Camden

Amber and James had arranged for a large table for our group on the outdoor terrace at the Londra Bar in the hotel. It was a picturesque day in Venice. The sky was a piercing shade of blue, and the sun shone down unyieldingly, putting the temperature blissfully in the mid-seventies. I had mindlessly ordered some sort of fruity champagne cocktail and tried to convince myself that while hanging out with my entourage, I didn’t have a care in the world. The truth, however, was that all I could think about was how amazing it would be to have Kate sitting in my lap, enjoying our friends and the gorgeous surroundings together. Everything was better with Kate by my side. I laughed harder; food tasted better; conversations were deeper. The world just seemed brighter with her in my life, and I was sorely missing her now as I thought about her sitting alone in her room while I was down here, pretending to have a blast.

I even found it irritating when Castell arrived, but I supposed that wasn’t a new occurrence. I always had this weird desire to rub his face in my relationship with Kate, even now knowing that it was my sister whom he was after. It wasn’t a surprise when Matt pulled up a chair, putting himself between Lizzy and me. He was always cutting me off from something. For fuck’s sake, I’m being ridiculous.

“So, where’s my Katie-cat?” Matt said as he pointed out a cocktail on the menu to the waitress that was busy salivating over him, unbeknownst to him.

“Your Katie-cat?” I said a bit irritated but trying to keep things light.

“Your Katie-cat?” he shot back with a questioning smile.

I took a sip of my cocktail just as Lizzy jumped in. “I don’t think she’s feeling well. A migraine, perhaps.”

I noticed Lizzy and Amber eye each other a bit and hated that these two women were trying to handle me.

“What’s the plan for tonight?” I said, wanting desperately to change the subject.

“A friend of mine is having a killer yacht party. We gotta hit that up,” James said definitively.

“Sounds like a plan,” Matt shot back. “Maybe Katie will be up for it by then.”

“Her name is Kate,” I said under my breath.

“What’s that?” Matt asked, genuinely not having heard me.

“Nothing.” I drained my drink and stood to leave the table. “What time are we leaving? I want to get a shower.”

“We’ll grab dinner at Do Leoni at seven. Amber already made us a rezzie, and then we’ll hit the boat around nine or so. Cool?”

“Sounds great,” I enthused, perhaps overplaying my hand a bit. Amber eyed me with concern, but I shrugged it off to head inside.

Once back in the lobby, I found myself heading to the front desk to find out what room Kate was in, which was, of course, easier said than done since giving out guest information at the front desk was generally frowned upon. I was, however, able to muster just enough charm to get the job done and quickly made a beeline for the elevators and up to Kate’s room door.

When I arrived at the door, I stared at it paralyzed for a moment. What the fuck was I going to say to her? I went ahead and knocked on the door and waited. The room was quiet. I couldn’t hear any movement within and instantly hated the feeling of emptiness that rushed through me at her absence. It was a feeling that I couldn’t quite stomach having to get used to.

“Katie, it’s me, love. Are you there?” I said, knocking again and listening for the faintest hint that she was there. My efforts, however, were interrupted by Amber who had approached me in the hall.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“What does it look like? I’m checking in on Kate. I imagine she’s napping off that headache, though,” I said now reluctantly moving away from her door.

“Okay, I think you and I both know that she isn’t sick, so I’ll ask again. What are you doing—in the larger sense, Cam?”

I sighed at how transparent I must have been to Amber and just shook my head.

“Oh, just fucking up the best thing to ever come into my life,” I said as I scratched my head pathetically.

Amber softened, apparently feeling bad for me. “Cam…” Her voice oozed with sympathy as she rubbed my arm. “Come inside,” she ordered as she lead me towards her hotel room door just across the hall. I followed her in and closed the door behind us.

“Tell me what happened.”

“We fell in love, that’s what happened, Amber,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Well, good for you!”

“She met my family, my friends, we spent time together, and did—things.”

“You had a lot of sex. I don’t need the details.”

I smiled, perhaps for the first time that afternoon. “We even said the words to one another. It was so easy. It just felt right.”

