Chapter Eleven
THE PIERCING REBELLION of an electric guitar echoed off the walls of Whiskey Bro’s, grating against Bullet’s nerves for the first time that he could remember. He loved the Rebels, a local band made up of members of the Dark Knights. They were one of the best bands around, and their renditions of legendary classic rock bands were the best he’d ever heard. Their music was ragged and raw. The pitches and riffs played deep, hollow, or shrill, always too loud and overly dramatic, which normally was right in line with Bullet’s emotions. But he’d been messed up ever since leaving Finlay. As he’d helped her put back on that sexy little dress, she was so damn sweet and understanding about his leaving, but he’d seen longing in her eyes that mirrored the new emotions tearing him up inside. What was fucking wrong with him? She had plans anyway. She was bringing food to Sarah, ordering the appliances for the bar, working out the renovation schedule with Dixie. But as the evening wore on, he couldn’t stop seeing her lying naked in his arms, was unable to quell the memory of her breath warm on his neck, and those addicting sounds she’d made played in his ears, competing with the band.
Torment coursed through his veins. Every chord yanked him toward an angry edge he didn’t want to approach. For the first time since he’d come out from under his PTSD and started working at Whiskey Bro’s, he didn’t want to be there. And every second he was made him want to slam something against a wall.
“What do you think, B?” Bones took a swig of his beer, looking expectantly at Bullet. He and Bear had been hanging out at the bar for the past hour. “Sunday ride? Head out to Riker’s?”
Riker’s Point was a solid two hours from the harbor, and a hell of a nice ride. But Sunday was Bullet’s only day off work, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to spend it with Finlay. After learning why she was afraid of dogs, he was already rethinking his idea of bringing her over to meet Tink. He hadn’t even asked why she was afraid of motorcycles, but he had a feeling that navigating her fears was going to be a minefield in and of itself.
“Can’t,” Bullet said, and went to the other end of the bar to take an order, ignoring Bear’s and Bones’s comments. After filling the order and wiping up a spilled beer, he returned to answer his brothers’ curious gazes.
“You never miss a Sunday ride,” Bear said. “What’s up?”
A guy down the bar raised his empty glass. Bullet said, “Busy,” to Bear and took care of the customer. He didn’t know why he wasn’t telling his brothers about wanting to see Finlay, but figured it went hand in hand with not wanting to work tonight. They’d just gone through a family upheaval about the bar when Bear had backed out of working there. They didn’t need to go through another one, and that fed the guilt eating away at him.
“With what?” Bear pushed, his eyes narrowing. “What’s more important than going for a ride?”
“Let it go,” Bullet warned.
“What’s got your balls in a sling?” Bear asked. “You’re even more of a prick than usual. Not getting any lately?”
“Fuck off. I just don’t want to be here tonight,” he admitted.
Bear and Bones exchanged a confused glance, which irritated him even more. That passive-aggressive glance alone showed the difference between Bullet and his brothers. Had one of them said to him what he’d just said to them, he’d tell them to get it off their chest or shut the fuck up.
“Why not?” Bones asked. He was the most even-keeled of them all, smart, careful, methodical in his thinking. While he’d be there in a heartbeat to back up his brothers if there was trouble, his gut instincts led him to figure things out mentally before acting physically.
He was surprised Bones hadn’t put two and two together, but then again, there had never been a woman Bullet would rather be with more than he wanted to spend time at the bar.
“Doesn’t matter,” Bullet said. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t see Finlay tomorrow, and he didn’t understand why it was messing with his head to have left her tonight and come to the place that had been his safe haven for all these years. Until Finlay, Bullet’s life had been easy. Black and white. Things were either fine, or they were ass backward and needed to be fixed. But Finlay brought a world of emotions and middle grounds he didn’t know what to do with.
“Well, who were you with?” Bear asked. “What were you doing before you came here? Maybe we can figure it out.”
Bear was as much of an overcommunicator as Finlay. If others hurt, Bear hurt, whereas with Bullet, if someone within his circle was hurting, he stepped in and applied whatever muscle was necessary to remove that hurt from their lives.
