Dalila
He said we’d never see each other again. Oh, how his words stung, but I kept up a brave face. Before he could say anything else that would make tears run down my face, I rushed out of the kitchen.
When I reach my bedroom I close the door and put a hand over my beating heart. The way I’m feeling isn’t normal. Being near Ryan makes me happy and sad and nervous and excited all at once. I don’t know what Ryan thinks of me. He probably thinks I’m a mess.
He’d be right.
I can’t even call Soona or Demi because they’re sleeping. And they wouldn’t understand what I’m going through, mainly because I can’t even explain it to myself. The shooting tonight really made my entire life turn upside down. I always considered myself independent, able to be alone and take care of myself.
Until tonight.
Calm yourself, Dalila. Ryan Hess is just a boy. A really lean and muscular boy who can make a girl want to cling to him for safety and security and . . .
He made it clear he doesn’t want to see me again. There’s nothing between us at all.
I plop down on my bed, bury my face into my pillow, and groan. Why do I feel like I can trust Ryan more than my own family? I believe him when he says he knows nothing about the connection between his stepfather and Santiago Vega. I used to look at my parents and see two perfect people. But they’re not perfect, and they refuse to trust me with the reality of the danger they’re putting our family through.
My parents seem like strangers to me now, holding back critical information to try to keep me safe from the truth.
As I turn over and try to sleep, fears of that shooter in the distance keep clogging up my head. Suddenly fear grips my entire body and I start shaking uncontrollably. Ryan was shot tonight protecting me. What if I lost him before I really got to know him?
I’m sweaty, my heart is aching, and I can’t stop worrying that something terrible is about to happen. It’s almost three in the morning now. I sit up in bed and hope the fear will subside, but it doesn’t.
Five minutes go by. Every creak and sound startles me as if something evil is around the corner.
Without thinking, I rush downstairs to the guest bedroom. Ryan is awake. He’s lying in bed with one arm behind his head.
“Hi,” I say sheepishly as I lean against the door.
“Hi,” he says back. “What’s up?”
“I can’t sleep,” I tell him, my voice trembling.
He sits up, concern etched into his chiseled face. “Is everything okay?”
I nod.
Then I shake my head. “I’m kind of freaking out about what happened this afternoon. I mean, I should be okay with it. I know my dad hired a lot of people to help protect this place so we’re safe. But . . .” I hesitate. I don’t want to put crazy ideas in his head about my father. “I know we’re never going to see each other again. But, Ryan, will you hold me tonight?”
My eyes are locked on his.
“Come here,” he says. Ryan moves over and lifts the covers. I walk to the bed with tentative steps and slide in, reveling in the sheets warm from his body heat. “Thank you,” I say, laying my head on his pillow. “I know you’re hurt. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable with your wound.”
“I don’t even feel it anymore,” he says in a deep, calm voice.
It’s dark in the room and silent except for the hum of the ceiling fan.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” I find myself blurting out, then immediately regret it. I don’t want him thinking that I came here to hook up with him.
“No.”
“When was the last time you dated someone?”
He chuckles. “I’m in a bed with a girl and she’s asking me about other girls I’ve dated. That’s never happened before.”
“I need you to distract me from my racing mind, Ryan.” I lean on my elbow and look at him. I can’t imagine any girl not being attracted to him. “Have you ever been in love?” I ask, holding my breath for the answer.
“There’s no such thing as love.”
“Yes there is.”
“Physical reactions to someone isn’t love. It’s lust. Lust eventually fades.” He sighs. “My parents were supposedly crazy in love when they met. They even got their names tattooed on each other’s wrists. That fake love lasted for six months. Love is just something people come up with to try to understand these physical feelings that eventually fade, but they don’t know it yet.”
“You’re so cynical.”
“I have every reason to be. I don’t get attached. I know what I’m good at, and boxing is it. Boxing is the only thing I love.”
My heart sinks a little. “Maybe one day you’ll fall in love with an actual person. Then you can come back and tell me how wrong you were.”
“Don’t count on it.”
We lie in silence for a long time.
“I’m really glad you’re here, Ryan.”
“I’m glad I’m here too.”
I put my head on his shoulder and look up at him. “Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.”
“Just being near you makes me feel safe. I know I sound needy, but it’s true. And I don’t need you to be my hero or to say anything romantic or weird back to me. I know this isn’t more than you comforting me because I’m scared. That’s it. And if you want to tell me to leave, I’ll understand. I’ve seen where you sleep. Gym mats are not as comfortable as this bed, so if you want the bed all to yourself—”
“Dalila?” he says with a sigh.
“Yeah?”
He takes his arm and wraps it around me. “Shut up and go to sleep.”
My entire body relaxes. I don’t know what’ll happen in the future, but I’m content right here and now. In Ryan’s arms.
He pulls me in close, and just as I’m about to fall into a deep sleep, I feel him kiss the top of my head and whisper, “Sweet dreams, princess.”
In the morning I open my eyes and find myself back in my room. I quickly sit up and notice a bright red sunflower on the pillow next to me. Ryan must have put it there.
I vaguely remember being picked up from the guest room and brought here, but I thought I was dreaming. In reality Ryan must have carried me into my room sometime in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. In my sleepy state I remember him laying me on my bed and telling me something, but I have no recollection of what he said.
I take the red flower and hold it gently in my hands, knowing that last night was just the beginning.
I’m going to see Ryan Hess again, because I’m not letting him go.