CHAPTER SEVEN
“Thanks so much for picking me up, guys,” Sophie says in a breathless rush as she slides into the backseat of Rock’s SUV.
“No problem, babe,” Rock answers while reversing out of the driveway. “Thanks for inviting us.”
“I’m so happy to have the extra company. I love seeing Jonny’s shows, but I always feel weird standing around backstage by myself.” Sophie squeezes my shoulder. “It’s good to have my partner in crime back.”
I chuckle at that. Sophie and I had a lot of fun times in law school. Since I was with Clay, Lilly was her partner in picking up rocker guys, but I appreciate the sentiment.
Sophie lets out this frustrated growling noise. “I hate all the fucking groupies who hang out, trying to grope Jonny when he gets off stage. You can help me kick some skank groupie ass.”
Rock chuckles a little uncomfortably.
With a smirk, I turn and face Sophie. “No problem. I’ve got tons of experience now from dealing with Rock’s own personal muffler bunny fan club.”
Rock makes a choking sound, and Sophie falls back against the seat in a fit of giggles. “Buttercup, you gotta let me up there one of these days. I’ll be happy to take care of those bitches for you.” She flashes a glance at Rock.
“You girls done?” he asks with a bemused smile.
Sophie and I burst into another round of giggles while Rock shakes his head.
We’re still laughing and carrying on by the time we get to the club. It holds about three thousand people and appears to be sold out tonight. The line down the sidewalk to get in seems miles long. We are able to go right to the front window, give our names, and go right in. The bouncer directs us to the back. We walk through the brightly lit but mostly empty club. Sophie is bouncing up and down with excitement. It’s been a few weeks since she and Jonny saw each other, and I fully expect them to disappear into some dark corner when we find him.
Rock and Jonny greet each other like they’re long lost brothers, and I really need to find out what the story is there. Jonny isn’t talking much because he’s preserving his voice for the demanding style of screaming vocals he uses on stage. Sophie brought him a particular type of cough drop, and he thanks her by kissing her long and deep in front of everyone.
Like a king holding court, Rock is busy chatting with the other band members. I’m always amazed at how comfortable he is in any situation. Maybe even a little jealous.
After Jonny and Sophie finish their game of tonsil hockey, she rushes over to me.
“Sorry.”
I’m busy watching Rock and Jonny. Rock pulls a package out of his cut and hands it to Jonny, who lights up in a big grin.
“What are they up to?” I ask Sophie.
“No idea. Lots of people bring them shit for the free tix, you know?”
Hmmm.
We mostly stay in the back room during the first couple bands. Rock pulls me into his lap as the rest of the band lights up what Rock explains to me is a vaporizer. Jonny passes but asks them to save it for later. I arch a brow at Sophie, and she shrugs. She also passes on the weed, but I get the sense she’s only doing it so I won’t feel weird.
When Rock also passes, one of the guys jokes with him about not sampling his own product. I go absolutely rigid in Rock’s lap, and his arms tighten around me.
“I’m good, man,” he gets out through clenched teeth.
Lilly joins us, distracting me from the question on the tip of my tongue. She sweeps me into a big hug. The guys in the band are excited to see her, so I assume she’s spent a lot of time hanging out with Sophie and Jonny. Rock chuckles when Z walks in the room next. Lilly is sitting on the drummer’s lap, and he’s dangerously close to motorboating her in front of the entire room. Z takes in the scene and sits down on the arm of the couch next to Rock and me without a word.
“Hey, Z,” I greet.
“‘Sup, Hope?”
Jonny and Z greet each other with some sort of bro-hug, and I wonder when these two had a chance to meet. Lilly looks up, finally noticing Z, and scrambles out of the drummer’s lap. She whispers something in Sophie’s ear that makes Sophie tug me out of Rock’s lap. The three of us head out into the club and into the ladies’ room.
“Wasn’t there a bathroom back there?” I ask because we’re stuck waiting in a line.
“Trust me, it’s more disgusting than this one,” Sophie informs us with a shiver.
“Why is Z here?” Lilly asks me.
“I don’t know—”
“Jonny put Rock, Hope, and plus two on the list,” Sophie answers, clearing up that mystery.
Geez, I hope Wrath isn’t going to show up next.
