I allowed myself two days to cry and that’s it. But sitting here in front of the TV and crying won’t accomplish anything, especially getting more money in my bank account, since my pottery client is but a drop in the bucket toward my monthly expenses.

My mom passes me at the breakfast bar, grabbing a mug and filling it with coffee. She’s still in her robe, her hair in knots, and I swear her body becomes thinner by the day.

“You’ve been here a lot,” she says.

I shrug.

“What happened to Romeo?” We both ignore the fact she’s lingering around the vodka bottle on the counter. Other than checking how much is gone every day, I’ve stopped lecturing her.

“We broke up.” I concentrate on the screen in front of me.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She’s not. Misery loves company.

I shrug. Tears don’t fall. My nose tickles and my eyes sting, but the tears don’t fall. I hop off the stool. I can leave and she can have her vodka.

I pack up my computer. “I have an appointment.”

“And you’ve chosen that outfit?”

“It’s not work-related.”

She nods.

I walk out of the condo with a wave of my hand. Sophie’s gone for the day to San Diego and she gave me a key to her place so I can hide out from my mom, but I have something I have to do first.

Sophie and Leo both said one thing that haunts me at night. Alone. I’ll end up alone. I’m creating the very future I don’t want.

Ever since my parents split, I’ve dreamed of having a family, my own family. Big holidays with tons of people, dressing my girls in dresses and curling their hair. Waking up early to put a turkey in. Matching pajamas on Christmas morning. Sophie says it’s corny and I never had anyone in my life I could picture it happening with until Leo’s speech right before he ended things. He saw me as that person and maybe it’s too late for Leo and me, but I have to get myself sane before stepping out into the dating world again. Of course, I hope… I shake the thought from my head. Not going there.

I walk down my steps, out to the street, hop in my car and then head far away from the woman who put her imprint so deep inside of me, I don’t think anyone can dig it out.

When I reach my destination, I climb out, staring up at the building. “Let the exorcism begin,” I say to myself.

I ring the bell and a beautiful woman in her fifties answers, her hair the prettiest shade of grey. “Teegan?” she asks, a welcoming smile on her face. She opens the door wider. “Please, come in.” She steps two feet and then holds her hands out to another room. “Usually you’ll use my side entrance, but the waiting room is being redecorated.”

I pass pictures of her family hung on the wall above a small table with knickknacks. Two boys in the picture look like they’re in high school, with smiles that match their mom’s, and a man stands next to her, strong with one hand on his son’s shoulder and his other on her shoulder. All smiles like they’re living their happily ever after.

“Those are my boys, Van and Tad. And my husband, Dean.”

“Very beautiful family.”

“Thank you.” She stands, blocking any other way than to her office.

She probably thinks I’m some creep, checking out her pictures like that.

I walk into her office, where there’s a nice flowery couch sitting in between two windows. A chair is placed to its left, which I presume is for her. Just as imagined, a box of tissues sits on the table, ready for me to crumble into pieces while I beg her to fix me.

“Have a seat, Teegan.” She points to the couch like I didn’t know where I should sit. I’ve seen enough television shows. She grabs a notepad and pen on the table next to the chair and sits down.

My back is stiff, my knees locked together as I wait for further instructions.

“Get comfortable,” she says, wiggling in her own chair. “Lean back, cross your legs, kick off your shoes. Whatever. There are no rules here.”

I nod, sliding until my back hits the soft cushion. I cross my legs and lock my fingers over my knee.

“What brings you in, Teegan?”

The pen rests in her lap, but I wonder what she’ll write when she does. That I’m incapable of love? “I’m broken. Isn’t that why people come to you?”

She laughs. “No, Teegan. Nobody is broken, including you.”

A rush of heat races up my chest to my cheeks.

“What made you decide to come to me? Let’s start there.” She fiddles with her pen and I stare at it while she flicks it back and forth in her hands. Noticing where I’m looking, she stops, putting the notebook and pen on the table next to her.

“My boyfriend and I broke up.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

I nod. “I lied to him, so…”

“What did you lie to him about?”

I uncross my legs and cross them again, facing the other way. “His parents came into town and I said I couldn’t join them at lunch because I was sick.”

“You didn’t want to meet his parents?”

I shrug. “I did, but…” I scan her office. No personal pictures in here.

“But?”

“But that’s a big step. I mean you meet the parents and get to know them, become attached. And then they’ll always blame you when the break-up happens because the other person is their kid.” My throat is so dry. I try to swallow, but it only hurts.

“How did you know you’d break up?”

Huh, she stumped me this early? No way. “The divorce rate in this country is like sixty percent.”

