20
CAROLINE
“No Matter Where You Are” by Us the Duo
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When I pull into the drive to the ranch, butterflies erupt in my gut. It’s still early in the afternoon, so I know Clayton isn’t going to be in the house, but that doesn’t ease my nerves, but with the size of Davis ranch, finding him is going to be like hunting for a needle in a haystack. I pull my car into my spot next to Clayton’s truck and lean back against the headrest, closing my eyes, thinking about what could be waiting for me. The steady breeze from my air-conditioning cools my overheated skin in the process.
As anxious as I feel, I’m not going to be shy and timid about it. Not anymore. Even if he was joking, I have no doubt it’ll one day happen for us. I’d be lying, though, if I didn’t admit that I’d be disappointed now that the thought is in my head.
I want to be his.
I want him to be mine.
In the forever way that binds us legally and in the eyes of God.
I want to spend the rest of my life with Clayton Davis while he gives me bad and gives me the power to find myself with the confidence his love provides me.
A loud pounding pulls me out of my thoughts with a scream. My knees slam against my steering column as I almost come out of my skin. My eyes snap open and my hand flies to my chest as I look out the driver’s-side window. My heart is still thundering in my rib cage, the lingering rush of panic from being caught off guard while I daydreamed still making it hard to focus.
Clearly having had enough of my wide-eyed staring, Clayton thumps his cowboy hat brim as he studies me through the window. With his hat farther up on his head, I can see his face clearly without shadows. His brows are pulled tight in confusion, but a small smirk is curling his lips. He shakes his head a few times, that smirk turning into a full grin, before reaching out to pull open my door.
I still don’t move. I can’t even blame it on the fact that he scared the crap out of me while I had been in la-la land. Nope. I don’t move because he’s looking at me in a way that has sucked the air out of my body and melted all my bones.
“Linney, love,” he rasps, “you look cute as hell right now, but I need you to stop lookin’ like shock’s got you trapped and get outta the car so I can get you in my arms.”
“You scared me,” I whisper, shaking my head in the smallest movements. So much for being a big brave girl. I was a fool to think I could handle a conversation of this magnitude without feeling a little trepidation.
“I noticed that, darlin’.”
“You don’t sound upset about it.” I huff out a breath and cross my arms over my chest. Clayton’s eyes move down and I follow his gaze to see that my flowy tank is giving him one heck of a show, the shirt’s front now pulled low with my arms being crossed. The tops of my breasts and some of my white lace bra peek out of the wide scoop neck. I roll my eyes when he still doesn’t look away, uncrossing my arms and pulling the material up. “A gentleman wouldn’t have looked, Clayton.”
“Sweetness, when it comes to you there isn’t anything gentlemanly about the thoughts that constantly keep me company.”
“Well. . .” I trail off, not having a good retort. “I didn’t even show you much. You’d think I didn’t keep you satisfied the way you’re reactin’ to a small glimpse of my boobs. Next time I’m tryin’ to throw a fit, you could at least not be all swoon-worthy and distractin’.”
“Linney, all it would take for me to react and be ready to feel your heat around my cock is you walking into a room. You don’t’ need to give me a tease. But the lace was a bonus. . . .”
“You’re incorrigible.” I sigh with a smile, turning off my car and getting to my feet between the car and Clayton’s body when he doesn’t move to give me more space.
His hands come up, fingers brushing against my cheeks. I rest mine at his waist and tip my head up to study my dark cowboy as he gazes me. His eyes devour me, his hands not idle as he drags his fingertips down the column of my neck and down my bare arms until he reaches my elbows. Then he repeats his trail back up until he’s holding me with his palms right under my jaw. He pushes his fingers lightly into my hair as best as he can with it up in a ponytail, and his thumbs rub against my cheeks with slow glides that awaken every inch of me.
“Hey,” he whispers in a bold tone that makes his already deep voice sound a few degrees deeper. Velvet and sandpaper.
“Hey,” I parrot back, sounding like I just ran a marathon. The way he’s looking at me right now, this is something I’ve never seen from him. This, right here, is my dark cowboy giving me everything silently. Himself, his love, our future. All of it is shining bright down on us. The warm buzz that travels over my skin has nothing to do with the summer Texas sun high in the sky.
My fingers flex, doing nothing more than move against his stone-like muscles, as I make no attempt to gain purchase on his skin. My feet shuffle forward until I feel the toes of his cowboy boots. My hands go behind his back as I press my body against his and tip my head up. His back flexes under my touch, but other than that, he doesn’t move an inch. Just gazes down at me, holding me gently.
