Chapter Twelve
Brenna moved to take Killian's hand, but quickly clenched her fingers into a fist. Touching him was a bad idea, no matter how much she yearned to feel his warm skin. Some might put it down to the mate-claim frenzy, but Brenna knew better. Killian's presence had always affected her.
What she needed to do was focus on the bigger picture. However, she wasn't about to decide her life in front of an audience. Never taking her gaze from Killian, she asked, "Can you give us some time alone, Sid?"
As the doctor exited the room, she took the opportunity to memorize Killian's face. For all she knew, it might be her last chance to do so.
His firm jaw covered in dark stubble and straight nose might intimidate some, but all it did was made her ache to kiss along his jawline and take his full lips. However, when she met his green eyes again, the concern there reminded her of what was important. No matter how it might turn out, she wasn't going to put it off any longer. "Last time we made a life-changing decision, I was the one asking you for help. This time, I'm going to ask what you wish to do and I'll try my best to abide by it."
He cocked an eyebrow. "Straight to the point, I see."
"Dancing around it won't make the problem go away, Killian."
Inching his hand closer, he stopped short of touching her finger. Despite the minuscule distance between them, she could feel the heat radiating off his skin.
She glanced down at their hands, wondering if their life would always be like this moment. Close, but never together in the way she wanted.
"Look at me." She met his green-eyed gaze and drew in a breath at the fierceness there. He continued, "Wanting you isn't the problem here. The fact my former self never saw how beautiful and strong you are tells me he was an idiot. I want you with each breath I take and not being able to touch you right now is killing me."
She almost fell for his lovely words, but she leaned back and took a deep breath. "Attraction isn't enough to form a home and raise a child."
"Then talk to me, Brenna. Tell me about yourself. I promise your silliest fear or greatest weakness won't drive me away."
Searching his eyes, she blurted, "Do you even want a child?"
He paused a second before replying, "Something tells me I never thought I'd have one. And now, I'm worried that five years down the line I'll wake up a completely different person, with my memories intact. Or, worse, my condition ends up killing me. Either situation would scar a child for life."
She risked taking his hand and ignored the rightness that came at the contact. "The best I can understand, the longer your memory is gone, the less chance it'll return. But even if it did, you'd have the memories you've made since waking up with amnesia. And I guarantee Dr. Sid and her mate will do everything within their power to keep you alive and with us for a long time to come."
He studied their clasped hands. "While I appreciate you wanting to comfort me, what about you?" He met her gaze again. "What do you want, Brenna? My part in the whole thing is brief. You'll have nine months of suffering, plus the rest of your life to deal with a child if I die or go insane."
Forcing a smile, she squeezed his hand. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."
"But it could. My mother had a difficult time when she was pregnant with me."
He may not realize it, but Killian had remembered something.
Careful to keep the surprise from her voice, Brenna asked slowly, "How so?"
For a second, she thought his temporary memory had left. But he finally spoke again. "She had extreme morning sickness the entire time and spent more days than not in bed. Once I was born, my father said they shouldn't have any more children because he couldn't stand to see her suffer."
Somehow, some way, some of Killian's memories were trickling back.
She wanted to yell for Dr. Sid and see what she had to say on the subject, but decided it was better to keep Killian talking for the moment. "What about when she carried your sister?"
"She was fine. My mother always joked that I was the troublemaker from the start. I think part of the reason I became a Protector was to prove her wrong."
Her heart beating double-time, she decided to ask him a little more. "Was that the only reason you became a Protector?"
He shook his head. "No. I wanted to protect my family after my father died." He frowned. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because you just told me something about your past, something I don't think anyone has mentioned to you."
"That's impossible."
"But it's true."
An undefined emotion flashed in his eyes. "Ask me something else."
"I'm not sure what to ask. How about your earliest memory?"
He answered without missing a beat. "Something about a toy sword and shield. Maybe for my birthday?"
"And what about your adult life? What do you remember?"
"I-I don't know. It seems only specifics work.”
She leaned forward a fraction. "Do you remember when you first met me, before the amnesia?"
He shook his head. "No. I can't remember anything about you before I woke up with the tattoo on my arm gone."
"I'm not sure if I should be excited or worried about some of your memories coming back. It could mean you're recovering, but there's still a lot of unknown variables. What does your dragon say?"
Killian's pupils turned to slits. Each second that passed only made her heart thump harder.
She wasn't sure if she wanted all his memories to return or not. But she wasn't a selfish person and would do whatever she could to help him test the new boundaries of his mind.
However, when Killian gripped his head and grunted, she quickly pushed the call button just in case. "What's happening? Tell me how to help."
As he said nothing and continued to hold his head, fear filled her belly. The last time Killian had fallen unconscious, blood had dripped out of his ear. She had no idea what could happen next.
After coming so far, he might still die.
And that scared her more than anything.
