Chapter Fourteen
Daniel had texted five times and called twice in the week since she’d left his apartment. Elena had responded to the first text with a simple, I’m sorry. It’s over. His response had been simple as well. Why?
She could feel all his confusion and frustration in that single word, could imagine him saying it like he had that night, his tone all tortured bafflement. She felt like a complete bitch breaking up with him like she had. But she’d been telling the truth when she’d said she couldn’t do it anymore. She really, really couldn’t. Sitting with him in the hospital, waiting to hear back from the doctor, had been the worst form of torture. The memories of sitting with him in the ER mingled with the memories of sitting in the waiting room and in her dad’s hospital room while he was unconscious. Her nightmares had come back. But now it was Daniel lying unconscious in the hospital bed, bandages around his head.
Sometimes she’d dream about her father yelling at her, cussing her out while he was in the hospital. And partway through he’d morph into Daniel, shouting her father’s words in her father’s voice, but it was Daniel’s boyish face with its usual scruff sneering at her.
She woke from those dreams suppressing her sobs, burying her face in her pillow, gulping down air until she could get herself under control. On those nights, she’d get up and take a shower, then bury herself in homework. Her sleep became sporadic, and she only slept when exhaustion dragged her down, unable to keep her eyes open anymore.
By the time Thursday rolled around, she barely managed to drag herself to classes, only going because it was the last day before a three-day weekend. Their so-called Fall Break. It made it sound like more than one day without classes, but she wasn’t about to complain. Most students used it as an excuse to go home for a couple of days, and she was no different.
Her mom had called during the week and asked if she planned on coming home. She had the first two years she’d been at Marycliff. Last year she’d had a debate tournament that weekend, so she hadn’t been able to go home. So it wasn’t an unreasonable question.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll come home,” had been her answer after long moments of silence where she wrestled with her desire to stay away and her guilt for feeling that way. The guilt won.
But she waited until Friday morning to leave. She’d told her mom that she needed to rest because she’d had a lot of homework before the break and hadn’t been sleeping much. It was mostly true. She’d done a lot of homework, at least, reading ahead to cover chapters she didn’t need to get through until after Thanksgiving. But she’d needed something to distract her from the pain of breaking up with Daniel, the guilt over not wanting to go home, and keep her awake to avoid her nightmares.
She actually slept well on Thursday night. She woke up around eight, which was earlier than she would’ve liked, but she wanted to get to her parents’ house by noon. The drive took just over two hours, so she had enough time to pack a bag for the next couple of nights, shower, and eat breakfast before heading out by ten.
Hannah and Matt were getting up and around while she loaded her duffle bag and backpack into her car. Hannah came out and gave her a quick hug. “Drive safe. Let me know when you get there. And tell your parents I said hi.”
Elena gave her a tight smile. “Thanks. I’ll tell my mom, at least. I don’t think my dad’ll care much.”
Pity flashed in Hannah’s eyes, but she covered it when Elena gave her a stern look. “Fine. Tell your mom I said hi, then. And, um.” Hannah paused and looked away, biting her lip, a pink flush coming to her cheeks. “I know going home for the weekend isn’t your idea of a good time, and you’re not doing it because of me, but I appreciate getting some alone time with Matt for a couple days. So thanks.”
Elena chuckled, the first real chuckle in several days. She hugged Hannah again. “You’re welcome. Enjoy your kinky, spanky sex free-for-all while I’m gone. Just make sure you can still sit on Sunday. You have class and work next week.”
Hannah’s blush deepened, making Elena laugh more. But Hannah lifted her chin. “Don’t worry. My ass’ll be just fine.”
Elena laughed again and climbed into her car. “See you in a couple days.”
Hannah walked over to stand with Matt on the front steps while Elena backed out of the driveway. They both waved at her as she drove away.
She made good time, even with stopping in Ritzville for a quick rest stop and to break up the monotony of driving through the Scablands. She’d always loved that name for the area. It was so picturesque, and perfectly captured the effects of the rock breaking through the crust of dirt. Basalt? She thought her middle school earth science teacher had told them it was basalt. But that had been so long ago that she wasn’t sure anymore.
One of the wines at the wine bar she’d gone to with Hannah’s other friends last spring had been from a vineyard called Scabland Wines. Maybe she’d stop by and grab a bottle while she was in Richland. She’d looked it up, and it was a half-hour’s drive south. She could go tomorrow. It’d be a good excuse to get out of the house, and she knew she’d need that.
Two and a half hours after leaving her house in Spokane, she pulled in front of her parents’ house in Richland. It looked the same as always—white siding with charcoal gray trim and roof and a bonus room above the garage. That had been where she and her brother would hang out with their friends. They’d had their own TV and hand-me-down couches, video game consoles, and a DVD player. The yard looked like it could use mowing, and most of the flowers had died off by this late in October. Leaves were scattered across the grass from the aspen that stood at the edge of the yard. Who would do the cleanup since Tomás was away now too? Could her dad handle it? Or did her mom have to take care of that, too?
