Dad runs a hand through his hair while ushering me onto the street. With his eyes darting left and right he latches onto my elbow, guides me to a waiting limo, his temporary driver standing at attention.

Under my breath, I mutter, “I have to go to my hotel.”

“Fuck that.”

In a hushed and angry voice, I say, “I have my things there! Emma is coming! Sofia drove her motorcycle all the way to Fort Lauderdale and back! I can’t just disappear without telling them. They probably have gotten back now and are waiting for me!”

“They’ll understand. Call them. Oh, that’s right. You don’t have a phone anymore. Here.” He hands me his as I land in the luxury car.

“Is that Justin Cocker?” a woman asks. Her overly tanned husband is staring at my dad trying to figure it out as they pass our car.

“Hello. Good to see you,” Dad smiles, his charming smile flashing. They can’t see the tension hiding behind his eyes like I can.

I once asked why he didn’t run for President and he said he had no interest in being crucified on a daily basis. “Plus I care about you kids too much. It’s hard enough on you the level I’m at. I don’t want to see what happens were I reaching higher.”

I’m glad he didn’t.

But I wouldn’t be surprised if Elijah didn’t give it a shot. He’s at Yale for a reason and I know part of it is he worships Dad. He’s not studying law to fight in court. He yearns for the bigger battles in Washington.

Dad slides into the backseat next to me as I wait for Sofia to answer. At the sound of shouting we twist around to look out the rear window, our eyes narrowing in exactly the same way. Tourists are yelling and pointing, “Hey, I think that was Hannah and Justin Cocker!”

This is the first time they’ve said my name before his.

An honor I don’t want.

God, that video.

It’s one thing to have the world see me stroking Tobias while he caressed my breasts, but my dad seeing it? Our whole family watching me do that? I’m so embarrassed I can hardly look at him.

Dad orders, “Drive!” and we lunge from the curb.

Sofia Sol comes through the phone, “Hey Uncle Justin.”

“It’s me Soph,” I whisper.

“Hannah, motherfucker, let me guess.”

“You’ve seen the video?”

“Yeah! Emma told me about it when I picked her up. Showed me at the airport but I had no way to call you.”

“I know,” I mutter, head in my hand. “Hey, I thought Andy had offered to drive you. Wasn’t sure if you took him up on it.”

“I sent him home after a good banging last night.”

Despite the circumstances, her change of heart about him makes me smile a little. “Lucky guy.”

“Lucky me. He didn’t try to stick around. I hate it when they’re clingy. He was too grateful…hey! I’m getting distracted. This is bigger news than my one-night-stand. Since you’re on your dad’s phone I take it he’s saving you again.”

“Putting me back in my jail cell is more like it.” I throw him a look he catches, strong jaw flexes with tension as he leans back in the seat and rubs his face.

“Did he kill Tobias?”

Just hearing his name makes my chest hurt. “No.”

“My dad would have,” Sofia laughs. “Did he kick his ass?”

“No.”

“My dad would definitely have done that.”

“Tobias handled himself really well with Dad.” Glancing to my father, I notice he won’t meet my eyes to confirm. “But of course my father hates him.”

Dad growls, “He’s a toy!”

“Did you hear that, Sofia?”

“Yep. Hey Emma! Uncle Justin just called Tobias a toy.”

I overhear Emma snort, “He should know!”

I whisper, “Oh my God, I’m not telling him you said that,” while rubbing my forehead. Glancing over I see Dad doing the exact same thing, a mirror image of my frustration. We’re so much alike it’s crazy. “I’ll be there in a minute. We’re coming to the hotel to get my things.”

“WE ARE NOT!” Dad shouts.

I match his volume. “YES WE ARE!”

He glares at me. “Hannah, give me my phone.”

“Bye Soph. See you in a minute.”

He snatches it from my stiff hand and tells the driver, “Go to the helipad.”

“Dad! You have to stop protecting me!”

“Hannah, until you have kids, you won’t understand.” He stares out at the ocean and mutters, “I will never stop protecting my little girl.”

My heart tightens with emotion as I gaze at his handsome profile. He will always feel guilty for not being there when I was a baby. He will never let it go, and that kills me.

Because I needed him.

I did.

All children need their dad.

That he oversteps his boundaries now is bittersweet, and my fighting it is almost laughably confusing to me. I want him to always protect me, and I want to be free. Maybe it would have been different had he been there since the beginning. Had he seen me crack my first smile, stumble my first steps. Maybe if one of the first words I could have spoken was daddy then things wouldn’t be like this between he and I.

But they are like this.

And one of us has to unclip my wings.

With a lump building in my throat I gaze at him and whisper, “I’m not a little girl anymore.”

Eyes locked on the silent, passing view, his hands form fists on his casually spread-out legs. “Trust me, that hotel room just reminded me.”

“Are you ashamed of me? Tobias and I did nothing wrong! We thought we were alone out there! The beach was deserted. Those people must have snuck up on us. Do you know how awful that is? I mean, Dad, before you were in office when you didn’t have the Press breathing down your neck, tell me you didn’t do worse. I bet you’ve had sex in public places, haven’t you? And don’t lie!”

He bites his inner cheek, stubble shifting. “Maybe.”

“That’s what I thought. Dad, look at me!”

Exhaling he turns his stubborn head. “Hannah…”

“No. Look at my face. I’d die if you can’t look at me anymore.”