“Shit,” Lilly mumbles.
“What are you so freaked out for? I thought you and Z were just fucking around,” Sophie asks.
“We are.” Lilly sinks her teeth into her bottom lip. “Doesn’t mean I want to hang out with him and someone else I’m fucking around with,” she says with a nervous chuckle.
I can’t stop the eye roll. I love Lilly, but she’s non-stop drama.
By the time we make it out of the bathroom, the band is setting up. We reenter the green room where Jonny is busy running through his vocal exercises. Not wanting to make him nervous, I head back to Rock.
“We’re probably going to watch the band from the side of the stage,” I inform him.
“Okay. You’re staying back here, though, right? I don’t want you out in the crowd if they start moshing and shit.”
I stop and give him a cool look. “Rock, I went to shows long before I knew you. I can handle myself just fine.”
His eyebrow quirks at that. Z turns away, shaking with laughter.
The girls and I head into the club.
After the first song, Rock joins us side stage and slips his arms around my waist. I lean into him, and he bends down to kiss my neck. Sophie glances over and breaks into a wide grin. My body is vibrating from being so close to the stage. Having Rock at my back intensifies the sensation.
The show is awesome, and I remember how much I used to enjoy going out with Sophie. Jonny turns into a beast on stage, and I hope he and Sophie manage to make things work. I don’t think she realizes it, but he’s exactly the kind of guy she’s been looking for since I met her. Hot rocker, who has a business with income on the side. Doesn’t throw his money away on drugs, and worships the ground she walks on.
After the band finishes what they say is their last song, Jonny paces backstage waiting to go back out for their encore. Looking past Sophie, I realize Lilly has disappeared. Z and Rock are over by the entrance to the back room talking, so she’s not with Z. Just as I turn to ask Sophie a question, someone squeezes my ass. Unless Rock has developed some amazing super powers, I know it can’t be him, and whirl to confront the ass-grabber. Sophie also squeals. Ass-grabber has an accomplice.
I recognize my perv as the singer of one of the earlier bands.
“Get your hands off me,” I order through clenched teeth.
“Come on, baby, you’re too hot to be bandwhoring for these old fucks,” he breathes in my face. Is it possible to get contact drunk? If so, then his whiskey breath would do the trick.
Sophie pushes the other guy just as the music for the encore starts up.
Suddenly both ass-grabbers are laid out on the floor. Rock has his hand around the throat of mine. “That’s my girl you touched, asshole,” he shout-growls into the kid’s ear.
Jonny has his knee on the chest of the guy who grabbed Sophie and is delivering an equally informative message.
Z hustles us away. “You girls all right?”
I shake him off. “We’re fine. We had it covered.”
Z cocks his head at me. Security finally shows up and holds on to the two jerks, while Jonny runs out on stage to finish his set. Sophie and I crash into the green room together.
Flopping on the couch side by side, we listen to the band wrap up their set. Rock’s still out there somewhere too.
“Man we know how to live it up, buttercup,” Sophie giggles.
“Sorry about that.”
“What? Our men protecting us? Don’t be—”
She’s interrupted by Jonny running into the room and scooping her up off the couch. They disappear into another back room that I assume will be off-limits for the rest of the night.
Rock slams through the doors next and heads straight for me. Joining me on the couch, he slips his arm around my shoulders. “You okay?”
“I was fine, Rock. I can take care of myself,” I grumble. Looking up, I find Z standing next to the couch. Rock leans over, touching his forehead to mine.
“I see someone grabbin’ my girl’s ass, I’m gonna to do something about it. It’s who I am, Hope. You know this.”
He’s right. I do know this about him. But still. “You can’t go around beating up everyone who looks at me funny.”
He chuckles. “Oh yeah—why not?”
I give him an exasperated eye roll.
His expression turns serious. “Babe, that guy didn’t just look at you funny. He put his hands on you. That’s not okay. You’re my girl. There’s no fuckin’ way I’m gonna stand by and let that shit happen right in front of me.”
I can tell he’s pissed that I didn’t fall at his feet and thank him for the intervention, because he gets up and walks outside to cool off. Z’s still standing there staring at me.
