Emily
Two Years Later…
I inhale deeply as I walk toward my home at the end of the track, after a delicious dinner with Ted, Hannah, and their baby, Ruby, as well as Joel, Monique, and Jacob—who hilariously fell asleep against the fridge, clutching a freshly filled sippy cup of apple juice against his chest. Monique offered to take him to bed after he ate his grilled chicken and salad, but he insisted he wasn’t tired.
Dinner was perfect, even though Huss and Benji couldn’t make it. I love being surrounded by people I love and care about, and who love and care about me in return. I never would’ve recovered as quickly as I recovered without them.
After our wedding, we couldn’t bring ourselves to move off the property.
We’ve been around each other for so long, the thought of moving away from Joel, Monique, and Jacob sent anxiety and unease spiraling through us, so we stayed, and it made sense since I was working hard at the winery.
I blow out an exhale as I approach my porch. My ankles ache a little, but I appreciate every step I take and revel in the uneven ground and the sounds of rocks crunching under my feet. There was a time—three months into physical therapy—when I thought I’d never walk again, and I’ll never take my second chance for granted. Some mornings, I even walk the distance to the winery just to feel the joints of my lower half move.
I climb the porch, my flats patting against the wood. As I reach the door, I hear soft chatter coming from behind it. I smile, and shrug out of my gray cardigan. I should’ve known she’d be up.
I open the door as Elle’s gentle coos turn to sweet cries, followed swiftly by Jai’s quiet laughter.
The atmosphere is calm, a scent of lavender lightly kissing my nose. Jai has been on the internet a lot lately, trying different natural remedies to help babies sleep.
I put my cardigan on the kitchen counter and saunter into the living room to Jai, who rocks our daughter back and forth in his big, strong arms, her tiny, swaddled body resting against his naked chest.
“Elijah sleeps well,” Jai says, gently bouncing her. “Elle here is a bit of a night owl.”
I kick off my shoes and stroll closer. It was meant to be, our children.
When I was shot, it did damage to a lot of important organs in the area. It took seven months of intense physical therapy for me to walk again. In addition to my spine, nerve, and artery injuries, my womb was also damaged.
There was always the possibility of conceiving if I jumped through all of the hoops to make it happen, but after the incident…conceiving became a dream, no longer a reality.
It killed me in the beginning. I refused to get out of bed for weeks, despite Jai’s insistence that he was okay with not having kids. I was so caught up in my own self-loathing I didn’t see the pamphlets Jai left around the house and waved in front of my nose at breakfast, his gold wedding band catching the light of the morning sun…
…until I did and the dark, dense fog that engulfed me lifted.
“Adoption,” I said and he beamed widely.
It made perfect sense. I could give a beautiful baby with no parents the life I never had. With his suggestion, my life came full circle.
It took us until the second year of our marriage to finally sort it out and we picked them up a month later. We were so nervous. Jai trembled harder than I did.
We had no idea how to look after squishy humans. We read books together and went shopping, letting sales staff talk us into buying all kinds of ridiculous contraptions, but it was fun and we had the best time preparing for our very own bundles of joy.
And when they handed our children over—twins, a boy and a girl—Jai and I cried. I was overwhelmed by emotion, as if I’d gone through the pain of giving birth to them myself. Jai was so proud and we named them immediately.
Elijah J. Stone and Elle Jacqueline Stone.
When Jai and I hold them at night, preparing them for bed, I never fail to realize that the incident with Skull might’ve robbed me of my right to carry a child, but it never took away my right to be a mother, and while I may not have birthed these beautiful babies into the world, I will happily guide them through it. Always.
I wrap my arms around Jai and rest my face against his back, rocking with him. A while passes before Jai whispers “okay” to me and I release him. I follow closely behind him as he slowly strolls up the stairs to the bedrooms. With quiet feet we bypass Eli’s room, who sleeps soundly, and take her into our bedroom where Elle spends most of her nights.
Because of Jai’s endless, big, and soft cuddles, she prefers to sleep in our bed. It’s the only place she sleeps the whole night.
In the semi-darkness, I strip the heavy duvet off the bed and tuck the thin bedsheet lower so it can’t go higher than our hips.
When I’m done, I go into the bathroom and shower first while Jai puts Elle to sleep, then we switch. I lie next to Elle’s safe sleeper, watching her chest rise and fall, watching her lips make suckling motions. I wish I could feed her from my breasts. I wish I had that.
Elle and Eli have thick dark hair covering their soft heads. Their noses are tiny buttons, slender and pointy, their lips full and bubbly. They look so much like us it’s amazing.
When Jai’s done, he saunters into the bedroom with a yawn, smoothing his hand over his bare chest, wearing nothing but loose gray sweatpants.
My gaze glues to him as he saunters around the bed. How dare he come in here dressed like that?
I roll onto my side and prop myself up on my elbow. “Can you put Elle in her bed, please?”
He frowns at me, confused. Jai is the stay at home parent. He looks after them twenty-four-seven, spending almost every second of his day with a baby snuggled into him—sometimes two. Because of that, Elle and Eli are more attached to him than me. He’s taken to parenting like a moth to a flame. He doesn’t make mistakes like I do, and his knowledge on what they like and don’t like is outstanding.
Jai took to his role immediately, like he was always born to be a father.
“Why? What’s wrong?” He squeezes a tiny bit of organic moisturizer from the pump bottle on his bedside table and rubs it into his hands.
Now he has babies to look after, he thinks it’s important to have soft hands. While I miss the feel of his rough, manly hands, the softness feels nice too.
