Gabe

It’s been days since Mer’s news changed my life. I can barely sleep. I feel a newfound purpose in everything I do. These last days have been torture, having been sworn to keep my trap shut about something so big, so epic, so amazing. If I don’t talk to someone soon, I’m going to explode.

“Alright Gabe. That’ll be enough of that,” Chet states.

“What? I’m not doing anything.” I totally am, and I know it. I can’t help myself. I’ve got the biggest news of my life bottled up inside and I’m about to burst at the seams. I’ve been dashing back and forth like a fool since we got the cattle moved up by the barn this morning. Considering Chet is depending on me to keep the cows calm while he vaccinates them, it’s kind of a big deal. “You talk to Mom at all the last couple days?”

Chet doesn’t look up from his work. “Nope. Haven’t had a reason. Why? Everything okay?”

I nod. “Oh yeah. Sure. Everything’s right as rain.”

Chet shakes his head dismissively. “Go on. What is it?”

I intended to keep things to myself, but obviously that plan is a bust. “What’s what?” I ask, hopeful Chet presses the issue.

He looks up and whistles at the open barn door. “Fine then. Could you at least settle this one down, so I don’t hurt her?” he asks, indicating the cow in the stall. “I’d have been better off working with Hank today.”

Just as Chet and I are settling our attention back on the cow nervously mooing in the chute, Christy’s engagement gift, Marry, trots into the barn and stops at my side, panting and looking up at me. “Whoa, girl. I’m not the one who called you. And I don’t have any bacon with me so don’t ask.” I look back at my brother. “No need to be a dick. If you knew what I know, you’d understand.” I rub Marry behind her ears—just the way she likes.

“Gabe, if you have something to get off your chest, get on with it,” Chet says with exasperation as he tags the cow. “She’s done. Let’s get the next one in.”

“Something to get off my chest? No, not really.” Yes. Please, I need to tell someone, or I might go crazy. I’m so desperate I’m even willing to confide in your sorry ass. I open the front gate of the stall to let the cow through.

Chet looks to his dog. “Okay Marry, you know what to do girl—help her find her way back to the others.” Chet whistles his instructions to the canine and Marry responds to his cue. She barks and nips behind the cow, prompting it forward. The shepherd follows behind, zig-zagging back and forth to keep the animal moving in the direction she wants.

“Watching her do that still boggles my mind. Herding really is a part of her nature, isn’t it?”

Chet smiles. “Christy trained her well, but the fearlessness that dog shows bullying an animal thirty times its size…I suspect that comes natural.”

I throw my hands in the air. “Alright fine. Shit man, you’re like a dog with a bone—refusing to drop the issue until I spill the beans. Mer’s pregnant.” I open the rear gate of the stall to make a path for the next cow.

Without making eye contact, Chet raises the Stetson off his head and scratches his scalp, while a look of bewilderment spreads over his face.

“Hold that thought.” I hurry out of the barn, questioning if I made a mistake by oversharing with a man who might as well be a tree stump when it comes to conversation. To my surprise when I return with a cow in tow, Chet is leaning against the stall, staring right at me. “What?” I ask defensively.

“How are you feeling about it?” The quiet, thoughtfulness of Chet’s tone is familiar, but frankly, a bit unsettling.

“About the pregnancy? How do you mean? It’s terrific. Why?” I know you brother. This is a setup. What’s your game here?

Chet comes up beside me and puts his arm around my shoulder as I close the gate behind the cow. “Congratulations.” His typically flat, straight lips crack into a smile. “I’m real happy for you both.”

“Jesus, enough with the touchy-feely man,” I joke as I pretend to recoil. “Thanks brother.”

Chet takes his place back at the stall and the serious look he usually wears returns. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

“Of course, I have.” Be an awesome dad. Make sure they both never want for anything. I mean, they’re sort of broad stroke ideas at this point, but those are definitely my goals. “Why? Do you have advice, or something?”

Chet brings his hand to his face and strokes his chin. “Nothing you shouldn’t already know.” He pauses. “But life isn’t about you any more, you have other people counting on you. Their needs have to come first from now on.”

“Yep. I get that. Totally.”

“Gabe? Have you and Meredith talked about how the two of you are going to handle this?”

“How do you mean?” I’m not quite sure why but my jaw clenches, holding back a more defensive response while I wait to see where this is going.

“Well, from what I understand, she moved back to Logan to sort her situation out, right?”

“Yeah?” The more Chet speaks the less I think I want to hear what he has to say.

“And the two of you have only been seeing one another for a short time?”

“Your point?” My shoulders raise.

“I think it’s worth reminding you—whatever you may be feeling or thinking about the situation—this affects her in a much bigger, and more permanent way.”

“How do you mean?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“I know you’re not the type of man who would do a thing like this, but as a man, you have the option to walk away. She doesn’t. That baby growing inside her will be with her morning, noon, and night.”

I take a deep breath and relax my torso a little. “Yeah, I get that. And I would never walk away. Ever.”

Chet lowers his voice and leans in. “I know. But, for both your sakes, don’t go making plans without talking to her first. No matter how good your intentions.”

I stand back, the hairs on my neck bristling with contempt as my back stiffens. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Asshole.” I stomp to the far side of the stall. “If you’re finished gabbing away, we should get back to work.”

The next hour passes in silence, except for Chet calling Marry in when he’s ready to shoo out a vaccinated cow. The silence between us pisses me off more and more. I know he prefers it, and the thought of me being irritated and him being happy as a lark is infuriating.

“I was thinking I might take a trip over to the Still ranch and formally ask her dad for his blessing to marry her,” I blurt.

Chet looks up and, without a drop of hesitation in his voice, asks, “You sure that’s a good idea?”

Goddamn you. What’s your problem, anyway?

