I nearly flung the covers off as soon as I opened my eyes. I was normally perky in the mornings, but this was the most excited I’d been to wake up since moving day.

It was Saturday, which meant I had to get up, showered, dressed, and over to the bridge park by eleven. My sleep schedule was still not back on normal working-world time, so I hadn’t been able to sleep until one. It was going on nine now. I didn’t have a moment to waste.

“Shower’s mine!” I called when I heard rustling in the kitchen. The shitty wall the landlord had added was never thick enough to keep out the sound of Adam rummaging for all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms.

I knew damn well that was what he was doing, and the guilty tone of his, “Okay!” only confirmed it.

Whatever. I rolled my eyes. I was going to have something a lot better than stale marshmallows today, if all went well. And I didn’t begrudge him them, either. For all he pretended to be a lazy jerk, he actually cared in his own way, and he worked damn hard. No guy kept as many part-time jobs as him without caring about his work somewhat. He deserved a treat here and there. I just had to rib him about it, or he’d get insecure about his manhood.

I raced for the shower and scrubbed myself clean, not even stopping to clean the pipes first. A risky decision, but after having had sex once with Charlie, I figured there was a good chance of getting some again. I wanted all the stamina possible available to me, just in case.

“You going anywhere?” Adam called through the bathroom door.

Good thing I hadn’t tried to jerk off. Even after all my practice, I had my limits about what I could do, and keeping it up while my roommate interrogated me was a step too far. “Yeah. A date.”

“Oh. Date?” He repeated the word as if trying to figure out what that meant.

I shut off the water. “Honest-to-god, legitimate, no money being exchanged, only subtle and unwritten rules that everyone seems to follow about reciprocation.” I wasn’t even cranky enough to add some sass into the words. “Not like arranged dates.”

“Okay, okay.” His footsteps receded as I toweled dry, and then they came back again. “How long will you be out?”

God. What did he want? I wrapped the towel around my waist and yanked the door open to roll my eyes at him. “That obviously depends how the date goes. We’re walking around Brooklyn Bridge Park. Probably Pier 3, but it’s not like there’s much privacy anywhere there, sooo…”

“Oh yeah.” He blushed. “Duh.”

“Why?”

“I had someone coming over, is all…”

“Strawberry? Watermelon? Gimme a clue,” I said, sprinting to my bedroom to find clean clothes to change into. My clothing rack was full, luckily. I thanked the gods for the wash-and-press. Lower income or not, that would be the last amenity to get sacrificed. I knew money would be tight until the course was over, but I was going to the college on Monday to sign the last of the paperwork. It was pretty much official now. They didn’t even seem to care about my lack of a high school diploma.

“I dunno until they come over, man.”

I paused and grinned to myself. He’d conspicuously avoided using pronouns most of the time, but the occasional they had slipped in over the past few months. I was pretty sure he was experimenting, but he wasn’t comfortable enough with himself to tell me. He still called himself straight, so…

Not my place to question that yet.

“Text me as soon as you know, then,” I told him.

“You’re not bringing him back here, are you?”

I could hear the curiosity in his voice, and I didn’t blame him. I’d never done that before. I wasn’t about to start now.

“No, but I might not actually stay out all night with him,” I muttered. “Shocking, I know. Brooklyn Man Doesn’t Fuck On Third Date, news at eleven.”

I chose clingy black jeans and a thin t-shirt, a thin but warm merino sweater, and a little silver chain with a star on it. When I reached for a bracelet, I pulled my hand back and reminded myself of that cardinal rule: always take off the last thing you put on.

I looked elegant but casual. This was a pretty standard date outfit for me, and I knew I’d look good on his arm.

God, that worried me more than it should when this was just a date. Nothing more than that. Not at the speed we’d agreed to take this relationship.

I yanked open the curtains and headed to the kitchen for toast, then pocketed my phone and wallet while I tried to find my keys. Wisely, Adam stayed out of my way until I was out the door.

“Have fun. Stay safe,” he called out.

“You too!”

I was sprinting down the stairs of our building, taking them two at a time until I burst out onto the street. I had somewhere to be, and I wasn’t going to miss this date.

One thing was clear: seeing Charlie was fast becoming the highlight of my week. Way too fast.

“Hey! You made it!”

“I did!” I exclaimed as I threw my arms around him.

God, hugging him was wonderful. I buried my nose in his neck and breathed in that scent of comfort and solid, self-assured confidence. “I’m glad,” he murmured, and I felt his voice rumble through me. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. Just woke up.” I’d barely even had time to style my hair, but he didn’t seem to notice or mind. Or at least he was good at pretending.

