Chapter Fifteen
Kemara
I slammed the door behind me and fell against it. I closed my eyes trying to take deep, cleansing breaths. I burned from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I'd never endured that level of humiliation in my life. How could Channing not tell me he was in a hate group? Was I just a joke to him? Some sort of kinky diversion? Was he setting me up for something sinister? He seemed so sincere in his feelings for me, but how could he be if those were the kinds of people he hung out with…the kind of ideals that he entertained? How could I have been dating a fucking Neo-Nazi and not know it?
And to think, I took him to meet my family and everything. Now, I had to show back up there and pretend as if that whole family meeting didn’t happen. What a disaster?
I shut my eyes tighter, refusing to cry anymore. There was no way I would cry again. I had cried since leaving the lodge and driving to my apartment, until I cursed myself for giving him that much power over me. I wouldn’t cry over him. He wouldn't get that. As I stalked back and forth across my living room carpet, talking myself out of ever shedding another tear over Channing, there was a knock on the door.
I jolted off to the door. Did he come after me? Or worse, did some of his clansmen come looking for me because I’d interrupted their meeting? If Channing was at my door, I would mace him and call the police saying he’s an intruder.
But what if he came after me because really does care about me?
No! I cared about Channing enough to feed my own subconscious a stack of lies. Of course, he didn’t come after me because he cared about me. It’s not possible to be a Neo-Nazi and love a black woman.
I prayed Channing wasn’t the one knocking at my door. He had better stayed where he belonged with those bigoted people. My home was no place for him to be at this moment.
I placed one hand on the door and steeled myself. "Who is it?"
"Kemara, it's me. Let me in. We need to talk."
I folded my arms across my chest to keep from reaching for the door knob. "We don't have anything to talk about. From what I recall, your friends explained things quite clearly."
"Please, Kemara, let me in. I don't want to have this discussion from your front porch. People might overhear us."
“Go away, Channing.”
“I’m not leaving until you hear me out, Kemara.” Then, he lowered his voice. “People are passing by. Let me in, so we can talk.”
The thought of all my neighbors finding out what a fool I’d been by entertaining a racist was worse than the idea of having to look into his eyes and tell him no, and that it was over. I unlocked the door and let him in.
He stood in the doorway, just taking up space. His very presence made me want to fall into his orbit. But no, not after today. Whatever we had, or whatever I thought we had, it wasn't real. I detested fake people. "Say what you need to say and be done with it, Channing, because I am so done after today."
He took a step towards me. "I'm so sorry for the way they talked to you. I’m not like them. I was only there to tell them that I wouldn't be coming back."
I took a step back. “You were there to tell them you weren’t coming back?” I yelled to the top of my lungs. It wouldn’t have mattered if we had the conversation through the door or me letting him. I was sure the neighbors heard me screaming. “I fell for you. I mean, I didn’t just fall for you. I was in love with you. I imagined having little mixed children that were the perfect combination of us two. And to think you sit around in a room with people planning to destroy my imaginary babies! I have no more words for you Channing. None. Say what you have to fucking say to clear your chest and get out of here.”
His face was twisted in pain. The look in his eyes seemed so sullen and sincere, but I wasn’t falling for it. How could I, when I had fallen before and he let me down? How could I trust him? He may have just been a great play actor. After all, he could have been acting the entire time we were together. How could he really want me when he was part of something like that?
“Kemara, I knew from the first time I saw you that everything I’d learned in my past was wrong. My father tried to train me from the time I was a young boy that I was superior to you, but I never fell for it. I would always do whatever I could for anyone, no matter their race, which is why the first day I met you I felt the need to protect you from them.”
"Why should I believe anything you have to say to me, after finding you in that place tonight? You’re a part of them," I said. “At least I know why you rejected me last night. You couldn’t see yourself being with a woman like me.”
