Chapter Eleven
A tremor raced along Sienna’s skin at the press of Cole’s mouth to hers. Within seconds, he deepened the kiss, his tongue lacing with hers and their breath mingling until she wasn’t sure where he ended and she began.
The emotions that assailed her from tonight still held on, but being with Cole had loosened their grip on her. They were distant now, brushing against her legs like tall grass in a summer field instead of making her feel like she was being sucked down into suffocating quicksand.
The longer they kissed, the more she lost herself in the moment—in the feel of Cole’s strong body against hers, the way he held her face so tenderly.
It was as if he saw her for something more than she knew herself to be. Someone who could handle whatever life threw at her, even though she had so many doubts about herself. He’d trusted her with his own painful memories, and she had a suspicion that wasn’t something he did lightly.
“Let’s go...” She paused because what she wanted to say was “home” but she didn’t have a home at the moment. Yes, her condo was waiting for her back in Chicago but the idea of returning there now felt foreign to her. She no longer belonged in her own life, but she didn’t quite have a place in Crimson either. The Bumblebee was lovely, but only a temporary situation. Everything felt fleeting at the moment, and she desperately wanted to hold on to something sure.
“To my place?” Cole whispered against her mouth, and she nodded.
Not her home, but it would do for now.
He took her hand and they returned down the path toward the parking lot. Shadows fell over the trail and the air had already cooled several degrees.
A shiver passed through her as she climbed into the truck, and she wished she’d worn more to dinner than a thin T-shirt with her jeans. As if reading her mind, Cole reached into the back seat, then handed her a fleece pullover.
“This should help,” he said as he turned the key in the ignition.
“I’m fine,” she lied. It was obvious she was nowhere near fine. She slipped the soft fabric over her head, inhaling the scent of laundry soap and spice she would forever associate with her sexy sheriff.
Her sheriff.
Heart stuttering at that thought, she zipped up the fleece. Cole might not be hers forever, but she wasn’t going to waste this chance with him.
“Do you want seat heat?” he asked.
She shook her head. “The jacket is plenty. Do you mind if I roll down my window?”
He gave her a confused glance out of the corner of his eye. “I saw you shiver.”
“I’m warm now, and I love the smell of the forest.” She paused, then added, “I love the scent of pine. I didn’t remember it until tonight, but there were woods at the edge of the trailer park where we lived. I used to build forts and secret hideaways in the trees. Sometimes when my mom and dad fought, I’d escape and pretend I lived in the woods by myself.”
He depressed both of the window buttons, and a moment later cool air and the crisp scent of pine filled the truck. Sienna leaned back against the headrest and let her eyes drift closed. She was used to the hot, humid air of Midwestern summers and appreciated the freshness of the mountains in a way she couldn’t have guessed before returning to Crimson.
“Actually,” she said softly, glancing over at Cole, “an escape still sounds like a pretty good idea.”
He chuckled and took her hand, enfolding it in his larger one. They didn’t speak the rest of the drive back into town. Now that she was calmer, Sienna had a chance to process everything that had happened tonight and what she was about to do with Cole.
What going to his house with him meant. Nerves skittered along her skin, but she didn’t consider changing her mind. She wanted him and for once she wasn’t going to waste time second-guessing herself.
He parked the car in the driveway and came around to open her door. “I’m happy you’re here,” he said and leaned in to kiss her.
“Your neighbors might see,” she said against his mouth, then pulled back.
“I don’t want to hide anything.”
She gave his arm a playful nudge as they walked toward the house. “Is the beloved town sheriff really allowed to bring a woman home for the night?”
They entered the house, cool and quiet in the evening light. “This is nobody’s business but ours,” he said, dumping his keys onto a table next to the door.
She liked the sound of that—of having something here in Crimson that belonged only to her. It was doubtful Cole truly meant the words, but she still appreciated them.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, letting everything else melt away in the heat of her desire. The kiss was slow and deep but quickly turned molten. Suddenly she couldn’t wait any longer. There was nothing Sienna needed more than Cole—all of him with every part of her.
