She was everything. An angel. Not real. Nothing was. God, I was so thirsty. But when the water came, it was vile and salty. Sand filled my nose and ground into my cuts, but I felt none of it.

No. She was no angel because there are no angels in hell. Thunder cracked, opening up the sky, but I was not headed there. I belonged far below, purging in hellfire. It started at my feet, skin peeling away as a blast of heat came up from some bottomless pit. Spikes dug in between my ribs, pinning me to the ground. I’d be here forever, paying eternal penance for the sins I’d committed. Not even Deacon could save me.

Deacon. His face appeared before me, translucent, ethereal. I made the mistake of trying to reach for it, only to have fresh pain stab through my elbows.

“He’s lucky,” someone said. Lucky? Maybe. But only because I couldn’t move anymore. Something told me that if I tried, the tongues of fire would rise higher and melt away my eyes. I couldn’t open them anyway. Not anymore.

A heard a siren song. My mother read me a story when I was a little kid. Something about sailors being drawn to the sound. They would follow it blindly, in a trance, thinking it would lead them home. Instead, they would crash against the rocks and drown. She was here too. I hadn’t seen my mother’s face in so long. It didn’t make sense. She belonged in heaven, not wherever I was. But her face smiled down at me. A lock of her white hair nearly covered one green eye. She was crying.

“The next twenty-four hours are critical.” I heard a gravelly voice talking. Heavy footsteps shook the ground. I wanted to tell them to stop. The vibrations stabbed through me. No movement. No voices. God, all of it was agony.

It grew dark, then light, then dark again. God, I would kill for water and yet it was all around me, lapping against my cheek. Tempting me. Destroying me. I’d been here forever.

“Baby?” Her soft voice was right next to my ear. When she touched my cheek with light fingers, my stomach roiled. She couldn’t know. She thought she was helping me. Why couldn’t she tell that I just wanted to sleep?

More water fell on my cheek. The salt water filled my mouth, choking me. This time, it came from her salty tears.

“I’m so sorry.” She was crying. Fingers rested on my chest. She was light and soft. She smelled like honey. I felt the sun warm my face. The sound of my own eyelids opening sent agony searing through me again and blinding light exploding in my brain.

Gina. Oh God. Gina. She was the angel that didn’t belong here. I must have dragged her down to hell with me. No wonder she was crying.

“It’s okay, baby,” I tried to say. I couldn’t tell whether any words came out. I think they didn’t because she wouldn’t stop crying. Bear stood next to her; deep lines etched his face. It didn’t seem right though. He was wearing a white lab coat and punching something onto a tablet screen.

“You listen to me, baby boy.” Gina stood beside me. Her lips were moving but it was Mama Bear’s voice coming out. “We’re not done with you yet, do you hear me? You don’t get to leave. Not until I say so. You got that? You squeeze my hand. You fight.”

I tried. I swear to God I did. But Mama Bear vanished. The edges of her face became soft and wavy, as if I were staring at her reflection in the water.

“Zig.” It was Gina’s voice again. The surf came in. It was high tide and the moonlight shimmered in her dark hair. She shouldn’t be out here. It wasn’t safe. She’d gone too far out. The riptide threatened to drag her away from me.

“Zig!” she said, shouting so loud it made my teeth rattle. Pain exploded at the base of my neck. Thunder cracked again, but this time it felt like it was coming from inside me. It rumbled low, deep in my belly, then erupted. I couldn’t hold it in.

“Zig! I need some help! He’s waking up!”

Fire shot down my spine as I rolled my head to the side and started to cough. Snakes slithered up my chest. They were choking me. Fuck. I couldn’t breathe.

Bear came to my side. He was wearing that fucking lab coat again. I blinked twice. It wasn’t Bear at all. It was a bald doctor with a serious face and thick glasses. “Mr. Wallace? Listen to me. Those tubes down your throat are helping you breathe. Don’t try to fight it. We’re going to take them out. It’s going to hurt. A lot. I’m going to count to three and I want you to cough as hard as you can. You ready?”

I nodded and the fire came back, searing my chest. If he ever did count, I don’t remember. I just remember heat and pain. It felt like tar filling my lungs when I finally drew breath. I doubled over and threw up yellow bile all over the pink tile floor.

