Chapter Eighteen
It had been two days since she kicked Wyatt out of her house, and she hadn’t seen him since. He’d tried. Oh, he’d tried. He’d been calling, texting, stopping by, knocking. You name it, he’d done it, but she needed time and space to clear her head. His reaction to her news hadn’t been…good. He had all but told her she meant nothing to him, and that all they’d been doing was messing around. Call her crazy, but they were supposed to be more than that.
She’d given herself to him. Opened her heart after he told her she was more than a fling and that he wanted to give them a real chance at something. She’d let herself fall for him like a fool, and the second things had gotten rough, he’d bailed.
How could she trust him now?
If he came back around, begging for another chance, deep down she would always suspect he only came back because of the baby, and not because he wanted her.
She would never believe he wanted to be with her. Never believe he cared. Nothing would change that. He’d made his feelings for her, or lack thereof, very clear.
It was over. It was all over.
Her phone buzzed, and she glanced down at it, her stomach rolling. She pressed a hand to it, frowning at his name on the screen as she silently prayed not to throw up again. She flipped the phone over, not answering, and turned back to the reports on her computer screen. They wouldn’t fill themselves out, and she wasn’t emotionally prepared to deal with Wyatt.
He would just have to wait until she was ready.
And that was that.
When she’d seen the photos of him surface from the night they’d “broken up,” she couldn’t believe that he’d gone from her place to a bar with a bunch of women. She shouldn’t have been—he never made a secret about his affinities—but he’d picked up chicks on the same day he found out she was pregnant with his child…so screw him.
The pain he’d given to her had helped her, in the end.
It had shown her it was time to move on…
Without him.
A knock sounded on her door, and she lifted her head. “Who is it?”
“Me,” a muffled voice called back.
“Come in.”
Her brother walked in. He wore a plaid shirt, a pair of khakis, and a baseball hat with the Saviors logo on it. He glanced around the room, seemingly to search for something, but his gaze landed on her without any hint of having found it. “Do you have a minute?”
“Sure.”
He shut the door behind him, crossed his arms, and leaned back against it. He opened his mouth but didn’t speak. After a moment, he sighed and pushed off the door, pacing in front of her. “I’m not sure how to say this. I just…you…well…”
“You’re making me nervous.”
“Sorry,” he said, running his hand over the picture of the flower shop when it first opened years ago. “Mom and Dad have been together a long time. Happy. Married.”
Kassidy swallowed. “Yeah…?”
“They love one another and support one another, and they’ve always given us a good example of what love is,” he said, looking uncomfortable.
She said nothing, just waited for him to get to the point.
He would eventually.
“For a while, when you were seeing Wyatt, you had that look. That happy look. The same one they have in this picture.” He pointed at their parents and then turned back to her. “You had a pep to your step, a glow to your eyes, or something corny like that, and you don’t have it anymore. It’s gone. I guess what I’m asking is…why?”
She swallowed. She’d never really thought her brother paid much attention to her moods, good or otherwise. Tears blurred her vision, but she blinked them away. She was a hormonal mess right now, which was another reason she’d been avoiding Wyatt. If he tried to win her back through soft words and softer promises, she wasn’t sure she’d have the strength to do what she had to.
Wasn’t sure she could say no.
“I’m fine, Caleb.” She stood up, wrapping her arms around herself, and smiled. It hurt. “It’s just…me and Wyatt didn’t work out, is all. He wants different things than I do. We tried to make it work. To make it real. But…” She lifted her shoulder. “I want more.”
“And you deserve it,” he said, not meeting her eyes. He took his hat off, frowning down at it. “If he can’t give it to you, if he can’t love you, then he’s an idiot.”
“He’s not. He made it very clear from the beginning that we weren’t going to be forever, and I was okay with that. Even when he told me he wanted to try for more, I was okay.”
Caleb frowned. “You guys tried for more?”
“We did. But it didn’t work.” She crossed the room, took his hat out of his hand, and set it back in place on his head. “You don’t have to be mad at him or hate the Saviors because he’s on the team. It’s not his fault it didn’t work out. If anything, it’s mine. I want more than he can give me, even though he was clear he couldn’t give it to me, so I’m the reason it ended.”
Caleb frowned. “But—”
“No buts. I’m an adult, and I make my own decisions, good or bad, and no one else takes fault or blame for them. No one but me.” She patted him on the shoulder. “And I’ll be fine.”
She didn’t mention the baby.
No one needed to find out about that yet.
“If you’re sure…” he said, hesitating and glanced over his shoulder at the closed door.
“I’m sure.”
He grabbed the knob, not opening the door. “So, what should I do with him, then? Let him in?”