I glare up at him. “You’re not going to give me some scary lecture, are you? I get enough of those from Wrath.”
Z’s face beaks into a warm smile and he sits next to me. “Nah, Hope. You gotta understand, Rock loves how smart and independent you are—”
“Geez, you could’ve fooled me, the way he’s always acting,” I scoff.
“I won’t get into the other things he likes about you.” He gives me a dirty wink that makes me chuckle, then cocks his head at me. “How much has he told you about the club before he took over?”
“Nothing, really.”
Z flicks his gaze to where Rock disappeared to. “I can only give you a general outline, you understand?”
I nod so he’ll continue. By some silent agreement, the two of us move closer together.
“We lost brothers we were close to because people in control of our club cared more about greed than the brotherhood we’re supposed to be about. Not a damn thing Rock could have done to change it. But Rock, he’s the type of guy who blames himself for everything bad that happens to the people he cares about.”
Oh, wow. That gives me a lot of insight into why he’s so goddamn overbearing. I wish I’d been smart enough to piece this together sooner.
“You? I ain’t never seen him act about a woman the way he does with you. Knew it the day he met you. Saw it all over his face. I don’t think he could stand it if something happened to you.”
Heat crawls over my skin.
Z has known Rock a long time. Curiosity makes me blurt out, “What was his ex-wife like?”
Z snorts. “A straight-up useless bitch. Hot, don’t get me wrong.”
My face must betray some form of jealousy, because Z smirks. “Babe, by the time he realized that wasn’t enough, he was already in too deep. But what they had wasn’t a marriage. It was an extended hookup. She was only interested in him gettin’ that president patch—didn’t give a shit about him. Caused him a lot of grief, then deserted him when he needed her most.”
I let out a long sigh.
“You love him,” Z continues. “We can all see it. Just try to understand he needs his woman to need him, ya know? He’s been taking care of the club and everyone under it for years. Keeping his family safe is what matters most to him. He just wants to protect you. It’s not a disrespect thing, honey.”
“I know.”
Z gets up and holds out his hand to pull me off the sinkhole of a couch.
“Ya gotta let him defend his girl. Besides, when shit like that happens, he’s doing the world a favor. Guy goes around grabbing women he doesn’t know, deserves whatever he gets.”
“True. I just…” I think of how to phrase what I want to say so I won’t offend Z. “I’m not like those girls that hang out at your club, who thrive on fights and drama. I don’t get off on seeing my man ‘take care of business,’ you know?”
Z studies me carefully. “Hope, I’d never in a million years confuse you with a club whore, trust me. You’re all class, babe. And I hear what you’re saying. But I gotta ask—did you create the situation?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then you’re not stirring up trouble just to be a drama queen.”
Shit. “Okay. I understand what you’re telling me.”
He grins. “Glad I could help.”
“At least you’re not mean.”
He grins even bigger. “Baby, I’m a lover, not a fighter.”
I shove his shoulder and he wraps an arm around me, giving me a quick hug.
“The fuck, bro? I gotta lay you out too?” Rock growls.
I take a quick step between them, which makes both guys laugh.
“Don’t you dare,” I warn. “He’s been trying to explain to me why you’re such a bossy caveman.”
“That so?” Rock asks with an eyebrow lift.
Z shrugs and takes a few steps back.
Rock glances down at me. “So your husband used to let you come out to places like this with Sophie all the time?”
Whoa. “Let me? Did you just say ‘let me’? Are you serious?”
Rock’s mouth twitches, and I can tell he’s swallowing whatever he wants to say, and it’s not coming easily.
“Didn’t he like heavy metal?” Rock asks with his mouth twisted as if he’d been sucking on a lemon. This is his version of being diplomatic.
I’m shaking with laughter at how hard he’s trying to control his comments. And after what I’ve just learned, I understand where he’s coming from a lot better, so it’s easier to dial down my irritation. “Not so much,” I answer.
Rock nods, and I stand up on tiptoes to brush a quick kiss over his lips. Heat flares in his eyes, and we stand there staring at each other.
“Where’d Lilly run off to?” Z asks, snuffing out the fire between us.
Facing Z, I shake my head. “No clue.”
He whips out his cell phone with a look on his face that says he’s debating calling her.