Gina was crying. I felt her salty tears on my hand where she held it to her cheek. “Zig,” she sobbed. “Oh thank God, baby. Look at me. You’re okay. You hear me? You’re going to be okay.”

There was a male nurse on the other side of her wearing puke-green scrubs. I could see the irony in that. He held a pink cup to my lips with a striped straw. Water never tasted so fucking good as I managed a few sips. Then I was done for. I pressed my head against a scratchy pillow as Gina softly cried. The doctor shined a light in my eyes and said some things to the nurse, then he gave me a smile, patted my leg, and left.

Then it was just Gina and me.

Memories slammed into my brain. The beach. Georgio DiSalvo. There had been six of them and each had taken their turn. I tried to lift my head. I had some kind of plastic collar on. Icy fingers of panic poured through me.

“It’s okay,” Gina said, sensing my distress. “It’s just so you don’t strain your neck. You’re okay. I told you. See?”

She put her hand on my knee and ran it down my leg. She stopped at my toes, I could just see them poking out beneath the white sheet. But I could feel her warm fingers, tickling my heel.

“You’ve got a hell of a concussion,” she said. “For a while they thought they were going to have to drill holes in your head to keep your brain from swelling up inside your skull. You’ve got like seven broken ribs, your shoulder was dislocated. They had to take out your spleen. You’re a mess, baby, but everything in you is going to heal.”

“Fuck,” I said. The word ripped from my throat. Gina grabbed the water glass and brought the straw back to my lips.

“What happened, Zig?” she asked. “Do you remember?”

There was movement by the door. I lifted my head just enough to see Bear, E.Z., Maddox, and Shep standing in the doorway. The answer to Gina’s question was one I’d need to give them first. For now, I was just glad to feel her beside me.

“I thought I died,” I said. “I thought I was in hell.”

Gina laughed through her tears. “No, baby. You didn’t. It just felt like it.” She cast a furtive glance toward the others. They read something in her face because Bear cleared his throat and they moved back into the hallway, giving Gina and me a little bit of privacy.

“I love you,” she said as soon as they were gone. Then she was on me, peppering my face with kisses. “I love you. I love you. I should have said it before when you told me by the roadside. I’m not leaving. Not ever.”

My heart lurched then soared. But I knew it wasn’t that simple. God, I just wished every bone in my body wasn’t screaming in agony.

“I love you too,” I said. Maybe it was that simple after all. But Gina’s eyes went to the hallway.

“Shit,” I said as reality slammed into my brain along with the pain. “Well, I guess the cat’s all the way out of the bag now.”

Gina looked back at me and smiled. “I don’t care. I mean it, Zig. I almost lost you. I’ve lost my father, my brother. I’m not losing you too. You’re stuck with me. The rest we’ll just have to figure out.”

I heard Bear’s gruff voice. E.Z. raised his and I knew I couldn’t put it off another second.

“Baby,” I said, reaching up to smooth her hair out of her face. “I’m glad you’re here. But I gotta talk to Bear.”

Sniffling, Gina nodded. “I’ll be right outside. Don’t be a hero, okay? If it feels like too much, you press your call button and the nurse will come.”

I promised her I would. Gina left my side and the others came in. God, if it could only be that simple. It wouldn’t be. Not ever again. Not after I told Bear and the others what they needed to know. I knew what it meant.

Gina lingered, trailing her fingers along the doorframe. She knew. My heart turned to stone. The minute she crossed that threshold, everything would change again. A giant loomed behind her as Axle stepped into view. He gave her as kind an expression as he could muster. His features didn’t really lend themselves to kindness though. He had too much of his Comanche warrior ancestry deepening the lines of his own battle-hardened face. Gina wiped away a tear as she turned and disappeared down the hall.

My brothers were all here. I could hear Mama Bear’s voice rising further down the hall. She would have been sent in to make sure Gina stayed away, acting as sentry.

Bear came to me, his worry lines running deep. He put a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Don’t worry, Bear.” I coughed. “It’ll take a hell of a lot more than that to take me out.”

“Don’t joke,” Bear said, raw emotion making his voice crack.

“Jesus,” I said. “How fucking bad was it?”

Deacon stepped forward. The room was barely big enough for all eleven of my brothers. How the hell they’d managed to get permission to be here, God only knew. I had a feeling Mama was at the root of it. She might have been a medic, but she had drill sergeant in her bones too and I’d wager she scared the hell out of the hospital staff.

