Chapter Sixteen
The next night, Miranda was at another family dinner, this time at Aaron and Eden’s log cottage in the woods. She had called Eden first thing this morning and told her about Annie’s research. When she said that Starshine appeared to be living in Sedona, Eden said, on a note of surprise, “Sedona? Really? What else did Annie find out?”
Miranda said that Annie had researched Merlin, a.k.a. Otto Kruger, and shared the conclusions she’d drawn. Eden remained silent. “I’m not sure whether we should tell Di and Seal,” Miranda finished. “Like, what if some kind of crime really was committed, and they knew?” Eden was a lawyer; she’d understand the implications way better than Miranda.
Eden had been quiet for a long moment, and then said, “Maybe this is selfish, but I can’t stand not knowing. And I have a lot of trouble believing that Aunt Di and Uncle Seal would be involved with anything criminal.”
“They might not have seen it that way.” She told Eden what Forbes had said, about the antiestablishment views of a lot of the hippies.
“That makes sense,” Eden had said thoughtfully. “Well, I think we need to find out the truth, and then we’ll all decide how to handle it.” In her typical businesslike fashion, she had arranged to host a family dinner. Of course she had to do it immediately, because unsolved problems drove her nuts. Miranda had said she didn’t need to be there, it was a family thing, but Eden was having none of it. “You’re the one who heard what Annie said. That’s hearsay, but it’s better evidence than me telling them what she told you. If you get what I’m saying.”
She hadn’t, exactly, but it was hard to refuse a determined Eden. So now here they all were, crammed into Aaron’s living room, juggling bowls of chili and their drinks of choice. When he’d built the cottage with help from Lionel and other friends, Aaron had designed it to accommodate himself, plus a room for Miranda and Ariana—in hopes that, as had finally happened, she’d come to her senses and accept his help. He’d never envisioned falling in love, much less with a woman whose entire family now resided on the island. His kitchen table accommodated four. His living room was at least larger than the kitchen.
Seal was in a comfy chair with Di sitting in front of him lotus-fashion on a cushion on the floor. Eden’s parents sat on the two-seater sofa, Helen Blaine juggling her chili bowl while Ariana, who’d eaten earlier, cuddled up with her head on Helen’s lap, half asleep. It was wonderful to see Eden’s mom looking healthy, her chemo-destroyed hair now a thick, stylish cap of gleaming silver, her cheeks brushed with color from the spring sunshine.
Kelsey sprawled by her mom’s feet on another floor cushion. Aaron was in a second upholstered chair with Eden perched on the arm. She looked businesslike in a tailored shirt and pants with her walnut hair pulled back in a low ponytail. Likely she’d come home late from her job at Arbutus Lodge and not had time to change.
Miranda, with the choice of dragging in a kitchen chair or sitting on the floor, had opted for a cushion on the floor. She’d placed it off to the side, hoping she wouldn’t have to participate and hoping that no one minded her being here. Earlier, she’d had a private word with Aaron, who told her Eden had filled him in. Looking uncomfortable, he’d said he was there to support his fiancée, but would otherwise stay out of things, it being a Blaine family issue. Miranda had nodded in agreement.
For the first ten minutes, the chatter was general. Eden was eating quickly, not seeming to taste the chili Aaron had prepared. It was a significantly upscale version of one of his and Miranda’s standard childhood meals, which had usually been meatless.
Eden spoke quietly to Aaron, who nodded. She rose and put her bowl on the hearth of the rock fireplace where on this unusually warm, early April evening no fire burned. “I invited you all here for a reason,” she said, her voice strong and sure, slicing through the threads of chatter and silencing everyone. “Annie Byrne has been doing some research. The conversation we had at the community hall aroused her curiosity.”
Miranda’s gaze was on Di and Seal, so she saw how the relaxed lines of their bodies stiffened. She put down her own half-empty bowl, the better to focus on their reactions.
“There’s good news,” Eden said. “It’s likely that Starshine is alive.”
“That’s hardly news,” Di said in a tight voice. “We always assumed she was. And Gertie Montgomery, if her long-term memory can be trusted in the least, verified that Starshine left the island.”
“Her real name,” Eden went on, “was probably Frida Larsson. If so, she’s married now and is Frida Jones. They live in Sedona.”
Di had glanced up at Seal when Eden started out, and now said casually, “Probably?”
“Sedona?” Helen said. “Arizona? Isn’t that where . . . ?” She broke off, looking confused.
“Isn’t that where,” Eden took it up, “you go each June, Aunt Di and Uncle Seal?”
What? Miranda managed to keep her mouth shut, but Kelsey cried, “What? Seriously?”