Bones took another drink, and a slow grin spread across his lips. “A certain blonde with a knack for baking delicious cookies.”
“Ah, Finlay,” Bear teased. “Everyone’s wondering when she’s coming back with more.”
More like wondering when she’s coming back so they can leer at her. Bullet ground his teeth together.
“That’s it, isn’t it?” Bear asked. “You were fucking Finlay and you didn’t want to leave.”
Bullet reached a hand across the bar and grabbed Bear by the collar, hauling him up to eye level and sending drinks crashing to the floor. Customers casually stepped back. They knew better than to get in between Bullet and anyone.
“B!” Bones sprang to his feet, throwing an arm awkwardly between them.
“Don’t you ever talk about her that way again,” Bullet seethed through gritted teeth. “Got it?” Before Bear could respond, he tossed him backward.
Bear stumbled, laughing as he found his footing. “Dude, you’ve got it bad, and you’d better get it under control.”
The music came back into focus, and Bullet saw Red making a beeline for them. She looked like hell on wheels, her eyes narrow, her black boots clomping with each determined step. She was the epitome of a biker’s old lady. Tough as balls and unafraid of stepping into the line of fire. But her lips were tipped up at the edges, making Bullet laugh softly. She’d raised them and was used to the ups and downs of brotherhood. Like Bear, she was a talker. She knew most of their demons—but only Bones knew the truth of Bullet’s.
He slid his gaze back to the brother who had been there for him when he was hanging on to life by a thread. When he’d hidden out from the rest of his family, too ashamed to face them.
“What the hell, Bullet?” Bones stood between Bullet and Bear, staring him down in the way only he could.
He was looking so deeply into Bullet’s eyes, Bullet knew he was searching to see if the demons had returned, or if this was the normal shit that went on between brothers. Bullet shifted his gaze to Bear and said, “You a’right?”
“Always, but what the hell?” Bear picked up a few pieces of glass from the floor and set them on the bar.
“Didn’t get milk in your Cheerios this morning?” Red asked as Bullet came around the bar with a broom to clean up the mess. She shook her head at Bear, who was circling the bar, and began mopping up the counter. Her eyes found Bullet again, and she said, “Or did your baby brother open his yap about the article in the paper? I told him not to give you a hard time about that.”
“It’s all good, Red.” He eyed Bear, who made kissing sounds. Bullet cocked his arm back, feigning prepping for a fight, and they both laughed.
“For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for helping that family, honey.” Her green eyes coasted over Bones, who was crouched on the floor, holding the dustpan for Bullet, and then they moved up to Bear, who was busy talking to a customer. By the time she looked at Bullet again, her gaze was soft and worried. “I love you guys, but my heart stops every time I see your hands fisted.”
Bullet finished sweeping the mess into the dustpan and handed the broom to Bones, who carried the broom and dustpan behind the bar. When he was out of earshot, Bullet stepped closer to Red, lowering his voice. “Leading with your heart? Is it supposed to confuse the hell out of you?”
A warm smile lit up her eyes. “Only if you’re doing it right, honey.”
Several hours later, after closing the bar and telling himself to drive home, he found himself parked in front of Finlay’s house, staring at his cell phone. The curtains were drawn, and the house was quiet as the night. He knew he should turn around and bide his time, see her tomorrow, as he’d asked to. But he craved her in his arms, needed to see her sweet face, to hear how her evening had gone.
He lowered his hand to his leg, wondering when he’d become so pussy-whipped. But the thought sent another fiery gust through his core. He wasn’t pussy-whipped. This wasn’t like that. This was bigger than anything he’d ever felt before. Bigger than life itself, and he didn’t know what to do with all the emotions blustering inside him.
Fuck it. He needed to hear her voice. He put the call through and lifted the phone to his ear.
“Hi,” she said in a sleepy voice.
“Hey, lollipop.”