“Wow, you work fast, Atwood,” she said with a grin. “So, where’s the monkey wrench?”

I shook my head in frustration. “I asked her to attend the premiere as my date…only now that I’m thinking about it, perhaps I didn’t even ask her. I sort of just forced it on her, didn’t I?” I said more to myself as I began to pace just as Kate always did. “Fuck!”

“Did she have fun, at least?”

“I wouldn’t know. She called in my mother to fill in for her. She said she just wasn’t ready for all of it, and of course I freaked out, and then to add insult to injury, Ethan came to see me this morning,” I said, now getting fired up.

“Jesus.”

“Yeah, he said he wanted to see me before we left London.”

“Let me guess. He pushed all your buttons like he always does.”

“Of course, he did, and I just stood there and let him do it, didn’t I? Next thing I know, I’m sent off into this—this fucking downward spiral, overanalyzing my relationship with Kate, and now I think I’ve pushed her too hard to define us before she was ready. Like I said, I’m completely fucking this up.”

“Why are you pushing so hard? It sounds like you’re fully aware that that’s not the best move here.”

“Because I am terrified of losing her, Amber. Jules was one thing, but this is on a whole other level. I don’t know if I’ll survive this if I get in much deeper and she walks away.”

“And you want it locked down with a fucking guarantee?”

“Yes!”

“I’m afraid no one gets that in this life, buttercup.”

I let Amber’s words sink in, and I immediately knew she was right. “Fuck!” I said as I turned from Amber and began to pace again as I ran my fingers through my hair.

Amber stopped me in my tracks, turning me toward her suddenly big sisterly face. “Look, you just need to go and talk to her.”

“I’ve just tried, haven’t I? She didn’t answer. And she wasn’t answering her mobile earlier either,” I said now feeling the anxiety begin to simmer in my gut.

“Well, then keep trying.”

“Amber, I’m going to go nuts if she won’t answer me tonight. What time is it?”

“Quarter to six.”

“Let’s start drinking now,” I said, rushing over to her mini bar to find my poison—whiskey this time.

“Cam, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Come on, this is how we roll, right? Good times, no complications,” I said as I poured us both shots of whiskey and handed one to Amber. I downed mine and refilled the glass as Amber just stared at me. “Bottoms up!” I said, coaxing her. Amber was never one to let me drink alone and reluctantly downed her shot, as well. “Let’s have a night to remember in Venice,” I said pathetically.

“Sure, Cam,” she said halfheartedly, but I didn’t give a fuck. I wasn’t going to sit around here feeling miserable all evening, and I didn’t.

---

That night, James had decided to test the limits of my credit card without a limit. After downing enough 450 Euro bottles of Dom Perignon to kill a horse, we rolled out of our hotel, a raucous display of obnoxious entitlement, undoubtedly disturbing any residents hoping for a quiet evening in the vicinity. We walked along Riva Degli Schiavoni toward the Piazza San Marco, passing by restaurants with the most intoxicating smells and small kiosks selling overpriced Venetian souvenirs. It was a beautiful night, and I was conscious of the fact that I would have been far happier to have Kate tucked under my arm as we walked to the small boat that was to take us to the yacht moored on the Canali de Venezia where we had planned to dance into the wee hours. I watched as Castell did just that, though, with my own sister. Why I now found him so irksome, I really didn’t know. He’d been nothing but kind to me, and from the looks of things had done well to keep a smile on my sister’s face. That was it though, wasn’t it? Castell was getting it right while I was flailing around like a man drowning.

Aboard the yacht was the type of scene that I had been in a million times before and had always sort of pretended to enjoy immensely but generally felt decidedly empty taking part in. James, however, was in his element, having swooped in and overtaken a seating area for us near an alcove where Alexis Hathaway was holding court with her own entourage—her entire group coked out of their minds, girls in skimpy outfits and the sketchy men getting a little too handsy for my liking. It was just as Ethan had described it: “Whores, drug addicts, and Hollywood scumbags.” I couldn’t stand the sight of it.