“No, Kemara…hell no. I went there to end my affiliation with a group that I’d only been a part of for my allegiance to my father. I didn’t want to start an intimate relationship with you before I erased them from my life completely. I wanted to be free to love you without anything hanging over my head.” He reached for me, but when I flinched, his hand dropped to his side. His eyes still pleaded with me. “Babe, I stood up to them for you. I would have died in that room tonight for you. I came back for you. Everything I do from this moment forward will be for you.” His pleading eyes told me a story, but I didn’t know if I was reading him right. “You’re the one person that matters to me more than anyone else in this world. I would do anything for you, scale the tallest of mountains, and fight through any obstacles. Don’t you know that?”
He seemed frustrated, but I was more frustrated with the situation. “I don’t deal well with people who try to fuck me over,” I said, glaring in his direction.
He nodded and his face read a thousand different emotions. “I understand that and I’m sorry. Believe me, you have changed my world for the better and the thought of hurting you kills me inside.”
A part of me wondered if he just wanted to tell me the things he thought I wanted to hear, but it seemed like he was speaking from his heart.
“Kemara, you know me. You know the kind of man I am. You know that's not me.”
“After tonight, I can’t say I can believe my own eyes, Channing.”
“My father got me involved with them before I even knew who I was and the entire time I knew it wasn't right. Everything about it felt wrong, but it was the only life I knew and then I met you. You are the most amazing person I've ever met. You showed me the world through the lens of love and not that of hate. Knowing you makes me want to be the best man I can be, so I stood up to them. I told them that I disagree with everything they stand for and that I wouldn't be coming back. I didn’t think you’d show up there. I'm so sorry you got mixed up in it. If I could have spared you that, I would have done anything. If I could take back that part of my life, I would."
My heart wanted to go running into his arms and never leave. But hearts were stupid. I needed to use my head. My head told me that this would never work. We had no business together. "Channing, I…” I wanted to say, I love you, I really do, but the words wouldn’t form. Not after what I’d just seen. “We're just too different. I think I need some time to think. You need to go."
This time, he crossed the space between us and grabbed me by my arms. I tried to yank away from his grasp, but he wouldn’t let me go. No, not this time. He stared at me so intently. "I love you. I love you more than I've loved anyone or anything in my entire life. And I will fight for you. I will always fight for you. Please, Kemara. Don't give up on me. Have faith. Have faith in us."
Those tears, which I'd fought so hard to keep in, ignored all previous orders and started flowing freely down my cheeks. I was full of emotions. Emotions that were too intense. That contradicted each other. All I knew was that I wanted him. With every fiber of my being, I wanted him. And if I was wrong. If he was playing sick games with me, playing with my feelings, then he'd break me and probably even be the death of me. I'd probably never trust anyone ever again.
He was asking too much. He was asking me to bet everything on our love. He leaned in to kiss me. I closed my eyes. As our lips touched and electricity shot through my body, I knew one simple truth. He was worth the risk.
I returned his kiss, slipping my tongue between his lips.
“I’ll never let anyone hurt you,” he said, touching my arms where the filthy man had grabbed me hours earlier. “I’ll always protect you,” he continued in between kisses. His hands rubbed my back, kneading me into him. Leaving my back to take a sensual trail south, his hands slipped down to cup my round bottom. His hand reached around and pulled at my pants zipper.
I looked into his eyes. I was madly in love with Channing. I placed my hand on top of his to stop him, and he sighed. I unzipped my pants and stepped out of them. Before I could kick my pants loose from my feet, Channing was all over me. Unbridled passion pulled moan after moan from the depths of my soul as we made our way to my bedroom.
We stripped off each other's clothes, leaving a trail all the way from my front door. I was in nothing but panties and bra by the time we reached my bed. He gave my body a long, approving look before shedding his boxers and climbing into bed with me.
He slipped his hand under the back of my bra and unfastened the hooks with a deftness that made me quirk an eyebrow. He just grinned and changed the subject with more delicious kisses. He covered every part of my body with his mouth, starting at my neck and working his way down. My back arched as he reached my breasts. He held my nipple between his teeth and flicked his tongue over it, sending a rush of desire between my legs.
His hand slipped down into my panties. He spread my folds and teased my clit in slow circles as his mouth moved over to my other breast. He handled my body with expert hands that made me quiver and forget how to form real words. All he did was kiss and pet me a little and already my mind was blown.
