CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Lori
I force myself to straighten and enter the apartment, shutting the door on everything but my mother. She remains sitting at the kitchen table, no doubt waiting on me, and she’s a smart woman. There is no doubt in my mind that she has questions I have to answer. Inhaling, I cross the tiny room and join her. “What’s the real story with you two?” she asks.
“He’s my boss, mom. The end. Why did you want to talk tonight?”
“I was going to talk to you about meeting Joe. I think it’s time.”
“Time?” I swallow hard. “Really? Is it serious?”
“It’s good,” she says. “I want you to know him. Maybe you both can come by and see me at the hospital during one of my breaks? Or even coffee tomorrow? That way it won’t interfere with your work.”
“Yes. Of course. Just tell me when.”
“Good. I’m excited for you to meet him.” She reaches for my hand and squeezes. “I know you have to go to bed. You and working that restaurant tonight. That’s too much.”
She’s letting me off the hook. I’m not sure what to think. “I made a grand for us tonight, but I actually am tired.” I stand up, taking the exit she’s offered me. “Night, mom,” I say, heading toward the bedroom.
“Lori,” my mother calls out.
I turn and look at her. “Yes?”
“I don’t know why Cole was here tonight, but I know it wasn’t about work.”
“He’s my boss.” It’s a ridiculous, obvious reply, and the three words I’ve used as an excuse for too much.
“Do you know that people used to tell me that your father looked at me like I was the sun, the moon, and the world? He looked at me like Cole looks at you.”
I press my hand to my face. “He’s my boss,” I repeat, saying those stupid words again.
“Come sit down and talk to me.”
“Okay,” I whisper, and I do. I wobble back to her and I sit down.
“Is your job on the line?” she asks.
“No,” I assure her quickly. “No, Cole is a good man. My job will never be on the line, as long as I do it, and do it well.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
This is my mother and I just blurt out what I feel. “He’s rich. He’s established. I’m neither.”
“I repeat,” she says. “What’s the problem?”
“He wants to save us.”
“You think that if you lean on him then you’ll forget how to stand on your own two feet,” she assumes. “Because you think that’s what I did.”
“No, mom. I don’t think—”
She holds up a hand. “Don’t coddle me. I get I could have done some things differently. I admit that, but Cole isn’t your father and you aren’t me. I don’t know Cole, but I will give you general thoughts. What you want and need is a man who lifts you up and doesn’t hold you down, and his money or power or success doesn’t determine if he does that for you. But you know if he does or does not.”
“He always lifts me up,” I say without hesitation. “He doesn’t coddle me, using your own words. He pushes me. He forces me to be better and I think I am better because of that. He’s the reason we have this six month scholarship option.”
“Okay then,” she says. “That’s good. Moving on, my general observation is that to be with a strong man, most women either become submissive or they’re confident enough to know they can hold their own, and so they do. You’re not submissive, but you don’t seem to believe you can hold your own with Cole.”
“That’s not it.”
“Then what is it?”
I hold my hands out. “Look at where we live.”
“And?”
“The first thing he said when we got to the hallway was that he was getting us out of here.”
“He cares about you. He wants to take care of you.”
“Getting us out of this place is not a reason to move in with him.”
“He didn’t ask until he saw this place? Is that what worries you?”
“Yes. He wants me with him all the time. He does. I see that. He gave me a key. It just feels like seeing how we live pushed him to take the next step to make it official. That’s not why I want to take the next step and that’s why I didn’t want him to come here.” Every feeling I have felt this night caves in on me. “Even if we could really be together, and we can’t—I can’t live with my boss—how will I know, how will he know, that his motivation is me, and us, and not our situation?”
“I can’t answer that,” my mother says. “But in your heart, I think you can. If that means taking a step back, do it, but don’t step too far. You might not find your way back to him.”
***
Cole
I leave Lori’s place, go to the hospital, bribe a few people, and despite the late hour, manage to get the Havens’ bill paid off before I depart; an anonymous gift, of course. Because I’m not leaving her in that cracker box. Just knowing I took care of it takes some of the edge off, but my nerves are jumping and I fight the need to go back to Lori’s place and bring her home with me where she belongs.
I walk into my apartment that is empty without Lori. No laughter. No soft sweet voice. No her, naked in my arms. I don’t know how this night went this wrong, but it was a shit-show the size of a volcanic eruption. My cell phone rings and I glance down to find Ashley’s number. I don’t answer. I’ve already talked to her two times since leaving the restaurant. The only person I want to talk to is Lori.
I peel off my jacket and tie, and walk to the bar, grab a glass for whiskey and decide I need ice or I’m going to drink way too fucking fast. I head to the kitchen and of course, the damn ice machine isn’t working. I open the freezer that I never open, and stare at the cash sitting next to the ice tray. I grab it and count five thousand dollars. This is how much she doesn’t trust me. If she did, she wouldn’t be so damn afraid of leaning on me. Of needing me. And what did I do? Paid off the rest of her debt.
I throw the damn money in the trashcan and walk to the bar and fill my glass, sans the ice. I asked her to move in with me. Now, she wants space. I down my drink and have another. I asked her to move in with me. I stare at my cell phone that remains silent. “She needs space,” I murmur. Fuck. I toss the phone on the couch, fighting every urge in me to go to her again. I keep pushing her and she steps back. And back, and so fucking far back that I’m in another room where she clearly wants me to stay.
And isn’t that the point? Me, trying to give her what she wants. I’ve obviously not been listening to what she’s been telling me. Now she has spoken. Space is what she wants. Space is what I will give her. Now she’ll be happy. I listened.