He listened to her breathing, could practically see her sleepy blue eyes gazing up at him, a smile curving her lips, could almost feel her cheek against his chest…
FINLAY LAY ON her back, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness of her bedroom and waiting for Bullet to say more. She’d kept herself distracted all evening. When she’d taken food to the hospital, she’d also brought more goodies for the nurses, who were happy to let Finlay stock their freezer with a few meals for Sarah. She’d gone straight from there to meet Dixie at Penny’s ice cream shop, where they’d gobbled down sundaes and made the final decisions on the kitchen renovations. Dixie had arranged for Crow to handle the appliance installations and counter modifications this week, which meant Finlay was free to work on menus and start the interviewing and hiring process. She’d almost gone to the bar to see Bullet afterward, but she didn’t want to appear too needy. Instead she’d spent the rest of the night trying to distract herself from thoughts of him. A long, hot bath hadn’t done the trick, and sitting out back had only reminded her of how close they’d become when they were there. She’d lain in her bed for the past hour, trying to sleep, but she missed him too much, and now, as silence filled the airwaves, she worried about what that silence meant.
“Aren’t you going to talk to me?” she asked, smiling to herself because Bullet was a man of very few words in person. She imagined it was even more difficult for him over the phone, since most of his communication was visual. When she could see his face, she knew in a hot second if he was sad, angry, worried, or horny.
“Just wanted to hear your voice,” he finally said. “Did I wake you?”
“No. I was lying here thinking of you.” She was met with silence again, and she closed her eyes, her pulse racing like never before. “Maybe you should come over. I can’t read your eyes over the phone.”
The line went dead, and she stared at the phone, confused. Had she upset him?
Seconds later her answer came as a knock at her front door, and she leapt from the bed, grinning like a fool as she padded down the hall in her bare feet and peered through the peephole. Bullet had one hand on the back of his neck, his eyes downcast. She couldn’t open the door fast enough. She flung it open, her heart jolting as his gaze moved swiftly up her bare legs to the words emblazoned across her chest. GOOD GIRLS SIT, BAD BITCHES RIDE. She felt her cheeks burn.
His lips curved up as he took her in his arms. “Thought you were afraid of motorcycles,” he said, pressing an enticing kiss on her cheek, his beard tickling her skin.
“I am.” She wound her arms around his neck as he drove her crazy with his insistent lips all over her neck and jaw. “Penny gave it to me,” she managed. “It reminds me of you.”
“Christ, Fins,” he said in a gravelly voice.
Crushing her to him, he claimed her with his lips, rousing a burning need, an aching desire within her. His hand moved roughly down her hip, meeting her bare thigh, pulling a greedy moan from both of them. He intensified his efforts, kissing her so deeply, pleasure radiated all the way to her fingertips. A hungry groan rumbled through them, a heady invitation to a world she so desperately wanted to explore. His large hand splayed across her butt, and more greedy noises erupted between them.
“Lace,” he ground out against her lips.
With his hand covering her whole bottom, he lifted her easily while burying his other hand in her hair, making her scalp burn. He stepped into the house and pushed the door closed with his back.
“I can’t get you out of my head,” he said between rough kisses. “And I don’t want to.”
His words pounded through her, hot and explosive. She took in the anguish and seductive emotions warring in his dark eyes, and in the next breath, his mouth was on hers, taking and exploring. The hardness of his body, the fierce possession of his kisses, electrified her. Desire flooded her veins as she clung to him, rocking against his body, loving the feel of his hands all over her, as if he couldn’t get enough.
“Bedroom,” she panted out.
His boots sounded on the hardwood, every step bringing another throb of anticipation. Their kisses turned wilder, and their hungry noises echoed in her head, obliterating the rest of the world. She pushed her hands into his hair, holding on as she arched against him, urging him to take more of her. He lowered her to the bed and followed her down, one hand still clutching her ass as he devoured her mouth. His broad chest pinned her to the mattress. Every swipe of their tongues sent titillating sensations skittering through her, heightening her arousal to epic proportions. She tugged at his shirt, and he broke their connection only long enough to pull it over his head and toss it to the floor. He fiercely reclaimed her mouth, and she reached for his thick leather belt, but his body was too heavy, trapping her hands between them.
