Chapter Twenty-One
Luke had been debating whether to try getting in touch with Miranda, when she had phoned him and asked if they could talk. The sound of her voice made his heart jerk and he’d almost dropped the phone. Now, waiting at his house for her to arrive, that same unreliable organ was racing so fast he felt like he was going to hyperventilate.
It was late on Friday afternoon, almost two weeks since the wedding. The boys were over at Annie and Randall’s for their monthly dinner-and-sleepover, so Luke was alone in the house, but for the dogs whom he’d confined out in the backyard. He’d also checked with Viola to see if she was willing to cover for him if he got any vet emergency calls.
Even though Miranda wasn’t due yet, he’d been looking out the front window every few minutes and this time it took a moment to register that the driveway wasn’t, as it had been each time before, empty. Her Toyota was there.
The driver door opened and she stepped out. She stood, unmoving, a slim figure in a sleeveless blue top, tan capris, and sandals. A lonely figure, he thought, her aloneness somehow made even more poignant by the mid-May sunshine.
Now his heart—the heart that loved her, the heart that wanted to heal the wounded—urged him to rush out to her. But he honestly believed what he’d said at the wedding reception. Maybe, like his mother-in-law, he hadn’t phrased it as tactfully as he might, but that “I’m not good enough for you” attitude grated on him. He was willing to keep helping Miranda deal with her issues, but only if she had enough self-esteem to commit to their relationship as an equal partner.
And God, he hoped that was why she’d come.
He opened the front door. Though it didn’t make any noise, her head came up and she gazed across the top of her car at him. She dipped her head in a nod, but didn’t smile.
She leaned into the vehicle, pulled out her big purse, looped the strap over her shoulder, and closed the car door. Then, slowly but steadily, she walked toward him. Her shoulders were back, he noticed, and her chin high.
“Hey, Luke,” she said as she mounted the steps.
“Hey, Miranda. Want to go out on the deck to talk?” It was sunny, warm enough for her clothing and his tee and khaki shorts.
“Sounds good.”
He let her precede him through the house. In the kitchen, he offered her a drink and she accepted a bottle of iced tea. He seriously craved a beer, but didn’t want even the slightest impairment of his faculties so settled for iced tea as well.
Outside again, she exchanged restrained greetings with the tail-wagging dogs who rushed up the steps of the deck to greet her. Then she walked to the railing and gazed out at the ocean.
Glancing past her, Luke saw that a slight breeze ruffled the dark, blue-green surface of the sea. That breeze brought a hint of wood smoke and the sound of voices from the beach below. He knew without looking that some of his neighbors had a beach fire going. Probably they’d roast hot dogs for dinner, and marshmallows later.
He studied Miranda’s back, wondering what she was thinking, what she’d come to say. She turned and seated herself on one side of the picnic-style table, this time facing away from the ocean, toward the house.
The dogs trailed her and he gestured them to the shady corner of the deck that was designated as theirs and said a quiet, “Down. Stay.” Then he sat across from her. “Why did you come, Miranda?”
She put down the bottle of iced tea, untasted. “You said some harsh things to me.”
“I guess I didn’t phrase it very well, and I’m sorry if I hurt you, but I was speaking what I see as the truth. And I need to look out for my kids.”
“And for yourself. I understand. Yes, I was hurt. That was my first reaction, to just be hurt and also pissed off that you’d even started a relationship with me if you were only going to end it. I thought I’d been honest with you about who I was.”
He’d seen her as the one who ended it, but he’d come to realize she might have a different perspective. “Maybe I was wrong to ask you out. I knew you had thorns but I thought . . .” That she would change from a wild rose with thorns and a lovely scent to a bland hothouse flower? No, that wasn’t what he’d wanted.
“You said you kind of liked the thorns, that you were up for a challenge. That I shouldn’t make things too easy on you.”
Wincing, he did recall saying those words. “You’d gone through some bad stuff and I figured that when you felt more comfortable with me, you’d relax. Be the woman I thought I saw inside you.” One with prickles and character, but also with the confidence of a lovely rose.
“I did feel comfortable with you, but there were also things that made me uncomfortable. I don’t know if you truly appreciate how different we are. I know you had a tough time when your dad died, but you at least had one and he loved you. Your mom went through her own issues, but I bet you still knew she loved you. You had a comfortable roof over your head, food in the cupboards. You went to one school; you had friends to hang out with. You had this one special girl who became the love of your life, and you married her.”
“I’m sorry you didn’t have those things, but—”
“I’m not making excuses. I realize that, as an adult, it’s up to me to get past all the bad stuff. But that’s been hard.” She pressed her lips together, and then went on. “I kept comparing myself to you, and I always came out second-class. I only finished high school last year and you’ve got a professional degree. You’re respected by everyone on the island, and I’m this weird former Goth girl whose mom was an addict and whore. You’ve always given your sons a stable home, and I’ve often had to scramble to even give Ariana decent food. You said I was special but, comparing myself to you, I felt inadequate.” Finally she raised her bottle and swallowed some of the cold drink.
“I don’t understand why you feel the need to compare.”