Suddenly, all my doubts about us had vanished. All it took was holding him for a few moments, and suddenly I was dangerously liable to say yes to whatever the hell he proposed. Even if that meant dating. Who was I becoming, anyway?

“How was your week?” He pulled back and took me by the hand as we walked along the waterfront, our gazes straying to the Manhattan skyline now and then.

“It was all right. Busy setting up school. I’m in, I just have to pay tuition.”

He grinned. “Awesome! Did you have to fuck around with transcripts and all that stuff?”

That just reminded me of how little education I had compared to him, and I winced. “No. They didn’t seem to mind my, um, situation.” We wandered down to the coffee shop to grab a to-go cup each, still talking the whole way like nobody else was around.

Charlie didn’t falter, though. He squeezed my hand and beamed at me. “That’s great news.” Despite never seeming to say much, whenever he did give praise, I knew damn well he meant it. That made me blush all the more at what sounded a lot like congratulations in his language.

“Um, thanks.”

“You’re gonna do great. Are you excited for the new life direction?” Charlie asked, and I didn’t even get the sense he was just making conversation. He genuinely wanted to know, which kind of put me on the spot, but only in the best possible way.

“I am,” I had to admit. “I’m scared as hell that I chose the wrong place, that I’ll do the wrong course, that I’ll end up in debt and alone forever, but… millennial problems,” I laughed, suddenly self-conscious. I tried to let go of his hand and fiddle with my hair, but he only squeezed tighter.

“There’s no such thing as alone forever,” he promised. “As long as you reach out.”

There was so much more he wasn’t saying. He was clearly trying to respect me and not push the issue of dating, and I felt bad for a moment. This was a date, but if I didn’t have relationship intentions, was it fair to keep leading him on?

I swallowed and shook my head. “You’re a good guy.”

“Nah,” he chuckled. “Just like you, that’s all.”

Here we were a few minutes into a date, and somehow already discussing our future again. But I found myself not wanting to let go of his hand. Fuck, I wanted to just wander like this, hand in hand, all through New York City. Not just to show off the hot man on my arm, but because…

When I stepped around a kid on a bike, so did he—in the same direction. When I looked at him and smiled, he smiled back. He wasn’t distracted by his phone, or by counting down the minutes he’d paid for. He wasn’t trying to string me along by choosing what he responded to and what he didn’t.

He was just genuine, and there for me in every conversation we had, even this early. That was so damn rare I wasn’t sure he knew how rare it was. A guy like him, off the market for so long, probably didn’t.

“I sometimes feel like I’m just… generating chemistry with you,” I murmured with a frown and looked down. While we were being honest, now was the chance to say it. “Like I’ve done it so much that it’s all I can do. I like you a lot, but I don’t trust myself.”

Charlie squeezed my hand gently and walked for a minute, seemingly thinking about that before he came up with an answer. “That makes sense. Do you think you’re more used to letting people come and go in your life?”

Though he spoke carefully, I could hear the fear there. It was obvious to anyone who was paying attention. Will you just let me go? “No,” I said, and I tugged him over to an empty bench so we could sit and talk. “I was thinking more about our last, um… about what we said about us. I still feel like my life is too crazy to commit to anything. But it doesn’t mean I’m not into you.” My cheeks burned, and even that was unfamiliar. I was used to being totally confident as I negotiated, or even spelled out kinks I would or wouldn’t do.

I wasn’t used to holding my breath to see how the other guy would answer, but Charlie wasn’t just any other guy.

“What are you looking for? Eventually, if not now?” Charlie asked.

“I’ve always wanted a boyfriend.” I smiled as I looked away. It was all too easy to remember the childhood daydreams, and the journals where I’d written I wonder when I’ll get a girlfriend in case my parents found the journals, but I knew damn well that I’d meant boyfriend. Ever since I was little, I’d known. And I’d known that I wouldn’t get that as long as I stayed in Tennessee.

Out here, dreams became real.

“I just don’t know how all of it works,” I told him. “Like you feel about dating after time away… I’m used to dating with, you know, clear guidelines. I don’t have many examples of a functional relationship. And… when you find a great guy who seems to be what you’re looking for, but so early on?” I bit my lip, not sure how to express this without leading him on. “I thought it’d take longer.”

Charlie nodded. “You want to play the field. I’m past that stage, but I went through it, too.” He tossed his empty cup in the trash and I followed suit.

“No,” I frowned. Was that true, though? I’d always envisioned myself going out and dancing with lots of pretty boys, and not choosing one to settle down with. “Don’t you? I mean, just me? How can that be enough?”

But I wanted that, too. I’d had more than enough time dating men, even if it wasn’t quite the same thing. I knew how hard it was to find a gem like Charlie, and I knew I didn’t want someone else instead. It wasn’t like there was a single perfect guy out there who could be my entire life. Everyone needed friends and work or hobbies or volunteering just to get out. No one guy could meet my every need and fulfill me forever and ever, amen.

