16
CLAYTON
“The Fighter” by Keith Urban & Carrie Underwood
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“Any news?” Caroline asks, handing me the coffee that she got from the cafeteria.
“Nothin’ since the last time Tate came out and said she was about to start pushin’. That was almost three hours ago, Linney.”
She grabs my free hand and gives it a squeeze. “These things take some time, honey. She’s in good hands. I know you’re worried.”
“I hate knowin’ she’s hurtin’.” God, just the thought of my baby sister—someone I spent my whole life, until she married Tate, protecting with everything in me—being in pain cuts me deep. I glance over at Maverick, seeing the same worry etched in his face. I can only imagine his is amplified because his wife will be in the same position soon. “It’s too soon,” I finally whisper, feeling fear claw at me.
“She’s only four weeks early, Clayton. I know they had her on bed rest, but they told her they wouldn’t stop labor if she went early; they just wanted to give her as much time as they could. They’re both goin’ to be fine.”
My hand shakes as I lift my coffee and take a sip of the black brew. I lean forward in my seat, elbows to knees, and hold the cup in both hands. This is why I crave control. Knowing what will happen, how I can manipulate situations to ensure the outcome I find most favorable, and avoid anything that can cause harm. There isn’t shit I can do except let God’s will work, and it’s tearing me apart.
“How about we talk about what happened back in the parkin’ lot of Pit’s,” Caroline offers in a soft voice.
Just thinking about what happened after supper makes me burn with a whole new rush of conflicting emotions. I’m so fucking proud of her for standing up to her mama, but I hate that she ever had to. I’ve never wanted to harm a woman before, but Misty has me itching to ruin her.
“Linney,” I tell her softly. I knew from her violent reaction months ago from just hearing her mama call her name that her childhood wasn’t a good one. I don’t want her reliving that just because she thinks she has to give me more.
“I know I don’t have to, but it’s important to me that you know what I said was true. That what she thinks of me isn’t what I am.”
I turn my head, not moving from my hunched position. “You think I could ever think of you like that?”
She shrugs, picking at her coffee cup. “I spent my life thinkin’ that just because she thought I was a whore, I must have been. It’s why I never really dated—until John, that is. I didn’t dress provocatively or give people a reason to think that, so as I got older, I realized it was just another way for her to make sure I knew my place in her life.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m sure you realize after that confrontation that I was far from planned. She hadn’t wanted to stick to Pine Oak, but when she got pregnant with me, there was never a chance she’d make it to some big city and be discovered. Her words, not mine. I have no idea why she kept me, but she did, and because of that she blames me for ruining her grand plans.”
“And your father?” I question, sitting up and turning toward her.
She shakes her head, but when her eyes connect with mine, I see the clearness within them. They no longer hold pain, hurt, or care regarding her upbringing.
“She never knew who he was. She had a different man every week while I was livin’ with her, I don’t imagine it was any different leadin’ up to her gettin’ pregnant.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
“It used to. I think that’s just another reason I desperately sucked up any attention John gave me back then. He was the first boy who paid me any mind, and when he promised me a way out from under her thumb, I took it. And I continued to take it, because I believed that was all I deserved.”
“Darlin’,” I mumble, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her closer, needing that contact.
“I don’t feel that way anymore,” she continues meekly. “I know now that I was stuck mentally, believin’ all the garbage she projected onto me. I might still have times when I get uneasy or shy over too much attention, but it’s not like it was then. You have no idea what you’ve given me, all because you pushed me to look past that fear and explore somethin’ I didn’t dream I could have.”
This woman brings me to my knees. Watching her become stronger each day has been nothing short of humbling.
“I don’t need her. I never did. I’m the person I am now because I was too strong for her to break me. I survived her, I survived him, and now I’m bein’ gifted you. I meant what I told her, Clayton. Until the day comes that you might not want me, you’ll be the last one I give myself to. All of me, I’m yours.”
I open my mouth to tell her just how much that means to me and how she’s out of her fucking mind if she ever thinks that day would come, but before I can, there’s a commotion that pulls my attention away from her.
“I’m a daddy!” Tate bellows with a huge smile, his chest heaving as he stands in the middle of the waiting room with his hands on his hips.
I turn back to Caroline, but she shakes her head with a nod toward Tate. “Later. We’ll finish this later, honey.”
Knowing she’s right but hating that she has—twice now—given me the words that prove how much she cares for me without me returning them, doesn’t feel right. I need to wait to tell the woman who stole my heart weeks ago that I love her when I can take the time to prove it, and as much as I dislike it, that isn’t now. I fucking hope she can see the truth in my eyes. I bend toward her and kiss her quickly before standing and grabbing her hand at the same time. We both walk over to Tate, Maverick and Leigh already at his side.
