CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Gabe
Incessant knocking pulls me from my tormented sleep. My gritty eyes barely open before I quickly slam them shut, the unwelcome sunlight spearing through my head.
Two nights of heavy drinking was not a good idea, especially when it did nothing to ease the heaviness in my chest or erase the painful memories that have surfaced since that bastard showed up.
Then there’s the image of the beautiful woman I walked away from the other night. It’s that memory that has haunted me most of all.
When the knocking continues, I force myself out of bed and clumsily slide my jeans and shirt on before walking downstairs. By the time I reach the door, I have to brace my hand on the wall to steady myself, the ground tilting beneath my feet.
As I reach for the handle, a flicker of hope penetrates my chest, praying it will be the one woman I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. That flicker burns out when I open it and find my mother.
“Mijo,” she greets me with a whisper. The devastation on her face as she stands on my front steps only serves to drive my conflicting emotions deeper. “I’ve been calling you.”
“I’ve been busy.”
Like drinking myself into oblivion and trying to forget the past couple of days. Turns out there is no amount of alcohol consumption that can mask the feelings battling inside of me.
“Can I come in?” she asks.
The last thing I want to do is hash shit out with her, because then I will have to talk about him and I don’t want that. I want to pretend he doesn’t exist just like I have for the past fifteen years. However, as I stare back at the one woman who gave me everything, I’m unable to deny the request.
I step aside to let her enter then walk over to take a seat on the couch before I end up puking all over the place. My head rests back, eyes closing as I try to find my gravity.
The cushion dips next to me as my mother sits down. She reaches up and turns my face toward her. “You look terrible.”
My eyes pop open, meeting hers. “Betrayal will do that to you.”
Hurt pinches her expression. “I didn’t betray you, mijo.”
“It sure fucking felt that way considering I was told to leave so he could stay.”
“That was for your safety. You were so angry,” she whispers.
“Damn straight I was, and I have every right to be.”
“Yes, you do, but you need to learn to control your temper. It will consume you and eat away at you if you let it. It can destroy everything around you, including yourself.”
My jaw locks as I fight the urge to argue that point because I can’t. After all, my temper did make me lose the only girl I’ve ever loved.
“You let him in our house, Ma. Why would you do that?”
“Because I wanted to hear what he had to say.”
“Who gives a shit what he had to say?”
“I do!” she fires back. “I deserve answers for what he did, Gabriel, even if they are unjustifiable. We all do.”
“There’s nothing he can say to undo the damage he caused. Why even give him the chance?”
“Because I need closure,” she chokes out, the tears she’s been trying to keep in begin tumbling down her face. “Even after all these years, I still love him.”
Every muscle in my body tightens, disbelief burning in my gut. “You can’t be serious.”
“A part of me will always love him. How can I not? He gave me five of the most precious gifts I could ever ask for.”
“Yeah, then he left you to raise them all on your own,” I remind her, my voice hard.
She wipes her tears with the back of her hand. “Yes, he did. But you have to understand the man who walked out on me that day was not the man I fell in love with. It’s the first one I will always love, not the last.”
“So what are you saying? Are you actually considering taking him back?” The thought has my already nauseous stomach viciously churning.
“No. Despite my conflicted feeling I could never take him back. I’d never be able to trust him again.”
I’m thankful for that because I would not be able to handle it if she did. It would change the dynamic of our relationship.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, grabbing my hand. “Not only for how badly he hurt you, but that you had to help me pick up the pieces all those years ago. It wasn’t fair. You deserved more as a child and for that I truly am sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I tell her, my voice gruff. “I had a good life growing up and an even better mom. I don’t regret any of it.”
A sob falls from her as she pulls me in for a hug. “I love you, Gabriel. I could have never gotten through that without you. You were my rock.”
All of the anger I harbored toward her moments ago melts beneath her embrace. “We were better off without him, Ma. You were too good for him then and you still are. He doesn’t deserve you.”
She leans back, her tear-filled eyes colliding with mine. “I am not going to take him back, mijo, and he knows that. But he does want a relationship with his children.”
Fury pumps through my heated blood once again. “Not fucking happening.”
It will be a cold day in hell before I ever let that man back into my life.
She nods. “I didn’t think so and that’s your choice, but some of your brothers might feel differently. I know Luis is considering it. You need to respect that, even if you don’t approve of it.”
It’s a total mind fuck for me to understand how anyone can give that man another chance. My little brother might not remember him walking out on us but he does remember what it was like to grow up without a father.
“Now, tell me what happened with CeCe.”
My eyes cut to her, that burning in my chest intensifying. “How do you know about that?”
“I called her looking for you since you weren’t answering my calls and she told me you guys weren’t together anymore. She sounded heartbroken.”
I swallow thickly, guilt and regret battling in my chest as I remember the way I left her crying.
“What did you do, mijo?”
“I fucked up,” I tell her, not bothering to sugarcoat shit.
“Then you need to fix it.”
“I don’t think I can, and I’m not sure I should. We’re too different, Ma.”
“Nonsense,” she says, her voice heated.
I shake my head. She doesn’t understand, she didn’t see how much I stood out at that party.
Grasping my face, she forces my eyes to her. “Do you love her?”
It’s a question I don’t have to think about. “Yeah. I love her.”
“Then fix it, mijo, or you will regret it for the rest of your life.”
“How?”
A sad smile cracks her lips. “That is something you will have to determine on your own, but I have no doubt you will. If anyone can right their wrongs, it’s you, Gabriel. Show her how sorry you are. Win her back and once you do…never let her go.”
A newfound hope surges in my chest, mixing with the determination burning in my veins. Let’s just hope I’m not too late.