Chapter Fifteen
On Thursday, Aaron got home around six-thirty. Some days, he cooked for himself; sometimes he got takeout or went out for dinner. Tonight, he loaded a bunch of snacks onto a wooden cutting board: taco chips, salsa, a couple of kinds of cheese, a bag of snack carrots. He took those, a beer, and his e-reader out to the deck.
It was peaceful, just the way he liked it. Yeah, he was alone, but he’d always been good with that. Or at least he’d convinced himself that he was. Now, he missed Eden. He hated the awkward way they’d parted after that squabble. He owed her an apology, which he figured on delivering when he reported what he learned from the SkySongs—and Di had asked him to hold off on calling until she had time to process what he’d told her this afternoon.
He’d almost finished dinner when his cell phone rang. At the sound of Eden’s voice, a quick burst of happiness had him grinning. “Hey there,” he said.
“Hi, Aaron. Guess what? Di SkySong called Mom this afternoon.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
“You talked to her and Seal. Were you going to tell me?” She sounded a little miffed.
“I wanted to, but Di was pretty shaken. She asked me to give her a chance to collect her thoughts. I hoped she’d call you or your mom. If she didn’t in a couple days, I’d have told you. I promise.”
“Thanks.” Her tone softened. “I appreciate that. And thank you so much for asking them about Lucy.”
“You’re welcome. How did it go? Did the two sisters get along after all this time?”
“I wasn’t there, but from what Mom says, yes, they did. She’s really happy. More upbeat than I’ve seen her since her diagnosis.”
“That’s great.” He was happy, too. For Eden and for her mom. “They’ll stay in touch?”
“Yes. It’ll take a while for them to get to know each other again. Di mentioned that she and Seal had children and grandchildren, and I don’t know if she plans to tell them. I guess we’ll all take it slowly and see how it goes.”
“Sounds wise.” He sipped from his beer bottle and watched a couple of kayakers paddle by. Sunset gazers. If Eden were here, he’d suggest they do that one evening.
“Isn’t it amazing that Lucy and Barry have been together since their teens?”
“Yeah, it’s quite a story. They’re a great couple, Eden. Each very much their own person, but the bond between them is obvious.” The SkySongs could almost make a guy believe in love.
“Di told Mom they never married.”
“No. They once told me they had a commitment ritual on the beach, chose the surname SkySong, and filed the paperwork to make it official. That’s what they’re like: part hippie forever, yet practical enough to live as a part of society and do it on their own terms. You’ll like them.”
“I’m sure I will.” She paused. “Aaron, it doesn’t sound like Di said much to Mom about the commune or Merlin, and she didn’t mention Starshine. Did she say anything to you?”
“Can’t let that go, eh?”
“What can I say? I’m intrigued.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, me too. I did ask about Merlin. Di tensed up, glanced at Seal, and then said she didn’t feel well and needed to go home.”
“Evasive.”
“Well, she’d had a shock and she did look pale and strained. That’s when she asked me not to get in touch with you, and to give her time to get her head around all this.” A great blue heron flew past: elongated body, huge wings, croaky prehistoric call. “But yeah, I got a feeling she and Seal didn’t want to talk about Merlin.”
“I don’t understand why there’s such a big secret about the Enchantery. It sounds as if Merlin was abusive and he’s been gone for decades, presumed dead, yet people are still protecting him. It doesn’t make sense.”
“I know. But you’ll get to know Di now, and Seal, too. Once they’re more comfortable with you, maybe they’ll open up.”
“I hope so.” She sighed. “I really, really hope Di wasn’t abused.”
“If she was, that’s her secret to keep or reveal. I will say that if something did happen, I think she’s gotten past it. I don’t know a more whole, healthy person.”
“I’m glad. Thank you, Aaron. That’s what counts. That, and her reunion with Mom.”
“But you’re still curious.” He’d learned Eden had a sharp mind and liked questions to be answered.
“I am.” She gave a soft laugh. “Dad says I can be like a dog with a bone. Once I’ve gotten my teeth into something, I won’t let go. He says that mostly it’s an admirable quality because it makes me goal-directed, tenacious, and successful. It’s certainly helped me in my career.”
Aaron agreed that those were good qualities, but so were flexibility and the ability to relax. He wouldn’t say that, though.
“Aaron, you’ve done me and my family a huge favor.”
He was about to say he was happy to do it, but Eden was still talking.