“He’s perfect,” Tate says with a beaming smile. Realizing that my sister just gave me a nephew, I feel like someone punched me in the chest. “She’s the strongest woman I know, thought that before, but after witnessing her bringin’ our son into the world I know just how true that is.”
“A boy!” Leighton exclaims. She looks up at Maverick. “A boy, Mav!”
“Heard Tate, darlin’,” he answers, his voice thick with emotion.
When he looks at me, I see the same overwhelming emotions I’m feeling in his gaze. I swallow what feels like a golf ball and nod. Mav’s eyes close and I clench my jaw, but somehow we both manage to get ahold of ourselves, but fuck, it takes one hell of an effort for me to keep from crying like a goddamn baby. I’m so happy for our sister that I feel like I might combust.
I can’t believe my baby sister is a mama.
“Y’all ready to meet your nephew?” Tate asks, looking every bit the proud papa he is.
I keep Caroline’s hand firmly in mine while we all follow Tate down the hallway. We wait while he pops into Quinn’s hospital room to make sure she’s decent, but not even a second later he’s back and ushering us in. Leighton is first, moving as fast as she can. If I wasn’t feeling like I was about to break down and cry, I’d find her waddling that quick funny as hell. Mav follows, stopping to slap Tate’s shoulder in silent support.
“Go on, honey,” Caroline urges when I don’t move from my spot in the hallway.
Before stepping into the room, I release her hand and pull Tate forward. His hug in return is just as tight as mine. “Congratulations, Tate.”
“Thanks, Clay. Means a lot.”
There’s so much I want to tell the man who broke my sister’s heart years ago, but I release him and nod instead. He’s made her happy since coming back to Pine Oak, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for Quinn.
Leigh is bawling her head off when we step into the dimly lit hospital room, looking down at Quinn as she smiles at the bundle in her arms. When I look over her shoulder and see my brother finally lose the war over his emotions with wet cheeks and a warm smile, I stop trying to hold mine in and suck in a heavy, choppy breath. Quinn glances up from her son and smiles at me, her chin wobbling like crazy.
“Come meet him,” she requests softly.
My vision gets blurry and I step to the side of her bed and get my first glance at the next generation of our family.
“He’s an impatient one, but healthy as can be, with lungs stronger than you’ve ever heard. Doc checked him over and said that for bein’ a month early, he’s perfect.” Quinn lays him down on her thighs, tucking the blanket around his tiny chin to give us a better look at the baby who looks like the spitting image of his parents. “Grayson Ford Montgomery just couldn’t wait to meet the best family in the whole wide world.”
“He’s perfect,” Caroline whispers, and I squeeze her hand.
“Oh, Q,” Leigh cries softly. “He’s the most handsome thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Did good, Quinnie. Did real good.”
My sister looks from Mav, when he finishes speaking, and blinks up at me with watery eyes. I reach out, roll my fingertip across Grayson’s tiny forehead, and take a rough pull of air into my lungs. His lips purse and his nose scrunches, but his eyes stay shut.
“So proud of you, Quinn,” I finally mutter, unable to resist my new nephew’s silky smooth skin and caressing his cheek with my fingertip again.
“Here,” she chokes on a tiny sob, lifting her son up toward me.
Caroline jerks her hand away, but with the tiny life being placed into my arms, I don’t dare look and see if I can read what’s going through her mind. The second I’m holding the seemingly weightless bundle, I never want to give it up. Feelings so foreign to me are hitting hard.
“Jesus, Quinn,” I breathe, staring down at Grayson.
“I know, Clay. I know.”
He isn’t even my own son and I already know I’d protect this child with everything I have in me. Knowing that, I can’t even fathom how a parent could ever feel anything but unconditional love. I don’t have to guess that both my brother and sister are thinking the same thing. We might not have had a mama who cared or a father who could until it was too late, but this boy and any children born into our family will never know that kind of pain. He’s got two parents who love each other and will love him fiercely, but he’s also got two uncles and the women in their lives who will do the same.
I bend at the same time I lift my arms up and press my lips to Grayson’s tiny head before handing him back to his mama.
When I’m finally able to look away and at Caroline, I’m not sure how to read what I see in her eyes. For as long as I can remember I’ve known I’d never bring a child of my own into the world. The way I’d been raised hadn’t shown me anything positive in the way of having my own children. Looking at the woman I can’t imagine a life without, with the reminder of what my nephew felt like in my arms, makes me want to be able to see something other than what I’ve always believed.