“Who?”
“Wyatt. He’s here, in the store.”
Her heart dropped, twisted, and sped up, all at the same time. “Oh no.”
“Not so fine after all, huh?” Caleb asked, eyeing her.
“I am. It’s just…” She closed her computer, grabbed her bag and her keys. “I’ll talk to him on my way out. I’m going to break for lunch.”
He glanced at his watch. “It’s ten thirty in the morning.”
“And I’m hungry,” she said defensively. She couldn’t see him in a closed-in room. There would be no escape. No, on her way out the door was the best way to do this. She would reassure him she was fine, get rid of him, and do her best to actually be fine. “I’ll be back soon.”
He watched her go through the door. “If you need me to get rid of him for you, or you want backup—”
“I don’t.” She stopped, turned around, and gave him a quick hug. He didn’t hug her back. “But thanks.”
After leaving her office, she took a deep breath and walked down the hall that led to the shop. As she neared the end, she saw him. She slowed her steps, greedily drinking in the sight of him. He wore a pair of warm-up pants, a hoodie, and a five o’clock shadow that killed her. His face was a little pale, and he looked tired, like he wasn’t sleeping well.
He probably wasn’t.
More than likely, he was probably too worried thinking he’d be stuck with her for the rest of his life, now that she was having his child. It was her job to make sure that didn’t happen.
To not ask for more than he wanted to give.
She’d never wanted to trap him. She refused to. If he wanted to be a part of their child’s life, then he could. But they were done…
No matter how much she wished otherwise.
She walked into the room, forcing a smile she didn’t feel. He opened his mouth to talk, but she cut him off because Caleb was right behind her. “Hello. I was just on my way out, but we can talk as I go to my car, if you’d like.”
He swallowed, nodding, his gaze sliding over her shoulder toward her brother, presumably. “Yeah. Sure.”
She walked to the door, not waiting for him, but he rushed past her, opening it for her. As she walked through, he turned back to her brother. “I’ll talk to you later about that game, okay?”
Caleb nodded, not speaking.
Wyatt let the door shut and reached out to touch her. “Kass—”
“Don’t.” When she lurched back, he dropped his hand to his sides. She’d hurt him, which made her a little guilty, but, hey, she was hurt, too. After all, he’d accused her of being a gold digger who lied about him being the father of her unborn child. “I think it’s best if we keep our hands to ourselves when speaking, don’t you?”
His jaw flexed. “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want.”
Part of her wanted to hate him. Part of her wanted to ignore that he looked so handsome standing there, staring at her like she actually mattered to him. She didn’t. “I don’t know why you came here, but you don’t have to keep calling me, or texting me, or dropping by my house and my work. I’m okay.”
“I didn’t just come to check on you.” He shifted on his feet. “I want to talk.”
“We already talked.” She hurried toward her car, her steps fast because she could smell him, and she hadn’t realized how much she missed his scent until now. Her glasses slipped down her nose, so she shoved them back into place. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m a big girl.”
“Can we talk?” he repeated.
“Talk. I’m listening.” She hit the unlock button on her car, touching the frame of her glasses. “But honestly, I think we’ve said all there is to say, don’t you?”
“But I don’t mean—” He caught her wrist, pulling her hand down and trying to hold on to it, but she jerked free. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “What I mean is, can we talk without you running away from me?”
She stopped at her car, facing him. “I’m not running. I just have things to do that don’t involve you anymore.”
“Like what?” His gaze dropped to her belly, then back up. “Is…is everything okay?”
Loneliness shone in those tormented blue eyes. His eyes shone with concern for her, and it would be so easy to misread that as more than it was. She’d already misread him once. She wouldn’t be doing it twice. “Yes.”
“Have you been to a doctor yet?” he asked, lowering his voice.
“No.” She hugged herself. “I have my first appointment at ten tomorrow.”
He nodded. “You’re pale. Are you still getting sick all the time?”
“Yes, but I’m not pale.” She shoved her hair out of her face when a gust of wind blew it in front of her eyes. “I’m just hungry, is all.”
“I can take you to that place on Fifth and—”
“You don’t have to,” she said quickly. “I’m fine on my own.”
“I can see that,” he said slowly. “It’s just…I’d like to talk to you, and maybe if we go out to eat, we can have some time together.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You were right the other day. What we had was supposed to be fun, and…and…not this. This isn’t fun. It’s not what you wanted.”
“It’s not what you wanted, either,” he pointed out, shoving his hands in the pockets of his pants. “But maybe together we can find a way to make it work anyway. I owe it to you to—”
“You don’t owe me anything,” she said sharply.