“Bad,” Deacon said. “You’ve been in and out for a week, man. If Gina hadn’t found you when she did, you might have drowned when the tide came back in.”

A week? My heart raced. The little monitor hooked to my arm beeped an alarm. I reached for it, tearing the leads off me. When the nurse poked her head in to check, I gave her a thumbs up.

“Make it fast,” she said. “Like no-more-than-five-minutes fast, gentleman.”

Bear had a grip on my shoulder. He squeezed and locked eyes with me. “What happened, Zig? We need to know.”

I closed my eyes, wishing I could be anywhere but here. But there was no way to make this end any other way. I was caught between Gina and the club, just like I always knew I would be.

“I love her, Bear. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did.”

“Obviously,” Bear said. “And if someone hadn’t beat me to it, I might have kicked the shit out of you myself. But we’re kind of beyond that now. Do you know who did this? I’ve had feelers out since Gina found you. It’s got Hawks written all over it. I’ve been waiting for you to give me the go ahead.”

I snapped my eyes open. “The Hawks?”

“Yeah.” E.Z. stepped forward. “You’ve had your head scrambled so maybe you don’t remember. Maddox and the others got jumped near Dallas. Now it looks like they’re getting even bolder. Cocksuckers. At your own fucking house!”

There was a rumble of anger through the group. Axle looked ready to punch a hole through the wall. I tried to sit up but couldn’t manage, erupting in another round of painful coughing. The guys grew quiet as Bear helped me up. I put up a hand to wave him off and silence the guys.

“This wasn’t the Hawks,” I said, knowing my next words would seal all of our fates. God, if it could have been any other way. Maybe it still could.

“Tell me,” Bear said. “Tell me the truth, Zig.”

I nodded. “It wasn’t the Hawks, Bear. This was personal. This wasn’t about the club. Georgio DiSalvo and five others from his crew. He was sending a message about me and Gina. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t come clean about us sooner.”

Bear straightened. He gripped the bed railing with his fist. The entire crew stood stonily silent, waiting for Bear’s edict.

“Bear,” I said. “I told you. This was a personal beef between Georgio and me.”

Bear’s granite jaw clenched as he stared back at me. “No, Zig. Ain’t nothing personal about it. If it were, he wouldn’t have brought a whole fucking crew to do his dirty work. He left you for dead, Zig. Jesus Christ. I wish I could make things different. But you know how this has to go. We’re all here. No reason we can’t put it to a vote right now.”

I felt sick and it had nothing to do with my injuries. I felt as if I existed as two people. Two halves of my heart separated. There was the part I’d given to Gina. It beat for her. Bled for her. And the other … it was knit among the men around my bed. I could close my eyes and switch places with any of them. I could only imagine what I looked like to them. If Domino or Deacon or Shep were the one lying on this hospital bed and had told them what I just did, I knew my answer would be the same. There would be no question.

The guys gathered around in a semi-circle around my hospital bed. Only Deacon’s face looked as miserable as I felt.

“This is war.” E.Z. said it for all the rest of them.

Bear nodded. “It’s been coming for a long time, Zig. You know it. Gino Sr. is dead. The worst-case scenario is a reality. Georgio knew exactly what he was fucking doing when he showed up at your house, Zig. I’m not gonna pretend I’m happy about you hooking up with Gina DiSalvo. It’s beside the point now. This is about what’s good for the club. I’m sorry.”

I knew he was, but it didn’t make it any better. One by one, he looked at each member of the crew. There was really no need. The vote was unanimous until he came to me. They all voted to go to war with the DiSalvos. We had to take them out before it was too late.

All eyes were on me. I pressed my head back against my pillow. “Fuck,” I whispered. “Yeah, Bear. Yeah.”

With one word, I sealed my fate. I wished that would have been the end of it, but every man in that room knew it couldn’t be. There was one last thing and it would fall on me to do it.

“Zig,” Bear said. He looked sick about it so at least that was something. Or it should have been. Instead, I just felt hollow.

“I know,” I said. “I understand.”

“Good,” Bear said, patting my leg. “There’s no other way, son.”

No other way. I had one last thing to do and it would be the hardest of all. I would have to cut out half of my heart. I had to let Gina go.