“What can you possibly think is wrong with that? I’m trying to do the right thing, ya know.”

“Right thing, sure. But is it for the right reason?” Chet asks.

“Yes, it’s for the right reason! You know how I feel about Meredith. She’s always been the one, no doubt about that. Baby or not, I’d be ready to settle down with her.”

Chet nods thoughtfully. “I get that. But will she? Will her dad?”

I regret ever thinking that sharing my wonderful, amazing news with Chet would go any way other than this. I should have left the grand total of people on this ranch having knowledge of the situation at two, Mom and me. At least she was supportive. What’s more, in this moment, I hate him for possibly having a valid point.

“Then I guess I’ll need to make sure they do. Got any useful advice about that? Smart guy.”

Chet sighs. “None that you’d wanna hear, I’m sure.”

The rest of the day drags by with the two of us doing our best to avoid eye contact. We communicate with gestures or grunts as much as possible to minimize the risk we might have to speak to one another again. Meredith and I talk on the phone for a while in the evening, which helps my mood tremendously. Technically, I suppose I neglect to mention sharing the news with Chet. I think she’d be understanding about it, but until I get the all clear that her parents have been informed, I suspect she would be of the opinion that the fewer who know, the better.

It’s not what I want, but like Chet said, it’s not about me anymore.

See, I totally get that. Damned jerk.

I toss and turn most of the night as I try to settle on a plan, all while Chet’s words echo around my thoughts, casting doubt on every idea I come up with.

Around noon the next day I receive a text from Meredith.

Doll: It’s done. They know.

Me: And? How’d it go?

Doll: As expected. Mom cried but was excited by the thought of grandchildren. Dad cursed your name.

Me: Need to come over and get some air?

Doll: No thanks. I think I’m going to drive out to the reservoir for a while. Try and clear my head.

Me: K. Call if you need anything. Love you.

Shit. I just texted love you. Was that okay? Those words haven’t made it into normal conversation, yet.

Doll: I love you too Gabriel.

Phew. Thank God that didn’t blow up on me.

Okay. This may not be perfect timing, but I know her parents know—and—I know she won’t be home. And, I don’t know when I’ll get another chance to ask her dad for his blessing. This may be my only shot, if I want to do things right.

* * *

Chet’s words bounce in my head as I tap the brakes before turning into the Still place. Maybe it’s because I figure there’s a fifty percent chance her dad and brothers will castrate me like a bull, so as to prevent something like this from ever happening again. Or, maybe it’s because I haven’t so much as hinted about the topic to Meredith. Either way, I know Chet’s got to be wrong, because this feels right.

I turn onto their property and keep my foot off the gas, content to let the engine set the speed up the drive. No turning back now.

I stop in front of the house, relieved not to find Jim and James standing outside waiting on me like the last time. Shit. Now what? Do I just ring the doorbell like some schmuck selling vacuums? I put the truck in park and kill the engine, but before ever opening the door to get out, the screen door snaps back after reaching the end of its tether. I look towards the house in time to see Jim, red-faced, angry, and staring right at me.

“You’ve got some nerve showing your face around here. Today of all days. You slimy, worthless piece of shit.” Jim stops the screen door with his boot as he stands, blocking the doorway. “She’s not home, so why don’t you go…while you’re able.”

I open the door and slide out of the truck with both hands in the air. “Easy now. Hang on a second. I come in peace.” I make my way around the front of the vehicle. “Honestly, sir I was hoping to talk to you.”

Sir? No one will ever appreciate how much maturity that took.

Meredith’s mother, Janet, stands behind her husband. “Jim,” she says as she places her hand on his shoulder. “Let’s hear what the man has to say.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” I nod as I take the ballcap off my head and make a feeble attempt at fixing my hair.

“Alright,” Jim says begrudgingly. “I’m listening.” Only, his body language says otherwise.

I stand on the porch, literally with my hat in hand, confessing everything to Meredith’s parents. Well, okay, the PG version of everything. I openly admit to the ignorance and hubris I demonstrated as a teenager. I ramble on and on about how the thought of their daughter haunted me over the years. How I knew she was the one and how I had lost her, through no one’s fault but my own. And then I promise, again and again, that I will spend the rest of my life doing whatever I can to make her happy. Thank God Janet is there to offer an occasional sympathetic ahh or smile, because the only things coming from Jim are grunts of acknowledgement and a cold, hard stare.

When I finally ask for his blessing, if I had to bet on my odds, I would put them at about three percent based on his body language and general demeanor.

Without saying a word, Jim steps forward and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into the most uncomfortable bear hug I’ve ever been trapped in. It probably lasts for five minutes. Oh my God above, please help me. He finally releases me and steps back, his face red, and his eyes puffy. “Maybe, just maybe you will prove yourself worthy of my daughter after all,” Jim says in the gruffest voice he can muster. “The jury’s still out on that, son. But if Meredith sees fit to say yes, well, you have my blessing.”

Janet steps onto the porch and pulls both of us in for a hug. “Oh my, I’m so happy. When are you going to do it? And how?”

Shit.

“Well ma’am, to be honest, I wasn’t sure how this conversation was going to go, so I haven’t put a lot of planning into what happens next. Not yet, that is.”

“Well, I’m sure it will be special,” Janet declares. “Just don’t make us wait too long, now.”

“Yes ma’am.” I turn to leave.

The drive back to the ranch is a blur as my mind sifts through what just happened and what needs to happen next. On the one hand, things went better than I anticipated, which is good. On the other hand, Jim hugged me. What the hell? I shudder thinking back on how uncomfortable the situation was.

I’m overjoyed to have his blessing. To this point, that had been the mountain standing between me and my future, but now? Meredith deserves something memorable. How the hell am I going to pop the question?