Chapter 33

Suzie did not rejoin Tommy in walking back into the house, opting instead to wait in her truck for Judy. Tommy felt bad, and the conversation had not gone well. She was angry at him and she had every right to be, he figured. He hadn’t been honest with her, but he really hadn’t been honest with himself. She maintained her composure through most of the ride, but when they reached his house, she tried to seduce him. He gently rebuffed her advances, and she seemed really embarrassed.

On the way back, she asked, “Do you love him?”

He looked over at her and said, “He’s in my heart, if that means anything. It’s too soon for anything else.”

Her answers from that moment on were stony, and she was cold towards him. He hated himself for it and hoped that time would heal those wounds.

Suzie and him had been involved for a little while. She was the first who took interest in him when he returned from the service and they had started out as friends. One late night at a bar and one thing led to another, and they found themselves in bed together. That had been Tommy’s mistake. Later, he tried, and she tried, but neither of them could quite make it work. There were “walls,” as she described it, that kept him from her. They separated a few months later when he, upon returning from a job, found her sobbing on the floor of his computer room. She had found a picture of him and his best friend with an arm slung around each other’s shoulder.

When he asked her why that picture upset her so much, all she could do was reply that, “You look so happy.” She didn’t go into more detail after that. He tried, out of courtesy more than anything, to ask her to stay, but she railed against the idea and he watched her as she drove off. Secretly, he was relieved. He had his sanctuary back, his privacy, and although he hated parting on such a sour note, he was glad to be alone once again.

As he walked into the house, Judy and Hayden were hunched over his laptop. Obviously, he had shown her the video that Paul and his crew had made earlier. Her face was pale white, and her hands shook as she danced across the keyboard with her fingers. Both barely noticed his arrival and nearly jumped out of their skin when he walked into the kitchen. He glanced up at the pistol on top of the refrigerator and thanked whatever maker there was that none other than himself had tried to gain access to the home since his departure. He didn’t chide Hayden over it, simply thanked the fates for that being the case.

“Judy, Suzie is out in the car,” he said, coming in with an overnight bag which contained a change of clothes, some cash, and some personal hygiene items.

Judy glanced up from what she was doing and judged by the look on his face that the car ride had not gone well. She stood up from the chair and kissed Hayden on the cheek, promising to continue researching once she got home. She took down his cell phone number and email address and walked herself out. On the way, she stopped and put a hand gently on Tommy’s arm.

“It’s going to take time, but she will come around,” she said as she patted it and walked out.

“What was that about?” Hayden asked.

Tommy sighed and put down his bag. “Rumor around town is that we are together. Suzie wanted to hear it from me.”

“Didn’t you and her… Oh, I see.” Hayden sat down again and looked up at him sympathetically.

“Yeah,” Tommy said uncomfortably. “Look, Hayden, rumor has a way of running rampant in this town, and I don’t want you getting caught up in it. I’m not liked much here, and so people don’t talk to me except for a few. The others I couldn’t care less about.”

Hayden cocked his head to the side and smiled at him, confused. “They don’t like you? I can’t imagine why. I like you plenty.” He reached out and tugged Tommy closer by his shirt.

Tommy smiled down to him and placed a hand on his face. He had been dying to touch him all day. “I wasn’t exactly a great kid growing up.”

“What do you mean?”

Tommy sighed and sat down. “I was hell on wheels. Into drugs, underage drinking, I was a self-proclaimed graffiti artist and painted anything that would stand still.” He laughed at the memories of tie-dyed days gone by, but then he sobered up and got serious. “Dad was gone a lot, usually off on a fishing trawler up in Gloucester where he and Mom are from. They moved here when they had me, and Mom got a teaching job early on, but Dad would travel back during the fishing season and be out on the boat till mid-October. He was first mate aboard the John Beck, a swordfish boat and he loved it.

“Mom loved it too. She used to be waiting on the pier with the other wives for when he returned, and I knew she missed home, but outside of the fishing industry, there isn’t much else going on up there in Massachusetts. Anyway, I kept getting into trouble, and had a few run-ins with the law and would raise as much hell I could. I felt like no one understood me, and even though I excelled in my classes, I was bored stupid. Finally, my antics got me more than a citation. My friend Luke and I were hanging out with some heavy drug dealers, and one night at a party they were throwing, things got out of hand and shots rang out. Some guys from Boston had come down to see their dealer who hadn’t been sending the money back to them.

“Luke wasn’t shot, but he did get hit by the car driving away. He was hit hard enough to put him in a coma and he never woke up.”

Tommy back in his chair. He had Hayden’s hands in his, and he was paying so much attention to them that Hayden knew he was lost in his story.

“What happened?” Hayden asked softly.

“I wasn’t at the party that night. I had been studying, SATs were coming up, and I wanted to score high, ya know? Just so I could piss off every teacher I ever had by not going away to college. But Luke’s dad showed up the next day, and it was just…the worst thing I had ever seen in my life. The man just lost his son over some stupid shit and he wanted to know how I was involved. He was ranting and raving and threatening to do all kinds of things to my family and me, but Dad intervened, and they had it out on the driveway.