“I got a lot I want to say about your call earlier, Caroline,” he tells me softly. “You’ve got my head all twisted up, though, and I can’t figure out if now is the time to say even half of the shit that’s rollin’ around without freakin’ you out. But you brought it up, and now I don’t think I can sit on it any longer.”
The rapid tattoo of my heart has my breathing speeding up, but with his bright green eyes showing me nothing but the enormity of his love, I feel it—the fearlessness that only Clayton brings out in me.
“It’s time,” I rush without hesitation.
His face gets soft and he bends slightly to press his lips lightly against mine. He doesn’t deepen the kiss, just gives me a brief peck before lifting his head a degree as he keeps his eyes locked on mine. “Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah.” My breathy affirmation is met with his eyes flashing with pleasure, the corners of his mouth tipping up, and the laugh lines around his eyes coming out. He adjusts his hold, his hands falling down a little until his palms are resting against either side of my neck.
“You . . . God, Linney,” he drones, shaking his head but still smiling. “First, you’re okay?”
Knowing instantly he’s referring to the fact that I had words with his ex, I nod. “I’m fine, honey.”
“When I got word that Jess was at the PieHole throwin’ her shit around, it wasn’t pretty. I almost took off Drew’s head when he reminded me I couldn’t do a single thing with the doc out lookin’ over the horses and two buyers out from Montana. I didn’t give one a damn about my responsibilities here when you are and will always be more important than anything else. If you hadn’t called me when you did, I woulda been there in a second, not givin’ one fuck about how much money I’d lose walkin’ away from those Montana folks.”
“I’m fine,” I stress, hoping he understands that I mean it.
“I know. I just can’t seem to help myself when it comes to you, darlin’. The thought of you feelin’ anything other than happiness and love isn’t somethin’ I enjoy too much.”
I tighten my arms around his body and lean up on my toes to attempt to get closer than our height differences allow, wanting him to really see me clearly.
“Clayton Davis, you’ve given me nothin’ but happiness for over four months now, and I have no doubt you’ll continue to do so for a long while, but there’ll be times that even you can’t control everything. Life might toss us some ugly. But I’m ready to take it on now if it does. Trust that I’m not goin’ to break just because some of that ugly tries to creep around us.”
“Trustin’ you has nothin’ to do with me wantin’ to protect you and keep you safe from all of that, Linney.”
“And that, honey, is what makes me feel like I’m strong enough to take on anything. Knowin’ that you care that much, that you’ll be there to keep me from trippin’, gives me the confidence to finally live free of fear and worry. There isn’t a dadgum thing on this green earth that has the power to douse that. Not anymore.”
“You want the rest?” he asks after holding my gaze for a few minutes, the weight of my words rolling over us.
I nod, his thumbs rubbing against my jaw as I do.
He releases his hold on my neck, drags his work-roughened hands down my skin until he’s got my wrists in his hold, and unwraps my arms from around his body. Silently, he places my palms on his shoulders and leans down. The brim of his hat drags over the top of my head while he continues to get so close I can feel the heat of his lips against mine.
“Hold on,” he rasps, confusing me.
When he grabs me at the back of my thighs and lifts, I squeal out in shock before wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my chest into his face in order to keep my balance. Miraculously, I manage to stop acting like a weirdo long enough to grab his hat as it’s knocked off with the force of my freak-out. Keeping my legs tight, I lift my chest out of his face and release the arm holding his hat to place it back on his head. When the hat blocks my view, I pull it back off and plop it on my own head. Mindlessly, I use my free hand to run my fingers through his thick, unruly hair. His body moves as he laughs softly and my hand freezes in its third pass.
“You look good in my hat, darlin’.”
I shrug, the movement making his hat fall down over my forehead.
“Though I should probably get you one that fits better,” he jokes.
I lift my hand back off his shoulders to adjust the too-large hat. Not wanting the anticipation to get thicker, I ignore his joke. Mentally, I take one last swing at the walls I had used to protect me for my whole life and give the man holding me everything. I know he sees the enormity of my feelings written all over my face when his whole body jolts and his eyes darken. “You’ve got me now, handsome. Time to give me the rest.”
He starts walking, not looking away from me and me not looking away from him. When he turns us from the house and toward the stables, I frown in confusion.
“Trust me?” he questions, not missing a beat, knowing me well.
“Always,” I answer emphatically.