“Maybe that’s because you grew up in a stable environment. People knew you and accepted you, and I bet you never had to prove your worth.”
“I guess not,” he admitted. “Yeah, I guess self-esteem has never been an issue for me.”
“Nor for Candace, who was beautiful and popular and rich. And generous and loving. The two of you fit together so perfectly.” She shrugged. “You and me, not so much.”
“But we did. Like the day we went kayaking. You, Ariana, me, the boys. It felt right.”
“It did. But here’s the thing.” Elbows on the picnic table, the bottle held between both hands, she leaned forward. “You could let it be. Just feel the rightness. For me, when things are going well, I question. There’s got to be something wrong. It can’t last. Because for almost all my life that’s how things have gone.”
A woodpecker had taken up drilling on a nearby tree, its hammering forming a steady percussion backbeat to her words.
“I guess that’s what I meant about being self-defeating,” he said. “You take something good and poke away until you destroy it.”
She winced, but then firmed her jaw again. “I guess I do. That’s what I did at the wedding reception. The mean girls hit all my triggers and rather than be mature and let it roll off my back, I struck out. Not at them, who deserved it, but at you. At our relationship.”
She’d laid some heavy stuff on him, but none of it was a big surprise so he didn’t have to reflect long before nodding in agreement. “But what were you thinking? What did you want me to do? Reassure you all over again? I started to, but if it never worked before, why would you suddenly then, when you were in that mood, let it sink in?”
“You’re right, I wouldn’t have.” She lifted the bottle and took a long swallow. “I have a thick head. Ask Aaron and Eden. People can hammer away at it, like that woodpecker’s doing to the tree, saying the same thing over and over, but it doesn’t always sink in because there’s a barrier in place. The barrier you identified. Low self-esteem.”
He drank from his own bottle and waited for her to go on.
“You know what you did?” she said. “You stopped repeating the same message, the one I couldn’t let myself believe. You poked back at me, and stabbed right through the barrier. After I got over being hurt and mad, I thought about the things you said. You called me self-defeating and you were right. A while back, Eden suggested that I was self-sabotaging.”
He nodded slowly. If it was true, could Miranda ever move past it? Did she want to?
“A few minutes ago,” she went on, “I said that I thought I’d been honest with you about who I was. But the truth was, I hadn’t been honest with myself. I hadn’t dug deep.”
The woodpecker was silent now, and the only sound came from the distant voices on the beach below. Luke waited for Miranda to go on.
She tipped her head back slightly and took a deep breath. “Mom was self-destructive. Falling for losers, doing drugs, selling her body. I think my grandparents’ coldness, their rejection of her, turned her in that direction. I also think she might have suffered from depression, and would try anything to escape the black moods. In the end, she did destroy herself.”
“You’re not her,” he said quietly.
“I was always determined that I wouldn’t be. I’m the dragon, right?” She rested her hand on her tattoo. “But, sadly, a part of me isn’t at all strong or smart or fierce. That part tends toward depression. It’s weak, vulnerable, self-sabotaging. Drawn to the wrong kind of men.”
“Go on.”
“Guys I thought were larger than life, with exciting lives. Except, as Eden pointed out, they had something else in common. They were emotionally unavailable.”
He frowned, trying to understand. “But you told me you believed in love, you were looking for love, so why would you go for guys who weren’t available?”
“Doesn’t make sense, right? Except it kind of does. As a kid and a teen, everyone I looked to for love, with the exception of Aaron, let me down. Subconsciously, I learned not to trust in love, and came to believe I wasn’t worthy of being loved.”
Luke swallowed, and thought of his own irrational feeling that the people he loved had betrayed and abandoned him. The moment he and Miranda had a major spat, he’d leaped to the conclusion that she didn’t really care about him or their relationship. Maybe the two of them weren’t so different.
“If I picked a good guy,” she said, “and truly gave my heart to him, then in the end he’d leave me and it would be, like, the ultimate destruction of my heart. My soul.” She took a deep breath.
After letting it out slowly, she went on. “So instead of real love, I gave . . . well, infatuation, and to guys who would never love me back. So yeah, when they dumped me, it hurt, but subconsciously that’s what I’d expected all along so it didn’t totally destroy me. But it did reinforce my low self-worth.”
“You set yourself up for rejection?”
She nodded. “Sounds totally dumb, doesn’t it?”
“I guess the subconscious has its own weird kind of logic,” he mused, thinking again of his own abandonment issue. “Based on the stuff we internalize as we grow up.”
“Yes. I’m reading about that kind of thing in my courses about early childhood development.”
His mind sidetracked, thinking about his boys. Growing up with him and no mother. He was doing his best, but each decision involved soul-searching. There were almost always cons as well as pros. What weird things were making their way into the hidden depths of his kids’ psyches? Parenting was tough, even for the most loving, conscientious parent. He’d been so lucky, having two of those—and even then he had some issues. Miranda’d never had anyone who cared for her except a two-years-older brother who’d been damaged by the same disastrous life circumstances.
“I’m sorry about all of that,” he said, wanting to reach over and take her hand, but instead gripping his tea bottle. “I truly am.” He appreciated her self-analysis and her honesty, but where did this leave them, as a couple? Wasn’t she confirming his fear that she wasn’t capable of entering into an equal, healthy relationship with him?