“I’m a foot taller and about fifty pounds heavier than my dad but he was sea tough, an old salt dog, and he beat the hell out of the man. Then he did something I’ll never forget. As the man lay, defeated, Dad picked him up, dusted him off, and brought him inside.” Tommy cleared his throat and continued.

“He sat him down, fetched three beers out of the refrigerator and called me into the kitchen with them. He placed the one beer in front of me, one in front of Luke’s dad, and sat down with the last one. There was this guy, bruised up, black eye, swollen face, bleeding, and completely devastated. Once I sat down, my dad made me tell him everything the man wanted to know. I tried to bloviate and brush it off, but my dad looked at me like he didn’t even know who I was and then the truth came out. When the man left, my dad sat down in the kitchen with me and when he looked at me, I wanted to die. He was crying, my dad, crying.

“He told me how disappointed he was in me. How that man’s life would be changed forever and how Luke would never be able to have a beer with his dad or live his life. I was heartbroken over Luke’s death, and my dad knew that, but he needed to teach me a lesson. And he did. I sobered up, straightened up, graduated almost top of my class, and joined an ROTC program in Boston, and was in the military as a lieutenant by the time I was twenty-one. My dad and mom both were very proud of me, and I figured time away would heal the wounds I left behind, but I guess they didn’t. Some people remembered who I was.

“Dad eventually quit working as a sword fisherman, after a Nor’easter tore his boat up bad. He had a few run-ins with bad storms near the Outer Banks but nothing as bad as this had been. See, Mom and Dad both remembered the Nor’easter that tore into Gloucester and sunk the Andrea Gail—the boat they made that movie about—and I think it spooked Dad a little.

“So, he found a little job here and retired. Mom eventually quit teaching, and they spent the rest of their years together trying not to kill each other,” he said, laughing. God it feels good talking about this stuff, he thought.

Hayden loved every shred of detail, not for the trouble of them, but just so he could know the man in front of him.

Tommy walked over to the fridge and grabbed a couple of beers, one for him and one for Hayden, who watched him in silence. “Some people in town remember me as a trouble-making asshole that got his best friend killed. And no matter what I did afterwards or what I do for the rest of my life that will follow me. I’m just worried that it’ll…reflect negatively on you as well. I don’t want to see you shunned because of me.” He felt like he had really put himself on the hook for judgment and was worried of what Hayden might say.

“The stuff you were into when you were a kid was pretty bad, and if I’d have been your parent, I probably would have beaten your ass for it. But that’s the thing, Tommy, you were a kid. People mess up constantly, and sometimes don’t even intend to do harm. You straightened yourself out, graduated—hell, you joined the military and worked in Special Forces doing God knows what and…those stories you can tell me another night, please… I’ll have ulcers just thinking about it.” Hayden held up his hand, laughing. “But my point is, you made amends for it above and beyond. And if the people in this town can’t see that, then… Well…fuck ’em.” Hayden finished and picked up the Budweiser.

As Tommy listened to the words, his heart filled. But when Hayden said “fuck ‘em,” he almost fell about laughing. The room boomed with the sound, and Hayden jumped, along with his beer, when Tommy slapped the counter with his hand in jest. Hayden loved the sound of his laughter, it was deep and happy.

“Besides, if anyone in town gives me shit then I’ll sic my bad-ass boyfriend on ’em,” Hayden said, smiling and taking another swallow of his beer.

Tommy stopped chuckling and stared at the man before him. “Boyfriend, huh?”

“Caught on to that, did you?” Hayden set his beer down and climbed onto the lap of his lover.

“Yeah, I kinda noticed,” Tommy said, pulling him closer. “Seeing how I’m no longer an employee.”

“Yes, no fraternization is allowed. But you’re right. I’ll cut your check tomorrow.” Hayden ran a hand over Tommy’s wide chest.

“Nope. Keep your money. I already decided to not cash the check anyway.”

Hayden nodded, looking serious. “Fine. Then take me upstairs and make love to me,” he said, staring into Tommy’s eyes.

The hard lines on Tommy’s face softened when Hayden said that. He leaned in to kiss the lips of the man in his lap and ran his hands up his back, eventually stopping at his head to pull him closer. His fingers were entangled in his hair.

Tommy loved to touch him, to taste him, and feel the desire returned to him. He loved feeling his breath being taken from him and then given back as they kissed, the passion inside of both rising like a fire ready to ignite the world. They tasted each other, teased each other, with teeth and tongues and lips. Their hands roaming each other’s bodies, pulling, pushing, and caressing. Hayden leaned his head back as Tommy trailed his neck with his mouth, shivering as his lips passed his throat and fell into the soft spot between neck and chest. He squeezed Tommy’s hips with his knees as the shiver ran through his body and moaned from the pleasure of it.

The hardness of Tommy underneath his clothing made Hayden wild and full of desire to be held in the strength of those muscles. Hayden knew he was gay; it had never been a question for him. He loved women, thought they were beautiful, and powerful and intelligent. But there was something about the hardness of a man that made his blood boil and his loins ache, and right now, he felt like he was in an inferno.