Jim Blaine took his wife’s chili bowl from her and put it and his own on a side table. He wrapped his arm around Helen’s shoulders as Eden went on. Ariana dozed, oblivious to the tension in the room.
“When I was here last summer,” Eden said, “trying to find Lucy and interviewing everyone who’d lived at the commune, Aaron said you were off island. Everyone knows that you go every year, at the height of tourist season when SkySong could be fully booked. And that you never say where you’ve gone. Except, one night I happened to overhear you telling Mom about the energy vortexes in Sedona. That’s where you go, isn’t it? To visit Frida Larsson.”
As Eden spoke, Di shifted position, reaching up to put her bowl on a table and ending up with her cushion beside Seal’s legs rather than in front of him. She and Seal exchanged glances again, communicating in the nonverbal way of two people who know each other very well. And then, putting his bowl down, too, and resting his hand on Di’s shoulder, Seal said, “Yeah, we visit her. What’s the big deal?”
“I don’t know,” Eden said. “You two are the ones who’re so secretive.”
Di moistened her lips. “Frida is a private person. She’s built a new life for herself in Sedona and she regrets her commune days.”
“Seeing the two of you would be a reminder,” Eden pointed out.
“We meditate together,” Di snapped. “Sedona’s a healing place with all the energy vortexes.”
Miranda wasn’t sure what energy vortexes were, but at the moment Di sounded anything but her usual serene self. As for Eden, her lawyer side was coming out.
“Annie also researched Otto Kruger,” Eden said.
Seal and Di sat as if frozen. Helen said, “Who’s Otto Kruger?”
“The original heir to the land the commune was located on,” Eden said, not turning her gaze toward her mom. “And, most probably, Merlin.”
“Are you saying Annie found proof that Merlin was—or is—this Kruger person?” Di asked. She rested her hand on top of Seal’s where it lay on her shoulder, and said, with a casualness that struck Miranda as contrived, “Did Annie locate him, too? Is he still alive?”
On the sofa, Helen and Jim Blaine both looked intrigued. Kelsey, leaning against her mother’s pant-clad legs, caught Miranda’s gaze and shot her a “What’s going on here?” look. Miranda shrugged, feeling a little guilty for having told Eden about Annie’s research.
“Annie didn’t locate him,” Eden said.
Tension seemed to seep from Seal’s shoulders as he said, “Guess he was more successful at disappearing than Frida was.”
“That’s not the conclusion Annie came to,” Eden said. “Right, Miranda?”
Miranda would have preferred to remain a silent observer. Reluctantly she said, “Annie’s confident of her abilities. I haven’t a clue how she does her research, but she figures that if she couldn’t find him, he, uh, isn’t there to be found.”
There was silence in the room. Finally Jim, who still had his arm around his wife, spoke. “Do you mean he successfully assumed a new identity?”
Miranda shot Eden a narrow-eyed gaze and kept her mouth shut. Di and Seal had been good to her. She didn’t want to be the one to present Annie’s hypothesis.
After a moment, Di said, “He liked his aura of mystery. And he was smart. If Otto Kruger became Merlin of the Enchantery, he could easily have become someone else, somewhere else.”
Eden said, “That’s not what Annie thinks. She believes Merlin never left the commune. That he died there and was buried or cremated.”
“Died?” Kelsey said. “Like, seriously?”
“But people would have known,” Helen said, stroking Ariana’s shoulder, perhaps as much to calm herself as to soothe Miranda’s sleeping daughter. “If he’d overdosed or had a heart attack or something, the commune members would have called a doctor. Wouldn’t they?” She turned to her sister.
“But remember what Gertie said,” Eden told her mom, who’d become friends with the elderly Alzheimer’s patient. “Back then, there wasn’t a doctor on the island. Gertie was the nurse at the two-room medical clinic, and a doctor visited the island for a couple of days a week.”
“If a commune member was really sick,” Di said slowly, “and the others weren’t so stoned out of their minds that they didn’t realize it, someone might have tried to get help.”
“What if they were too stoned?” Helen asked, an edge to her voice. Miranda had learned, from the sisters’ occasional discussions of the past, that while Di had been a rebellious hippie, her younger sister had been more of a “good girl.” Helen’s voice softened a bit and she added, “Or if the person died before anyone realized he was in trouble?”
When neither Di nor Seal answered immediately, Eden said, in a quiet voice that resonated with tension, “Or if Merlin finally went too far and the girl he was abusing killed him?”
Miranda gasped, hearing the same sound echo around the room in feminine and masculine versions. Her gaze flew questioningly to Aaron’s face, and he shrugged and gave her an apologetic look.
