Chapter 14

Kavanagh Sunday dinner was one of the most fun things Kiera had ever been a part of—it always had been. Hours had passed and she’d barely noticed, completely engrossed in the stories and laughter and personalities of the eccentric bunch.

When she was growing up, it had been only her and her mom for the longest time. Her father had died when she was young, and she didn’t remember too much about him. She met Quinn not long after and followed him around like a groupie. Mom, Quinn, and her—that had been her entire universe.

But the Kavanaghs in all their glory? That world had always been one of the great joys of her childhood—and now. They fought one second, hugged the next. They told the same story fifteen times in a row, and it somehow became funnier and better each time. There was a certain fierceness in the way they loved and defended each other that she wanted in her own life.

In fact, it was a lot like how Quinn was with her.

She was a lot to handle—her mother had made sure she knew that. I mean, she had just shown up at his family’s house against his wishes and, depending on how you looked at it, that might sound slightly unhinged. Kiera didn’t care. It’s who she was. When she wanted something, she went for it. She didn’t let pride or fear or anything else knock her off course.

And she wanted Quinn.

It was almost overwhelming her, how badly she wanted him. A man she’d known her whole life, and suddenly she was rushing out of work to be with him, thinking about him day in and day out, and craving his touch and embrace whenever they were apart. She could barely wrap her mind around it, but she wasn’t backing down.

She turned to Quinn, smiling at the way his dark eyes lit up when he laughed, and how affectionate he was with his cousin, Casey. Swinging red hair and bright blue eyes, Casey’s entire body moved when she spoke and it made Kiera remember how much she’d enjoyed hanging out with Casey in the past.

Casey groaned as she put the last dish into the dishwasher. “Fine! I’ll let you meet him.”

“Good. No man dates you without meeting all of us,” Quinn told her, perched on a stool at the kitchen island.

Kieran and Fiona had already taken Shea home, but the rest of the Kavanaghs were huddled in the kitchen after dinner to clean up, which was mostly just code for desserts and drinks. Kiera was on the stool next to Quinn and had a perfect spectator’s view of the whole family, and she was enjoying it thoroughly.

“What Quinn said,” Rory added, tucking his hair up into a bun on the top of his head. “We have to have a sit-down with him first.”

Kane nodded in agreement behind him, sipping a whiskey. “Yeah, we need time to decide why we’re going to hate him.”

Jimmy wrapped a thick arm around Casey’s shoulders, their matching red hair and few remaining freckles a dead giveaway that they were related…and Irish. “I’m going to need his Social Security number for a background check, Case Face.”

“What?” she shrieked, batting away his arm. “No way! How’s that going to come up naturally in conversation?”

Jimmy shrugged, unconcerned. “At least a driver’s license number.”

“That should be easy to get,” Rory agreed. “Just swipe his wallet.”

“Dee, will you please talk to your sons?” Casey turned to her aunt, and it took all the strength Kiera had not to burst out laughing at this entire exchange. “They are absolutely insane.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be that hard to get his driver’s license, Casey,” Dee said, an apologetic grin on her face as she sided with her sons.

“Take a picture of it with your phone,” Seamus added, biting into one of the cookies Dee had made.

Casey groaned and threw up her hands, turning to Kiera next. “See what I have to deal with here, Kiera? You sure you want in this family?”

“It’s not that bad,” Clare assured Kiera, rocking a sleeping baby Murphy in her arms.

Clare had a glow about her that made motherhood seem so appealing. Strange, because Kiera had never really thought much about being a mother, focusing only on her career and education. But Clare made #GirlBoss look easy. She was a veterinarian during the day, running her own clinic that rescued ex–fight dogs, married to the love of her life, and somehow managed to find the time to be a wonderful mom to her beautiful son on top of it all. Kiera had admired her for years, and that was only increasing every time she was around her.

“Yeah, plus Kiera can’t leave now,” Rory added, his arm over his wife’s shoulder.