Everyone on the boat had a glass of champagne in hand, and I suspected that no one aboard actually knew the name of the person who had paid for it. It was all very nouveau riche meets Euro trash meets Gatsby. As the night progressed, I took whatever drink was handed to me and downed it, feeling my melancholy set in as I watched Lizzy having the time of her life, dancing like she didn’t have a care in the world. Castell seemed to only have eyes for her and never left her side the entire evening, and when I saw the two of them finally embraced in a sweet kiss, it wasn’t much of a surprise, but filled by heart with a pang of jealousy that I desperately wanted to subdue.

Amber, on the other hand, was working the room, likely finding her next free stay in Tuscany or a cruise to some exotic port of call. James was nearly passed out in a corner, having worn out his welcome with the rest of the guests hours ago. Even Evander had found a ridiculously good looking older gentleman to flirt with. There was fun being had by all around the yacht, but I most definitely wasn’t having any myself. I had a bitter taste in my mouth as I tried to take another sip of champagne, but even that had started to taste foul. I hated it here. I hated all of this. This wasn’t at all what I wanted anymore or needed.

“You okay, Cam?” Tony asked, concern etched on his face.

I took a deep breath and one last look at my surroundings, shaking my head decisively. “You know what? I just realized something, Tony. I don’t belong here anymore.”

Tony stared at me in mild confusion. “Do you want to leave?”

“Very much so.”

He smiled at me. “Let’s get you out of here, then.”

I saw Tony motion to Lizzy to let her know that we were leaving, and she rushed over.

“You’re not leaving already, are you?” she said with a bit of a slur to her speech.

“Yeah, the party is just getting started,” Matt said jovially as he held my sister up a bit as she swayed into him blissfully.

As envious as I was of what had seemed too come so easily for them, I loved that Lizzy was having such a wonderful time. “I’m afraid so. I’ve got somewhere that I need to be,” I told her flatly.

Lizzy smiled at me knowingly and kissed me on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” she said as she squeezed my hand. “Good luck!”

I winked at her and with that, Tony and I headed off the yacht, and after a bit of a wait were in a water taxi headed back to the main drag to get back to the hotel.

“Now, Tony, what do you suppose the chances are that you could get the hotel to give you a key to Kate’s room?” I asked him as we made our way through the crowds toward the hotel.

“Cam, I think maybe you should get some rest and just see her in the morning,” he said impatiently.

I knew I was a bit drunk at this point, but I really couldn’t have cared less. I was on a mission. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work for me. I am officially throwing a celebrity tantrum. I want Kate’s key, and I want it tonight,” I said fully aware that I sounded like a petulant child.

Tony grinned at me and just shook his head. “I’ll get you the stupid key,” Tony said as we entered the hotel lobby once again.

“Right. Thank you,” I said made my way to an alcove by the elevators to wait while Tony worked his magic. I watched as presumably, a night manager weighed in on the situation and then some other presumably higher-up supervisor got pulled into the conversation. I was on pins and needles waiting for the outcome. Finally, Tony strolled back over to me, not in any rush mind you, and finally held out a key to me. I may have done a little celebratory dance in the lobby, forcing Tony to push me into an elevator in an attempt not to make a scene.

“Cam, tread lightly, okay? You’re a little…”

“Right. Yes. Lightly,” I said, not entirely listening and heading the wrong way up the hall, requiring Tony to turn me back in the other direction.

When I reached Kate’s door, the uncertainty of what was to come sobered me up a bit. There was, however, no turning back now, so I went ahead and unlocked the door and entered. The room was dark, save for the lights on the canal that shone through the windows of Kate’s room. I stumbled around in the dark, nearly overturning a discarded room service cart in the process. Finally, I turned my attention to the bed in the right corner of the room, and there she was, all scrunched up into a beautiful little ball, looking very tiny in the king-sized bed. The alcove that the bed sat in had decorative curtains on either side of the wall, creating a sort of Disney princess-like bed. I smiled at the thought. All I wanted at this moment was to be close to her.