“It’s where my independence comes from, too,” she said. “I’m afraid to trust anyone other than Aaron, because I learned that everyone else would let me down. When we were kids, we said it was the two of us against the world. But as I got older, I decided that even if he’d always be there, it wasn’t fair to keep leaning on him. I had to be able to look after myself. And then look after myself and Ariana.”
“Thank you for telling me all of this. It helps me understand what was going on. I’m sorry I wasn’t sensitive enough to all you’d gone through.”
“I guess I’d have liked you to be, but I’m not sure it would have helped.” She shrugged. “Anyhow, so I thought, okay, that’s what I’m like. I’ve been stuck in that pattern forever. Was there any way of breaking out?”
He leaned forward, wondering if he dared hope. “And?”
A smile trembled. “I realized I’d already started. I’ve accepted Eden as the sister of my heart. I’m part of her family, a real, true part and not just because I’m Aaron’s sister.”
“That’s encouraging to hear.” But what about him, and their relationship?
“I thought about what it meant, that I was dating you.”
Throat dry, he croaked, “And?” and drank some more iced tea. The liquid, not so icy now, slid down his throat as he waited for her answer.
“On the surface, you’re way different from the kind of guy I’ve chosen before. Men who are more like your stepbrother.”
He grimaced slightly, wondering if he should confess that he’d believed she might have slept with Julian.
“But in other ways you are like them.”
Offended, he reared back. “In what ways?”
“You’re impressive. Successful. Believe me, the way you are with those animals is just as sexy as seeing Chef Emile create magic in the kitchen, or Julian sing those heartbreaking songs he writes.”
“Uh, thanks.” Being a vet was sexy?
“But more than that, I wonder if you’re emotionally unavailable.”
“Me? Huh?” Hadn’t he been ready to hand over his heart at that wedding reception?
“Because of Candace. Everyone, including you, told me how you were a perfect couple. You’d basically loved her from the moment you met her. Could you ever truly open your heart to another woman, especially one as flawed as me?”
He already had. But he needed to protect that heart, because he still didn’t know where she was going with this. “So I was another example of the self-fulfilling prophecy? Your subconscious chose me so you could have a superficial infatuation and not get too torn up if it ended?” If that was how she felt, surely she wouldn’t have come here.
“I wondered,” she said. Her lips pressed together.
The woodpecker was at it again. Normally, Luke enjoyed the sounds of nature, but now that hammering beat was annoying.
“But I realized that wasn’t what had happened,” she went on. “I was never infatuated with you—well, except maybe while you were treating that poor bunny. What I felt for you was different.”
His heart gave the oddest bounce. “Different?”
“Slower to develop. Quieter. Deeper. It had to do with more than just your skill as a vet, your physical attractiveness, and great sex.” She gave a quick laugh, her face almost relaxing for the first time since she’d arrived. “Correction: knock-my-socks-off sex. But it’s also about popcorn and videos and wet dogs. It’s about the kids, how you are with Ariana and with the twins, how we all are together, like we’re starting to feel like . . . okay, I’m going to say it. Like a family.”
His heart was now bouncing in time with the woodpecker’s hammering. “You care about me. It’s not infatuation.”
She let out a long sigh. “Yes. And the way I felt after we broke up was so much worse than anything I’d felt before.”
He was on his feet, moving around the table, before she’d finished speaking. As she swung around on the picnic table bench to face him, he reached for her hands.
Pulling her to her feet, he said, “I care about you, too. I was all set to tell you at the wedding reception, and then you started to act so weird.” He framed her face with his hands. “No, I’m not emotionally unavailable. And I’m far from perfect, as proved by how unperceptive and unsympathetic I’ve been. But here’s the thing. If we’re going to take this relationship somewhere, I want it to be as equal partners. Can you do that?”
* * *
Miranda gazed up at Luke. The man she wanted so badly, the one she’d fallen for. She wouldn’t lie to him, though. “I’ll try my damnedest to be stronger, to have better self-esteem. But I’m still a work in progress. Can you be patient?”
He closed his eyes and she trembled. He was going to say no, that he wouldn’t put himself and the twins through more uncertainty.
But then his eyes opened and flecks of gold gleamed in their greenish-gray depths. “I shouldn’t have said what I did at the reception. We should have had this conversation then.”
She couldn’t let him believe that, because it wouldn’t have worked. “I wasn’t ready for it. I needed the shock. I needed to feel utterly horrible before I could start to understand what you and Eden had said, and do some serious thinking.”
“Okay, maybe. But I should have had more patience and been more understanding.” He grimaced. “When I first asked you out and you held back, you know what I thought?”
She shook her head.
“That you’d been with some guys who let you down, and you didn’t trust me to treat you right.” Voice grating, he said, “And I didn’t.” He took his hands from her face, leaving her skin missing his warm touch. “You know what I did when Mom married Forbes?” he asked, sitting down so he straddled the wooden bench.
Confused by the apparent change of topic, she sat, too, the same way, so that their knees touched. His strong legs looked so great in shorts. “Uh, you were unhappy, and turned to Candace?”
