CHAPTER TWELVE
Every part of my body hurts. But nothing compares to the pain in my heart when I go in the house by myself. The horror of last night keeps playing over and over in my head. Taking a hot shower doesn’t make a dent in my aches, especially since I had to put plastic baggies over my hands to keep my stupid bandages dry.
I crawl into bed, and all I can think about is how much worse things could have been. It’s selfish, but I think about what might have happened if I’d broken my leg. What if Rock had broken his back or been killed? So many horrible possibilities. I lost my dad when I was a teenager, and I’m already a thirty-three-year-old widow. I’m well aware of how fragile life is.
Someone deliberately ran us off the road. As a direct result of my involvement with Rock and his club, I’d almost been killed.
What’s happened to me? How did I get here?
What am I doing?
It hurts to admit, but I’m not cut out for their life of danger. I couldn’t even figure out how to use a stupid gun. It looks so damn easy on television. Trinity had to take it from me. I couldn’t remember even basic first aid to do a damn thing for Wrath.
I’m useless. My lack of any practical life skills is probably a huge hindrance to Rock. No wonder his club brothers are so wary about letting me into the fold.
What am I going to do? I’ve fallen so deep in love with him, so fast. Losing him will kill me, but I need to start preparing myself for the inevitable.
Rock’s indifference on the drive here hurt like hellfire. He’s probably pissed for getting involved with someone weak like me. I wanted to invite him in, but it was clear he had other places to be.
I roll over and curl into Clay’s pillows. His scent is long gone, but it still comforts me knowing he used to sleep on them. I pray like hell he’s not watching over me. He’d probably be ashamed of me.
“I’m sorry I’m such a fuck-up, baby. I miss you so bad,” I whisper before crying myself to sleep.
The fuckers who ran us off the road are almost too easy to find. Two punk-ass little bitches, too stupid to realize who they had fucked with.
At first they seem to be under the impression it was nothing more than a prank.
Considering how bad my brother is hurt and how badly the people I care about could have been hurt, I don’t share their amusement.
They are not laughing when Z and I leave.
Payback is a bitch indeed.
Whether they make it to the hospital or not doesn’t concern me a whip.
Going to see Hope in this condition seems like a bad idea. I stop at my house to clean up, grab a quick nap, and then head back to the hospital. Teller, Murphy, and Heidi are in the waiting room when I get there.
“That big bastard awake?” I ask as I take a seat next to Teller.
Murphy snorts. “Trin’s in there with him. It looked a little intense, so we left.”
Heidi’s tuned into our conversation, so I don’t voice the questions I want to ask. Instead, I grunt and pick up a magazine.
“Where’s Hope?” Heidi asks.
Goddammit.
“Home.” I’m short so the nosy little snot will take a hint.
“Is she coming here?”
Of course, sixteen-year-old girls don’t take hints.
“I don’t know.”
“She’s kind of family now, isn’t she? Shouldn’t she be here?”
“Dammit, Heidi, would you leave him alone?” Murphy scolds her.
His words send her into a snit, and she takes off.
Christ.
Deciding Wrath and Trinity have had enough time to do whatever the fuck they’re doing, I stomp into his room.
She’s curled up on the bed with him, his arm wrapped around her middle. They’re murmuring to each other, and he’s playing with her hair. I would have been less surprised to find them actually fucking.
I paste on my favorite shit-stirring grin, enjoying the fuck out of this. “Well, hello, kids!”
“Shit, fuck, damn!” Trinity scrambles out of the bed.
“Ow, fuck, Trin,” Wrath growls, leaning down to rub his fucked-up leg.
“Sorry, sorry.” She whips her head in my direction, eyes pleading with me not to tease her.
I don’t have it in me to mess with Trinity.
“Uh, I’m gonna go.” She scurries out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
I just can’t keep this shit-eating grin off my face.
“Knock it off, dick,” Wrath says as he settles back down into the bed.
“Sorry I interrupted cuddle time.”
“Fuck you.”
We glare at each other for a few minutes. Wrath rolls his eyes first. “You come here to tell me anything useful? Maybe bring me something?”
“What the hell do you want, balloons and flowers?”
“A fucking magazine would be nice. I’m bored as fuck.”
I jerk my thumb toward the door. “Didn’t look bored a minute ago.”
Wrath clenches and releases his hands. Is he thinking of hitting me? Wouldn’t be the first time.
“Did Hope come with you?”
Well, fuck, if that isn’t enough to wipe the smile clean off my face.
“No.”
“She okay?”
“I dunno. She’s. . .” Do I want to spill all her baggage to him? “You don’t realize she lost her dad when she was a teenager. Lost her husband young. I think this rattled her.”
“Oh, fuck. I didn’t know about her dad. That’s rough.”
“Yeah, and her mom went to shit after, so she basically got abandoned there.”
“Okay. Got it.”
I rub the back of my neck. “I’m afraid this brought up bad shit for her.” I’m not sure how much I want to share about my concerns. Although, since the accident, Wrath seems sweet on Hope, he wasn’t exactly her biggest cheerleader before, and I don’t want to dredge that shit back up.