I tip my head on an angle. Isn’t it obvious? “I want to have sex, Jai.”
His eyebrows lift and he bends over the bed and reaches for Elle. She barely stirs as he scoops her into his arms and carries her off.
I remove her safe sleeper and kick away the thin sheet draped over my legs. Jai returns a few minutes later, a beige envelope in his hands. “I almost forgot. It’s your birthday soon.”
I nod. “It is.”
“I have a surprise for you.”
I flick my brows. “Kinky.”
Laughing, he sits on the bed and extends the envelope to me. I take it, flipping it front to back to see who it’s from.
“What’s this?”
“The names of your parents. Your siblings.”
I freeze and stare at the unaddressed envelope, apprehension floods me. The old me would’ve torn through the paper already, but the new me is…well, hesitant.
“Have you read it?”
He nods.
“And I have…siblings?”
He nods again.
“How many?”
“Five of them. Full blood.”
His answer is a smack in the face, a boot to my stomach. My parents went on to have five more children? And they didn’t put any of them up for adoption? I slide my teeth together. This is supposed to be exciting, right? So why do I feel so damn bitter? And hurt? And a million other things I can’t put into words.
Why didn’t they keep me?
I swallow my hurt and blink away tears that threaten to expose how much I hate his surprise. Exhaling, I fold the envelope in half and then tear it. I tear through the paper until I’m certain I won’t be able to piece it back together.
I glance down at the shreds of paper on my bare thighs and, surprisingly, I feel good about it.
“You don’t want to know?”
I look at Jai and I shake my head. “No. I have my family and they have theirs.”
Jai swipes the paper off my legs and pulls me into a hug, squeezing me tightly against him.
“I love you,” he tells me and I pull back until out noses graze.
“I love you.”
Our hands interlock as he leans in and kisses me tentatively and tenderly, sending little sparks of static dancing over my skin.
Then, he pushes me back, his body easing mine, until my head rests against the pillow.
Being with him has always felt magical, whether it’s rough and needy or slow and gentle.
It’s been a while since the last time we were intimate. Our sex life has lessened, but definitely hasn’t suffered. He still makes my heart beat erratically in my chest. He still awakens butterflies in my stomach.
Jai pushes my pink nighty up my thighs and over my hips with his large, soft hands. He breaks the kiss to press his lips to my chest, then travels south, kissing a hot trail down my stomach to my abdomen. He spends time there, kissing every inch of skin where my uterus would be, if the doctors hadn’t taken it out in the end.
I close my eyes and enjoy the way he appreciates me, as if this body birthed his children.
His warm breath blows across my flesh as he eases my thighs open, only to stop as a loud cry rips through the house.
We peer at each other and wait as the cry quietens, hoping she’ll settle.
She doesn’t.
We both exhale. Jai shuffles backward and lifts himself off the bed as I straighten my nighty.
“Maybe tomorrow,” I say, chuckling softly.
“Maybe tomorrow.”
While Jai leaves to get Elle, I climb out of bed and go to the kitchen to prepare a milk in case she’s hungry. When I get back, Jai has put the soft yellow light on and holds himself above Elle, who excitedly kicks her legs and coos at him.
“You’re very excited,” he says to her, his voice gentle and light. “What are you excited for? Tell Daddy.”
My heart swells. I love it when he refers to himself as Dad. It’s the sweetest thing in the world. I stroll toward the bed and Jai lifts his head to watch me. “Look, Elle. Mommy’s here.”
I smile as I climb onto the bed. Jai grabs Elle and moves toward the headboard. He holds out his hand for the bottle and I give it to him, then he gestures for me to take Elle.
I do, gratefully.
“Come,” he whispers, “we can feed her together, if you want.”
I nod and move toward him, cradling Elle in my arms. I sit between Jai’s strong legs and rest against his chest. Elle makes a tight noise in her throat as she stares up at me, waiting for her milk.
I groan as my heart explodes with love. Her eyes are filled with so much affection it brings tears to my eyes.
“You’re so cute,” I utter, taking the bottle from Jai. I put the nipple between her lips and she attaches, greedily gulping down her milk.
Jai wraps his arms around mine and holds us tightly.
I watch her until her bottle is almost finished and she’s overcome by sleep. Her suckles become gentle, more for comfort than for food.
God. She’s so precious, so tiny in my arms. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
I sniffle, not realizing I’m crying until I feel water on my cheeks.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, moving his head against mine so his mouth is by my ear.
“I love her so much.” I lift her as gently as I can and press a kiss to her head. “She’s so beautiful.”
“She loves you. You’re her mother.”
Mother.
I’ll never grow tired of hearing that, and it’s because of Jai my life is perfect.
During the dark days, when I felt like I was letting Jai down because I couldn’t give him a child of his own, he never got frustrated with me, never forced me to get over my pain, my feelings of failure. He embraced it all and helped me through the best he could.
Jai loves me as deeply as I love him, and the beauty in us is that our relationship wouldn’t change if we never utter those three little words to each other on a daily basis. Our love is present in our laughter, in the way we touch—no matter the time of day or the company we have.
Our love is in the gaze that lingers between us when we part.
On our wedding day, Jai told me that we were born for each other, our lives made to be vastly different so we fit together, like two puzzle pieces. He said I am his one, and we are one in a billion. We always have been, from the moment we met in that abandoned industrial site all those years ago.
We are each other’s protectors, confidants, and devoted soulmates.
I am his Kitten…
…and he is my Stone.
Always and forever.
The End.