“Yeah, but also I didn’t give Forbes a chance. He wasn’t my dad. That was all I saw. It seemed like Mom was trying to find a replacement for Dad, and that was impossible. Later, when I grew up a little, I realized that wasn’t what she was doing. Oh, maybe she had mixed motives for marrying Forbes, like wanting to stop grieving so much and feeling so lonely. But the two of them have something solid and wonderful.”
“I’ve seen that.”
“I wasn’t prepared to see it. Nor willing to see what a terrific guy he was. I didn’t give him a chance and didn’t give myself a chance. Not until a lot later, once I’d gone off to university and was coming back for holidays. I had a fresh perspective then. And now he and I are really close.”
She nodded, finally grasping why he was telling her this. “You’re saying you shouldn’t have judged him so quickly, based on your insecurities and fears and pain. And I guess you’re also saying that maybe you didn’t apply that lesson when it came to me. Which means”—she couldn’t hold back a small teasing grin—“that you have insecurities, too, Luke.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, turns out I do. Even though I wasn’t looking to replace Candace—which would be impossible anyhow because each person and relationship is unique—I guess she was in my mind. How easy our relationship had always been. Whereas with you and me, it wasn’t easy. But I got to know Candace day by day over years and years, and you were brand-new in my life. I thought I was open to you, letting you be yourself, finding out who you were and who I was with you. Valuing all of it. But, as that spat at the reception proved, I was being judgmental.”
He scrubbed a hand across his jaw, which showed a trace of five o’clock shadow. “I overreacted because I’d thought we’d gotten further than we had. I thought you were more confident of our relationship. I wanted to, well, declare my feelings. Then, when you acted the way you did, said the things you did, I realized I didn’t know you as well as I’d thought. What I heard was that you didn’t care, that you were rejecting me.”
She was shaking her head as he went on to say, “I got hurt and defensive, snapped at you, didn’t really listen. I’m sorry.”
It hurt her to know that she had the ability to cause Luke pain, and yet it warmed her heart, too, to know he cared that much. “We all do stupid things when we’re upset. How about this? If you act like that again, I won’t tuck my tail between my legs and run away. I’ll plant my fierce little dragon feet and say that I deserve better treatment, and we need to have a good long talk.” It made her feel nervous to say that, and yet she was finally coming to believe that she did deserve decent treatment. A decent man, a healthy relationship. Even love.
“That sounds very good to me.”
“And we’ll be open with each other. Yes? We won’t nurse hurts and grievances, we’ll talk about them.” She took a deep breath. She’d been through the wringer but had to pull herself together for one more cycle. She still had to tell him about her big mistake with Julian, and it might end up being a deal-breaker.
“That,” he said ruefully, “is an excellent idea.”
Again, she took a breath, readying herself. A shiver pricked her skin and she glanced up to see that clouds now blocked the sun. Hopefully, that wasn’t a bad omen.
He frowned. “In fact, in the interests of openness, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Disconcerted, she said, “Uh, okay.”
“I was driving back from an emergency call and I saw you and Julian kissing.”
“Damn! Luke, I was just going to tell you about that. It wasn’t—”
“I know.” He held up a hand. “I tackled him the next morning and he straightened me out. And basically told me I was acting like a jerk. Which was true, but I was jealous. Mad, hurt. So I accused him, just like a hormonal adolescent thinking with his, well, not his brain.”
“If I saw you kissing someone else, I’d have gone nuts, too,” she confessed, folding her arms across her chest for warmth. “And Luke, I did kiss him. I wanted him, or at least I wanted to be wanted by a guy like him. I wanted one hour of feeling sexy, of having fun, rather than feeling like crap after we broke up.”
“And you deceived him. Didn’t tell him your real name.” Though his tone was even, not accusatory, his eyes had darkened with pain.
“That’s right. So none of this is on Julian. It’s all my fault. But I realized, as soon as we kissed, that it was wrong.”
His brow creased. “You’d been fangirling him forever and when you actually kissed, there was no chemistry?”
“Not exactly,” she admitted, hugging her arms closer to her body as she shivered. She had a hoodie in her bag, but this wasn’t the time to root around for it. “But it was the wrong chemistry. It wasn’t you. I only want you, Luke.”
When his frown deepened, she said, “It wouldn’t be honest to say I’ll never be attracted to another man. But I don’t want to be with someone else. Does that make sense? Can you live with that?”
As she’d spoken, a grin had slowly taken over his face. The gold flecks in his eyes danced. “I get it. You know, when I was in high school, even though I was totally in love with Candace and only wanted to be with her, there was this other girl who kind of fascinated me.” He bumped a bare knee against her clothed one.
He was clearly expecting her to grin, maybe tease back, but he’d raised another concern. “It’s more than that now, though, right?” she asked. “More than just some teenage fascination carried forward into adulthood?”
“Yes,” he said immediately, reaching forward to rest his hand on her leg, instantly transferring warmth. “You’re so different, so much more than you were then. It’s the woman you are today that I want. You’re being proactive, taking control of your life.”