“You want me to text her?” I ask.
“Naw, that’s okay.”
I do it anyway because I feel like I owe Z.
Where’d ya go?
At the bar.
Tipping my head up, I catch Z studying me. Rock has wandered over to talk to some of the guys from the band. “She’s at the bar out front.”
The corners of his mouth curve up, and he taps my shoulder before he walks out.
There’s a bit of a commotion at the door. Through the high, square windows, I can see Z in the hallway talking to someone. He finally walks away, and two girls push through the swinging doors. I recognize them from the MC. One of them is the wench who’s been giving me shit for a couple weeks now. Her name is Roxy or Foxy, something stupid like that. She's a sly little bitch because she always manages to needle me when Rock’s not around. She somehow catches me when Trinity’s occupied too. Little digs about her relationship with Rock. She insinuates that when he’s up there without me she’s with him, which I know is bullshit. Me telling her to fuck off hasn’t done the trick yet. I think she is angling for a physical confrontation, but that’s just not me.
The ugly bitch with her, Cherry, likes to inform me about Rock’s past preference for three-ways. They’re a charming little duo, even more annoying when joined by their third sidekick, Ginger, who thankfully I don’t spot with them tonight. Foxy is short and what I guess guys would refer to as “thick” with bleached-blonde hair, wild tattoos, and piercings. Cherry is also short but skinny as a rail and has clown-colored red hair.
Rock seems to have no one “type” when it comes to the women he fucks.
One of the band guys calls out to Cherry. When she sees Rock, she squeals and is all over him. He politely pushes her away but keeps chatting with her, which pisses me off royally. Foxy spots me and struts over.
Because she’s such a classy gal, the first thing out of her mouth is, “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“My friend is dating Jonny Cage. They put us on the list.”
Her eyes widen, and I wonder if she was planning to bag Jonny tonight. Inwardly I chuckle, because while I may not have the guts to kick her ass, Sophie most certainly does.
She spins and heads back into the club.
Bye, bitch.
Rock finishes his conversation and heads my way. Cherry follows close behind until she spots me.
“You ready to go, babe?” Rock asks with a big grin on his face. Yeah, I’m ready to go home and crawl into bed. Alone.
I really can’t take my girl anywhere. Christ. I figured she’d be safe backstage—mistake on my part. Seeing that greasy motherfucker groping her almost sent me over the edge. The little bastard is lucky he’s still alive. I might’ve felt bad for crushing the windpipe of the singer for one of Jonny’s support bands if Jonny hadn’t broken the guitarist’s thumbs.
We make a good pair. We both got stubborn women to take care of, and neither of us has a problem getting our hands dirty.
“You’d make a good King, Jonny.” I joke on our way back inside the club.
He grins at me. “This rockstar thing doesn’t take off, I might take you up on that, man. Fucking bullshit that happening backstage to our girls. I should hire you for security, especially when we play shitholes like this that don’t even pretend to search people for weapons.”
Yeah, the lack of security in this joint hadn’t escaped my notice. I can’t believe Hope and Sophie used to hang here a lot when they were in law school.
Unfortunately my big mouth said exactly that when I saw her. From the hurt on her face, I think she took my comment as disrespecting her husband, which wasn’t my intention. I’m just all twitchy from seeing her molested right in front of me. I know she thinks she’s tough and can handle herself, but I gave it a second and the creepy asshole still didn’t remove his hands from her ass.
Fuck.
It’s not her I’m mad at, so I try to simmer the fuck down by going back outside.
When I return, Z seems to have imparted some wisdom that’s calmed her a bit.
The band liked the green I brought tonight, so I quietly make my way over to discuss future business with them. I don’t need Hope overhearing this, but I’d rather not miss this opportunity.
I’m shocked as shit when Roxy and Cherry show up. Had no idea they ran in these circles. But bikers and rockers overlap more than you think, so it shouldn’t surprise me. Roxy and I had a thing awhile back. Cherry not so much, although she’s never stopped trying. Since Hope came into my life, Roxy has made herself scarce.
Even though the house lights are on and the show ended a while ago, the bar is packed. On our way out, Hope darts over to talk to Lilly for a second. I give Z a shoulder slap.
“Working it out?”