As if sensing the change in her, the consuming need pulsing through her, he lifted her into his arms. She held on tight, her legs encircling his hips as he moved from the family room down the hall.
He continued to kiss her as he moved, and she smiled against his mouth. “A man who can multitask. I like it.”
“I aim to please,” he told her, rounding the corner of what was obviously his bedroom. In the soft light coming from the window, she could see that the walls were painted pale gray and the furniture was dark wood, heavy and masculine. Perfect for Cole.
He pulled back the sheets and followed her down onto the mattress.
“Too many clothes.” She pushed at his wide shoulders.
He laughed softly. “I thought we’d try a little foreplay first.”
“Foreplay later,” she countered. “Right now I need you.” She leveled a look at him, hoping he’d get the message. “Right. Now.”
Straightening, he flipped on the light next to the bed, then tugged his shirt over his head, revealing a broad, muscled chest that made her mouth go dry. The hard planes weren’t a surprise, but the sight of his golden skin and the smattering of dark hair across his chest were the sexiest things she’d ever seen.
“Your pants, too,” she demanded, pointing a finger at him.
One side of his mouth curved. “Do you want to check and make sure my butt passes the no-sag test?”
She shook her head. “I have no concerns about your butt.”
His grin widened. “I hope you’re not going to make me get naked alone.” One finger traced the top button of his jeans. “I could move a lot faster with the right motivation.”
Sienna wasn’t totally inexperienced with men, but she couldn’t remember a time when she’d had so much fun in the bedroom. And they hadn’t even gotten to the good part yet.
She sat up, then undid the buttons on her cotton shirt. The soft fabric tickled her overly sensitive skin as it fell from her arms. She looked down at herself, then said a silent prayer of thanks that she’d worn a pretty bra tonight.
Reaching behind her back, she unfastened it and tugged the red straps off her shoulders.
“Is this what you had in mind?”
Cole’s eyes had gone as dark as rich chocolate. His chest rose and fell like he was having trouble catching his breath. “I couldn’t have imagined you in my wildest dreams.”
The hoarse rasp of his voice sent another round of shivers skittering over her skin. She liked the power she felt in this moment, reveled in his reaction to her.
“Then you’re going to love this,” she told him and tossed the lacy bra in his direction.
In what seemed like one fluid movement, he caught it, tossed it aside and was stretched across her a moment later.
She gasped as his big hands covered her breasts, then arched into him when he captured one nipple in his mouth.
“So damn beautiful,” he said and turned his attention to the other breast. Sensation spiked through her, making it feel like her whole body had gone liquid.
“I thought we agreed...” she paused to suck in a breath as his teeth grazed the tip of one breast “...to skip foreplay.”
“This is too important,” he said, then lifted his head. “You’re too important to skip any part of it.”
Emotion swept through her, even more overwhelming than the physical pleasure Cole was giving her. She raked her fingers through his hair, groaning when he shifted on the bed and undid her jeans, then tugged them, along with her panties, over her hips.
He straightened from the bed and undid his jeans, pushing them down and revealing himself to her. He was perfect...everywhere.
“Do you have...?” She glanced toward the nightstand.
“Yeah.” The one word did crazy things to her body. How was it possible to feel so much when he’d barely touched her?
He stepped forward, opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom, tearing open the wrapper with his teeth.
Automatically, Sienna reached for the light.
“Leave it on,” Cole told her. “I want to see you.”
He was on the bed a moment later, a perfect fit as he joined himself with her. She sucked in a breath as he entered her, wrapping her legs around his lean hips.
They moved together, slowly at first, the rhythm building as he kissed her like his life depended on it.
“You’re perfect,” he whispered, trailing kisses along her jaw.
“Hardly,” she couldn’t help but respond.
He stilled, and she could feel the tension in his body. “Perfect,” he repeated, his gaze intense on hers.
She reached up and pulled his head down to hers, kissing him with all the emotion she wasn’t willing to let him see in her eyes quite yet.
