DAMIEN

 

 

It was like déjà-fucking-vu all over again. Except, nothing could compare to the way this was mutilating me inside. Carving, cutting, slicing me up into tiny little pieces, making me bleed from the inside out. I never expected Amira to have it in her to completely fucking destroy me. Burying me alive to suffocate in the lies and deceit she had spun for over a year. I was blinded by rage, by her presence, by her love for me.

And my love for her.

I needed to keep going.

I had to remain strong.

I dug my fingernails as hard as I could into the palm of my hand to keep from giving in to my true nature, her only saving grace was I truly loved this woman. I had to keep reminding myself of every last promise I ever made her. Every last word I ever told her.

Starting and ending with, “Te amo.”

This was the only thing that would keep her alive…

This the only thing that would keep me alive…

I should have put a stop to this, to her. Knowing that all it would take was a pull of my trigger finger, but the thought alone had the power to bring me to my knees.

She had the power to bring me to my knees.

I missed her so fucking much, and she was standing right in front of me. I was wrong in thinking Giselle had ulterior motives, bringing me to Oak Island. She was trying to save me, while Amira had been trying to fuck me over. I had to concentrate on that, stay focused on my hatred for her, on her web of lies that bonded me to her betrayal. Even then, it still felt like it wouldn’t be enough, it wouldn’t matter because my love for her would prevail. Possibly ending us both.

“I was going to tell you! I just didn’t know how!” she argued, pulling me away from my persecuting thoughts as she pleaded her case that meant shit to me.

“When? When were you going to tell me? After you fucking locked me up? What did you need to close your case? More information? More evidence? More of my fucking soul?!”

She violently shook her head. “No! It’s not what you think! I swear to you, it’s not how it looks, Damien! You were never my target,” she bellowed as more tears slid down her beautiful, deceiving face, and I incessantly fought the urge to comfort her. Tell her everything was going to be okay. That we were going to be okay. You’d think after everything I discovered, I’d have the will to keep her at arm’s length. I didn’t. If anything, my desire to hold her was stronger, more vivid, and alive. Beating into me with each breath I took.

It was all a lie.

One big fucking lie.

“So, Roman, huh? Was he the one that told you to play hard to get? Knowing it would only lead you back into my fucking bed?”

“What? No! Roman has nothing to do with this. He was just my handler on the force. I was so young when I joined the FBI, so they paired him with me. I told you he taught me everything I know.”

“Yeah, with fucking corruption! Not with the fucking law!” I snapped, feeling as though I was losing my mind.

“I know… I know…” She surrendered her hands back up in the air in a yielding gesture. “Just hear me out. Please, just give me a chance to explain. I will tell you everything.”

“Explain what? How you played me for a goddamn fool?!” I wanted to physically hurt her, so I grabbed my whiskey glass instead and threw it as hard as I could against the wall, spraying the contents everywhere. Shards of glass shattered in every direction.

“No! I love you, Damien. I. Love. You,” she repeated, emphasizing each word, wanting me to understand, trying to get through to me.

I swallowed hard, and with the coldest, detached voice I could muster, I strained, “How many laughs did you and Roman have on my behalf? Were you fucking him the entire time? Hmmm? I got you wet and he finished the job?”

“That’s not what happened. Roman was my partner. We grew close, it was only natural after working side by side for almost ten goddamn years. He knew about you, but nothing happened between us until years later. We were never really together, at least not emotionally. I loved him, but I was never in love with him, and he knew it without me having to say it. Roman always knew my heart belonged to you, even when I didn’t want it to.”

Truth?

Or more lies?

I could sense my resolve breaking. “After what I told you about Evita, how could you do this to me?”

“I know the situations seem similar, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. That’s not what I did, Damien. I tried to push you away. You know I did. It wasn’t an act like her. You spent months pursuing me, and I pushed you away every single time. Even though it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Everything I felt, everything I told you, was all true. It was how I felt, it was how you made me feel. I hated you, but I loved you even more.”

“Then what part was an act? Huh? What portion of you is a bullshit liar?”

She frowned and I could see the trepidation in her eyes as she stepped toward me, causing the barrel of my gun to drive into her heart. And as much as I wanted to step back, I couldn’t get my feet to move. My body was adamant on wanting her to touch me, feel her against me. Our stares never wavered from each other as she slowly started to move her hand toward my chest, softly placing it over my heart, which hadn’t stopped beating a mile a minute since I found out the truth.

With unwavering eyes, she revealed, “You were right since day one, I don’t belong in that world. It’s why I’ve been doing everything in my power to bring it down.”

I jerked back, winded by her simple yet pungent response. It packed a hell of a fucking punch.

“I wanted to bring justice to the people whose families were torn apart by nothing but violence. I’ve put so many Emilio’s behind bars, and each time, it felt like I was slowly making myself whole again. I did this for them, Damien. For my family. Not you. I was never after you,” she paused, letting her words sink in. Giving me time to process what she had just shared.

Amira looked at me with an expression I had never seen before. One of pure devastation, so thick I could almost choke on it. I swallowed hard, the bile rising in my throat. With just a few words, my hatred toward her lessened in a matter of seconds.