The corner of his mouth twists, and he gives me a subtle head shake.
After the girls hug, Hope marches to the door.
Something is definitely on her mind, but I’m not sure what.
The weed?
The ass-grabbing and subsequent beat-down?
My big, stupid mouth?
Take your pick.
As we’d planned, Jonny’s taking Sophie home. Rock and I leave the club by ourselves. A storm of emotion is brewing through me, brought on by seeing those two skanks from the MC. As he opens the car door for me, he stops to study my face.
“You okay?”
Let it go.
But I can’t. My racing thoughts speed away, leaving me out of control and close to tears.
“No.”
His startled expression triggers my anger. For someone so in charge and in control, how can he be so fucking clueless? “Why don’t you ever pay such close attention to me at the clubhouse?”
“What? None of my brothers would ever harm you, baby doll.”
“No. Not the guys. Do you have any idea…never mind.”
His fingers tighten on my chin, lifting my face to him. “Hope, talk to me.”
“The guys treat me well. Except Wrath, but I don’t care about him lecturing me and always trying to scare me away—I can handle him. What hurts…” Pain closes my throat, making it impossible to get the words I want to say out.
Tears roll down my cheeks. God, I’m such a coward and a baby. I’m thirty-three years old. My boyfriend is thirty-fucking-eight. Of course he’s slept with other women. I’ve known this all along.
But in a “normal” dating situation, I wouldn’t be expected to spend so much time with his past conquests or take shit from them.
My tears alarm him. “Hope, baby, tell me what’s wrong. Why are you crying?”
I take several deep breaths, trying to loosen my throat and calm myself.
“You’re all worried about me going to clubs and guys hitting on me, but you think nothing of letting those catty bitches at your clubhouse try to rip me apart. Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to be around them, knowing they’ve been with you and are waiting for the day you finally get bored with me so they can jump you again?”
“Honey, I told you—”
My hurt and sadness suddenly mutates into anger. “No, what pisses me off is I’m expected to cat fight with those bitches and claim you like some piece of territory, right? That’s what ol’ ladies do? But I can’t do that. That’s not who I am. You want me to accept your bossy caveman crap, then you’ve got to accept who I am too.”
The confusion on his face is visible. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Honey, when one got in your face, I got rid of her. I offered to get rid of the rest, and you told me not to.”
The hard lump settles back in my throat, but I squeeze out the words anyway. “I didn’t realize how horrible it would be week after week. I want to fight my own battles, but I can’t deal—I feel like such a coward. I’m too soft for your life, Rock. I settle things with words, not my fists.”
“Baby doll, I love you just the way you are. I love how soft and sweet and smart you are. I’m so fucking lucky to have you. I love that you always handle yourself with class. I don’t want my woman off starting cat fights and embarrassing me.”
“I hate sleeping in that fucking bed, knowing how many skanks have shared it with you,” I grit out before I even realize what I’m saying. Panic and sorrow threaten to overwhelm me. I’d feel less exposed if I were standing out here buck naked.
Rock’s hands cup my shoulders, and he leans down into my face. “Babe, no one else has ever been in that particular bed but you and me. I promise you I ended all of those relationships. I’ve never lied to you. I told you the absolute truth—I haven’t been with anyone else since that day I left you at your house.” In the middle of his speech, he’s managed to maneuver me so I’m sandwiched between his hard chest and the cold metal of the car behind me. Warm lips press against my forehead.
“Please don’t punish me for shit I’ve done in the past, Hope.” His low, gravelly voice is unusually strained.
“I’m not.” I blink rapidly, trying to stop the tears. “It just hurts.”
His rough fingers stroke my cheek. “Baby, I’ve done everything possible to make it clear to everyone that we’re together.”
I snort out a humorless laugh. “I know.”
“If they’re giving you shit, you have to tell me, or Trinit—”
“Don’t you dare put this on her. She’s been nothing but sweet to me, but she’s not supposed to be my babysitter.”
“I can’t fix it if I don’t know. Give me names so I can take care of it.”
“Jesus Christ, have you really screwed so many women you can’t even remember?”
“Hope—”
“This is stupid. I shouldn’t have said anything. Can you take me home now?” I can see he wants to argue, but I push him back. “Please. Take me home. Now.”