“I need you naked,” she said, surprising herself with her eagerness. But no part of her wanted to deny her desires.
There were no more words, only swiftness, as he withdrew his wallet from his back pocket and tossed it on the bed, then removed his heavy boots and socks. He pushed to his feet as he unfastened his belt, and his jeans puddled at his ankles. He stepped from them, revealing powerful thighs and muscular calves covered in colorful ink and marred with scars. Forty-eight hours ago, she might have been shocked, but now she was enthralled, wanting to study each and every tattoo and scar, to hear the stories she knew he might never tell, to understand the quiet storm that was Bullet Whiskey.
They focused on each other as the silence wound around them, and she went to the edge of the bed so she could watch her beautiful man. And he was beautiful. Finlay no longer saw only his size and once-intimidating appearance. His harnessed power and commanding presence would always remain, but now she also saw the soft-hearted man who used the pain of his past to help those around him.
Her gaze traveled to the juncture of his massive thighs and his thick arousal straining against dark cotton. Rivers of heat flowed through her as he came down on his knees before her, wedged his broad body between her thighs, and took her face between both hands. An inferno raged in his eyes as he visibly struggled with the emotions burning between them.
“I need you, Fins,” he said in a husky voice. “I can’t fucking breathe without you in my arms.”
She gathered the hem of her shirt in her hands and drew it over her head, wanting to jump into his fire with both feet. She knew he’d never let her get burned. “Then let me fill you up so you never run out of air.”
His lips descended slowly and powerfully upon hers, hypnotizing her with his demanding mastery. She felt transported to a higher plane. The needy pulses inside her beat faster, throbbed harder, and at the same time, she felt lighter, lost in him. He shifted them to the center of the bed. His hips rocked between her thighs, spreading them wider, and pressed his girth against her center, hard and persistent. Her insides tightened and pulled, wanting all of him. When his hands moved to the swell of her hips, she lifted for him, and he held her firmly as his cock, sheathed in his briefs, teased and rubbed against her damp panties. His mouth left hers, claiming her neck with savage intensity.
“Bullet, I can’t—” Wait—
She gasped, pushing at the back of his briefs as he sucked and licked, his beard and teeth sending need careening through her.
He blazed a path down her body, rougher than before, biting and sucking like nothing would ever be enough. Every sharp bite, every lick and stroke, made her writhe and beg for more. She never imagined roughness could be so hot, but her body was on fire, shaking with desire. She didn’t want to be taken and lavished. She wanted to give—everything she had. A fleeting worry zipped through her with the newness and shock of her loss of inhibitions, but everything about Bullet, from his intensity to the caring man beneath the armor, made her want to climb into his world and explore the carnal side of herself that was vibrating beneath her skin.
Feeling breathless and bold, she pushed at his shoulders as he tasted every inch of her skin. “Bullet,” she pleaded, but he just moaned and continued driving her out of her mind. “Bullet,” she said harsher, and he lifted his head, brows pulled together. God, she loved his intensity. “I want to…” She pushed at his chest again, and he rolled to his side, clutching the swell of her hip.
She brazenly moved down his body, kissing and touching, trembling with the newness of taking control. She kissed his stomach, his body hair tickling her cheeks. His manly scent amped up her arousal. She slicked her tongue along the hot flesh just above his briefs, earning another gratuitous groan. She lifted the waistband of his briefs, her heart thundering against her ribs, as his shaft came into focus. She slicked her tongue over the broad head, slow and determined, causing his entire body to flex.
He uttered a curse and grabbed her by the hair, tilting her head up so she had no choice but to look into his eyes. She knew she wasn’t as experienced as him, but the need, and undeniable deeper emotions, she saw swimming in his eyes told her none of that mattered.