Pressure built inside her as they found a rhythm again and for the moment she let herself believe that she was perfect. That her life wasn’t a total mess. She gave herself over to Cole and as soon as she did, it was like a million stars burst inside her.
She called out his name as pleasure washed over her, lifting her on a wave of sensation so strong it felt like she might never recover.
And in that instant, she realized she wouldn’t recover from Cole Bennett. Because as much as she wanted to believe what was happening between them was just physical, to Sienna it was so much more.
His body tensed and he whispered her name like it was a prayer. After they’d both returned to earth, he held her tight, rolling over and taking her with him.
“Don’t go anywhere,” he told her like he thought she was some kind of flight risk.
Which could be the truth if she wasn’t so boneless.
He took care of the condom, then returned to the bed, straightening the sheet and comforter over her and pulling her to his chest again.
“Perfect,” he repeated, his tone gentle.
“Perfect,” she agreed and let her eyes drift closed.
* * *
“Is it called the walk of shame even if you drove home?”
Sienna gasped and whirled around to find Paige leaning against the hallway doorframe.
“You practically scared the pants off me,” Sienna said, clasping a hand to her chest.
Paige flashed a wide grin. “I think Cole took care of that last night.”
Color rose to Sienna’s cheeks and she forced herself not to look away. “No drive of shame this morning. I’m tired but not ashamed.”
“Because you’re so happy and satisfied?” Paige suggested. “Am I going to get all the naughty details?”
Sienna shook her head.
Paige made a face. “At least give me something. It’s been a marathon dry spell around here. I need to live vicariously through someone.”
“It was nice,” Sienna said. “Now I need coffee. Do I smell banana bread?”
“Yes,” Paige said, walking down the hall toward the kitchen with Sienna following. “But you can only have a piece if you tell me last night was the most amazing, life-changing experience you’ve ever had.” She grabbed a mug from the counter and handed it to Sienna. “And that Sheriff Bennett is as thorough and capable as I’d imagine.”
Sienna took the mug and moved toward the coffeepot.
“In case we haven’t discussed it,” Paige told her, “I have a very vivid imagination.”
Sienna had a difficult time hiding her grin. “Yes.”
“Yes?”
She kept her gaze on the mug as she poured coffee in it. “To all of it. Amazing, life changing, thorough and capable doesn’t do him justice.”
Paige squealed and did a little dance, coffee sloshing over the mug she held. “I knew it.”
“That’s all I’m going to say,” Sienna added quickly. “No details.”
“Fine,” Paige said as she grabbed a paper towel from the rack attached to the underside of the cabinet. “I even kind of respect you for it. Although I wouldn’t complain if you changed your mind.”
Sienna shook her head. “What’s going on around here?” She gestured toward the living room, where there was still a gaping hole in the floor.
“The contractor is coming today to tell me how much money I don’t have that it will take to fix everything.”
“Sorry.”
Paige shrugged. “I’ll figure it out. I always do. What’s next for you and Cole?”
“Nothing.”
“Do we need to revisit amazing, thorough and more than capable?”
“It was great but I’m not here for that. I need to talk to my dad. We had a little incident last night.”
“What does that mean?”
“I never remembered much about my life before we left Crimson. I’m starting to now. It’s weird. The situation was so black-and-white to me, but there’s more to it than I realized.”
“There always is with family.”
Sienna sipped at her coffee. “Do you need help with money for the repairs? I have some savings that—”
“No.” Paige held up a hand. “You’re a guest here—my only paying guest at the moment.”
“That’s not going to change,” Sienna pointed out, “until the inn is up and running. Isn’t summer the big tourist season in town?”
“Well, yes.”
“So you need to get things moving.”
“Are you trying to manage my life because it’s easier to deal with than yours?”
Sienna sighed. “Maybe.”
Paige sliced a piece of banana bread from the loaf cooling on the stove, placed it on a small plate and handed it to Sienna. “Eat some carbs, then go visit Declan. I’ll let you know when I need help around here.”