Fuck it.
“I’m worried she’s not dealing with it well.”
“Not surprising. After getting through that other shit, sounds like she lived a pretty normal life ‘til you barged in.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m not trying to be a dick. I just don’t know how you think it’s going to work out between the two of you.”
“This wasn’t exactly normal.”
“You know what I mean. Look, I get it, she’s a total sweetheart. Treats everyone with respect. She’s not stuck up. I like how nice she is to Trinity. Hell, I like her. But I think soon, she’s going to start dividing your focus. You can’t be half in, half out as our President.”
“You want the gavel?”
“Fuck, no, that’s not what I’m trying to say. But she doesn’t get what we’re about—at all. She’s too clean for our life. I’ve tried explaining shit to her, and it goes in one ear and out the other. Don’t drag her into it anymore. It’s not fair to her.”
“What exactly did you try to explain to her?”
“We are outlaws. She acts like it’s a bedtime story that has nothing to do with you two.”
“How many times have I told you to leave that shit to me? I’ll tell her things when I think she’s ready to hear them.”
“Yeah, but by then she’ll be so deep in our shit, she’ll blow the MC to hell trying to escape.”
Fuck.
“Rock. You think she’s going to fall so far in love with you she’s going to overlook the fact that we’re up to our balls in illegal shit?”
Yes. Because I’m so fucking in love with her that I don’t care if she fits into my world or not. I’ll find a way to make this work, because there is no other option.
My lack of an answer has Wrath shaking his head.
One day, and no word from Rock.
I’ve been dumped.
I feel it in my gut.
Except maybe something happened to him? We were, after all, run off the road and shot at the other night.
Somehow, I’d conveniently forgotten that.
I miss him so bad, but I refuse to call him first. I’m too embarrassed.
What I do instead is almost worse. I decide to go visit Wrath. I really do want to see him and make sure he’s okay. But I won’t lie—a tiny part of me wants to run into Rock.
I hate the idea of visiting anyone in the hospital empty-handed. What the hell does a big scary biker/fighter who’s probably bored to death want? Besides a piece of ass. Food? Hospital food is awful and probably not enough for a guy his size.
I stop at Five Guys and grab two cheeseburgers and a large order of their fresh-cut fries. Running into the bookstore, I grab the first magazine I see with a motorcycle and a half-naked chick on the cover.
Even though I secretly hope to run into Rock, I avoid the waiting room and go straight to Wrath’s room. After a few taps on the door, I hear him call out for me to enter.
He’s alone.
I’m relieved, yet also disappointed.
His face registers a whole lot of surprise when he sees me.
“Hey, sweetheart, what are you doing here? You just missed Rock.”
“Oh.” I hesitate, feeling a little foolish.
“Whatcha got? You bring me real food?” He holds his hands out, clawing his fists into a gimmie, gimmie gesture that makes me break into a smile.
As I hand him the bag, his eyes widen in delight. “Oh, fuck, yeah.”
He spills all the food out onto the wheely tray next to his bed and moans around a mouthful of French fries. “If things don’t work out with you and Rock, I may have to claim you myself.”
I’m not sure how to respond, so I thrust the magazine at him.
He chuckles at the busty redhead on the cover. “Thank you. I’ve been bored shitless.”
“I figured you might be. Also figured they probably weren’t feeding you enough.”
“Damn right.”
“Shoot, I forgot to grab a drink. You want—”
He shakes his head, cutting me off, and points to a small refrigerator in the corner. “Will you grab me a ginger ale from there, babe?”
“Sure.”
When I return to him, he’s eyeing me up and down. It dawns on me he probably ogled my ass the entire time I was bent over digging out his soda.
“Pig.”
“Oink.”
We’re standing there, kind of half-smiling at each other, when Rock walks in without knocking.
I’ve missed him so much. This is ridiculous, but he’s fucking beautiful. My breath catches, and I stand there taking all of him in. Just beautiful.
A scowl screws up his face. “Baby doll, what are you doing here?”
His tone stabs me in the chest. But before I can come up with a response, Wrath jabs his index finger at me. “She brought me food and reading material.” He holds up the magazine and waves it at Rock.
Rock’s scowl deepens. “Christ, you’re a baby.”
“A baby with a full belly. Thank you, Hope.” He turns and smiles at me sweetly.
Wow.
If I’d known Wrath’s approval could be bought with some cheeseburgers, I would have gone that route a lot sooner.
Apparently I’ve wandered into some alternate universe where Hope and Wrath are pals.
Fantastic.
My girl brought him food and reading material. How fucking sweet is that? Especially when you consider he’s been a dick to her for about ninety-nine percent of the time they’ve known each other.
Or did she do it expecting to run into me? God, I hope so.
I’m confused about where we stand. Fuck, she’s got me twisted up—and not in the fun way this time. Except for the quick glance when I walked in, she keeps her head down. Her fingers are loosely tangled in Wrath’s hand. The fucker is eating up her attention with a shovel. I wish he wasn’t lying there all broken, because I’d really like to kick his ass.