~~~
Inside his mind, a dark, shadowlike swirl churned around Killian's human form. Each pass of the darkness sent another shot of pain through his body.
His dragon yelled, I can't stop it.
Try harder.
A pause, and then, I'm sorry. This is my fault.
It was getting harder to concentrate as the pain coursed through his body, but he gritted out, What do you mean?
I kept pawing at the invisible walls, wondering if I could go back to the lake and allow you some time alone with Brenna.
His dragon was a child and lacked adult reasoning.
Before Killian could learn anything else, the shadow substance gripped around his middle and yanked him toward something.
He blacked out and regained consciousness beside the mirror lake.
With a groan, he sat up slowly and noticed the large crack in the lake's surface. What looked like black steam rose from it, and it slowly moved to gather around Killian's body.
Whether this was another dream or he was trapped in a different part of his mind, he had no idea. But something told him that he needed to find the baby dragon if he ever wanted to get back to Brenna.
Clenching his jaw, Killian slowly stood and surveyed the area. While the shadow cloud around his body continued to thicken, he could just make out the hills nearby. At the top of one sat the young blue and white dragon.
Killian needed to reach him.
Pushing against the cloud enclosure, pain instantly radiated up his arm.
As he gritted his teeth, he returned his arm to his side. If the darkness consumed him, he would never make it to that hill. That left only one option—the young dragon had to come to him. The question was how to reach him.
An idea flashed. Since speaking in his mind had always worked, he tried it now. Can you hear me?
The dragon's voice wavered as he answered, Yes.
Then come to me. I need you.
But I'm scared. The shadow dragon is coming out and wants to eat me.
Please, if you want to make Brenna smile again, I need your help. I can't get out of this alone.
The darkness continued to build around him, to the point he could no longer see his surroundings.
When the swirling blackness closed in on him and began to shrink, Killian was forced to squat to avoid coming into contact with it. Any time he chanced touching the black mist, it burned his skin. If he couldn't find a way out, he might die.
And then he'd never have the chance to hold Brenna close and make her laugh.
Because in that moment, it became clear that even if his future was uncertain, he wanted what time he had in the present with his beautiful female. He'd wasted too much time already. Time he could've wooed and gotten to know Brenna instead of being surly and acting nonchalant.
Killian would have to fight for what he wanted, even if it meant he could die in the process.
That meant he needed to escape the darkness. Just as he was about to chance standing up, the little dragon crashed through the swirling, thick mist. Within seconds, the cloud spread out and retreated a short distance away. The baby dragon stood in front of Killian and spread his wings wide. "Don't harm him."
The blackness morphed into the shape of a dragon. A deep voice boomed out, "I can't survive without him. You and I must become one."
Something about the deep voice was familiar, but Killian pushed the feeling aside. It may only have been a short time, but he'd grown close to the little dragon. He couldn't let him die.
Killian shouted, "Leave him be and take me."
"No," the shadow dragon answered. "I can't survive without the wee one either."
Before he could say anything else, the shadow dragon rushed at them and crashed into the baby dragon's chest. The little one roared as the entire cloud entered his body before he collapsed.
Kneeling next to his beast, he instinctively checked the artery on the little one's neck. At the soft thump under his fingers, he let out a breath. "You're still alive." The base of the baby dragon's neck vibrated. "What the fuck?"
Taking a step back, Killian watched as something grew from the dragon's hide. First, in the shape of a new bud or branch of a tree, until it was nearly as long as the dragon's neck, and then another head appeared.
When the black dragon's head opened its eyes, a rush of memories came into his brain.
Killian learning of his father's death and vowing to protect his mother.
Thrashing about in a reinforced cottage to keep his distance from Georgiana.
Growling at Aaron Caruso for courting his sister.
Brenna working with him on security and drills on Glenlough.
Waking up strapped to a table as humans pumped him full of drugs.
The black dragon head growled. "Now we are one."
In the next instant, the blue and white dragon head opened his eyes. And before he could do anything, the two-headed dragon flew through the sky toward an exit point and Killian lost consciousness.
~~~
Brenna stood to the side of the room as Sid and Gregor checked over Killian's limp form on the hospital bed.
She hated being useless. Brenna was a Protector for many reasons, but one of them was because she liked to act. Be it in safeguarding the clan against future attacks or participating in a search for a missing clan member, she wanted to be doing something.
And yet here she was, standing to the side and wringing her hands.
It took everything she had not to ask for an update. While Killian was pale, he was alive and wasn't bleeding from his ears or anywhere else. She only hoped that was a good sign.
In moments like these, her dragon usually helped comfort her. The unnatural silence inside her mind only made matters worse.
If not for her mother's delicate health, she would reach out to her parents. While Brenna had tried to pretend she was grown and didn't need her parents' support, she missed her father's gentle hugs.