Stop this… my mind screamed out an objection that never reached my heart.
Channing’s skill was remarkable, but most of it was because of my feelings. I was being touched by the man I loved. And, as I chose to believe in our love, every inch of my body called out for his. Even if he didn't know what he was doing, I would’ve probably been just as lost in his touch, just because it was him.
He continued to kiss his way down my body. He pulled my lace panties down my ebony thighs and kissed his way back up them. I could feel his warm breath on my mound. My legs parted even further in anticipation.
He ran his tongue across my slit making me moan. I reached down and twirled my fingers in his chestnut brown, curly hair. He licked me again sending shockwaves throughout my body. His tongue probed deep inside, making me bite my bottom lip in response.
"Oh God, Channing."
My words only encouraged him and he lapped at my sugary core, relentlessly causing me to twist and turn beneath him. But he kept me pinned, showing no mercy. He replaced his tongue with two fingers, and lapped at my clit as he fingered me at full speed. I didn't stand a chance. I was cuming and calling out his name within minutes.
Satisfied with his pleasurable work, he made his way back up my body and kissed me. I could feel his rock-solid cock pressed against my soaked hole. There was no way we’d be going there, before I got my turn. Fair was fair. He got to taste me, I should get to do the same. I pushed against his chest and he rolled off me. I climbed on top of him and started to kiss down his body. Faster than he did to me because I was eager to get to my destination.
When I got between his legs, I wrapped my fingers around his throbbing cock and looked up at him. He stared back at me, his eyes full of love and desire.
“Kemara, baby,” he protested weakly.
Teasingly, I ran my tongue over his slit and watched his reaction. His eyes closed and his lips parted. Encouraged, I ran my tongue over it again, then I wrapped my lips around the head and sucked hard. This made him moan and arch his back to get more of his cock into my mouth. I pulled back though. I’d go deeper, but only when I was ready to.
I loved the way he squirmed beneath me. The way he smelled. The way he tasted. Everything about him was absolutely perfect. I could get lost in his body if he let me. I took more of him into my mouth, running my tongue up and down his shaft. His cock pressed against my throat and I relaxed, taking him all the way down. From his groans of approval, I surmised it was his turn to be impressed by my skills.
My head bobbed up and down in his lap. I could feel him growing even harder. Pulsing. He was on the brink. I wanted to make him cum, so I sped up.
He grabbed me by my arms. "Wait, no. I want to be inside you," he breathlessly groaned.
I’d gotten so lost in what I was doing, I almost forgot. I pulled off his slippery, rigid cock and laid down on my back.
He grabbed a condom out of his pants pocket, slipped it on and lowered himself on top of me. I noticed the effort he made not to put his weight on me, but I wasn't made of porcelain, I wouldn't break. I captured him in my arms and wrapped my legs around his hips, pressing myself against his hard cock.
He angled it at my hole and inched his way in at a maddeningly slow pace. He was being so careful, but I wanted all of him and I wanted it now. I rolled my hips, trying to get more of him faster. He wouldn't relent. He slowly pushed inside until every inch of him was finally inside of me. Never had I felt so close to him. I was filled by him and not just physically.
He pulled halfway out and I could feel the loss. It wasn't long before he thrust back in sending a shockwave through my body. With each thrust, he picked up the pace. I held him tightly as he went from a slow, steady rhythm to pounding my tight hole to pleasures I’d never known. I tried to keep a straight face, but it felt so good. I had to look ridiculous with my eyes slammed shut and my mouth hanging open with continuous murmurs falling from my lips. Soon enough, I didn't care at all about how I looked. The only thing that mattered was how his body was making me feel.
My second orgasm built inside me at a breakneck pace and, with Channing showing no sign of slowing, it would hit me so hard that I wasn't sure I could take it. But took it…every inch of him. My nether lips quivered around his shaft. I let out a harmonious yell as I came. Jet after jet poured from me as my body happily reciprocated the pleasure. I clamped down on his dick, milking him until he let out a guttural roar. He slammed into me as his spasming cock filled the condom with his seed. He was still spasming when he pulled out of me.