His chest expands with my answer like that one word was everything to him. He enters the stable that houses his personal horses. I don’t ever make it my mission to come in here with all the black-eyed beasts, but I know enough about this place that when he stops at the last stall, chills break out.
Onyx.
I know very little about him, but I heard Clayton and Drew talking about him and what I discovered broke my heart. He’s a pure black Arabian horse that Clayton saved. I don’t know all the details, but something along the lines of Onyx’s old owners sold him for meat in exchange for cash. When a shipment of horses was stopped on its way to Canada, one of Clayton’s old friends called him for help in placing the fifteen horses on their way to slaughter. No one wanted Onyx, so Clayton loaded him up and brought him back to the ranch.
That was about three months ago, and according to what I’ve overheard, Clayton spends every spare second he isn’t needed elsewhere working with Onyx. When I first came here I remember seeing Onyx from a distance as he bucked and bucked, going wild in his desire to be left alone and even though I feared him immensely, I felt drawn to the beast.
I feel the horse’s eyes on me as Clayton brings us farther in, and I shiver in his arms.
“You doin’ all right, darlin’?”
I nod, not trusting myself to verbally answer without fear in my voice.
“I wouldn’t bring you in here if I didn’t think Onyx was ready to finally meet you.”
I jerk my wide eyes from the black beast and look at Clayton. “What?”
“Knew the second I saw Onyx he was meant for you. He’s a fighter. Hell, he’d fight the wind if he thought it was tryin’ to get in his way. He’s beyond loyal to those he lets close though. You earn that from him and he’ll protect you from everything and anything. Includin’ that damn wind. I knew the second I found him that there was only one person a warrior like Onyx was built for.”
Shocked by his words, I can’t do anything but drink in my handsome man’s serious expression. When I feel something nudge my back, I jump in Clayton’s arms. His whole face grows soft and full of affection.
“Told you,” he grunts, tipping his chin in the direction behind me.
I turn, finding Onyx close to my back, his eyes focusing completely on me. When I don’t move, he bumps me again with his nose and makes a show of blowing air through his nostrils. Clayton turns us so that his back is to Onyx, allowing me to study the beast without turning my neck so harshly. Something in the way the horse is looking at me sends a rightness-filled calm through me. I lift one hand and slowly move it toward Onyx. His tail swishes, and before I have a second to let myself fear him, he bumps the tip of his nose against my palm. He does this twice more before I find myself smiling at his antics and rubbing my hand against the slope of his head. If he was a cat, I imagine he’d be purring loudly.
“He likes you,” Clayton says softly, kissing me against my neck. “I’ve been waitin’ for this moment, and darlin’, I had no doubts that you two would click instantly. You haven’t been around horses enough to understand, but you’ve just become the most important person to him and all you did was give him your trust. Onyx and myself . . . we’ve got that in common. All it took was one touch from you and you became our everything.”
I keep caressing Onyx, but feel emotion grow into a thick ball in my throat. “Honey,” I breathe, not capable of more.
“It sounds like a pile of shit, but I promise you Linney, I mean everything I just said.”
“He’s just a horse. A horse that just wanted to be petted.”
Clayton laughs, his hilarity jolting my body. “Darlin’, in the time that Onyx has been here, he hasn’t willingly let a soul touch him. He tolerates what’s needed to cool him down after a ride, and that’s usually done with a lot of bullshit from him. I can feel him itchin’ to buck even me, someone he likes slightly more than toleratin’, right off when I’m walkin’ him.”
I lift my hand from Onyx and frown at Clayton. “You’re basin’ this all on the fact that he nose-bumped me a few times?”
“No, I’m basin’ this on the fact that he came to you, asked for you, and even now is tryin’ to get closer to you.”
I turn to glance at the horse and see that Clayton wasn’t lying. He’s pushing himself as far into the opening in his stall door as he can get. When he realizes that isn’t working, he becomes agitated. I reach out to press my hand against his nose again, gasping when he stills instantly and presses gently against my hand.
“Trust me?” Clayton questions again.
I look away from Onyx and nod, feeling a rightness click into place.
“I’m goin’ to let you go so I can get the horses ready. You okay with that?”
My heart warms, knowing that he’s kept me in his arms for the past five minutes because he knew I was fearful of being this close to an animal I don’t understand well enough to not fear. I press my lips to his before nodding.
“Then let’s get ready for our first ride together, darlin’. Those roads collided and it’s time we check out the new path before us.”
Oh, wow.