“Which means forty percent make it, but a relationship doesn’t have to end in marriage. You could gain a great friendship out of it, or maybe you date for years and mutually decide to end things.”

I crinkle my eyebrows. “I don’t want to be friends with Leo.”

A soft smile wraps her lips. “Leo? Is that his name?”

I nod, my fingers hurting from locking them so tight on my knees.

“Tell me about him,” she says.

“He hates me.” My eyes well with tears and I glance over at the tissue box.

“Please.” She reaches forward, offering it to me.

“No. I’m good.”

She sets it back down on the table. “What else can you tell me other than that he hates you?”

Leo’s face comes into my mind and I commit every feature to my memory. I never want to forget him.

“You’re smiling about something.” She tilts her head, that soft smile still on display.

I straighten my lips. “He’s gorgeous. So attractive.”

“And that’s why you love him?”

My head rears back. “Love? I never said I love him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. My mistake.”

I nod. At least she can admit when she’s wrong. “You can’t help but notice him when he walks into a room. His presence takes over and you immediately feel like you’re friends.”

“He’s friendly then?”

“Very. Polite. Thoughtful. Caring. Creative. A hard worker. Every good quality you can think of.”

“Did he have any bad qualities, Teegan?” Her smile is gone now and I hate the fact she’s insinuating something about him.

“I’m the problem. Not Leo.”

“Fair enough, but is there anything you don’t like about him?”

“No.” I shake my head. “He’s perfect.”

“Then why aren’t you with him?”

Jeez, why does she keep fixating on this? “I told you, I’m broken.”

“You’re not.”

“I’m here because I need help.” I slide forward on the couch. “Maybe this isn’t going to work.”

She waves me back, inching forward on her chair. “Hold on. Okay, let’s put Leo on the back burner. Tell me about your family. Parents… siblings?”

“That’s an even worse subject.”

“Teegan, I can’t help you until I know what I’m dealing with.”

I throw my hands up in the air. “I know why I am the way I am. What I don’t know is how to stop being this way.”

“And I’m going to help you with that, but first I need to hear why you think you’re broken. And for the record, I don’t think you are, and my guess is that if I asked Leo, he’d say you weren’t broken. Wouldn’t he?” She leans back in her chair, crossing her legs again. “Let’s start there. What do you think Leo would say? Anything from the break-up?”

I replay our fight in my head. “He’d say I never trusted him. Not really. That I always had one foot out the door. That I was waiting for him to leave or to screw up.”

“Were you?”

“Maybe. I didn’t think so at the time. I felt like I was all in. Just because I didn’t want to have lunch with his parents and some other things.” I shake my head.

“What other things?” she asks, crossing her legs and leaning back in her chair.

“He got upset when I didn’t want to stay the night at his place or when I asked for separate hotel rooms when we’d travel for work.”

“Why did you want those things?”

I release a deep breath and look at her square in the eyes. “My mom is habitually searching for true love. And she’s yet to find it. Always ends up in a depression and on a bender when things end and it’s always been on me to try to fix her.” There—I gave her the information she’s been searching for.

She nods, picking up her book and pen and scribbling something inside. I’m past caring what she’s writing.

“When did your parents divorce?” she asks when she’s done writing. She leans forward, handing me the tissue box, and this time I accept it.

For the next hour, I rehash my entire childhood, having to go through not just one, but two boxes of tissues. Somehow, between my sobbing and blowing my nose, she got information she believes will help me. And damn if I don’t feel a little lighter when I stand up. This whole experience has been difficult, but in its own way cathartic.

“Okay, Teegan, let’s meet the same time next week, okay?” She stands, and I try to get a glimpse of the notepad she’s written everything down on. She ushers me out before I can make any sense out of it.

“Thank you and I’ll bring a box of tissues with me next time.”

She laughs, her hand on my shoulder. “No, no. I’ll always supply them.”

“Yeah, but I went through your whole stash.”

“No, you didn’t. I’ve got back-ups.”

“I definitely used more than the average person.”

She smiles, ushering me out the door. “You’d be surprised.”

We move through the front door where there’s a man standing there in a suit that fits him like a glove, shiny shoes, hair gelled to perfection and a million-dollar smile on his lips.

“Asher, go inside, please.”

He nods and heads through the door I came out of.

“Even guys like that are broken?” I ask and she laughs.

“Everyone’s a little chipped, Teegan, but no one is broken. See you next week.”

I wave goodbye and the door shuts. I stand on her doorstep, the California sun beating down on my bare legs, and for some reason all I want is my feet in the sand.