Life Lesson #4: think twice before speaking

➸ Yarrow ☆

Walking outside with Duffy, we make a path from her townhome down to Ginger’s and back. Repetition calms her. Silence does too. She doesn’t speak except to say “ala king” or “banana” which means whatever she thinks they mean.

Duffy’s brain doesn’t work normally. Or at least it doesn’t work like other kids’ do. That’s what Ginger told me because I wouldn’t know otherwise. Most people seem weird to me. Duffy’s quirks are no different than anyone else’s.

To normal people, Duffy and I are the strange ones. She rarely talks, and I say the wrong thing. We both get easily restless and want to pace, though I’d be happier off the property while she sometimes freaks about leaving it. People treat us as if we’re delicate figurines capable of breaking from the slightest offense.

I let my friends believe what they want about me because I don’t know if they can think any differently. I can’t imagine how the world looks from their eyes, not that I particularly want to. I’m fine with only seeing from mine.

That’s not the truth anymore, I guess. I’m curious about how Blackjack’s brain works. He interests me as very few people do. I want to know him even if he’s awful. Knowing is better than wondering.

Twenty minutes after Duffy and I begin our circular backyard journey, Oz and the other Heretics arrive at the parking lot. I hear their Harleys shut off and wonder if Blackjack is with them. I haven’t seen him since I got out of jail, and Ginger put me under house arrest. She wants to keep me safe, but I’m worried Blackjack will forget about me if we’re apart for too long. Without understanding how his brain works, I can’t be certain if he likes someone else now. Assuming he ever liked me to begin with.

I’m behind Clove’s townhome when the men appear near the pool where Alani and Makoa sit with Ginger. No matter how chilly autumn gets, those three can’t get enough of the water.

I notice how Blackjack lingers behind the others. Then I catch him looking for me. At least, he’s looking for someone, and his search ends once he spots me.

Without much thought, I lead Duffy toward the others. She sees her mother and Cayenne offers her a bite of hot dog. The rest of the crew and Heretics are busy talking about food when I stop right in front of Blackjack.

“Why were you at the park?” I ask, staring up at him. “Are you into me? If the answer is yes, are you interested in sex or dating?”

My question turns off the sounds around me. No one speaks. Blackjack’s gaze flashes to the women behind me. I think Oz clears his throat first, but Clove is the one who wraps an arm around my waist and guides me toward the house.

“Wait, I’m interested in either of those options,” I complain when my friends block me from returning to Blackjack. On my tippytoes, I see over Cayenne long enough to catch a glimpse of Oz smacking Blackjack. I can’t see if the hit turns into a full-on fight, but I’m sure their brawl is more entertaining than getting stuck inside with my fellow vagina-bearers.

“What?” I mutter when they surround me.

“You can’t date Blackjack,” Ginger says as if stating a fact or giving an order.

“Did he say that?”

“No, I’m saying that.”

“We’re all saying that,” Cayenne adds.

“I can date whoever I want, and I like Blackjack. He probably likes me too.”

Clove smiles sympathetically. “You’ve never had a date, so you don’t understand how things work.”

“It can’t be that complicated when teenagers do it.”

“What teenagers?” Ginger asks.

“All of them. I hear them talking at stores, movie theaters, everywhere. They’re younger than me, and they do it.”

My friends give each other those knowing glances and prepare to gang up on me. Angry now, I’ll scream if necessary, but I won’t bite them. Well, unless they grab me. They really hate getting bit.

“It’s not just your lack of experience. It’s Blackjack’s reputation as a disgusting manwhore,” Bay says with complete conviction before turning to Pepper. “He is the manwhore one, right?”

“I don’t know. They’re all the same to me.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I say, waving off their comments. “I know how to put on a condom. He can be a whore, and I’ll be safe.”

“It’s not that. He—”

I interrupt Ginger by pointing out, “You don’t even know him.”

“Neither do you.”

“Exactly. That’s why I want to have a date. How else am I going to find out about him?”

“Well, you could be friends for a while.”

“Like you were with Oz?”

“Exactly.”

“But you went on dates too.”

Ginger frowns, having messed up her argument. Cayenne tags in and changes places with Ginger.

“We want to protect you.”

“I know.”

“This interest in a man came out of nowhere.”

“I’m not a kid,” I say. “I’m not Duffy asking to go on a date. I’m a grown woman, and I’m not asking anyway.”

“Well, we can make sure Blackjack stays away from you,” Ginger grumbles.

“If you do, I’ll move out and live on my own.”

Ginger’s blue eyes widen while Cayenne remains steady. They’re both worried, though. If they weren’t so worried, they’d know I was full of shit. I think Clove knows, and Pepper totally knows, but Ginger’s panic keeps her from thinking straight.

“What if you two have a date here at the townhomes?” Bay offers after Pepper whispers something in her ear. “That way, if there’s a problem, we’ll be nearby.”

“What kind of problem?”

“Not even a problem,” Clove says, “but maybe you have a question. Or he gets scared and needs us to save him.”

I smile at the thought. “I did try to kill him recently.”

“Yes, you did,” Ginger says, having found her voice. “He upset you so much you wanted him dead.”

“And now I want to kiss him. People change their minds, Ginger.”

“Yeah, Ginger,” Clove taunts. “I remember you once hating a stupid ball of hormones. Then you suddenly loved him, and now his cats stink up your house.”

“My place doesn’t stink,” Ginger grumbles and takes a whiff to make sure she isn’t wrong. “Smells pleasant even.”

“I’ll have the date here if Blackjack says yes. I don’t even know if he wants me.”

“Oh, he does,” Pepper tells me and starts for the back door. “You’re hot, and he’s a man.”

“I’m hot?” I ask Bay who nods.

“I’d date you for the sex,” Bay explains, “but I don’t see us staying hooked up. You’re too high maintenance.”

Nodding, I figure she isn’t wrong since I did try to hurt the guy I now am very interested in kissing. I follow Pepper outside where Oz is giving Blackjack a speech about boundaries and how men are dogs that pee on everything. I don’t know exactly what point he’s making, but the blond Heretics, Camo, keeps snickering. Blackjack just looks bored.

“Blackjack,” Pepper announces, “go to the side of the townhome where you can privately speak with Yarrow. If she tries to kill you again, scream, and we’ll come running.”

Ignoring the snickering around me, I walk away and assume Blackjack will follow. I hear Ginger talking to Oz because neither of them makes any effort to lower their voices. I keep walking until I’m at the front of the townhomes, not far from where Blackjack spooked me, and I swung my blade at him.