Reassured, she said, “So, are we done with the secrets now? Everything’s out on the table?” She was about to rise and find her purse, to get that hoodie.
But his hand twitched on her leg and he said, “I guess there’s one more thing.”
Feeling chilled and hollowed out, she braced herself. “Go on.”
“This is hard for me to say.”
A ragged laugh escaped her. “Like any of this has been easy?”
“No, but . . .” He reached for her hand and gripped it. “Okay, here it is. I love you, Miranda.”
Her heart stopped. It must have, because time froze, her brain froze, she couldn’t think or feel or even breathe.
“Miranda? Are you okay?”
Everything jolted back to life and she gasped for air. “Yes, I . . . wow.” She blinked. Was this real? Had he really said that or was she having a stress-fueled fantasy? “Could you, uh, repeat that?”
He eyed her warily. “I’m almost afraid to.”
“No, please, I just . . . I think I’m in shock.”
“It’s that shocking to hear that I love you?”
Oh God, he’d said it again. And in that moment, she knew for sure. For absolute sure. The revelation was another shock, but this time not one that stopped her heart. Instead, her heart pulsed firmly, and warmth flooded through her chilled body. Smiling, feeling tears of joy and certainty brimming in her eyes, she said, “I love you, too, Luke.”
His own smile was a tentative one. “You do? Really?”
She nodded, blinking against the tears. “I think I was scared to let myself really believe it, because I was so afraid it wouldn’t work out. But I do, Luke. I love you.”
Somehow, they managed to scramble off the bench seat and then they were in each other’s arms. When she kissed him, the relief and joy and amazement were almost too much to bear. Damp-cheeked, she eased back in the warm strength of his arms to gaze at him in wonder and say, “You love me.”
“And you love me.” He reeled her back in and kissed her until she was breathless.
This time he was the one to break the kiss. “I need you naked.”
“Oh, yes. How long do we have? Do you have to pick up the boys?”
“No, they’re with Annie and Randall for a sleepover. What about Ariana?”
“She’s at Glory’s. I could . . .” Be away from her daughter for an entire night? The thought made her heart clutch. And yet how wonderful it would be to spend an entire night alone with Luke, celebrating their newly confessed love. To wake beside him in the morning.
Glory was her friend, a responsible mother. Brent was a good dad. They had her phone number and she would leave the ringer turned on. “I could ask if Glory and Brent could keep her for the night.”
“Would you be okay with that? I can’t think of anything better than the luxury of going to sleep with you and waking up with you.”
“Me either.” Now she did claim the bag she’d dropped on the deck what seemed like hours earlier, and took her phone from a side pocket.
When Glory answered, Miranda said, “How would you and Brent and Gala feel about keeping Ariana for the night?”
Glory let out a whoop, loud enough that Miranda hastily pulled the phone away from her ear. Luke, overhearing, grinned.
After Glory had agreed and Miranda put her phone away again, he said, “She knew you were coming to talk to me.”
“She did. And she helped me find the courage to do it. She made me see that what I felt for you was worth fighting for.”
“I owe her. Big-time.”
“Doubly so, because now we have the whole night ahead of us.” She darted him a gaze of mock innocence. “However shall we spend it?”
His response was anything but innocent. He took her hand in a firm grip and pulled. She barely had a chance to hook her purse strap over her shoulder as she let herself be towed in his determined wake, across the deck to the door into the kitchen. Through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, down another hall, and then they were in the master bedroom. She hadn’t even been aware that the two dogs were following them until Luke shut the door in their curious faces.
He gazed down at her, his eyes intense. Then he reached for the top button of her shirt, fumbled it, made an impatient sound, and then ripped the front of the shirt open.
Yes! She enjoyed it when his inner caveman came out. Especially when she knew that, tomorrow morning, he’d insist on buying her a new shirt. Her bra, though, a peach lace one, she quite liked. So she hurriedly undid the clasp and pulled it off rather than let him destroy it, too.
“Wait a minute,” he said. “I just thought . . . You’re on birth control pills, right? What happens if you miss one tonight?”
“Not pills. An implant, a progestin rod.” It was so easy, one little implant. “But thanks for being responsible.”
“That’s me,” he said a touch ruefully. “Even in the height of passion, I’m responsible.”
“It’s not a bad thing,” she assured him. “Doesn’t detract one tiny bit from your sexiness. And speaking of which, weren’t you in the middle of taking off my clothes?”
“Thanks for reminding me,” he said, brushing his hands over her breasts and making her nipples tighten. After that little tease, he promptly rid her of her capris and panties.
While he peeled his tee over his head, she unfastened his shorts and they dropped to the floor. Two impatient shoves of his big hands had his boxers sliding down his hips to reveal his flat belly and a rising erection.
Not giving her a chance to feast her eyes, he tumbled her down on the duvet. Their legs twined together, their bodies pressed from chest to thighs and every delicious inch in between, and their lips met. Despite the urgency of their passion, Luke’s kiss was gentle and she answered in kind. Appreciating him, appreciating this moment. Love. They loved each other, and it was about so much more than slaking the physical need inside them.