Shame isn’t an emotion I waste a lot of energy on. At the moment, though, I’m feeling a fuck lot of it crashing over me. For years I told myself I was only fucking around so much until I found the right woman. I wish it had occurred to me how those encounters would affect any future relationship. Deep down I’ve worried all along Hope and I were not meant to be. We’re just too damn different.
She deserves better than me.
But I can’t let her go. I love her too fucking much. And I can’t stand seeing her hurting. Knowing it’s my fault is even worse. She’s obviously been holding onto this pain for a while, not wanting to admit any vulnerability. Trying to be strong for me, because she thinks that’s what I want her to be.
After she handled herself so well with Cookie and Inga, I figured things were fine. I should have fucking known better. Those catty bitches would mistake Hope’s sweet personality for weakness and try to exploit it.
I’m trying not to dwell on the fact that she asked me to take her home.
“Babe, I think we need to talk about this more.”
“I can’t tonight, Rock. I need some space.”
Fuck me. It should have sunk in when she and Sophie were making those jokes earlier. One, Sophie knew exactly what Hope was talking about, so obviously Hope has been distressed enough to talk to Sophie about the situation. Two, Hope’s wild laughter seemed a little too out of control and forced. But tonight is the first time we’ve really hung out with her friends like this, so I assumed I was discovering another side of her.
My knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel with so much force. With every mile closer to her house, my gut is screaming to ignore her request and take her home with me so we can work this out.
But hounding her isn’t going to solve the problem. I should have done something sooner. In my defense, this is the first time in years any of the brothers have had anyone approaching an ol’ lady. Bricks hasn’t been a patched brother for very long, and he never introduced his ex to the MC. I should have realized it would come as a shock to some of the club girls and they wouldn’t behave themselves. Obviously Roxy and Cherry must be two of the culprits, because seeing them tonight seemed to be what triggered Hope. Christ, I’ve never even fucked Cherry. She started tagging along with Roxy during my self-imposed celibacy thing, so I avoided her. Doesn’t mean she hasn’t been filling Hope’s head with lies, though.
I didn’t want to focus on it, but the comment about the bed really got to me. Cause I got rid of my old one the minute I decided to make Hope mine. I don’t think the significance of what I revealed to her sunk in.
Most of all, I’m furious with myself. I waited a long time to be her man. My job is to protect her from all threats, and I’ve failed. Doesn’t matter if the threat is the girls who hang around my clubhouse. If I’m going to insist she spend time in my world, it’s not fair that she’s miserable there. Hope’s strengths are in other areas. If I wanted a hair-pulling, face-scratching, brawler for an ol’ lady, I could have had my pick. But I love how kindhearted my girl is. I don’t want her to change who she is for anything or anyone. Everything in me wants to protect her and keep her safe, so, it’s time I step the fuck up and do a better job.
Walking her to her door and saying good night fucking sucks. Her eyes are all red and wet. Words aren’t my thing, so the right ones evade me. I’d give anything to see her smile right now.
“Baby, everything will be okay. I’ll fix this,” I try to reassure her.
“Please just forget I said anything. I don’t want to be the cause of trouble in your club.” Something dark and uncomfortable spreads through me with her words. She’s more composed now, and every calm blink of her eyes stokes my worst fear. That I’ll lose the woman I love. I’m so focused on keeping her safe from physical danger I’ve forgotten that I’m capable of pushing her away all on my own, just because of the people I associate with.
I press my palms to either side of her face. “No, baby doll. I’ve been doing a piss-poor job of taking care of you, and that ends now.”
She tries to shake out of my grasp, but I hold her still. Lowering my head by degrees, I seal my mouth over hers. She tastes so fucking sweet, and I desperately want to lick her all over. I relax as her lips open under mine, allowing my tongue to dip inside to stroke over hers. She surges up on her toes, pressing into me. A quiet moan from the back of her throat gets me hard as cement in no time. Slender fingers curl into my leather cut, pulling me closer.
A few seconds later, her hands flatten against my chest and push me back. She chokes on a soft sob.
“Baby, no.”
She wriggles out of my embrace and pushes inside. “Text me when you get home,” she asks before shutting the door.
I guess it’s something.