He rolled over and collapsed on the bed next to me. I rolled onto my side to watch him. Perfectly contented, my legs sticky with my orgasm, I studied his face for any sign of regret, but he looked just as blissful as I did.
I couldn't lie. I was happy. Completely, and utterly happy to have become one with him. If anything in the future happened to destroy us, I wouldn't worry about it until it happened. For now, I trusted him to be who he said he was. I was going to allow myself to enjoy being exactly what I was, a woman in love.
As if Channing could sense my thoughts, he ran his thumb over my cheek and reassured me. "You are my everything, Kemara," he whispered. “That you can believe.”
He leaned over and pressed his lips to mine and I felt every word he said. I could close my eyes in peace.
***
My eyes popped open at seven o'clock a.m. and I was paralyzed as I laid there thinking about what I discovered the night before. Channing was a part of a neo-Nazi organization. I wondered what kind of overlooking I’d done to become involved with someone that was a part of a hate group. Well, nothing about Channing had proven that he was a hateful person. I guessed any girl could be fooled, but I wanted to believe I was smarter than that. The fact that he could fool me like that had me so confused.
I glanced to my right and he was lying beside me. A nice hunk of muscles to boot. Yeah, anybody could be fooled. But had Channing really fooled me, or had he been honest when he said that this was something his family had put on him, and in order for him to feel like he was making his father proud, he had gone along with it for all these years, but being with me had changed his perspective?
As I lay there with my eyes planted on his ivory mound of smooth skin, I contemplated those very facts. There I was a kinky-curly black girl with black heritage tatted on every inch of my body, a tattoo of Africa in red, black and green on my back, and there he was, a fucking closeted neo Nazi. No misogynistic or racist bones in his body, at least none that I could see. No Confederate flag. No Nazi tats.
He opened his eyes and moved beside me, bringing my eyes to his, and he smiled.
"Good morning, Kemara. How long have you been up sweetheart?"
I put a small smile on my lips. It was a little fake. I still had all these thoughts reigning my mind. "Just a little while. Just laying here thinking."
"What are you thinking about?" he asked. He scooted up and held my eyes intently with his. A look of concern clouded over his expression as he waited for my response.
I sighed. "Channing, come on, do you even have to ask what I'm thinking about? I mean we had a great night, don’t get me wrong." Oh, my God, it was so great. "But nothing will change the fact that you’re a part of a group that hates my very skin, for no reason at all but hate."
I said I was going to try to put it behind me. However, I had always been proud of my heritage, mourned my ancestors and their plight in America, and knew about the strange fruit that swung from trees in the south…at the hands of the KKK. It wasn’t that easy to wake up the next morning and act like I didn’t land myself at a Neo-Nazi meeting, looking for my man.
“Kemara! Baby, I swear I’m done with that group. I was done with it long before you walked into the lodge, but I didn’t want to deal with the fall out with my father. I hate that you had to find out that way. I wish I would’ve told you beforehand, and I will apologize for the rest of my days, if I have to, but please…don’t regret your decision to make love last night.” He kissed my shoulder and I worked on his words. “I love you…you have to believe me.”
“I want to believe you,” I quietly stated.
“Then, believe me,” he said. He reached up and touched my chin, bringing my eyes to look down at him. The love I felt for him was still there. I couldn’t deny that. I was still having to really think about what happened the previous night. I couldn’t afford to be so naïve again.
“I don’t have any regrets,” I finally admitted. “I love you, Channing and Lord help me…I will always love you. I’m hurt that I was deceived, but in time I hope that I can get past that.”
He pulled himself up and looked at me. “Truth is, we both were deceived. You don’t know how hard it is to be raised in a house where you’re taught to hate others, rather than to love them, when your feelings deep down inside are different. For a long time, my father told me it was just loving myself. But after seeing him deny people jobs at his trucking company because they were black, or deliberately pay them thousands of dollars less, I knew it was something deeply wrong with it. I know I can’t make up for all the wrong that my family and the people I associated with have done, but is there something I can do to help you get past my deceit? I just want us to be good,” he said to me.