She scowled at him. He’d known about Eden’s theory and not shared it with her.
No one was speaking. Eden’s slim body almost vibrated with tension. So did Di’s and Seal’s, linked now by tightly clasped hands. Kelsey was leaning forward, bright-eyed with curiosity. Her mother, on the other hand, had shrunk into the shelter of her husband’s arm, looking more like the frail woman who’d come to the island last fall, recovering after her cancer recurrence. All the same, it was she who spoke first. “Di? Did Merlin disappear and assume a new identity, or did Starshine kill him? Have you and Seal been protecting her all these years?”
Miranda happened to be looking at Di’s and Seal’s linked hands, and she saw the squeeze Seal gave his partner. Di gave him a rueful half smile. But, surprisingly, the tension faded from their faces.
“He was an evil man,” Seal said.
Oh my God. Miranda let out a long breath.
“He kicked her in the belly,” Di said. “Knowing she was pregnant with his child. She loved him, but he caused her miscarriage and she could have died. She hadn’t even recovered when he was at her again. Not just sex, but violently abusive sex.” She gazed at Eden, her blue eyes bright as a sunny sky. “What’s that phrase defense lawyers always use? She snapped. Temporary insanity. Or self-defense. Take your pick.”
“Starshine didn’t commit a crime,” Seal affirmed. “She protected herself and she saved other women from his abuse.”
“Uncle Seal’s right,” Kelsey said vehemently. “The asshole deserved to die.”
“You knew,” Helen said softly to Di and Seal. “Did everyone at the commune know?”
“Only a handful of us,” he said. “The rest truly believed that he’d abandoned us.”
What had they done with the body? Miranda knew that the question had to be on everyone’s mind. She wasn’t going to be the one to ask it.
Kelsey did. “So where’s the body?”
“We buried him,” Seal said. “He believed in cremation. He said it released the spirit into the world. We didn’t want his spirit released, so we stuck him in the earth with the worms.”
Aaron finally spoke, for the first time since Eden had started all this. “His body’s still there?”
“As far as we know,” Seal said.
Miranda had another, less grisly question and decided to ask it. “Why do you visit Starshine—Frida—each year?”
Di turned to her with a gentle smile. “She’s fragile. She feels guilty and has never truly come to terms with what she did. She told her husband everything, and he’s supportive but he doesn’t really understand. No one can, who wasn’t at the Enchantery.” She glanced at Eden. “Merlin died in early June. It’s a hard time for Frida. We go to offer support, to heal together, to help her get past it for another year.”
Seal, too, fixed his gaze on Eden. “Now you know. It actually feels good to let go of the secret. But what are you going to do about it?” His mouth twisted in a grim smile that was unlike him. “Are you going to send us all to jail, Niece?”
“Eden!” Helen cried. “No, you can’t. I don’t really agree with any of it, but in the context of the times, a defenseless girl being abused in a community that shunned the law—and, as I remember, was often condemned by the police without good reason . . .”
Now, finally, Ariana woke and wriggled around on the couch, her little fists and elbows poking Helen. Miranda rose and went over as Eden sighed and said, “I hear you, Mom. No, I’m not going to report anything to the authorities. Aaron and I talked about it and that’s what we decided. But I wanted to know. I couldn’t let it go until I knew the truth.”
Miranda lifted her daughter into her arms and rocked her.
Eden studied her parents and sister. “If we told anyone, it would only hurt Aunt Di and Uncle Seal, and poor Frida.”
“Lips zipped,” Kelsey said, raising her fingers to reinforce her words with the gesture.
“Of course,” Jim said, and Helen nodded.
Eden focused on Miranda. “How about you? Will you keep the family secret?”
It’s not my family, she wanted to protest. But that fact wasn’t relevant. “I will.”
“What if Luke asks whether you passed on what Annie said?” Eden asked. “What if Annie persists in her research?”
Miranda blew out a puff of air as she considered. Slowly she said, “I wouldn’t know how to discourage Annie from doing more research. But she seemed satisfied with her conclusions. Her energy’s focused on a new game.” Miranda only hoped the commune game didn’t feature a murder.
Ariana was knuckling her eyes and wriggling in Miranda’s arms, her face scrunching up like she was thinking about crying.
“And Luke?” Eden said. “You two are dating. When you care about someone, you should be honest with him. But this isn’t your secret. It’s Di’s and Seal’s and Frida’s.”
“I know. I understand the difference.” Oh, how she hated being put in this position. Even though her curiosity had been satisfied, she’d rather not have known the truth.