“I can’t?” Kiera laughed, loving being brought into the familial back-and-forth. “Why not?”

Kane downed the rest of his whiskey and pulled Nora closer to his side, laughing. “The poor kid’s been head over heels in love with you his whole life, then you went to college, and he barely got out of bed for months! Can you imagine if you broke his heart twice? Now, that would be some fucked-up shit.”

Excuse me…he what now? Kiera’s mouth fell open in surprise.

“Kane!” Quinn spoke through gritted teeth, almost growling. “What the fuck, man?”

Kane’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“Dude. Not cool.” Jimmy shook his head at Kane, grabbing the whiskey glass out of his hand. “Maybe let Nora drive home.”

“What? What did I say?” Kane asked, his expression clueless.

Nora was already pushing him toward the exit. “See you next week, Dee! Thanks for dinner!” she called over her shoulder. “Kane. Car. Now.”

“Bye, kids!” Dee called after them, as high-spirited as ever.

Quinn shoved up from his chair so fast he knocked his cane over. Rory picked it up and handed it to him, noting the awkward looks on everyone’s faces.

“We’re going to head out, too,” Rory said, and Clare nodded, tucking the baby against her chest as she kissed Dee goodbye.

Jimmy joined the exodus. “Me, too. Got an early shift.”

“And I’ve got to…wash my hair…somewhere else.” Casey fumbled for an excuse before hightailing it out of the room.

“Game’s on,” Seamus simply said with a grunt, following the rest of them.

Well, that makes nothing less awkward. Kiera turned to look at Quinn, but he wouldn’t make eye contact.

“I’m getting a cab,” Quinn said, storming from the room so fast she didn’t get a chance to say anything.

“Uh…” Kiera started, but quickly realized she had no follow-up.

Tears began to prick at her eyes, which frustrated her like hell because she was not a crier. I broke his heart? Kiera tried to think back. A sign, a memory, anything that would have given her a clue to the fact that their relationship had been more than platonic all those years. She dropped her head forward into her hands and breathed out slowly, trying to will the tears away, but they were as stubborn as she was and began trailing down her cheeks.

“Oh, honey,” Dee cooed, her arms around Kiera’s shoulders within seconds, since she was the only one left in the room at that point. “Don’t cry. Never cry over a man, especially one of my sons. I’ll be the first to knock them over the head for hurting a woman.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, sniffling and wiping at her eyes. “I didn’t know. I never would have…I never meant to…I didn’t know.”

He’d never told her. He’d never asked her on a date back then. There had never been a single thing he’d ever said or done back then that had made her think he loved her.

And now? Did he still love her now? Did she love him? God, now she was confused.

“I understand, Kiera.” Dee sighed softly. “He’s a private boy, you know? Never one to share his emotions much.”

“But he…” She paused to sniff and wipe her eyes again. “He loves me? Like love love? All this time?”

Dee smiled this time, and it reached her eyes in such a way that there was no doubt in her mind. “Since he rode on training wheels.”

Kiera swallowed hard, her heart aching at the revelation. All this time, he’d been in love with her, and she’d only returned his feelings the last two weeks.

Suddenly, she inhaled sharply as she thought of her eighteenth birthday. All she’d wanted was to lose her virginity before college to someone she felt safe with and loved. But to Quinn? God, it must have meant so much more than that.

Suddenly, the passion and intensity of that night made glaring sense and she hated herself for missing it. Sure, there’d been a tiny spark that night, but she’d been sure it was all in her head. He’d never said he felt it, too. He’d never said he loved me.

She hated how she’d left the next day without a word. She couldn’t remember exactly, but she didn’t think she had even tried calling him until a few weeks later when she was fully settled at college, which of course, he’d never responded to.

Now she understood why.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she thought of how hurt he must have been—because of her.

“I feel so awful,” she cried, her face in her hands again. “If I had known…” Would it have been different? She wasn’t even sure.