The kiss seemed to go on forever. While her sex craved the feel of him, the slow build of arousal was so tantalizing that she almost didn’t want to move to the next stage. Before Luke, she’d enjoyed intercourse for the sheer physical pleasure, especially the release, but with him she’d found that lovemaking had even more to offer.
He lifted himself off her and she gave him a teasing pout and a whimper of protest—teasing, because she knew that whatever he did next would bring her pleasure.
After shoving back the comforter, he sat cross-legged on the bed. How many guys could even do that? But she’d already seen demonstrations of Luke’s flexibility, so she wasn’t surprised. “Come sit across my lap,” he said.
Eyeing the erection that rose from the nest of dark auburn curls between his legs, she was happy to accept that invitation. She straddled his thighs and lowered herself across his lap with her legs wrapped around him and her feet on the bed behind him. “Mmm.” She rubbed her center against his hard shaft. “I like this.” With a mischievous grin, she said, “I could get off just doing this.”
“Feel free.” He took her nipple between his thumb and index finger and tweaked it gently. “Let me know if I can help.”
She knew he meant it. Luke was the most generous lover she’d ever been with. “Some other time. Right now, I want us to be totally together.”
“Me too. That’s why I chose this position. We can do this.” With his free hand he cupped the back of her head, bringing her head forward to meet his kiss. “I can do this,” he murmured against her lips as he tweaked her nipple.
“And I can do this.” She slid her fingers up and down his shaft. “Or this.” She eased back from the kiss and braced her body with a hand on the bed behind her, lifting herself up and easing him toward her opening.
When he slipped inside, it felt wonderful, but she had a hard time keeping her balance so she wrapped her arms around him. He did the same, putting his arms around her lower back, his strength supporting her.
Gazing at her, he smiled and she saw the love in that smile, in the warmth of his kaleidoscope eyes.
She returned the smile, letting her own eyes convey everything she felt for him.
Then he began to rock his hips, slowly and easily. Not only did each rock thrust his erection in and out, but because she was sitting on him her entire body went along for the ride.
Experimenting, she got into the act, rocking too as Luke smiled into her eyes and supported her back. When she tried increasing the speed, he let her, and when arousal coiled too tightly in her and she slowed down again, he cooperated.
“Like it?” he asked.
“So much.” Even though they weren’t kissing, something about the eye contact made this kind of lovemaking feel particularly intimate.
He removed one hand from her back and caressed her cheek. “I’m glad. How about this? Does this feel good?” He toyed with her nipple and by now her body was so sensitized that shocks of pleasure darted straight to her core.
“Very good.” Her body urged her to rock faster, and so she did, all the time watching his face.
He caught his breath and his eyes flared wider and glittered.
Normally at this point, she’d have thrown her head back, closed her eyes, and ridden the sensations all the way to climax. But this time she kept her eyes open, focused on him. And rather than speed to the end, she forced herself to breathe deeply and slow down. The longer she held it off, the more intense the pleasure would be. For both of them.
“You know what else I can do?” he asked hoarsely. “This.” His hand dropped and his thumb brushed her clit.
If she’d thought her nipple was supersensitized, that was nothing compared to this. Pleasure had her clenching her internal muscles, clenching and releasing, demanding more from Luke. In response, he rocked faster, accompanying each stroke with the pressure of his thumb on that swollen bud of nerve endings.
“I love you, Miranda. Are you ready to come with me?”
“Oh, yes.” She would come with him, in climax and anywhere else he asked. “I love you, too.”
And on those words, their bodies shattered in unison.
* * *
Saturday morning, Luke woke to the usual alarm. But, unusually, when he went to reach over and turn it off, a weight pinned his arm. A delicious, warm, feminine weight. His next realization was that he had a hard-on.
Miranda stirred and said irritably, “Turn that damn thing off.”
Chuckling, he rolled toward her and used his unpinned arm to silence the alarm. “Not a morning person, I see.”
Her eyes opened, she studied him for a long minute, and then she said, “Now, that’s better. Waking up to you is good. To a screaming alarm, not so much.”
“Waking up with me is good?” He nudged his erection against her hip.
A slow grin tugged at her lips. “If I say Tony-the-Tiger grrreat, will you make coffee?”
“Only if you mean it.”
She turned on her side, facing him. “I mean it so much that I’ll even forgo the coffee. I bet you can think of some other way of getting me going.”
He was about to offer several options, when she suddenly rolled away again and slipped from between the sheets. “Give me one sec.” She dashed toward the bathroom and the sight of her slim back, curvy butt, and long legs made him even harder.
While she was in there, a sound issued from the phone she’d left on the dresser after a bedtime check-in call to Glory and Ariana. When she came out, still beautifully naked, he said, “You got a text.”
She grabbed the phone and whatever she read on the screen made her laugh. She brought it over and held it out to him.
It was from Glory, saying, Ariana’s fine. Go back to bed with your hottie.
“That woman gives good advice,” he said, placing the phone on the bedside table and opening the sheets to invite her in.
And then, with his lips and tongue, his hands and his swollen cock, he did his very best to awaken every single cell in her body.
He was on top when they both climaxed, and for a moment he let himself flop down on top of her. But then, conscious of his substantially greater weight, he forced himself to roll off and lie on his back beside her. She lay unmoving, but when he reached for her hand, her fingers intertwined with his.