Reluctantly, I slowly lower myself with his help until I’m standing and watching as Clayton gets Onyx and Dell, his horse, ready. When Clayton opens Onyx’s stall, the horse walks to my side instantly and doesn’t leave his spot next to me. His solid mass presses against me in a soothing way. I don’t even realize I’m running my hands over his coat, loving the feeling of his powerful softness, until he makes a sound that makes me think he’s enjoying the attention. For the first time, I feel no fear a being near one let alone two horses, but I have a feeling that has a lot to do with Clayton and my trust in him, even if I feel the connection to Onyx that he was speaking about. When I look at Dell, a horse I know has the most even temperament and calm nature, I shiver and push my side into Onyx, who huffs air out. Maybe Onyx doesn’t scare me as much because, him being solid black, those seemingly all-knowing eyes aren’t so noticeable. Dell, though, is the opposite of Onyx. Dell is pure white. The way his eyes contrast against his coat makes them look even more arresting.
“I know, big guy,” I tell Onyx softly, still looking at Dell. “He creeps me out too.”
Clayton chuckles. I ignore him and keep talking to the horse at my side. “I should tell you, I don’t know a lick about horses, but I promise to respect you. Just . . . I don’t know, try and not go crazy and buck me off you. I don’t want to break my back and have to be put in a home.”
This time Clayton bursts out in a deep belly laugh.
“What?”
“God, I have no idea what I’d do without you in my life.”
“That’s good. Maybe that means you won’t ship me off to live in a home when I break my back and become a burden.”
Watching him tighten something on the saddle before turning, I drink him in. His full lips are smiling, the shadow of his facial hair along his jaw making him look rugged and sinful. But it’s the brightness shining from his eyes that holds me captive.
“There will never be a day that I won’t have you in my arms when I wake, Caroline. I don’t care what’s thrown at us in this life, me needin’ to care for you will never be somethin’ I look at as a burden. I’ll spend every second of every day showin’ you that I deserve that honor.” He steps closer and lifts his hat off my head, placing it opening side up on a shelf near us. “Even if you get thrown from a horse and break your back—even then will I love every second that I’m blessed with you in my life.”
I feel my chin tremble and I know if he keeps going, I’m going to burst into tears.
“You ready to take a ride with me, darlin’?”
I swallow thickly, my chin still fighting with my emotions, and nod.
Clayton moves to help me mount Onyx. Knowing that he wouldn’t be putting me on the back of this horse if he wasn’t confident in the animal’s abilities eases some of my nerves. I listen intently as he continues to explain everything I need to know as Onyx waits patiently for me to climb onto his back.
“Left foot in the stirrup and pull your body upward. Take your time and swing your other leg around. Just hug his back with your legs and slip your other foot into the stirrup. I’ll hold his reins, but he’s well trained, darlin’ and I suspect he’ll be statue still while you get sorted.”
“He’s not gonna just take off with me danglin’, right?”
I’ll give Clayton credit, if it wasn’t for the slight twitch of his lips, I wouldn’t know how bad he wants to laugh at me.
“Trust, darlin’.”
“Trust. Right. I do.”
“Then get your hot ass in the saddle, baby. We’ve got plans.”
It takes me two tries to get myself up and into the saddle. True to Clayton’s words, Onyx doesn’t even flinch, letting me get myself positioned with my back straight and orienting myself to balance with my weight centered to my bottom like I was told. Clayton walks around and makes sure my legs are in the proper position, giving me a few tips as he does.
“When we start ridin’, keep your toes up, ankles stable, and your heels pointing downward. You let Onyx lead.”
“What do I do with these?” I ask, holding up the reins he just placed in my left hand.
“That is how you steer. A gentle touch against Onyx’s neck will signal the movements that you want. Move across his right side to go right and left side to go left. Keep them in your left hand, right hand on the saddle. We’ll work on all of this another time, but even though I know he’ll guide you without help, following me, I still want you to know what to do on the off chance that he decides to show off.”
“Okay,” I gulp. “Right for right and left for left. Seems easy enough.”
“If somethin’ happens and you need him to move quick, grab the reins in both hands and gently pull or squeeze in the direction you need him to go. It’s not often that it happens to our horses, but if you need to emergency steer him, that’s how.”
I nod, filing that information under let’s not think about what could happen that would require emergency steering, and give Clayton a nod. “How do I get him to turn on?”
His lips twitch again. “Squeeze with your legs and let him know you’re ready.”
“That’s it?”
He nods. “Yeah, baby, that’s all it takes.”
“You’ll be close?”
“Always, Linney. Always.”