Summer
I STOOD THERE looking into the cold blue eyes of the Knights of Ruin’s president and I’d never felt so terrified in all my stupid life. But I’d known from the moment he’d stormed into Tiger’s warehouse that this was what I had to do.
I couldn’t let Tiger take the fall for me. I couldn’t let him choose between the club that was his entire family and me, a woman he hadn’t known for very long. After all, this had all been my fault. I was the one who’d run to the clubhouse. I was the one who’d asked him to keep me hidden. Sure, it had been his choice to hide me, but I was the one who’d put him in this position in the first place.
So no. He wasn’t going to have to choose.
It was time for me to face the consequences of what I’d done.
It was time for me to face my father.
‘Don’t you dare,’ Tiger said from behind me. ‘Don’t you fucking dare, Summer.’
I could feel his heat and then suddenly he was gripping my upper arms and turning me to face him. His gaze was full of angry flames, his expression burning with intensity. ‘Don’t say a fucking word,’ he growled. ‘In fact, get your ass up the stairs and don’t come down until I say.’
I knew he was trying to protect me. I could see it in his eyes. And there was a very large part of me that wanted to do exactly what he said.
But I wasn’t going to.
If I didn’t do this right now, if I didn’t face my fear of my father, it would dog me for the rest of my life. And who knew who else it would involve? Who knew who else would get hurt? It had hurt Tiger already, I knew it had, and I couldn’t stand it. I wouldn’t stand it.
So I simply stared back at him, letting him see that I wasn’t going to back down on this. ‘Let me go, Tiger.’
‘No.’ His fingers tightened, the look in his eyes blazing. ‘You’re fucking mine now. You’re not going anywhere.’
My heart threw itself against my ribs, because there was nothing more I wanted in that moment than to be his. No one had ever wanted me the way he did. No one had ever said it out loud, with other people watching, claiming me for themselves.
I wanted to say ‘Okay, I’m yours’ so badly I could taste it.
But I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to have to choose. I didn’t want him to have to deal with the consequences of my own cowardice.
He deserved better than that.
He deserves better than you.
The thought whispered through my head and I knew it was true. Because even if all this stuff with Keep hadn’t happened, nothing changed the fact that I would be leaving him soon anyway, flying thousands of miles away from him permanently.
I couldn’t stay. I wasn’t part of his world and I never would be, and I was tired of being where I didn’t fit. Where I was invisible.
I wanted to take the job, create a life of my own, and even though the thought of him coming with me made me light-headed with happiness, I knew I couldn’t ask him to. Again, I didn’t want him to have to choose between me and the life and the family he’d built here for himself. And I didn’t want to have to leave him like his mother had left him.
‘I’m not.’ I struggled to keep my voice level. ‘I have to go, Tiger. I have to.’
‘No, you don’t.’ His fingers tightened even more, pulling me up against him, his grip almost painful. ‘Stay here. I’ll protect you.’
‘I don’t want you to protect me.’ My throat felt tight and dry, my body beginning to blaze in response to the heat of his so close. ‘I have to face Dad. I can’t run away from him any more.’
‘I’ll come with you. I’ll make sure—’
‘No,’ I cut him off sharply, meeting his gold gaze. ‘I have to do it on my own. This is my issue to deal with, not yours.’
He growled, full on, like the big cat prowling up his arm, jerking me even closer to him. Then he bared his teeth, trying to intimidate me. ‘Fuck you. Your issues are mine now and I’ll help you deal with them whether you like it or not.’
‘If I don’t do this now, on my own, I’ll always be scared.’ I kept my gaze on his, willing him to understand. ‘I’ll always be hiding. I have to face him and I have to do it without you.’
He was silent a long moment, staring at me. ‘But you’ll come back. And we’ll have the last few days together, right?’
My throat closed up and there was a weight on my chest, so heavy.
The last few days. All two of them.
It’s not enough.
No, it wasn’t. There would never be enough time in the whole world to be with Tiger. I didn’t want two days. I wanted forever. But would he? Sure, he wanted to protect me, and he wanted another couple of days of hot sex, but in the end, would he see me off at the airport without a backward glance?
My heart twisted inside my chest at the thought, painful and tight. And in that moment I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t come back to him. Because if I did, I’d never want to leave. I’d want to stay here with him forever. Except he didn’t strike me as a forever kind of guy. Sure, we’d had hot sex and some great conversations, but I was positive he didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him. And, really, why should he?
I was a nerdy girl who liked math and who wasn’t anything special. Not to a guy like him.
Perhaps it would be better to save us both the trouble and not come back at all.
Coward.
Yeah, well, that’s what I was, wasn’t I?
I’d deal with my father. I could handle that. But maybe I couldn’t handle Tiger after all.