“You’re a terrible alarm clock,” she said with a yawn. “You woke me up all right, but now I feel like I could sleep for days.”
“I love you,” he said. Not that it was an apology or an answer or anything like that, just that he really liked saying it. He also hoped she’d respond with the words he couldn’t get enough of hearing.
“I love you, too,” she said, giving him his wish. She turned her head on the pillow and smiled at him. “I really do. And I’m happy. Really, truly happy. Like I have everything I could possibly want.” Her lips quivered. “I’ve never felt that way before, not in my entire life.”
“Oh, Jesus, Miranda.” He rolled on his side and peered into her lovely eyes, which had gone teary. “You don’t know how wonderful that makes me feel.” Though it also made him feel terrible that her life had been filled with so much unhappiness. But he wouldn’t mention that now, and spoil the mood.
“This is big,” she said, blinking to hold the tears back. “It’s almost too big to take in, and yet at the same time it feels so natural and right. Do you know what I mean?”
“Exactly.”
“I’ve had men say they loved me before.”
He winced.
“But,” she went on, “they never meant it. Maybe I even knew that at the time, or would have if I’d been paying attention. I was too eager to find love, so I saw it where it didn’t really exist.”
“It does exist here. I do mean it. You know that, don’t you?”
“I honestly do. I trust you.”
He wanted to trust her, too, yet what she’d said made him wary. Seeking reassurance, he said, “You really mean it, too, don’t you? Those things you said, about how this is different . . .”
Her head nodded on the pillow. “I do mean it. There’s so much to love, Luke. Aaron has always been my hero, the greatest guy in the world. Well, you’re up there with him. But it isn’t just how great you are as a person, or how sexy you are, it’s how I feel when I’m with you. When I even think about you. It’s like a space inside me that’s always been empty and hollow is filling up with something warm and wonderful. My love for you, and yours for me.”
His own heart was damned full, and now he was in danger of tearing up. Gruffly he said, “I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” He cleared his throat. “It’s different for me, because I did know love before. What Candace and I had was wonderful. After she died, I was afraid I’d never know that kind of happiness again. I’d never know love again. I don’t know if it’s harder if you’ve never had it, like you, or if you had it and lost it.”
Looking thoughtful, she nodded.
“But anyhow,” he said, “then you came along. You’re amazing and special in so many ways. You made me feel things, Miranda. Lust, frustration, tenderness, protectiveness, admiration. Anger, hurt. Tender feelings and passionate ones. You brought me to life again. I figured I was falling in love with you and that’s what I was going to say at the wedding reception. But I didn’t realize how powerful my feelings were until I saw you with Julian. I had this totally primitive ‘she’s mine!’ reaction.”
“And I am.”
A glance at the clock had him groaning. “I have to get up and go to work. Saturdays are always busy.”
“Me too. And I have to pick up Ariana and make a quick trip home to get changed.”
“Back to the real world,” he said wryly. “I hope we can find a way to do this again soon.”
“It’s not so easy when we both have kids, is it?”
“Remind me, why did we have kids?” he joked.
“To complicate our lives?” she said with a sassy grin as she shoved back the covers.
* * *
As Miranda climbed out of bed, her phone rang. She glanced at it on the bedside table. “It’s Aaron.” If he was taking the morning flight to Vancouver, he was probably at the Blue Moon Air office.
“Go ahead.” Luke rose, too, and headed for the bathroom.
She accepted the call and said, “Hi, Aaron, hang on a sec.” Quickly she picked up Luke’s tee from the floor where he’d tossed it last night, and pulled it over her head. “Okay, I’m here.”
“Hey, Sis.” His voice sounded odd. “Uh, are you sitting down?”
Oh-oh. She swallowed and dropped to sit on the edge of the bed. Please let everyone be okay. “Yes. What’s happened? Are you all right?”
“What? Yes, fine. Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. It’s just, I had the strangest phone call. Or, rather, I returned a call. I mean, she phoned yesterday when I was flying, left a message, and when I called back she was gone for the day. So I left voice mail, not anticipating hearing back until Monday, but she called me as I was driving to the village. It seems she works Saturdays.”
“What are you talking about? Who’s ‘she’?” Her brother wasn’t normally so unfocused, and Miranda was a little worried. “Did you pull over? You’re not driving, are you?”
“No, I’m parked on the shoulder of the road. And she is a lawyer in Florida. She’s with the retirement community where Mom’s parents live. Lived. They were both killed in a car crash.”
“Oh,” she said on a long sigh. Seeking warmth and comfort, she slid under the covers, propping a couple of pillows behind her back. “That’s, well, I don’t know what to say.” She shook her head. “Poor them, that their happy retirement ended this way.”
“Yeah.”
She sighed. “They never showed us the slightest bit of affection, and yet I feel kind of sad they’re gone.”
“Me too. They were our only relatives.”
They were both quiet for a moment, and then she said, “It’s so final. I mean, I know there was no real chance they’d ever decide they actually liked us, but now . . .” If she’d secretly nursed a tiny hope, now that hope was extinguished.