Dad’s frown is instantaneous. He reaches out for my hand. “I’m not ashamed of you! But do you think it’s easy for me to watch that? Me just as your father — no Dad needs to see that stuff. But add knowing how the world will talk about you? Don’t you get it, Hannah? Didn’t you see me punch that kid and his friend after what he called you? This is not my shame you see. It’s rage! My inability to protect you from the world! I can’t punch them all. Do you understand how that feels for a man like me? My job is to protect you! Protect my wife! Protect my boys! All of you! And I can’t, with the fucking Internet streaming crap into every household. I’m in over my head! I had to call Jason because I have no idea how to save you from this shit storm that’s only just begun. He said I could do one thing and one thing only; go bring you home to keep you safe. Surrounded by your family so that when the knives start flying you’ll have us as your shield. I will always be the first in line holding that shield, sweetheart. I am not ashamed of you. I love you with all of my heart. I love looking at your face, honey.” He reaches up and touches my cheek then drops his hand with pain in his eyes. “I just don’t want them hurting you.”

My voice is so quieted by this confession that I can barely hear myself. “Okay. I’ll go back to Atlanta with you. I’m sorry.”

He faces front in his seat again, resigned and grateful I’ve agreed. This doesn’t feel right to me, though. There’s still a deep shame in my heart that isn’t warranted. The Press and faceless people watching that video, they’re ruling my life. Who gave them that enormous power?

So I touch his arm and say, “But please take me to my hotel first so I can leave with my head held high, not like some criminal.”

In the rearview mirror the man’s steady gaze is on my dad for permission.

“That’s fine, Leonard. We’ll stop at the Wyndham on the way. Hopefully the Media won’t be there. Hannah, when you stay in hotels you need to check in under a fake name.” Dad swipes his phone and places a call to the helicopter pilot. “We’re delayed. Turn the engine off. I’ll call when we’re en route.”

When he lays the phone on his thigh there is an awkward silence between us. I can tell he’s emotionally spent.

“Dad, why a helicopter?”

He rubs his eyes and then blinks a few times, trying to figure out the reason. “I guess I thought it would raise your spirits. You always liked them.”

Chest caving in on a deep exhale I reach over and hug him. “Thank you.”

“I hate that they’re taking shots at you, Hannah.” He pats the arm I’ve draped around his torso. “I despise bottom feeders.”

“Me too, Daddy. I hate them, too.”

Unfortunately he didn’t get his wish. A school of piranhas swarms us in the lobby of my hotel. They’d been waiting for the live bait and they are ravenous.

Dad holds his hand out and I duck my head, as usual.

He smiles and jokes, “Alright guys, back off or I’ll never give you a sound bite again.”

They love him, so they laugh while following us with questions like, “Ms. Cocker, did you know Tobias before yesterday or was this a whirlwind attraction?” And “You helped him win that fight. Did you know him before that?” and “Hannah! Did you break his…heart?”

That pause brings laughter from everyone except Dad and me.

They’re referring to my holding Tobias’s cock in the dark ocean waters.

Fucking assholes.

They’re all hovering around us at the elevator, cameras and microphones poised while I poke the button.

I am the picture of detachment.

I am so terrified of them I have to disappear inside myself.

Because I’ve always done this with them I’ve been called cold, aloof, spoiled, even Hannah the Untouchable.

“Hannah, how do you think Tobias’s wife will react to the two of you?”

My head turns like the girl’s in the Exorcist. “What did you say?”

Having discovered a juicy underbelly her teeth can slice open, the reporter’s eyes glint with victory as she cuts me even deeper. “You didn’t know he was married?”

My dad takes my elbow and walks me onto the elevator. “That’s enough.”

They start shouting questions I can’t hear.

The doors close.

I croak, “Dad, he’s married?”

“If I’d have known that I would have killed him!”

Everything vanishes.

I can’t see in front of me.

It feels like I’m drowning.

Sounds are filtered as if through water.

I felt this before.

Yes, I know this feeling.

But it was so long ago.

The doors open and by some miracle nobody is waiting. They probably already scoped it out and decided to wait downstairs…where they hit the jackpot.

I don’t have my key.

The only thing my fingers are gripping is the balled up turquoise reminder of a night with a married man.

We shared oxygen.

We shared everything.

How can he be married?

Dad knocks for me.

Sofia opens the door and Emma comes rushing forward to take me in her loving arms. “Hannah! Oh my God. Please tell me he means nothing. Sofia seems to think you actually like this jerk!”

“I don’t care about him,” I lie. Sofia’s watching me and I meet her knowing gaze to ask her, hoping it’s not true, “He’s married?”

“We should have Googled him, Hannah.”

My stomach twists as I realize she’s saying it’s true.

Suddenly I remember the argument we had about it being disrespectful to Google me. Had I done the same, we would never have slept together because I despise cheating.

Wait.

Did we have that fight after sex?

We did it so many times I can’t remember.

Yes, it was in the tub.

My dad tells Soph and Emm, “Press assaulted us in the lobby. We’ll use the back door to get out of here.”

As I walk to my backpack I am outside of my own body, watching from above. I see myself mutter to Emma, “Did you have a nice flight?” Then I turn and puke all over the floor.

My cousins rush to my bent over torso to pull my hair away and rub my back. “Uncle Justin, get a wet towel for her face!” Sofia calls out.

Emma croons, “Oh Hannah, did you just find out? Oh, God, I’m so sorry. You must be in so much shock.”

Rushing to the bathroom Dad snarls, “If he ever comes near you again I’ll knock his fucking teeth in. I don’t care how big he is. I’ll take him out.”

Sofia’s dead serious. “You want me to have somebody hurt him?”

“No,” I groan, wiping my chin with the warm towel Dad thrusts at me. “No. Don’t do that, Sofia. Please! No more pain. I just want to forget this ever happened and go home.”