* * *
The next evening, Miranda had tucked Ariana into bed and read the “cake” board book for the thousandth time. She was ready to turn on her computer and start on coursework when a knock sounded at her door. Figuring it would likely be Di or Seal, she was surprised to see Eden standing on the porch. Glancing past her guest, she saw Eden’s car, but no Aaron.
“Hey there, I didn’t expect to see you again so soon,” Miranda said. “Come in. Uh, do you want a cup of tea or anything?”
“No, thanks.” She stepped inside, kicked off her shoes, but didn’t take off the light jacket she wore over jeans. Choosing an upholstered chair, she perched on the edge rather than sinking back into it.
“If you’re worried about me sharing Di and Seal’s secret, I really won’t. I promise. You didn’t have to drive over to persuade me.”
“Thanks, I believe you. That’s not why I came. There’s something else I wanted to ask you about. I’m doing scheduling.”
“Scheduling? Oh, d’you mean wedding stuff?” If so, why did Eden look so tense? Miranda took the couch across from her, pulling up her yoga-pant-clad legs to sit cross-legged.
“Do you realize, the wedding’s in three weeks and I haven’t bought a dress?”
“Haven’t you?” Now her anxious expression made sense. “I’d have thought that was a priority.”
“I’ve been busy. New job, other stuff to plan.” She waved a hand. “Besides, I’m a standard size so I shouldn’t need fittings.”
“What do you need me to do?” Joking, she added, “I may be a whiz at shortening pants and mending rips, but that’s where my sewing skills end. I won’t offer to make your dress.”
A smile lightened Eden’s tense expression, but only temporarily. “You can come shopping with me. Aaron or Jillian will fly us all over to Vancouver on Thursday or Friday, if you can get the day off. There’s a bridal salon that, from what I’ve seen online, looks perfect. But I’ve lined up a couple of others just in case. And we can have a lovely lunch, drink some wine, have a fabulous day.” Her words came out faster than usual.
“Us all?”
“Mom, Kelsey, Aunt Di, you, and me. You all need dresses, too, since you’re part of the wedding party.”
“Oh, uh . . .” Eden’s mother, along with her dad, would walk her down the aisle—which, if the weather cooperated, would be a petal-strewn grass one on the grounds of SkySong. Di was the matron of honor, Kelsey was a bridesmaid, and Eden had asked Miranda to be her other bridesmaid. That was sweet of her, as was inviting Miranda along on the dress-shopping expedition, but she had to know Miranda and Ariana didn’t really belong. “If you want the bridesmaids’ dresses to match, pick out something that Kelsey’s happy with, and it’ll be fine with me. I’m a standard size six.”
“You don’t want to come?” Miranda would have expected her to look relieved, but instead she looked almost hurt.
“Look,” Miranda said, “you guys are all family. You’ll have a great time together. You don’t need me, and besides, with Ariana throwing TTTs on a whim, you don’t want her at some fancy bridal salon, so—”
Eden shrugged off her jacket. “Sorry, I should have said. Dad and Uncle Seal are happy to look after her for the day. You trust them, right? Between them, they’ve helped raise five kids.”
“Yes, I trust them, but . . .”
“You don’t want to go,” Eden said flatly.
“It’s not that. Not exactly.” She took a breath. This woman was going to be her sister-in-law. She was a good person and Aaron loved her to pieces. Miranda had to be honest with her. “Eden, it sounds like an amazing day. I’ve never had that kind of day in my life. But it’s your day. Those are all your people. Your relatives. I don’t belong there.”
Eden leaped to her feet, rushed over, and dropped down in front of Miranda. Staring earnestly at her, she said, “You do. Or at least we all think you do. I wouldn’t have had you there last night, Di and Seal wouldn’t have trusted you with the truth, if we didn’t all think of you as family. So why don’t you think so? You’re nice to all of us, but you never really want to be part of our family. Why not, Miranda? Is it us, or is it—”
“No, God no.” Miranda hugged her arms around herself. “No, you’re all great. But you’re . . . a unit.”
Miranda knew her words had been less than clear, but somehow Eden picked up on what she was trying to get at, because she responded, “Aunt Di and Uncle Seal weren’t part of that unit until last summer. Yet they fit so naturally, and so could you. If you wanted to.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to . . .” Or was it?
“Then why do you keep holding back?”
She wasn’t sure of the answer herself, so how could she possibly explain it? “I’m sorry, Eden. I’d be happy to go on your shopping expedition. I have Thursday off, if that works for everyone else.”
Eden’s shoulders squared and she rose. Only to sit down on the couch beside Miranda. She curled her legs up so that one knee touched Miranda’s. “It’s because of how you grew up, isn’t it?”
Miranda’s muscles locked. After a long moment, she realized she wasn’t breathing, and forced air into her lungs.