“Well, actually . . .” That odd tone was back in his voice.
“Actually what? Did they leave us some big apology letter, to be opened in the event of their death?” She said it sarcastically, not daring to let herself believe that might be true.
“No letter. But here’s the thing. They didn’t have wills. And we inherit.”
“Oh my God.” It took a moment for that to sink in. And then she gave a surprised snort of laughter. “Oh my, that’d piss them off, wouldn’t it?”
“Maybe. But maybe not. The lawyer said she strongly encourages all the members of their community to make wills. The same as Eden does at Arbutus Lodge. But our grandparents refused. She explained the laws of inheritance. They had to know that if they didn’t make wills, we’d inherit.”
“They probably thought one of them would die before the other, and that person could then make a will and leave it to whomever they wanted. Spouses never think they’ll die at the same time, right?”
“Maybe.” Her brother still sounded kind of stunned. “But anyhow . . .”
Perhaps it was mercenary, but she had to ask. “Did they have much money left?” Retirees in their eighties, paying for a Florida lifestyle, chances were they’d run through whatever money they’d once had.
“A house in a mid-level retirement community,” he said slowly. “Some investments and money in the bank.” He paused. “Miranda, in Canadian money, after estate and administration taxes and fees, it amounts to over five hundred thousand.”
“Dollars?” she squeaked.
“Split between us. Damn, little sister.” His voice shook. “I think we’re rich.”
“Rich? Rich! Oh my God, our grandparents finally did something for us! Even if they probably didn’t mean to.” Or maybe they did. Perhaps she would let herself believe that.
“I know. I’m just . . . stunned.”
“You sound it. Me too.” Unable to sit still, she swung out of bed and paced across the room.
She couldn’t get her head around that amount of money. “Aaron, I can pay you back!” In a tattered notebook, she’d recorded every penny her brother had ever loaned or given her.
“Thanks for the thought, but it’s not exactly like I’ll need the money.” Now he sounded more like himself.
She chuckled. “No, I guess not.” But she’d do it all the same. Then she’d find a small house to rent, and pay Seal and Di rent for all the time she’d spent at SkySong, when they could’ve had paying guests in her cabin. And then . . . and then . . . she didn’t have a clue what she’d do. A college fund for Ariana. She’d tell her that her great-grandparents had gifted it to her. Then she’d buy books—glossy, brand-new books for both of them.
“I told the lawyer I’d fill you in,” Aaron said. “I said we’ll phone her back when our heads are on a little straighter.”
“Good idea.” Her head was definitely not on straight. In less than a day, her life had gone from messed up to amazing. Luke loved her, and she and Aaron were going to be rich.
“She did say it’d take some time to settle everything—like sell the place, though there’s a waiting list so it won’t be a problem. But as soon as we send her notarized proof of our identities, she can advance us some funds against the final distribution.”
“Okay.”
“I can pay off the Beaver.” There was wonder in his voice.
“Awesome!” That would be such a relief for him. Blue Moon Air was his baby, and it was a constant struggle to stay in the black. He needed to make the payments on his second plane, a de Havilland Beaver, but with only two planes and two pilots, there was a limit to how much business he could take on.
“I could even buy another plane,” he said. “Have more scheduled flights, take more charters and sightseeing flights. Give Jillian all the flying hours she wants, hire another pilot, too. To spell us off, and cover for her when she’s on mat leave.”
“Wow, Aaron. I’m sad Mom’s parents died, but seriously, wow.”
“I know.”
“Have you told Eden?”
“Not yet. I figured you should be the first.”
That was so sweet. “Thank you.” Knowing what an emotional mess she was right now, she was concerned for him. “You’re not going to fly, are you? You won’t be able to concentrate.”
“Oh man, I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Call Jillian right this minute. You know she’ll fill in, and then you can go home and tell Eden the news. Are you okay to drive?”
“Yeah. Now I’ve talked to you, I feel more grounded. I’ll be fine to drive. I can’t wait to see Eden’s face when I tell her. See you soon.”
Hanging up, she wondered if she could smile any wider.
The bathroom door opened and Luke walked into the bedroom, a towel wrapped low on his hips. Yeah, maybe she could smile wider.
“You look pretty happy,” he said, smiling back.
“My grandparents died.” A twinge of guilt and sorrow dampened her excitement.
“Oh, gee, I’m sorry. The ones in Florida, that you hadn’t heard from in forever?”
“Yeah.” She took a deep breath, allowing herself to mourn them but still feel happy about her windfall. “They didn’t have wills, and Aaron and I will inherit more than two hundred and fifty thousand each.” Speaking the words, she realized something. “That’s a quarter of a million.” She shook her head. “I can’t even conceive of it. I mean, I’ve always had trouble making the next rent payment.”
“My God.” His eyes widened and he looked almost as shocked as she’d felt when Aaron told her the news. He came over and hugged her. “I’m really happy for you.”
And then he grinned, his beautiful eyes twinkling. “Whew. I’m so glad we got back together last night. Otherwise, you might think I only loved you for your money.”
She smiled up at him. “No. I know you love me for me, rich or poor, prickles and petals.”