Right?

“I know my heart,” Charlie told me, and his smile was confident. “Sure, it might not work out. But if you stop yourself from committing to anyone because you’re not quite sure, you’ll never commit at all. You’re not supposed to be certain all the time. You just have to want to make it work.”

I took his hand and squeezed, warmth tightening my chest. “Very mature. Not what I’m used to,” I admitted and grinned. “My roommate… well, bless his heart.”

“Ouch,” Charlie laughed, correctly interpreting the expression. “You planning to get out of there soon?”

“No. Nah, he’s okay, for all I complain,” I admitted. “The place is crappy, but we can afford it.”

“Will I get to see it?” Charlie winked. “Especially if I’m just a friend.”

I burst out laughing. Cheeky bastard. “Fuck off,” I told him, elbowing him, and he joined in the laugh. “Don’t use my logic against me.”

“All’s fair,” Charlie murmured.

In love and war? What about both at once? I met his eyes and, though they glinted with humor, it was easy to tell he was serious, too.

We let the conversation move on from there so we could talk about our weeks, what the hell the street magicians were up to and why the tourists got sucked in by them every time, and which parks were our favorites. Since it was already after lunchtime, rather than one meal, we made do with snacks from the hot dog carts and coffee shops. Restaurants here by the river were way overpriced, anyway.

There was no getting away from the fact that this was a date, though.

Pier 3 was as quiet as usual, thanks to its lack of playground space. The rougher spot around the book cart was my favorite place, because there were boulders and trees and little private nooks. Like I’d said, not private enough for anything serious, but at least we could cuddle.

I settled on a patch of grass and beckoned him to join me.

Charlie didn’t hesitate to sit cross-legged beside me, but he soon relaxed and joined me in lying on my back. “This is a nice little spot.”

“I come here alone sometimes to daydream,” I told him. “Or walk along the waterfront and remind myself that I’m really here.”

“I bet,” he chuckled quietly. “New York City has always been such a big part of my life that I forget what it must be like to move to. Huge and overwhelming.”

“It’s big,” I agreed. “I dunno about overwhelming. Once I figured out how to take the subway and how not to get mugged… I haven’t found it bad. But it is lonely sometimes.”

Charlie rolled his head to look at me, and I met his gaze.

On some unspoken signal, we leaned in to kiss. It was like we couldn’t resist the attraction that had been pulling us together all day, and damn it, I didn’t want to resist any longer.

His lips were soft and warm, and the way his hand rested on my shoulder reminded me of being pinned to the bed and fucked, but also of being cuddled all night.

I instinctively snuggled closer to him as I kissed him back, forgetting our surroundings and my worries. Nothing else mattered when I was here with Charlie, alone together. The traffic was quietest here, and it was easy to forget that anyone else was even nearby.

At least, until my pants started to feel tight. Fuck, it was hard to keep myself in check around him. Just one kiss reminded me of all the deliciously dirty things I wanted to do to him.

“You know,” Charlie murmured, his voice low and rough, “we could head back to my place. Whether or not we do anything—”

“Yeah.” I didn’t even let him finish the sentence. I wanted to be alone with him. As nice as it was to kill a few hours exploring together, we had so much more exploration to do that wasn’t public-friendly. Kind of like the honeymoon phase.

“I’ve been wanting to blow you for days,” Charlie murmured. “It’s kind of addictive.”

Okay, with that incentive, we were up and off to the train in moments, making small talk to try to cool off until we got back to Charlie’s home.

“Hey, are you on Facebook?” I asked as we strolled for the train platform.

“Hm? Yeah, I guess.”

I took a deep breath. I hadn’t done this with any client before, or even any friends I’d made since moving here. And I’d cleaned out my profile years ago to cut out anyone who might spy on me and report back to my parents. I didn’t let work and play mix. But this was far from work now. “You wanna add me?”

“Oh, I don’t go on there much.” He swiped his card and headed through the barrier, leaving me standing there for a few moments.

Okay, fine. I guess not. I swiped my card, too, and headed through the turnstile. Just because Charlie didn’t want to add me didn’t mean anything. He didn’t have secrets, did he? I could still enjoy a perfectly good day with him without worrying about what this meant, right?

Blowjobs, I reminded myself. Much bigger priorities right now. I sent Adam a quick watermelon text. He’d be happy to hear that. At least he could get some on his own date, and everyone would be happy. He’d be less grumpy tomorrow.

“Train!”

I hastily jogged after Charlie to make this train, putting it in the “deal with later” box that was getting pretty damn crammed full.