‘No,’ I said shakily, forcing the word out. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
Something leapt in his gaze, a blaze of anger. ‘What do you mean you don’t think that’s a good idea? It’s what I want. I thought that’s what you wanted, too?’
I was beginning to tremble now. ‘Well... I—I’ve changed my mind.’ It was harder than I thought to say it. Harder still with his fierce amber eyes on mine. ‘I think it’s b-better if we call it quits now.’
For a second something blinding flicked in his gaze, a bright flash of something I didn’t recognise. It made my chest hurt, made my pulse start to climb, made me want to tell him I was lying, that I never wanted to call it quits. But I couldn’t.
It was easier this way.
Easier for you, coward.
‘You really want that?’ He searched my face as if looking for something. ‘You don’t even want another day?’ A raw note had crept into his voice and it felt like a knife in my heart.
But I’d made my decision. It was better to be the one who walked away than the one left behind, as I knew all too well.
So does he.
He did. But he was stronger than I was. He always had been.
‘No.’ It came out as a whisper and I don’t even know how I managed to say it. ‘I don’t.’
Tiger shut down then. I could see the moment it happened. Like a door slamming in my face, shutting out all the heat from his amber eyes, leaving me alone in the cold, with nothing but ashes.
He released me, so quickly I nearly stumbled back. ‘If that’s what you want.’ His voice was absolutely expressionless, his face hard and set. ‘You’d better go then. Say hi to your daddy for me.’ He flicked a glance at Keep and his friend Smoke. ‘You pricks can fuck off, too.’
I hated the expression on his face, and it was agony to know that I’d put it there. ‘I...just think this is the easiest way,’ I began hoarsely, wanting to explain so he understood.
But he didn’t let me. ‘I don’t want to hear it.’ The amber of his gaze had dulled. ‘Just go.’
‘Tiger—’
‘Yours isn’t the only pussy in the world, Summer. It certainly isn’t going to be the last.’
I hated the flat sound in his voice and I reached out to him, but he’d already turned to his workshop area. ‘Have a nice trip. Enjoy your new job.’
The knife in my heart turned, a vicious pain.
‘Enough of this bullshit.’ Keep’s deep voice from behind me. ‘You coming with us, Summer?’
Tiger had gone to one of the bikes, the one I’d watched him work on only a couple of hours ago, his clever hands moving with a kind of knowledge and skill that had thrilled me.
There were tears in my eyes, my stupid heart wanting him to come after me, to fight for me, to insist I was his and that he wasn’t going to let me go.
But he didn’t.
‘Yes,’ I croaked. ‘I’ll just get dressed.’
I got my clothes together, then I went into the bathroom for some privacy to get changed, trying to blink back the tears that kept wanting to fall. It was awful, the thought of taking his shirt off, of not being close to his familiar scent and warmth, so because I was selfish at heart, I kept it on, pulling on my underwear and denim mini to go with it.
Then I came back outside to find Keep waiting at the front door of the warehouse. Smoke was down the other end with Tiger, who was bent over one of the bikes. He didn’t look up. Not once.
I felt cold and the pain in my chest wouldn’t stop throbbing, but I tried to ignore it.
This was the right decision. It was.
Keep eyed me as I approached and perhaps I should have been afraid of him, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Instead I simply met his cold blue gaze and said, ‘You tell my dad Tiger found me. And he called you the moment he did.’
Keep raised one brow. ‘Why the fuck would I do that?’
I didn’t even flinch. ‘Because I said.’
He gave me another long look and I knew I was treading on thin ice. But all he said was ‘Okay.’ And the next minute he was leading me outside to where his bike was parked.
I got on it and as we roared out of the courtyard, I didn’t look back.
It felt like I’d left a piece of myself with Tiger and I didn’t look to know which piece it was.
Stupid thing was I already knew.
My idiot heart.
* * *
Keep took me home, right to my front door. He didn’t say a word to me the whole time, waiting silently beside me until the door opened and there was Dad standing on the threshold.
‘Tiger found your girl,’ Keep said shortly to him. ‘You might want to take better care of her in future.’
Dad opened his mouth to say something, but Keep had already turned around and was off down the steps, leaving me there with my father.
He’d always seemed tall to me, and intimidating, his blue eyes full of a fury that never seemed to go away. He turned that fury on me now. ‘Where the hell have you been?’ he demanded angrily. ‘Get in the goddamn house.’
Normally when he got angry like this, all I wanted to do was run away and hide, make myself invisible so he wouldn’t see me.
But now...now I could feel my own rage start to rise, thick and hot, fuelled by the pain in my heart at leaving Tiger and by the unfairness of it all. How dare he tell me what to do? How dare he threaten Tiger and Tiger’s club way he had? What gave him the right? Just because I was his daughter, it didn’t mean he could treat me like a possession or use me as a weapon against the people I cared about.