The front door opened as she climbed out of her car, retrieving her bags from the back seat. Her mom stood on the front porch, a smile splitting her face. When Elena walked up, her mom pulled her into a tight hug.
“Oh, mija. I’m so glad you came. I’ve missed you since you left in August. And you haven’t called as much as you usually do.”
Guilt stabbed at her, and she was glad her mom still held her, so she didn’t have to look her in the face. “I’m sorry, mamá. It’s been a busy semester.”
“Claro. Of course. I know.” She pulled back, but still held Elena by the shoulders. “It’s just been a rough few months is all. And you were such a help when you were here this summer. It’s been harder than normal having you gone.”
Elena had to swallow down the tightness in her throat. She knew her mom had been having a hard time. She’d taken off as much time as she could from school, but had to go back a couple of weeks ago. Which Elena imagined made it more difficult, leaving her dad home by himself while she went to work.
She forced a smile. “Well, I’m here now. And Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner.”
The sad smile on her mom’s face made Elena aware of how tired she looked. Her skin looked dull and washed out, like she hadn’t been outside in ages. Dark circles marred the skin under her eyes, and new lines that Elena had never noticed before had appeared in the corners of her mom’s eyes and around her mouth. Like she spent far more time these days squinting and frowning.
“Yes, mija. That’s true. Something else to look forward to, ah? You and your brother both home for the holidays.”
Elena was saved from responding by her mom ushering her into the house and waving her toward her bedroom.
“Go put your things away. I’ll fix you some lunch, and you can say hi to your papi.”
Elena did as her mother said, setting her things in her old bedroom and using the bathroom before making her way to the living room. She stopped behind the couch, noticing that her dad still sat in the same corner he’d taken over after coming home from the hospital. A plate sat next to him, crumbs visible around the crumpled napkin. A glass of lemonade sat on the table next to him. Some sit-com with Tim Allen played on the TV, but her dad didn’t laugh along with the laugh track. He just sat and stared at the lights flickering on the screen, showing no signs of interest or engagement.
She moved into the room, taking a seat in the recliner in the corner across from the couch. “Hola, papi. How are you feeling?” She’d reverted to using the most diminutive form of address while he lay unconscious in the hospital, wanting to feel close to him somehow. It reminded her of when she was a little girl, and he slayed all her dragons. Now, he was becoming one of them.
Maybe she should call him dad. Something she’d only used to talk about him to others. She’d always called him papi or papá to his face. But this man was not the man who’d raised her. He vaguely resembled him—a heavier, angrier version of the man he’d once been. No longer ready with his easy smile or booming laugh. The only booming was when he’d yell in frustration.
His eyes swiveled from the screen to her and back again. “Fine.”
She’d gotten used to his one word answers this summer. She still hated it, though. She swallowed. “That’s good. My drive down was good. Fine. Uneventful.”
He nodded, his eyes never straying from the TV.
She sat in silence, watching the show for a few minutes. This wasn’t something her dad used to watch. It must just be something on—syndicated reruns on one of those channels that plays the same show for hours. So she waited for a commercial break to try to engage him in conversation again. They used to talk all the time. That was part of why she hadn’t called as much this semester. She’d always talked to her mom, but she’d talked to her dad a lot too. He’d encouraged her with her goals and ambitions, her desire to go to law school and become an immigration lawyer. He thought what she was doing was important, and was always happy to talk to her about it for hours.
What would he say if she told him she delayed the LSAT yet again? She hadn’t told anyone that. She’d been scheduled to take them earlier in October, but between continuing to do work for her dad’s clients and spending so much time with Daniel, she hadn’t done much studying. So she’d pushed them back, telling herself she’d make time for the next test date.
Or maybe she wouldn’t. If her mom needed her that badly, maybe she should come home after graduation.
Soon it became clear that there were no commercial breaks. He must be watching Netflix. So she cleared her throat and brought up the other subject he used to talk about for hours—his business.
“I’ve still been building websites this semester. It’s keeping me busy doing that on top of my homework. I had to quit the debate team to keep up with everything else.”
He grunted.
A grunt. That was all the response he gave her.
“Everyone keeps asking when you’ll be back.”
Silence. Not even a grunt this time.
“Do you know? When you’ll be back? Or should I tell them—“
“Dammit, Elena!”
She flinched at the switch from placid silence to rage at full volume, his face contorted into a mask she didn’t recognize.
“Tell them whatever you goddamn want. I don’t fucking care. Can’t you see I’m watching a show? Just shut up and leave me alone.”
She blinked at him as he turned up the volume, stunned. Her dad had never cussed at her. Sure, she’d heard him use those words before, but it was reserved for when he was muttering in frustration over something. Never had he directed them at family. And he always made time to talk to her. He was watching a show on Netflix. He could pause the damn thing if he wanted to. And in the past, he would’ve. Would’ve turned off the show and talked to her about her class load and where she should apply for law school and anything and everything that came up.