“Aaron told me all about your mom,” Eden said quietly, her tone sympathetic. “I know that you and he only had each other to rely on. And then after she OD’d, her parents took you in, but they were horrible.”
“Yeah, well. Sometimes life sucks.” Miranda stared down at her thighs, not wanting to see Eden’s expression or to have the perceptive woman read her own face. “We survived and we’re fine.”
“Better than fine in many ways. But Aaron was emotionally damaged. He didn’t believe he’d ever find love. I mean, other than the love that’s so strong between the two of you, and him and Ariana.”
“I’m not like that,” Miranda said wryly. “I always believe I’ll find love. It just never happens.”
“Do you really, really believe you’ll find love?”
Finally Miranda glanced up. “Of course. Look at how many men I’ve fallen for.”
“I don’t know much about those relationships. I know Aaron thinks you’re attracted to, uh, unsuitable men.”
Though this conversation was anything but humorous, that phrasing startled a laugh from Miranda. “Unsuitable men? Oh man, what century do you come from?”
“I was trying to be polite. Okay, losers. Bad boys.”
“Those aren’t synonymous. Ariana’s father is quite a successful actor. A chef I dated is getting rave reviews.”
“But they’re relationship losers, aren’t they? Not the kind of men who are looking for anything serious.”
“That turned out to be true,” she admitted.
“So you fell in love with men who didn’t want to fall in love back.”
“Uh, not to be rude, but isn’t that exactly what you did with my brother? But he changed his mind. Because of you. Because of what the two of you had together.”
“We walked the path in parallel. In the beginning, we both only wanted a fling. But after that first week together, when I went back to Ottawa, we both realized it was more than that. He came out to see me, we talked, and we kept on talking. I’m guessing you didn’t have a lot of relationship-type talk with the men you fell for.”
“No, you’re right. So that’s a lesson learned. And, by the way, I haven’t done the stupid-relationship thing in almost two years. Yes, I’m seeing Luke, but it’s not like with those other guys. We are talking. Mostly, we’re being friends and getting to know each other.” And planning to have sex Friday night, which was a secret she wasn’t about to share.
“That sounds really good. From what everyone says, he’s a great guy. And that’s what you and Ariana deserve. But it seems to me that, in past relationships, you were maybe, well, self-sabotaging.”
“Huh? What’s that mean?”
“Picking men who were emotionally unavailable.”
“I didn’t pick them. I met them and fell for them. I led with my heart, not some checklist in my brain.”
“You led with a wounded heart. A heart that had been disappointed over and over by your mother and by your grandparents. A heart that maybe didn’t truly believe that it deserved love, or that love would stick around and be trustworthy.”
“I . . .” She would have been annoyed with Eden for being so pushy and preachy if she hadn’t seen honest concern and distress on the other woman’s face.
“And since this is my night for being totally presumptuous, I’m going to go on and say that I wonder if that’s what you’re doing with me and my family. We want to welcome you in with open arms, but you can’t let yourself trust in that because at heart you’re still the little girl whose mom kept letting her down.”
Was that what she’d been doing? “I’ve always tried to be independent,” Miranda said in barely more than a whisper. “I don’t think that’s wrong.”
“Of course it’s not. But, excuse me for saying this, it seems to me you didn’t do that with men. You’ve kind of got it backward. In my humble opinion. You trusted guys you barely knew, you gave your heart to men who didn’t want the same thing you did. But when it comes to me and my family, you go all independent, not wanting to trust that we’ll really be there for you. And we will. We’re family, the right kind of family.”
Eden gave a short, wry laugh. “Okay, except for maybe covering up manslaughter, but you know that’s with the best of intentions. And we’re not family that’s messed up with drugs or that’s cold and resentful and hurtful. We’re good family, caring family. You saw that last night, didn’t you?”
“I did. You are.” Which made it even more difficult to imagine truly being one of them. And yet Eden didn’t seem to have any trouble envisioning it.
Eden touched Miranda’s arm. “And you’re part of that family. Miranda, I want to be your sister. Not just the legal relationship we’ll have when Aaron and I marry, but a sister of the heart. Will you let me?”
Eden’s hand wasn’t large but it felt so warm, resting there like an offer of something amazing. An offer of love, steady and reliable.
Miranda blinked against a haze of tears. “I can see why Aaron fell in love with you. You’re pretty special, Eden Blaine.”
“And so are you, Miranda Gabriel. I want you for my sister.”
Gazing through those tears, Miranda felt more naked than she’d ever felt in her life. And yet, somehow, stronger. “Then you’ve got me.”
And then they were in each other’s arms, both sobbing.