“Don’t you see? It was one of the reasons I tried to keep you away from me. I never wanted to involve you in anything. It was never about you. I didn’t know you’d be in Detroit that night, I was just as blindsided as you were. I was so conflicted with seeing you sitting there after all those years, and it just fucked with me. I ended up overreacting to what that prick Vinny said to me mostly because I wanted to impress you but also show you who I had become, hoping it would steer you away. I took my frustrations out on Vinny when all I wanted to do was fucking scream at you. It turned into this massive war, and then, once we got back to my place, it turned into an even bigger battle. A huge part of me wanted to tell you the truth that night, why I was there to begin with, but you know how this life works, Damien. I’m undercover, and at that point, I wasn’t ready to sacrifice my career for you. Everything I’d worked so hard for after you left me. I had finally made a life for myself. A life you would be proud of if the circumstances had been different.” There was so much sincerity in her voice, I couldn’t tell the difference between fact or fiction.

I wanted to believe her… God, I wanted to believe her. However, the truth was blatantly staring me in the fucking face.

Mocking me.

I stepped back, placing the gun at my side. I crouched down to grab the documents off the floor, and held them up in the air between us. “Then why the fuck is there a file on me? What fucking story do you have for that?”

She sighed, “Damien, what did you expect? They knew you were at the warehouse in Detroit. Jesus, you left with me, remember? Even after I persistently told you to leave me behind. There was no telling you what to do, you said so yourself. You would have dragged my ass into your car and made me go with you. What choice did I have? You didn’t give me one.”

She scanned my eyes, searching for the man who loved her more than anything in this world. Proving it time after time. For the first moment in my life, I didn’t know where that man was. He’d been replaced by the fucking monster who would always live inside of me.

I just never imagined Amira would ever be one of my countless victims.

“So where have you been hiding the wire? Can’t be your pussy, I spend most of my time inside of you,” I crudely replied, wanting to hurt her.

“I fucking lied, Damien! Do you hear me? I lied to my superiors. I covered for you. I told them you had opened your own case and you were trying to collect evidence. Remember my meeting with Vlad? The one you so arrogantly fucking crashed! I was trying to take the heat off your trail by going after him, since he was there in Detroit too. Make sense now? Is it all coming together for you? Or do you need me to bend over and fucking cough, you asshole!”

I scoffed out a chuckle, I couldn’t help it. Her saucy fucking mouth always drove it out of me.

“I never told them a damn thing about you. Not one fucking thing. And then, what happened at Vlad’s place after the fight, you saving me… you looked like a hero again and they backed off. They stopped asking me questions about you. Moving on to bigger cases since there wasn’t one against you. I also took some much needed time off to take care of you. I haven’t gone back, and to be completely honest, I didn’t know if I was going to. Want to guess why?”

I narrowed my eyes at her, clenching my jaw.

“Because once again, I’m choosing you over everything.”

Our connection never strayed from one another while I took in everything she had divulged. The goddamn day had been one fucking thing after another. When Giselle handed me those files, I never in a million fucking years expected it to be filled with information on Amira and me. Giselle just had happened to be at her daddy’s office a few days prior to calling me and saw a picture of Amira. She recognized her from the news after I was shot and killed. Detective McGraw had files on the incident since Noah Jameson was involved and resided in his jurisdiction. They eventually landed on his fucking desk, having to keep a close eye on Noah, seeing as it was still an open case several months later.

Giselle had no idea who or what Amira was to me, other than being the woman I saved at Vlad’s, who happened to be an undercover agent, according to her fucking file. I never told Giselle about the shit I involved myself in, but I guess I didn’t have to. She’d been to my club, she knew the men I associated myself with. All she said was she wanted to warn me, give me the head’s up that I was possibly a target. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked as shit she was able to convince her father to share this information, but it shouldn’t have stunned me that much. Giselle always got her way, especially when it came to her daddy. It was why we had to stop at the barbeque, he was giving her copies of the files.

After she dropped the fucking bomb on my head, I took the first flight out of Oak fucking Island, which I loathed now more than ever before. Spending the next three and a half hours on the plane, drinking my life away, reading the documents over and over like they would miraculously change into something they weren’t. Trying to talk myself down.

Before I knew it, I was home.

“Were you ever going to tell me the truth?” I questioned, needing that final answer.

She hesitantly nodded. “Yes. I was going to tell you everything. It was part of your surprises I had planned before I knew you were leaving.”  

“My surprises?” I asked, forgetting all about those.

As if on cue, we both heard the floor creak, and I instinctively raised my gun toward the doorway. Coming face to face with a young girl whose wide hazel eyes would now be seared into the darkness of my world.

For the second time in my life.

My finger was steady on the trigger, aiming the gun directly toward her head. Dragging me back to another place in time where I first met my girl.

Amira.

“Damien, nooooo!” Amira screamed in terror, knocking the gun out of my hand as if her life depended on it. Dropping my fucking surprise on me.

“She’s yours, Damien! She’s our daughter!”

With Rosarío walking up behind her, very much alive.