He never would’ve told her to shut up. Never would’ve turned up the volume to block her out, like she was a nuisance, an annoying background noise that he didn’t want to hear.
Her own rage rose up in answer to this treatment. She’d given up her time to help him, kept his business going, and this was how he treated her? Any guilt she’d felt about not wanting to come home this weekend burned away under the blaze of her anger.
She stood, not trying to say anything else. What would be the point? With long strides, she left the room and found her mom in the kitchen, cutting apples to go with the lunch she’d said she was going to make.
“I’m sorry, mamá. I have to go. I can’t stay here with him like that.”
Her mom set down the knife, an apple slice still in her hand. “What happened?”
Elena crossed her arms, debating what to say. “He yelled at me for trying to talk to him.” She looked all around the kitchen, the tears starting to build up behind her eyes. She didn’t want to let them out. She refused to cry. “He’s not the same. That man is not my papi. He’s not the man who played with me and talked to me about anything I wanted. I can’t—“ She shook her head. “I won’t stay here to be yelled at just for trying to talk. I’m sorry. I have to go.”
“But you just got here.”
The sadness on her mom’s face almost brought her guilt out again. But she pushed it down. She didn’t deserve to be treated this way. She wanted a relaxing weekend to get caught up, maybe get some sleep. Not come home and tiptoe around the facsimile of her father that lived on the couch and wouldn’t even pause a damn show on Netflix to talk to his only daughter. No. She wouldn’t swallow it down and pretend it was okay like she’d done this summer. Not this time.
“I know. I’m sorry. I really am. I want to see you, but I can’t handle him like that. I had hoped he’d be a little better by now. But if anything, he seems worse.” Elena drew in a breath, holding it while she debated speaking her real thoughts. “I won’t pretend it’s okay for him to treat me that way like I did over the summer. I can’t do it anymore. It’s not okay. So I have to go.”
She hugged her mom, a few tears escaping her closed eyes when her mom held her tightly and didn’t let go for a long time.
“I’m sorry too, mija,” her mom whispered into her hair. “I wish things were different. I really do.”
“Me too.” She held her mom just as tightly, her arms under her mother’s, hands clasping her shoulder blades, her eyes squeezed shut. “Does he treat you this way too?”
Drawing in a shuddery breath, her mom nodded, but didn’t speak.
“Why do you stay?”
With another deep breath, her mom broke the hug, pulling back to look at Elena, tears gathering in her dark brown eyes. She gave a tiny shrug. “He’s my husband. And he’s hurt. What am I supposed to do?”
Elena examined her mom, her mouth open to respond, but she couldn’t come up with anything to say. She shook her head. “I don’t know, mamá. I don’t know.”
A watery smile came to her mother’s face, serving to highlight her sadness. “Me either. So I just keep going until I figure it out. I’ll let you know when I do.” Squeezing her hands, her mom let her go. “Have you looked any more into going to a support group for families of TBI survivors?”
And just like that her sadness for her mom and herself morphed into frustration. “No. It’s been a busy semester. I have a full class load plus all the work for dad’s clients still.” She leveled a look at her mom. “Which is something we need to talk about soon. I can’t keep doing that forever.”
Her mom nodded, turning back to the apple on the counter. “Can you last until Thanksgiving at least?”
Elena studied her mom’s profile before giving in, like she usually did. “Yeah. I guess so.”
“Gracias.”
“De nada, mamá.” She waited, but her mom wouldn’t look at her again. “I’ll let you know I’ve made it back safely.”
Her mom nodded. “Okay.”
“I love you, mami.”
“I love you too, mija.” She was whispering again, like she couldn’t manage to speak louder than that, and the guilt hit Elena then. Even so, she pushed it away. She couldn’t handle an hour of her dad. How would she manage two days? She couldn’t. She needed to leave to protect herself. Her mom would have to take care of herself as well.
“Bye.”
Her mom’s whispered, “Bye,” followed Elena out of the kitchen. She had to cover her mouth with her hand to hold back the sob that wanted to escape and pull out every trick she knew to keep her tears from falling. But she managed to get her things and get back in her car without breaking down in tears, and driving back to Spokane provided enough of a distraction that she didn’t feel the need once she decided to hit a drive-thru for lunch and a caffeine fix.
Now the big question was what should she do once she got back to Spokane? She’d promised Hannah and Matt a weekend to themselves in the house. It was a relatively trivial concern. They’d understand—at least Hannah would, and Matt always took his cue on how to treat Elena from his girlfriend, so she wasn’t worried about that. But she felt bad interrupting. And she really didn’t want to walk in on her friend getting spanked or fucked in the living room.
So that meant she needed to come up with some kind of plan.