I thought about that and finally I nodded. “There is,” I said.
He arched an eyebrow. “Alright!”
“I want you to take me to your family.”
He frowned. “Not on your life. Anything but that,” he said adamantly.
I sat up straighter in the bed and stared at him. “Are you serious? You’re saying no to me, Channing?”
He tilted his head and raised his thick, light-brown brows. “Hell yeah, I’m saying no. You saw my brother and father in action. I’m not going to put you through that again. It won’t prove anything but that they’re bigoted, and that much you already know.”
“It’ll give me an opportunity to talk to them,” I said.
I heard him sigh. He continued with a negative response. “Babe, I get what you want to do, and I say that it’s a crazy decision. My family isn’t the talking to kind, and I’m going to protect you always. I can’t do that if you want to see my father. They will eat you alive and spit out the pieces. He goes around town as if he’s an upstanding person, but he is anything but that. No, I won’t put you through it.”
I looked away from him, confident that I wanted to do this, but not sure how I could change his mind. “Then, I’m not sure how you can help me get over this,” I mumbled.
“Well, I have a compromise,” he said.
I looked at him, intrigued by his words. “A compromise? What kind?” I asked.
“I’ll call my mom and you can meet with her. She’s not as prejudiced as my father and brother are, and she’ll listen to you. If she sees in you what I see, she and only she can talk any sense into my father. She’s got a strong pull with the men of the family too.”
I nodded slowly and confirmed that I would accept the compromise. It wouldn’t be quite the same. At least, it’d be a start. If she really had a pull with his father and brother, then maybe I could change their views. It was worth a shot. “I would love that, Channing.”
He moved in and kissed me softly.
I wrapped my arm around him and fell back, with him on top of me. It just felt right. I had no doubt that I could convince his mom I was good for her son and that would lead to her taking the reins and convincing his dad. I had to hope it would all work out.
“She’s going to love you, Kemara. How could she not love someone as beautiful as you,” he whispered as he snuggled his nose into my neck, then gently kissed me on the side of my neck.
I closed my eyes and started to relax. My juices were already flowing again and every fiber in my being was telling me that Channing was still the one for me. He moved his lips down to my shoulder and slowly nibbled. I moaned, tickling my fingers through his hair.
His mouth wandered down to my navel and he kissed me tenderly, causing me to giggle with the touch of his breath on my stomach. “You are so beautiful,” he whispered, grabbing onto my hips and flicking his tongue out to trail around my navel. “What’s not to love?”
“Ahhhh!” I sighed and bucked my hips up, already anxious for him to make love to me once more.
He kissed me softly, waving feathery kisses along a sensitive path. My heat singed with desire as he slipped a finger inside of me, while he kissed me and looked up at me with such passion and love in his eyes. I smiled down at him and, when he moved another finger in, that time diving deeper into my sweet abyss, I let out a whimper and crashed back against the pillow. My mouth hung open as I anticipated his next move.
His two fingers escaped me and my shot eyes open, staring at him, desperate for him. He held a devilish gleam in his stare. He licked the two fingers, while I watched him. As much as I wanted him to taste me again, I couldn’t control the agony that powered over me, to have his cock back inside of me, pounding into me with as much force as the bed would take.
I wrapped my hand around his neck and forced him down to me, latching my lips onto his and tasting my sweetness against his lips. I slipped a tongue in between his lips, then wrapped my legs around him and he positioned himself between me. He slid into me as we kissed with fiery enthusiasm. I rocked my hips against his, taking him in fully as we became one again.
Not letting up from the kiss, he plowed into me knocking the bed against the wall. Through groans, moans, and guttural pleas, we continued to remain in that position. His dick expanded inside of me and, if I wasn’t holding onto his kiss, my world would’ve gone dark. He kept me in the moment and everything seemed to come in full circle. We were back together, having sex with one another like it was the only thing keeping us alive, and it was. Channing made everything better. I didn’t have to worry about anything else.