She quickly tugged down his briefs, freeing his eager erection, and he made quick work of kicking them off. Still lying on his side, he fisted his hand in her hair. The heat of his gaze burned through her as she dragged her tongue along the length of his shaft. He let out a hiss that slithered beneath her skin.
Spurred on by his reaction, she did it again, earning a darker, sexier noise.
Those sounds were like a drug, and she needed her next hit. She wrapped her fingers around him and teased over the crown again, then dragged her tongue from base to tip, getting him nice and wet. When she fisted his cock, his hips bucked, and his thick arousal pushed through her hand with such power her sex clenched in anticipation. She lowered her mouth around him, earning a long, appreciative growl. Her heart pounded out an erratic rhythm as she surrendered to her desires, consuming every inch of him and sucking for all she was worth. His cock swelled in her hand, and she worked him faster, took him in deeper, until his every muscle was corded so tight she knew he was on the verge of exploding. A mild panic bloomed inside her. She wanted this—to drive him wild, to taste the very essence of him—but more than that, she longed to be in his arms, to feel him inside her, as close as two people could be.
She gazed up at him, and his hands slid from her hair to her cheeks, the warmth in his eyes melting her from the inside out. He carefully brought her up beside him so they were face-to-face and kissed her once, twice, three times. Her feelings intensified with every single touch of his lips.
Her eyes fluttered open, and he whispered, “I need you.”
The way he said it, emphatic and impassioned, made his meaning unclear. But it didn’t matter if he meant sexually or emotionally, because as he carefully lowered her to her back and took off her panties, she knew in her heart the two were tightly intertwined.
He went up on his knees, a glorious, solid man, so thick and powerful all over, his body a map of fears, tragedies, and hope. Her pulse quickened as he reached for his wallet and withdrew a condom. His gaze never left hers as he tore it open and rolled it on. A sensuous wave passed between them as he came down over her and gazed deeply into her eyes. He felt different without clothes on. Heavier, warmer, closer.
“Say you’re mine,” he whispered before lowering his mouth to hers.
He was so demanding and confident, he hadn’t given her time to respond. She smiled into their kiss. Their connection was too solid, too real, for him not to know that she would have said, I’m yours, Bullet. Truly yours.
Their bodies came together slowly, his girth spreading her wider, his arms holding her tighter as he filled her so completely she could barely breathe. She pressed her hands on the back of his hips, not wanting him to move until she’d had a chance to know the feel of him by heart. But the pressure of him inside her, the feel of his fingers curling around her shoulders and their tongues dancing to an urgent, exploratory beat, was too much, and she had to move. Trapped beneath his weight, it was all she could do to press deeper into the mattress, then rock upward. They quickly fell into sync, every thrust striking that magical chord. Bullet pushed his hands beneath her bottom, angling her up so he could love her deeper—and Lord Almighty, the man was a sexual master. He thrust and pumped, ground and pulsed, until she was clawing at his back. Her legs lifted and shifted, trying to wrap around his waist, but he was too big, the angle too severe. In one fell swoop he rose and trapped her knees beneath his torso, driving into her hard and fast. She cried out with the intensity of the pleasures, the visceral greed coursing through her. His chest came down over hers, her knees pushed out to the sides of his hips, and he grabbed hold of her bottom again, spreading her cheeks to a painful distance apart. She whimpered with the shock of what felt like her skin tearing, but then he pistoned his hips, sending turbulent tides of passion crashing over her. She gasped, and he did it again, until pain and pleasure shattered like glass inside her, and she lost all control, bucking and crying out, thrashing as her sex convulsed.
“Don’tstopdon’tstopdon’tstop,” she begged, but she needn’t have worried.
He was so lost in the moment, he buried his face in her neck and sank his teeth into her skin, sending her careening once again. Indiscernible sounds flew from her lungs, as unstoppable as their emotions. Their flesh was slick and heated, their breathing choppy and hindered. Bullet intensified his efforts, and suddenly he released her bottom and his arms pushed beneath her back, cradling her so tightly against him that she felt his heart thundering against hers. Her skin was on fire. Her body tingled from head to toe, like a thousand needles prickling at once, as another orgasm built up inside her. Bullet sealed his mouth over hers, their bodies moving in exquisite harmony. The heat of his desire seared down the length of her as his entire body tensed up, and he thrust deeper, grinding out her name as they found their mutual release.