Zeroing in on their intertwined fingers sends a jolt of crazy burning through me.
This is awkward as fuck. I hate that Wrath is here to witness it after our earlier talk.
The urge to punch him in the face comes on strong.
Then he surprises me by letting out a yawn worthy of a grizzly bear.
Hope’s gaze swings to him, and she blushes.
“Oh my gosh, you must be so tired. I’ll let you get some rest.”
She leans over and gives him a peck on the cheek.
Wrath flashes a crooked smile at me, and it’s a fight not to break his other damn leg.
Jackass.
“Thanks for the food, sweetheart.”
“Get better, big guy.”
Big guy. The fuck?
Hope stops in front of me, eyes glued to the floor. I brush my hand over her arm, and she finally meets my gaze. Surprise, longing, and doubt play over her beautiful face I love so damn much.
“We need to talk.”
Every part of her goes soft, almost scared. “Okay.”
We walk out to the parking lot without speaking. I don’t know what to say. Where to start. I’ve fought too hard, waited too long to have her. I’m not losing her or giving her up now.
My bike is parked right against the brick building. Hope gives it a once-over.
“It’s okay?”
“Yeah, few scratches. Nothing I can’t fix. Will you come home with me?”
“No.”
Fuck.
“I mean, I’m not getting on that thing. I can’t. Yet. I’m sorry.”
I reach out to run one finger gently across her cheek, brushing the hair off her face and over her shoulder. “Baby doll, it’s okay. Will you follow me home so we can talk, though?”
“Say what you need to say here. There’s no reason to drag it out.”
Confused, I stare at her until her meaning sinks in. “Drag what out? What’s going on inside your pretty head?”
The little twitch at the corner of her mouth gives her away. Her breath hitches. Shit, is she holding back tears?
I can’t stand seeing her so upset. Gathering her in my arms, I press her cheek to my chest and run my hands over her back. “Hope, talk to me.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m not…” she drifts off and starts sobbing again. What the hell?
“You’re not what, baby?”
“I’m not cut out for this. You must be so disappointed.”
Disappointed?
“About what?”
“Me. I had no clue. I was so scared. I couldn’t stand it if you got hurt.” She sucks in a breath and lets it out slow. “Or if I lost you.”
She’s not making a lot of sense.
“You’re not going to lose me, baby. I’m beyond sorry about what happened. It honestly had nothing to do with the club. But it’s still my fault. You know I wouldn’t put you in danger on purpose, right? I’d do anything to keep you safe.” I have done just about everything a man can do to keep his woman safe.
I’m not sure if she absorbed any of that. She pulls away and wipes her face. “Let’s just say goodbye now, okay?”
Fear sends a surge of adrenaline through me. “Say goodbye? What are you talking about?”
“I’m never going to be the type of woman you need. I’m not tough like Trinity.”
“Baby, is that what’s wrong? Here I thought you were mad at me for dragging you into my shitty, fucked-up world and almost getting you killed. But you’re worried you’re not tough enough for me?”
With her mouth set in a grim line, she nods. “You just dropped me off, and I didn’t hear from you…”
I crush her against me again. “Hope, no.”
Fuck. Do I tell her the truth? What the hell—I’m about to lose her anyway.
Lowering my voice, since we’re in the hospital parking lot, for fuck’s sake, I try to explain. “We got a lead on the guys who ran us off the road. I needed to take care of that. I also thought you were pissed at me, so I wanted to give you a little space.”
“Oh, what did the police do?”
Huh? “The police?”
Suddenly I get where she’s going. “Honey, I love you, but that is not how I handle things. They could have killed you. All of us, my brothers, Trinity. My best friend is seriously fucked up and out of commission for the next few months. I protect what’s mine, and I don’t do it by crying to the cops about it.”
She takes a minute to absorb that. I watch the recognition flare in her eyes as my words sink in.
“Okay.”
Okay? That’s it? “Anything else you want to ask me?”
“No. I get it. Going to the police would have been pointless. You would have had to explain where we were coming from, and once they heard that, they would have assumed we were all gangsters or something and not put much effort into the case. See if we all kill each other to make their jobs easier.”
What. The. Fuck? Where has this girl been hiding all along? Speechless, I just stare at her for a minute.
This mix of offended innocence sweeps over her face. “What? I’m a lawyer, not stupid. I have no love for law enforcement. I’ve seen how many times they railroad innocent people, and how they use legal extortion to extract what they want. I’m not saying I condone taking matters into your own hands—because you could have gotten hurt—or that I love the idea, but I understand it under these circumstances.”
My jaw is working, but nothing comes out of my mouth. She slips her hand over it, silencing me. “I don’t want any details about what you guys did, though, okay? If I had to represent you in connection with this…well, it’s just better I don’t know.”
Without releasing my hold on her, I tug my phone out of my pocket.
“What are you doing?”
“Texting one of the guys to bring my bike up to the clubhouse. I’m not letting you out of my sight for a second.”