“And here I am,” she said, “taking up a bunch more of your time on a Thursday night. I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.”
“Just eating dinner on the deck.”
“Oh. Uh, alone or . . . ?”
“Alone. Except for a couple of kayakers, a great blue heron, and some hummingbirds getting their sunset snack.”
“It sounds lovely.”
“Yeah, it’s nice. So nice that I think I’m going to get another beer.” He dropped his bare feet to the wooden deck.
“You’re not flying tomorrow?”
“Jillian’s taking the morning flight and a couple of afternoon ones as well. She wants the weekend off because her son has stuff going on.” He took another bottle from the fridge and made his way back out to the deck. “So where are you? At home?”
“Yes, after visiting my family, hearing the news, and being fed veggie lasagna. Now I’m curled up on the couch in my living room with a glass of chardonnay. Just me. No kayakers, no wildlife. One purple and white orchid plant I bought a few days ago, just to have something growing in my house.”
The sound of her voice was doing things to him. Good things. Sexy ones, but also warm, comfy ones. She sounded like she’d gotten over being mad at him, but he still owed her an apology. “Eden, I’m sorry for being rude about your sister. I had no right to try to give advice.”
“Well, I’m sorry I overreacted. I was hurt that you hadn’t told me about your sister and niece. But you’re right that not everyone wants to share their personal life with everyone they meet. I shouldn’t have taken it, uh, personally.”
Maybe not, but he found himself taking her words personally and they stung—on her behalf and on his own. “You’re not just everyone, Eden.” Maybe he should have stopped there, but he didn’t. “You’re special.”
* * *
Eden, wineglass raised halfway to her mouth, caught her breath. Had he really said that?
When she’d phoned Aaron, a part of her had hoped she could listen to his voice and think of him as a friend and only a friend. It hadn’t worked that way. She could imagine him on his deck as he sipped beer and watched the ocean. The craving to be with him, to reach for his hand and share the evening, then to make love in his cozy bedroom, was a physical and an emotional one. When he said she was special, did that mean he had feelings for her, too?
She put the glass down on the side table and queried softly, “I’m special?”
“Yeah, and I didn’t mean to hurt you. To deceive you or shut you out. But I’ve had a bunch of shit in my life and no one else needs to hear about it.”
So he wasn’t the carefree man he tried to portray. He had secrets, and they were painful ones. Ones that it seemed he hadn’t trusted to anyone. Her heart went out to him. “It’s rough having to handle everything on your own,” she said tentatively. “Sometimes it can help if you share with someone who cares about you. I don’t want to pry or to pressure you, Aaron, but I’m here if you want to talk.”
“I’m not a big talker.”
“Liar,” she teased. “You can be downright garrulous when it comes to talking about flying or telling me Destiny Island history.”
“Those are more interesting stories.”
“You mean they’re not personal ones. I think the personal ones are always more interesting.” She lifted her glass again and had a sip of chardonnay. Once, this had been her favorite wine, but now it seemed a little thin in comparison with the Destiny Cellars pinot gris and riesling.
“Even the crappy ones?”
If some part of him didn’t want to share, he’d have shut her down already. So she coaxed, “You could start with your sister. You obviously care about her.”
“Miranda’s the closest person in the world to me. We’ve always been tight, even if we disagree on almost everything.”
“Like Kelsey and me. Tell me about Miranda.”
After a long pause, he said, “She’s two years younger than me. And she’s my half sister. Different fathers, neither of whom were in the picture.”
“Oh,” she breathed. How wrong she’d been to assume he’d had parents who’d been too permissive and that was why he’d acted out as a teen.
“Mom was . . .”
She waited and then asked, “Your mom was what?”
He sighed. “A woman who chased after love in all the wrong places. An addict—to love, I guess, and definitely to drugs. A part-time prostitute when waitressing didn’t earn her enough money to buy cocaine.”
“Oh my God.” She curled her legs under her and listened, horrified, as, with some prompting, Aaron told her about the nasty boyfriends. His mother’s arrests. The times she deserted him and his sister. Foster homes. He told of the strong bond between himself and Miranda, and how he’d always tried to protect her. He said the two of them had turned into thieves out of necessity because there was never enough food in the house. And then he talked about their mother dying of an overdose, and of the teens being taken in by grandparents who made it clear they weren’t wanted.
Her heart broke for him. “I’m amazed at how you turned out. You had so many strikes against you.”