Where Hayden felt like he was on fire, Tommy felt like he was drowning in a sea of desire. Wet, powerful, and merciless with wave after wave of hunger battering against him, he wanted to fling himself headfirst into it. He wanted to drown in it, to plunge deep within the smell and the taste and the feel of Hayden. His lips were like the sweetest opiate that sent his mind soaring into new heights. His skin, soft flesh over toned muscle, and God, the smell of his hair, made him want to drink from the depths of him. His body ached for the touch of Hayden’s hand, to see his eyes focused on his own.

As the kissing continued, Tommy reached down and unbuttoned Hayden’s shirt, pulling it back off his arms and letting it drop to the floor. Hayden held onto Tommy’s head as he took Hayden’s nipple into his mouth. The feeling of his hot mouth on his tender flesh made him gasp and shudder as Tommy’s tongue flicked, then he bit and kissed him on one nipple and then the other at the same time cupping his ass.

“Tommy…oh…please, let’s go upstairs,” Hayden begged.

Tommy pulled back, smiling, and nodded, grabbing the gun from the fridge before they made their way upstairs. He placed it in the drawer of the nightstand.

Hayden walked into the room behind him and wrapped himself around Tommy’s back, holding him close as Tommy let him. The sweet moment turned hot again as Hayden reached inside the shirt and moved his hands up the hard planes of Tommy’s tummy and chest, feeling the coarse hair under his palms.

Tommy grabbed his hands and guided them back down from his chest to his belly to the waistband of his jeans before turning around and consuming Hayden’s mouth with his own.

He was merciless this time; his hands grabbed and pulled as clothing was shed and Hayden was naked in front of him. Tommy drank his body in like a man dying of thirst, and Hayden guided him to the bed and fell upon him. They embraced again, their hunger sparking and flying higher and higher, and before too long, Tommy’s clothes had joined Hayden’s on the floor.

“Wait…wait…hold on,” Hayden said breathlessly as he reached inside his nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lube.

“What’s that? Oh. Oh! Hayden, are you sure?” Tommy sat back on his haunches.

“Please. I need it. God I need it,” he said as he poured a small amount into his hand and reaching between them to Tommy’s erect manhood. The coolness of it and the warmth of Hayden’s hand made Tommy moan and his eyes roll back in his head. He opened them just in time to see Hayden add more to his fingers and slide them inside of himself, arching his back as he did, his own cock jumping and throbbing against his body, the look of need in his eyes.

Tommy leaned over him and kissed him gently on the lips and felt Hayden spread his legs and wrap them around his hips. He kept his eyes locked on Hayden’s as he adjusted his body and slowly entered him. The feeling made Tommy want to thrust deep within him, but he didn’t want to hurt Hayden.

Slowly, almost achingly slow, he moved within him until Hayden was filled with all of his flesh.

Hayden’s eyes were large and wanting, and he pulled Tommy down to kiss him, and that was when Tommy slowly started to move. First, he was gentle, oh so gentle, but the pace picked up as soon as he knew Hayden was okay. The feeling of being inside of Hayden blew Tommy’s mind, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before he reached the point of no return. His gentleness faded fast, and the hunger returned, and Tommy crushed Hayden’s body with his own as he thrust harder and harder into him. His lover’s arms reached behind him and ran down his back, squeezed his ass, and returned to Tommy’s chest.

“Oh, don’t stop, Tommy, please. More. Please,” Hayden begged as he picked up rhythm. Hayden’s arms were around his back, pulling him down as they moved together, Hayden meeting his thrust with one of his own, and soon, the moaning and panting turned to shouts of ecstasy and desire. With one final thrust, Tommy exploded deep inside his lover, who followed him over the edge with just a few strokes and a shout of Tommy’s name. They collapsed together in a sweaty mess and breathless wonder, spent, and Tommy pulled Hayden close to him.

“So that’s what that’s like,” Tommy said breathlessly.

Hayden looked up at him in wonder. “You mean you’ve never…” he began and stopped when Tommy shook his head.

“That was amazing,” he said, letting his head fall back on the pillow.

“Yeah, it was,” Hayden agreed. Still entangled with each other, Hayden was the first to fall asleep, but not before he kissed Tommy on the lips one more time. As the moments ticked by, and Tommy came down from his high, he felt the melting of his stony heart and a door opening to let someone in. For the first time in his life, he was falling in love. It was wonderful and terrifying at the same time. He could kiss this man for the rest of his life, but his eyes drifted past him and to the window and the darkness outside.

He wondered at the speed of the feelings between them. He knew something was out there, something pushing them together. This was simply out of character for him to be so beside himself with feelings and desires this uncontrollable. He hoped against hope that it was God or the Fates or some merciful being who wouldn’t be introducing him to love just in time to rip it away in some continuation of The Divine Comedy.

So, humbled, he decided to make his case be known to whatever it was pulling them together. In a hushed tone, he whispered, “Please. To whoever is listening out there, please keep him safe. Please give me the strength to be a good man to him. I know you can hear me. Please grant me this one thing, and I swear I’ll never ask for anything again.” The hairs on his arms stood up and a chill cascaded down his back as he was sure someone heard his pleas.