As Bullet took care of the condom, Finlay got her first look at his bare back, and a sinking feeling moved through her stomach. While the front of his torso was covered with multiple images and scenes, his back was one giant mask of darkness. The face she’d seen tattooed on the hulking figure standing guard at the cave on his sternum looked back at her. Dark voids—sunglasses—covered both shoulder blades, sightlessly staring back at her below coiled and pointed brows. A skeletal nose and jaw and a mouth full of jagged fangs were surrounded by the kind of decorative swirls she’d seen on iron rails. Crosses, Jewish stars, and other religious symbols covered the backs of his arms and elbows.
When he climbed back into bed, gathering Finlay in his arms, the world came back into focus. His body was as tightly wound as a mattress coil, and her full heart chipped away. She didn’t want to bring up the image that was more terrifying than the others, but she couldn’t help herself, even though she knew it would take a lifetime to fully understand the man beneath the ink.
“Your back?” she whispered. “It scares me.”
He kissed her forehead, holding her tighter. “Don’t let it. It’s the Dark Knights emblem. It’s such a big part of me…When I was young, it was my strength and my undoing. Now it’s only strength, baby.”
She breathed a little easier. “And your elbows and arms?”
An unexpected smile lifted his lips. “There’s so much baseless hate in the world. I wear all the symbols proudly and will protect the people who follow them equally. It’s just a way for me to honor the human race. It’s like getting in haters’ faces and saying, ‘Go ahead, try to fuck with someone around me.’”
“You’re amazing,” she whispered, curling into his warmth, wishing they could stay like that until morning, though she knew he would eventually have to leave.
“No. Just doing the right thing.”
He seemed to always do the right thing, which made her wonder more about his teenage years, when he’d been so confused about toeing the line with his family and the motorcycle club. But he seemed at peace with that line now, and she was glad for it.
“I hate that I can’t stay the night,” he said, and kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes, knowing he was just as unhappy about his having to leave as she was.
“Do you think Tink would be okay for just one night?” she asked, and immediately regretted it. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean that. I don’t want you to leave her alone. I know how much you two need each other.”
“That’s only part of it, babe.” He crushed her to him and put his thigh over her hip, cocooning her against his solid frame.
“Nightmares?” she asked softly.
He didn’t respond, which made her want to be with him even more. But how could she ever ask him to leave Tinkerbell for a night? To some people a dog was simply a pet, but it was clear that Tinkerbell was as integral a part of Bullet’s healing as the scars were daily reminders.
They lay together for a long while, each lost in their own thoughts in the silence of her bedroom. When they finally, reluctantly, gave in to the end of their evening, Bullet stood on her front porch with her face in his hands and a tortured look in his eyes and said, “You deserve more than a broken soldier, but I can’t give you up. I know that’s selfish, but I can’t, Fins. Not even after only a few days.”
“My mother used to say that the best parts of cobbler weren’t the big pieces that everyone gobbled down, but the broken ones left behind. Those were drenched in sweetness, but only some people were lucky enough to realize it. I realize it, Bullet. I want only you.”
He pressed his lips to hers with a disbelieving expression and said, “Lock up tight tonight, lollipop.”
Finlay watched the taillights of his truck disappear in the darkness, wishing things could be different. And as she locked the door and followed the scent he’d left in his wake back to her bedroom, she wondered if it was possible for her heart to feel full and torn at the same time.
She’d been broken, too. She hadn’t thought she was capable of feeling anything toward a man after losing Aaron. But as she crawled back into bed, resting her head on the pillow where Bullet had just lain, she realized she hadn’t been broken after all. She simply hadn’t been with the right person until now. She closed her eyes, images of Bullet swimming in her mind, and wondered if he wasn’t quite as broken as he thought, either.