“I owe it all to Lionel.”
“You owe a lot to Lionel. But it was you who had the strength to turn your life around.”
“It didn’t take a lot of strength to run away from something shitty toward something better.” His tone turned bitter when he said, “And in going over to Victoria for flight school, I deserted Miranda. I should’ve waited until she finished high school, then we could have moved away together.”
He told her about his sister dropping out and running away to be with a boyfriend, and how her life had been a constant struggle since that time. “She’s like Mom in believing that there’s some great love out there waiting for her, but she always falls for the wrong guy. At least she’s smart enough to stay away from drugs, and she loves Ariana more than anything. But she’s too damned proud.”
“On the flight to Vancouver, you said she won’t let you help her.”
“A little money now and then, but she hates asking. I’m always worried about her and Ariana, but Miranda’s determined to look after herself and her daughter. I’ve told her there’s a bedroom for them here and I’ll look after them while she gets herself some training that’ll let her get a decent job with a proper income. But she always refuses.” He heaved a sigh. “This week we were supposed to get together in Vancouver, but she put me off and I’m worried about what’s going on with her.”
Aaron was anything but the superficial guy he presented to the world. He wasn’t an uncommitted, uncaring man. He was capable of caring deeply, and Eden was sure he’d do anything for someone he loved. She could hear how much it tore him up when his sister shut him out. “I’m so sorry. It sounds like you’re doing everything you possibly can.”
“I’m afraid it won’t be enough.”
“I know. Like me with Mom’s cancer. I can take her to appointments, make sure she takes her medications, and be positive, but . . .” But her mother could die. Eden almost never allowed that thought into her mind, but somehow Aaron’s story about his family had loosened her defenses.
“It sucks, doesn’t it?” he said sympathetically. “Things that are out of our control.”
She sniffed back tears and gave a shaky laugh. “Yes. Big-time.”
“Are you okay? I dumped some heavy stuff on you and then got you thinking about your mom’s cancer.”
“I’m okay, Aaron.” She rose and wandered over to the window. “And I appreciate you trusting me with the truth about your family. How about you? I wish I had some great advice to give about how to deal with Miranda, but it sounds like you’re already doing all she’ll let you. She knows you’re there for her and I’m sure that’s really important to her.”
Outside, fifteen stories down, a man and woman walked arm in arm down the walkway that ran along Eden’s side of the building. Envying their physical closeness, she asked, “Did talking help at all?” She opened the balcony door and went outside. The June air was pleasant, but it didn’t have the freshness or the tang of the ocean she’d enjoyed on Destiny Island.
“Maybe. It’s kind of nice to have someone know, and understand.”
“I’m glad.” Glad for him, though she wasn’t so sure this conversation had been a good idea for her. Yes, she felt as if she understood him a lot better—and that made her care even more for him. But it also told her that caring too much would only lead to pain. Aaron had told her from the beginning that he avoided serious relationships and now she knew he had a good reason. He’d been so emotionally damaged by his mom’s dysfunction, his grandparents’ rejection, and even Miranda’s risky lifestyle and refusal to let him help. He likely didn’t believe he’d ever find a love that was stable, that he could trust in.
He deserved love—but maybe he was too damaged to ever find it.
She couldn’t give it to him. He wasn’t ready and she wasn’t strong enough. Besides, it could only end in disaster. He was firmly bound to his sister and niece, to his business and Destiny Island, and Eden was equally committed to her family and her career in Ottawa.
If only things were different . . . She blinked back another rush of tears. What was going on with her these days, letting her feelings get the better of her?
She wanted to say that she’d like to stay in touch, that Aaron should feel free to call her, as a friend. But with her emotions in turmoil, her heart so drawn to a man she couldn’t have, she wasn’t sure she was strong enough even to just be friends.
“I should let you go now,” he said. “I know it’s three hours later there.”
She heard tiredness in his voice and felt exhausted herself, physically and emotionally. “Yes.” Maybe there was one thing she could say that might help him move forward. “Aaron, you try to pretend you’re all what you see is what you get. But you do have depth.” A nip in the air made her shiver and head back inside. “You’re responsible and successful, but even more than that, you’re capable of caring deeply for someone and committing to them. You’ve proven it all your life with Miranda. You don’t have to live alone. You have so much to offer.”
“I, uh . . .”
“Good night, Aaron.”