed it to the floor.

“We probably only needed one bed,” she whispered, as she smoothed her hands beneath his T-shirt and took a slow, reminiscent journey over his soft skin and hard muscles.

“Whatever you want, gorgeous.” His big hands lifted to cover hers and together they pulled off his shirt. He tossed it onto the bed before unfastening his belt and fly, and then reaching for the hem of her tunic with a raised eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Only if I can wear your shirt instead.”

A lopsided grin kicked up one corner of his mouth and then her top was gone. Poof. Vanished.

“Damn,” she giggled, and he waggled his eyebrows as he spun her around and went to work on her bra.

“For the record, you’re killing me,” he murmured in her ear as her bra hit the floor and his shirt flutter down around her bare head and shoulders. “Arms up.”

“For the record, I’m kinda dying myself.”

He chuckled and placed a quick kiss on her cheek...then cracked her ass. “Into bed, beautiful.”

Well, then. Tossing a saucy glance over her shoulder, she did as he said—again—then waited not-so-patiently while he undressed down to his boxer briefs and slid in next to her.

“Maybe we could forego the reading and you could just let me touch you. That’d be a very nice distraction.”

“Pains me to turn you down, but not tonight, gorgeous.” He tapped the envelope in her hand and smiled. “Go on.”

“I’m probably going to cry,” she admitted, carefully sliding a finger beneath the sealed flap.

“That’s what I’m here for.” His hand rubbed up and down her arm while she unfolded the letter and scanned it without actually reading.

It wasn’t a long note. Just a page of shaky text she already knew would split her emotions wide open.

“Be brave,” Reed urged her gently, leaving unsaid that he’d pick up the pieces when she fell apart.

So, she steeled her courage and began.

Reed’s arms tightened around her, paying no mind to the tears that soaked his skin as she trembled against him. “You okay?”

“No.” And she probably never would be again.

“Are you finished?”

She shook her head and bit back a sob. “Will you finish it for me?”

He searched her face for a long moment, then took the tear dampened paper from her hands and cleared his throat.

“You’ve lived in fear that you aren’t enough for many years, my darling, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

You are everything.

Someday you will find a man who loves you for exactly that. My only regret in this life is that I will not get to shake the hand of the man who gives you his name, nor will I walk you down the aisle and watch as you give your life to him. He will love you, mija, just as much as I have, but he will give you so much more.

I am sorry that my decisions made your life difficult. That you struggled with cruelty and unnecessary pain because of me. I wish that I could take hurt away, but I fear that doing so would change the beautiful person you’ve become. So, instead, I ask you simply to forgive me. And to open your eyes and heart, so that his love can finally find its home.

I will be here with you always, no matter where my body may lie. Love always, Papi.”