Instead, she hugged her upper body and watched Sid and Gregor work. The pair were mates, but they were partners in all ways and worked together seamlessly.
After what seemed like an hour, Sid turned toward Brenna and crossed the distance to her. "He's stable, but something is certainly going on inside his mind."
Gregor joined them. "Aye, it reminds me of a video I saw, of a child patient struggling with his rogue dragon." He motioned toward Killian, who was still being watched by a nurse named Ginny. "He's suffering mini-seizures every few minutes."
She glanced at Killian. "Will they kill him?"
Gregor shook his head. "At this point, I don't think so. But we need to watch him closely and ensure they don't intensify."
Brenna watched Killian's face twitch a few times before going slack again. She looked back at the doctors. "I know little about how to help rogue dragons beyond drugs and a slow reintroduction with coaching from an expert. But do you think a kiss from his true mate might help?"
Sid searched her gaze. "Before I answer, is this what you want? Helping Killian is noble, but there will be consequences, Brenna. Ones that will probably result in a child."
Looking between Sid and Gregor, she answered, "Gregor did the same to help your dragon, Sid. Do you regret it?"
"No," she said slowly. "But the situation was different. I had wanted children but had thought I'd never have them. After all, I had been afraid of going insane. You are clearly reluctant."
"If it can help Killian, then I'll do it. Besides, I always have the choice to give the child up for adoption if Killian's condition worsens and he needs me."
Gregor chimed in. "You're willing to do a fair bit for a male you barely know."
She stood tall. "I'm his mate, which means he's my responsibility."
Sid shared a look with Gregor before turning her head back toward Brenna. "Then if you're going to kiss him and start the frenzy, I'd do it sooner rather than later. While it's unlikely, a bigger seizure could grip him and do permanent damage." She bobbed her head, and Sid added, "We'll stay initially, to ensure nothing goes wrong. But if the frenzy erupts, we'll leave you alone. However, if anything changes or becomes out of control, you need to hit the call button."
Taking a deep breath, she looked at Killian. "Okay. Is there anything you can give me to wake up my dragon?"
Gregor answered, "The kiss may do it on its own. If not, we can try a stimulant, but it's not guaranteed to work."
Brenna walked to Killian's bedside. Running her fingers through his short hair, she hoped this worked. Even if he wanted nothing to do with her after, that was fine. It meant Killian would have the chance to protect his family back home, just as he'd vowed when his father had died.
She wasn't sure why that was so important, but maybe it was just her sympathy for a male who'd endured so much in such a short time.
Her heart thundering in her chest, she leaned down and pressed her lips to Killian's firm ones. While familiar, he remained unresponsive.
After a minute had passed and nothing happened to him or to her dragon, she stood. She refused to believe that was it. She looked to the doctors and asked, "Can you give me the stimulant? My dragon isn't stirring."
Gregor quickly cleaned an area on her upper arm and injected her with something. A rush of adrenaline coursed through her body. Her heart rate increased and after a few more seconds, a sleepy voice spoke inside her head. What happened?
I'll explain later. I just need you awake.
Before her beast could question her further, Brenna kissed Killian again.
She expected her dragon to demand Killian's cock and to ride him.
However, she merely yawned and stretched out her wings. Why did you wake me? I want to go back to sleep.
I don't understand. We kissed him earlier and you said he was our true mate.
Whoever you just kissed is different. I want to sleep.
Standing upright again, she murmured, "What's happening to you, Killian?"
Gregor's Scottish brogue filled the room. "There's no frenzy?"
"No. My dragon said he's different."
Appearing at her side, Gregor stared at Killian's face. "Maybe the shadow dragon finally embraced him. That could make him a different male."
Not wanting to dwell on the fact that might mean old Killian had returned, she asked, "Then why is he seizing as if his dragon had gone rogue?"
"For all we know, the two dragon personalities could be distinct and are fighting inside his mind."
She clenched a fist over her heart. "Then what do we do?"
Gregor's gentle voice filled the room. "I recommend trying to wake up Killian. Then Tristan can work with him on containing his dragon or dragons. The sooner we attempt to tame the rogue presence inside Killian's mind, the better chance we have at preserving his sanity."
"I'll contact Tristan straight away," Sid said as she exited the room.
Gregor placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "We're going to do our best to save him, Brenna. But you need to prepare yourself for the worst. I've never heard of a male with two dragon personalities in one brain before. It may be too much. One can be quite a handful on its own. Two would require unbelievable strength."
She took Killian's hand and threaded her fingers through his. "If anyone was strong and stubborn enough to tackle that challenge, it would be Killian O'Shea."
"That's the way to think of it, lass. Being strong under circumstances such as these isn't easy, especially for someone you care about but who may not feel the same way. Regardless, Killian has formed an attachment to you. Hopefully no matter what's happened, it's enough to entice him to fight for sanity as well as his life."
As she gripped his hand tighter, she only hoped so, too.