“Fine.” Sienna popped a bite of the sweet bread in her mouth, then headed upstairs for a shower. The part of her night with Cole she hadn’t shared was the fact that she’d rushed to get dressed and run out of his house while he was showering this morning. It was cowardly and stupid, but as close as she’d felt to him last night, she couldn’t quite face him in the morning. There were way too many questions about where they went next that she wasn’t ready to ask or to answer.
She got dressed in the clothes she’d worn her first day in Colorado—a silk shirt and pleated trousers far too formal for this town. She really needed to shop for something new, but that was one more item on her to-do list she was embarrassed to admit she couldn’t handle at the moment.
Did she buy clothes appropriate for summer in Colorado or restock her wardrobe with items she’d be able to use back in her old life? It was hard to know when she was so unclear as to what was coming next.
She could hear Paige talking to someone when she came back downstairs and noticed an enormous truck parked at the curb with the words Travers Construction painted on the side.
Sienna slipped out the front door and headed for her rental car. Her phone rang just as she turned the key in the ignition.
“Did you forget something?” Cole’s deep voice asked when she picked up.
She swallowed, butterflies taking flight in her belly just at the sound of his voice. “I don’t think so.”
“How about to say goodbye?” he suggested, and she could hear both amusement and frustration lacing his tone.
“You were in the shower.”
“The bathroom door wasn’t locked.”
“Oh.”
“Thank you for staying with me,” he said gently. “Next time don’t run off.”
“Oh,” she repeated, realizing she sounded like an idiot but unable to form better words.
“There will be a next time,” Cole told her, once again displaying his uncanny ability to read her mind.”
She licked her dry lips. “Okay.”
He chuckled. “What are your plans today?”
“I’m going to see my dad. After last night, there are things he and I need to talk about.”
“Memories?”
“I know my mom’s side of the story.” Sienna pushed her hair away from her face. “Why she left and why she took me and not Jase. I want to understand Declan’s side.”
“And?” Cole prompted.
“Why he never reached out to me,” Sienna admitted.
“You have a right to answers.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I’ll call you later.”
She disconnected the call, took a deep breath and drove to her father’s neighborhood on the other side of downtown.
It was another beautiful day in Crimson, the bright sun warming the air. The sky overhead was the brilliant blue she was quickly coming to associate with Colorado, and she realized now why she’d never quite grown accustomed to the gray skies that hung over Chicago at different times during the year. Some place inside her remembered the expansive swath of blue and the constant sun, because the warmth of the rays felt like a hug from a long-lost friend.
She didn’t stop at Life is Sweet this morning, keeping her focus on her goal of meeting with Declan. Downtown was just beginning to wake up as she drove through, and she wondered if Jase was already at his office or still at home.
Did he find it as crazy as she did that she barely remembered anything about the first seven years of her life? He’d seemed shocked at her reaction to the talk about fireworks. Maybe if things went well with her father, she’d go and see Jase next.
Maybe today would be the day she’d get closure on issues that had plagued her for decades. Maybe today she could finally move forward.
She got out of the car as soon as she parked, not letting her nerves get the better of her.
Declan opened the front door as she approached. He wore a black T-Shirt and faded Levis. So different from her stepfather, who favored monogrammed button-downs and crisp cotton pants even on the weekends. “I wondered if I’d see you this morning,” he said, stepping back to let her into the space. “I wasn’t sure after you took off last night.”
“I didn’t remember how I got the scar on my wrist,” she admitted as she walked past him. “When I did, it threw me for a loop.”
She blinked several times as she took in the interior of the small family room, her breath catching in her throat.
“Is that the same sofa you had in the trailer?” she asked in a whisper.
Declan let out a small laugh behind her. “That throwing you for a loop, too?”
“Maybe.”
Definitely. She walked forward and placed a hand on the back of the worn fabric, a heavy plaid pattern that was faded and threadbare in some spots.
“Jase wanted me to get something new, but this is the most comfortable couch I’ve ever sat on. Besides, it’s lucky.”
“How do you figure?”