Suddenly, her mind flickered back to the tiny metal heart Quinn carried around. The story he’d told her of its origins washed over her, and she realized all too well he’d been talking about her. He’d made it for her—the signs had been there all along.

His heart had always been hers.

“Don’t beat yourself up over this, sweetheart.” Dee rubbed her arm affectionately. “Seamus worked under my father for two years before I had the slightest inkling he found me attractive. In fact, I was downright dismissive of him—considering him just another one of my father’s…how should I say it? One of his…enforcers, I guess.”

Kiera lifted her face to see Dee’s nostalgic smile. She knew all about Seamus’s past in the Mafia under Dee’s father—everyone in Woodlawn did. So that news wasn’t shocking, but the ease with which Dee talked about it was. “Really?”

“Yep,” Dee confirmed. “But you know what? He and I were always meant to be. It was only a matter of timing. I wasn’t ready for my great love yet, and he waited until I was.”

Kiera’s eyes welled with tears again—was Quinn her great love? It seemed way too early to say that, but for him…maybe it was way too late.

“What made you finally realize you wanted to be with Seamus?” she asked, curious as to what sparked the change.

Dee grinned. “When that damn little stick said I was pregnant with Rory.”

“What!” Kiera squeaked. “Dee!”

“Shhh.” Dee put a finger to her lips, a mischievous grin behind it. “That’s a Kavanagh secret few else know.”

“Hoooooly shit.” Kiera was beginning to realize there was no way to avoid cussing in this family. They were way too shocking to not need the exclamations.

“Well, clearly I thought he was good-looking enough to lead to that predicament,” Dee assured her. “But Seamus’s reaction when I told him the news? That’s when I fell in love. He told me he’d loved me the moment he saw me and having a baby with me—actually, he said he wanted ten, Lord help me, we compromised on five—was the biggest blessing he could imagine. Thirty something years later, he was right. Seamus and my kids—including all my nonbiological kids—are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Kiera smiled under her tears, her heart bursting at the sweet sentiment and the overwhelming emotions coursing through her. “You really had no idea he loved you before then?”

Dee rested her chin in her hand, her elbow on the counter. “Well, I say that now. But I knew, even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself. A woman always knows.”

“I didn’t know, I swear,” Kiera said, shaking her head furiously. Tears crept down her cheeks again as she sniffled. “I’d never have led him on, or hurt him like I did.”

“Quinn’s feelings are his responsibility, honey. Not yours. Don’t take that guilt on.” Dee gave her a small squeeze, then handed her a napkin for her nose. “You know what? Why don’t we call Quinn? Let’s get him back here, and I’ll leave you two alone to talk.”

Dee pulled a cellphone out of her pocket and dialed a number.

The theme music to Jaws filled the air.

Kiera started laughing while still crying, and it came out in little snorts and coughs. Quinn’s jacket was still draped over his stool next to her, forgotten. Reaching in the pocket, Kiera pulled out his cellphone and showed it to Dee.

“That rat bastard. I told him to change his ringtone for me,” Dee said, huffing as she took the cellphone from Kiera and declined her own call. “See if I make him that coffee cake he asked for next Sunday. I bet you no one eats fecking coffee cake in this damn house again! Eejits, the whole lot of them!”

Kiera was laughing harder now, her tears drying as the heaviness of the moment passed, and she hugged Dee. This woman had been like an aunt to her growing up, and she loved her even more now. “Thank you, Dee. For everything. I think I’ll just go over to his house, bring him his phone and jacket.”

“That’s a good idea, honey.” Dee hugged her back and handed her back the phone. “But tell him if he doesn’t change my ringtone, there will be hell to pay.”

Kiera giggled. “I’ll tell him.”

Standing, she tucked Quinn’s coat to her chest and headed for her car. Now she just needed to figure out how to apologize for a lifetime of mistakes she hadn’t even known she was making.