He winced, stepping closer. “I’m sorry.” He locked eyes with her, and what she saw there, the sincerity in his eyes, stabbed her right through the heart. “I didn’t mean what I said the other day, and I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I panicked, I guess.”
“It’s often when we panic that our true feelings come out,” she managed to say through her throbbing throat. “But it’s fine. We both knew what we were when we started. Just because I’m…because I’m pregnant…it doesn’t change anything. You don’t owe me anything, and I don’t owe you anything, either. We’re just two people, going about our lives separately.”
He frowned, stepping closer. She backed up but hit her car. There was nowhere else to go besides in it. “That’s not true. I didn’t mean those things. We’re more than sex. We weren’t just fucking.”
“Yes, we were,” she said, tears stinging her eyes. “And now, we’re not.”
He made a broken sound. “Kass—”
“Don’t. Don’t look at me like that. It’s not fair.”
“Like what?” he asked.
“Like you care about me. You don’t. And don’t tell me you do.” She reached blindly for the handle. “Just…leave me alone, okay? Stop calling. Stop texting. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and for me. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. And I don’t need you.”
“Let me try again,” he begged, reaching out for her hand. “Please, let me have another chance. I can’t say where we’ll end up, or what’s gonna happen, but—”
“No. I can’t do that anymore.”
“I can try to be what you need,” he said desperately. “If you give me a chance, I can try.”
It would be so easy to say yes. To give him that chance, and pretend like she didn’t see how it would end. But the thing was, she knew how it ended. He would walk away.
And she would be alone.
“I’ll try to be everything that you deserve if you give me another chance.” He caught her hand, holding on to it tightly before she could pull free. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep, but I promise I’ll do my best to be the man you deserve. I promise I’ll give you everything I have, even if it’s not enough in the end, and I promise to try to do better than last time.”
And trap him into something he never wanted?
No, thank you.
Part of her wanted to say yes so badly it almost took control of what little logic she had left, but the smarter, quieter part wouldn’t let go. It would only hurt more in the end when they both remembered he didn’t want to be with her after all. So why bother to try? He didn’t love her. Didn’t want to love her.
And that was that.
She lifted her chin, blinking rapidly because she refused to let him see her cry. “I want more. I want love. Happiness. Marriage. What we had was fun, but it’s done. We’re done. If you want to be a part of your child’s life, I won’t stop you…but I won’t make you, either. It’s your choice. Your call. You have nine months to figure that out. But as far as you and I go? I’m done.”
He paled, stumbling back a step. “You’re done.”
“Yep.”
“Kass—” he started, reaching for her.
“No. Don’t Kass me. Don’t touch me. Don’t…just don’t.” She held her hands up, her lower lip trembling. She bit down on it mercilessly. “I understand why we’re here. I’m not mad at you for not wanting to be a part of my life. You told me all along that you didn’t want a relationship, that you didn’t want forever. A baby is forever. I get it.”
“But then I told you I wanted to try for more,” he said calmly. “That I was willing to try.”
“Right before you accused me of being a gold digger?” She snorted. “Yeah, I remember.”
He winced. “I told you—”
“I remember what you told me. I remember all of it. Every word.” She met his eyes. “But I didn’t listen. I fell for you, Wyatt. I love you, so, no, I don’t want you to try, and I don’t want to wait and see what happens if we hope and wish you might decide to stick around and be a part of my life after all. I want someone who is going to need me as much as I need him, if not a little more. I want it all. All the things you don’t want to give me.”
He looked more shocked than when she’d told him she was pregnant.
Maybe even more scared, too.
That told her everything.
She slid into her car through the open door.
He finally snapped out of it. “What if I give you all those things?”
“You can’t,” she said, her voice harsh because she was through with these games. “Don’t even try to convince yourself, or me, otherwise. I won’t believe you.”
He flexed his jaw. “Why not?”
“Because I get you, maybe even better than you get yourself. You don’t want this. You don’t want me.” She closed the door most of the way, pausing before shutting it. “You’re free to walk away and never come back if you want. I free you from all obligation. All commitment. All guilt. Be free. Play football. Have sex with random women all around the world. Kick ass. Win a Super Bowl. Whatever you want. You deserve it all, and more.”
With that, she slammed the door, started the car, and pulled away from the curb.
As she drove away, she glanced in her mirror one last time, in case she never saw him in person again. She’d handed him a get out of jail free card, and if he took it, her child would grow up never being a part of Wyatt’s life. Their child would never understand how Wyatt had changed her life, or the things he’d shown her. How happy he’d made her, even for a short time, and how he’d given her the greatest thing of all…
Before he’d walked away forever.