“I watched the Broncos win two Super Bowl rings on that couch. Look at this.” He moved around to the front of the sofa and picked up one of the cushions, holding it up so she could see the underside of it. “See that stain?”
Sienna stifled a grimace. “Yes.”
“You had reflux as baby,” he told her with a grin. “Seemed like you threw up more formula than you kept down some days. That’s from you.”
“Oh.” She had no idea how to respond to that or the pride in Declan’s voice, like he should be awarded some kind of gold star for his knowledge of her.
“I understand things about you, baby girl.” Her heart ached at the term of endearment. More memories whispered into her mind, hazy and fine like a wisp of smoke. She could make them out as if through a fog, smell them, taste the past on the tip of her tongue but if she reached for them, tried to hold them in her hands, they disappeared like mist.
In their place, anger rose like a wave inside her. “You don’t know enough. You have this tiny scar, but Mom has the rest of me. She was the one who held back my hair when I got the flu and puked for three days.”
She pressed a hand to her stomach. “Would you like to see the scar from when I had my appendix out senior year of high school? I sure don’t remember you being in the hospital or sending a card.”
“I didn’t know,” he said, placing the cushion back on the sofa.
“You don’t know anything about me. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself you were a decent dad when I was young, but a good father wouldn’t let his daughter go the way you did.”
“Your mother didn’t give me a choice,” Declan argued, but his voice was weak, shaky.
“There’s always a choice.” Sienna paced to the far side of the room, drawn by the framed photographs displayed on the narrow bookshelf. One showed Emily’s son, Davey, holding up a trout on a dock in front of a mountain lake. One was a photo of Declan and Jase that looked like it had been taken at that same lake.
The third was Sienna as a toddler. She wore a pale yellow dress with a pattern of sunflowers across the front of it and her blond hair was pulled back into two pigtails. It was a photo she hadn’t seen before. Her mother didn’t have many pictures of Sienna before they moved to Chicago.
“That was your favorite dress,” her dad said from behind her. “You’d wear it for days at a time before your mom would force you to take it off so it could be washed.”
Studying the photo was almost like looking at a stranger, even though she clearly recognized herself. She squeezed her eyes shut and combed through her memories, trying to recall the dress.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said after a moment, more to herself than Declan. “You let me go.” She whirled around to face him. “Why didn’t you fight for me? I can’t imagine I was so precious to you if you didn’t even come after me when Mom moved away.”
“She needed you,” he said, holding up his hands. “I knew there was no way to make her stay with how unhappy she was here. I loved your mother, but we were toxic together.”
“All you needed was Jase,” she said, the words like sandpaper scraping across her tongue. “As long as you had him—”
“He chose to stay,” Declan argued. “Dana would have taken him, too, but—”
“He was a kid,” Sienna shouted. “Just like me. Neither of you had the right to make the choice you did for either of us.”
“Your mother was the one to cut off communication. This is her fault.”
“You didn’t fight for me.” Sienna pounded an open palm against her chest. “Because I wasn’t worth it to you.”
“Not true.” Declan ran a hand through his hair. “I thought about you every day. I loved you.”
“Don’t say that. You don’t get to use those words with me.” The emotion she’d kept at bay for so many years poured forth. The walls she’d built around her heart bursting open. She wanted to hurt her father the way she’d been hurt.
“This was a mistake,” she said, drawing in a deep breath. “I have nothing to say to you because you mean nothing to me. Less than nothing.” She bit down on her bottom lip to keep from crying. That’s how his tacit rejection had made her feel—less than nothing. For years, she’d taken scraps of affection from everyone around her because that’s all she felt like she deserved.
She started toward the front door. Fresh air and sunshine would remind her that there was a big world still spinning despite the pinpoint of her own problems that seemed to be all she could see at the moment.
Her fingers had just gripped the knob when the crash had her spinning back around. Her breath caught as she saw Declan land on the floor, eyes closed and body limp. The lamp and side table he’d knocked over during his fall lay on the ground next to him.
“Dad!” she screamed, already reaching for her cell phone to dial 911.