The only power he has over you is the power you give him, so don’t give it to him...
Tiger’s words echoed in my head and, despite the heartbreak I’d just left behind, I straightened my spine, firmed my shoulders.
No, I wasn’t going to run away and hide. I wasn’t going to be goddamn invisible, not this time, not today.
Today I was going to deal with him once and for all.
‘No,’ I said flatly. ‘I will not get in the goddamn house.’
Dad’s head snapped back. ‘What did you say?’
‘You heard me.’ I met his furious blue gaze, held it. ‘My days of doing whatever you say are over.’
He had one hand on the doorframe and his knuckles turned white as an expression of pure fury crossed his face. ‘You ungrateful little bitch. You run away for days on end and now you think you can—’
‘I think I can do whatever the hell I want!’ My own fury leapt high and I let it, taking a step forward, getting right in his face. ‘In fact, now it’s my turn to tell you what to do. First of all, you’re going to leave Tiger alone completely, and if I ever hear of you threatening either him or his club, you will never see me again.’
My father took a half step back, then stopped, as if realising what he was doing. He scowled, puffing his chest up. ‘Are you threatening me?’
I ignored him. ‘Second, I’m taking that job whether you like it or not. And if you try to stop me, I’ll lay charges. Because I know there’s at least a couple of good guys at the station who aren’t in your pocket.’
‘You really think you can—’
‘Third.’ I took another step, getting closer, holding his gaze, letting him see my strength, my rage, the broken heart in my chest fuel to the fire. ‘Don’t you ever try to manipulate me again. You’ve been doing that all my life and it ends right here, right now.’
For the first time, uncertainty flickered behind the anger in his eyes, and to my surprise it was he who took another step back, as if I was the one intimidating him. ‘Jesus Christ, girl,’ he blustered. ‘What gives you the right to talk to me like that? I gave you a roof over your head. I gave you food on your plate and the clothes on your back. After your mother left—’
‘You blamed me for her leaving,’ I finished for him, anger becoming a strength flowing through me, the strength Tiger had always told me I possessed and yet I’d never felt. Not until this moment. ‘You made sure to tell me she left because of me every single goddamn day.’
He said nothing, his mouth gone flat and hard in that tight line, every inch of him the disapproving police chief.
‘Fourth, you want to know why I’m really here, Dad?’ I lifted my chin. ‘I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. Mom didn’t leave because of me. She left because you’re a bully. A controlling, manipulative prick. It was your fault she went away, not mine, and I’m not taking the blame for you any more.’
More fury leapt in his gaze, but he kept the distance between us. And I realised with a shock that it was because he was afraid.
He was afraid of me.
‘You know why she never came back?’ he said suddenly, the look on his face turning vicious. ‘Because I told her if she did, I’d take you away where she could never find us.’
It felt like he’d kicked me in the stomach.
I stood there for a moment, the breath knocked out of me, staring at his familiar face, at the lines of bitterness around his eyes and mouth, the deep folds of anger and resentment along the once-sharp jawline.
Pain coiled inside me. ‘Why? Why the hell would you do that?’
‘Why do you think?’ That viciousness lingered in his voice. ‘Because the bitch left me and she needed to be punished.’
He’d been handsome once, my dad. A proud, intimidating figure. But he wasn’t now. Suddenly all I saw in front of me was an old man, twisted and bitter and mean. A man with no power who was trying to get some however he could.
A weak, hollow kind of man.
This was who’d I’d been afraid of for so long? This?
Tiger had told me all this time not to give him any power but this was the first time I’d truly felt it in my heart. Truly seen that far from being this powerful, scary figure, my father had had no power to start with.
Dear God. How could I have let this small, weak man dictate my life?
Especially when I knew—I just knew—how much stronger than him I was.
All the air rushed suddenly back into my lungs, the realisation making me feel like I’d been suffocating all these years and only now could I breathe.
Dad’s confession would have broken the Summer that I’d been a week ago. But I wasn’t that woman any more. I’d spent three days in the arms of one of the toughest, most frightening men I knew and he’d made me feel like a goddess. He’d made me feel wanted in a way I’d never felt before. He made me feel truly strong.
Because he made me feel loved.
It hit me then, like a bolt of white lightning, how unimportant standing on this step was. How unimportant my father was. That the only person who mattered to me was the man I’d left behind.
And I’d left him because I’d still been scared little Summer Grant, who’d had so little faith in herself and her own feelings that she’d rather walk away than fight for what she wanted.
Dad was blustering, making all kinds of threats, but they slipped off me like rain off an umbrella. They didn’t even touch me.
I simply turned around and walked away.
Because there was only one thing I wanted and he’d been left behind by everyone who’d loved him.
I was not going to be another.