I took my shoes off and closed the distance between us, deciding that as much as I wanted to work things through with her tonight, just feeling her next to me would be enough for now. I gingerly lifted the covers on the opposite side of the bed and crawled in quietly beside her. She hadn’t stirred, and I should have been satisfied but decided to press my luck and draped my arm across her body to properly spoon her as I always did at night and for just a second, I was utterly content.

“What the hell!” Kate screamed as she inadvertently kicked me in the balls as she scrambled from the bed and turned on the lights.

“Agh!!!” I was writhing in pain now but managed to get out of bed. “Katie, it’s just me. It’s just me.”

“Jesus, Cam! You scared the shit out of me!”

“I’m sorry, I just…I just wanted to see you,” I said lamely, rubbing my crotch now and hoping that my agony would begin to subside while realizing the idiocy of my plan. I sat down on the bed, rocking myself a bit.

Kate couldn’t help but laugh at my sorry state, and I felt sure that I should play to that strength right now and just looked at her pathetically.

“You really are an idiot,” she said, crossing her arms definitively.

“You know this about me, Kate, and you promised you’d just cut me lots of slack.

“I did say that, didn’t I?” she sighed. “Do you want some ice for that?”

“Please.”

Kate went dutifully to the mini bar and after a few minutes returned with a towel of ice and found me reclined in the bed with my head propped up on a pillow.

“Please, make yourself at home,” she said dripping with sarcasm as she climbed in on the opposite side and dropped the ice pack in my lap—not gently. She leaned in a bit closer and almost immediately her expression soured. “Cam, you reek of booze and cigarettes, and God knows what else.”

“Yep. I’m actually quite drunk, Katie, but I didn’t want to go to bed without telling you that I’ve done a lot of things today that I’m not proud of and I hope you’ll be willing to talk through them with me when I’m sober at some point tomorrow morning—and, of course, ultimately forgive me.”

Kate just took in my pathetic state. “What am I supposed to do with you like this? I’m so mad at you right now, but you’re so freaking cute when you’re drunk, and I want to take care of you, which makes me hate myself.”

I tried to stifle a grin, knowing I had her right where I wanted her, and tugged her closer to me, nuzzling her neck the way I knew she loved, but she pushed me away.

“Ugh, Cam, seriously…shower…now,” she said in disgust.

I sighed and gingerly got off the bed and headed toward the area where I presumed the bathroom was.

“You know, I wouldn’t be opposed to you joining me.”

Kate cocked her head and gave me that adorably, unamused look that she seemed to reserve only for me, and I slinked away quietly, convinced that I had heard her laugh as I disappeared into the bathroom. Yes!

---

After showering and borrowing Kate’s toothbrush to freshen up the breath, I felt like a new man as I draped myself in the extra bathrobe hanging on Kate’s bathroom door. I was sobered up enough at this point to feel a slight twinge of embarrassment for my behavior and had the good sense to re-enter the bedroom carefully. Kate was tucked into bed, flipping through channels on the TV having now turned out the lights.

“Is it okay if I stay?”

“I put a bottle of water on your side of the bed. Make sure you drink it,” she said humorlessly.

I smiled, grateful for the inch she was clearly giving me. I climbed into bed next to Kate, downed the bottle of water in one greedy gulp, and sank under the covers, suddenly feeling more confident than ever that I was exactly where I was meant to be. Kate was home to me now.

Kate turned off the TV and sank down into the bed, facing away from me, leaving me a bit lonely on my side of the bed. I watched her huddle away from me and for a long moment felt determined that I couldn’t let it stand and decided to cautiously make my way over to her side of the bed where I slowly wrapped an arm around her and spooned her the way I had intended when I had arrived there earlier that night. Minutes passed, and there was no returned connection from her. I had almost given up hope when I felt her interlace her fingers with mine and tug my hand in closer to her heart.

“I love you, sweet girl,” I whispered to her as I kissed her shoulder.

There was a long pause. “I love you, too, you idiot,” Kate said.

I chuckled as I pulled her closer to me and soon fell into a peaceful sleep.