Fly Away with Me by Susan Fox (19)

Chapter Nineteen

It was Sunday afternoon of the first weekend in August, the British Columbia Day long weekend, and Eden was on a sailboat for the first time in her life. Ontario had a holiday on Monday too, and she’d taken Friday off as well and come to Destiny.

It was the second time she’d visited Aaron since his trip to Ottawa. She’d also come for the Canada Day long weekend at the beginning of July, sharing his bedroom while Miranda and Ariana slept down the hall. He had planned to come to Ottawa in midmonth, but, unfortunately, Jillian got the flu and wasn’t able to fly, so he’d had to stay on Destiny.

It had been a long month. They had spoken almost every day, talking about their families, her work projects, his colleagues and passengers, books, TV, memories from childhood, anything and everything. And sex, of course. She’d discovered that phone sex could be surprisingly erotic, though it sure didn’t measure up to true physical intimacy.

None of it was as good as being together. Especially being alone together. That time alone was a rare commodity. Even when she was on Destiny, sometimes Blue Moon Air was so busy that Aaron needed to fly. Then Eden would visit SkySong and spend time with Aunt Di and Uncle Seal, or go for coffee and a chat with Marlise, Iris at Dreamspinner, or old Gertie Montgomery, all of whom were turning into friends.

At Aaron’s house, the prickly Miranda and the delightful but demanding Ariana were often around. Miranda kept apologizing for being there and Eden kept saying it was Miranda’s home and of course she should be there. The two of them hadn’t exactly clicked. Eden knew Miranda felt threatened by her, just as Eden’s mom felt threatened by Aaron.

So far, this weekend was working out pretty well. Yesterday, Jillian and the other relief pilot had covered all the Blue Moon Air flights. Miranda had driven to town with Ariana after breakfast to spend the day working at Blowing Bubbles. Eden and Aaron had gone back to bed, where they’d spent the rest of the morning making love and talking. They’d roused themselves to pack a lunch and take it down the zigzag wooden staircase to the pebbly, driftwood-strewn beach below his place.

After eating, they again made love—and barely managed to grab their T-shirts when a couple of whale-watching boats zipped around the point. They’d then driven into town to visit the Saturday market in the village park. They admired arts and crafts and clapped along to the catchy tunes played by a three-person ensemble. Eden bought wild rose soap for her mom and they picked up cheeses, fancy bread, and fresh pasta for a family dinner.

Today, Miranda was at home, working on the online courses to get her GED, the first step toward becoming certified as an early childhood educator. Iris Yakimura had offered Eden and Aaron the loan of her family’s thirty-two-foot sailboat, the Windspinner. Aaron said the wooden boat was a classic, and it had clearly been well maintained and loved.

It came as no surprise that he was a proficient sailor. She loved watching him as, clad only in shorts and Teva sandals, he maneuvered the sails and handled the tiller.

The day was perfect for sailing, the sun’s heat tempered by a breeze that kept the sails filled and the boat skimming along. Eden, wearing a filmy, long-sleeved cover-up over her blue bikini, lazed on one of the seats in the cockpit and lifted her sunglassed, sunscreened face to the sky. When a small plane flew overhead, she waved, as people on boats had done when she’d flown over. “It’s a decadent life you lead, Aaron Gabriel.”

He laughed and leaned over from the tiller to run his hand along her bare leg. “Only when you’re around. Other days, I’m flying from dawn until dusk.” He circled her ankle with his fingers. “Have I told you how glad I am that you’re here?”

“So you have an excuse to take a couple of days off?”

“Yeah sure. That’s it.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re glad. I only wish Miranda was.”

“You know it isn’t that she dislikes you.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” she grumbled. But then she said, “No, I know. She and Mom are a lot alike. They were both so strong and self-sufficient, and then something happened to knock them for a loop. Mom’s cancer was obviously a bigger, scarier thing, but I can see it was very tough for Miranda to finally concede that she couldn’t look after Ariana by herself.”

“She loves Fairy-ana so much and hates feeling like a crappy mom. She’s depressed and pissed off at herself.”

“I can see that. Also, she’s conflicted because she hates taking what she sees as your charity, yet she knows that the best plan, long-term, is for her to get a proper education. Which means working only part-time now and continuing her dependency on you.”

Eden was quiet while Aaron took down the two sails and anchored the boat in a sheltered bay off a small, uninhabited island.

When he came back to the cockpit, he leaned against the wooden frame of the open door that led down into the cabin. “I’m sorry Miranda’s getting in the way of our relationship.”

“Aaron, she’s family. Just like my mom, she’s going through a rough time. It’s good that our loved ones turn to us, and it’s good we can help. Seeing how great you are with her has only made me love you more.”

Oops. She hadn’t meant to say the words, or at least not that way, but they’d slid naturally from her lips. They were words she’d said before, to Ray, after she’d known him for a year and a half. Though it was less than two months since she’d met Aaron, the words were real and conveyed emotions she’d never felt for Ray—deeper and, due to the complicated circumstances, more confusing ones.

Yes, her love was real, and she knew Aaron had strong feelings for her, but maybe it was too soon to speak those words.

The smile widening his mouth told her it wasn’t. He came over and reached down to clasp her hands. “You mean that? You love me?”

“I do. Though I could have said it at a more romantic moment. More of a statement, not a passing reference.”

“I don’t give a damn how or where you say it. Hearing the words is amazing. Eden, I . . . I love you, too.” He threw back his head and laughed up at the sky, the sound harmonizing with the cries of wheeling gulls.

Relief and a feeling of rightness seeped through her. He loved her.

“I never believed I’d say those words,” he said. “My mom and sister were always falling in love and look where it got them. But this is different. It’s not a misguided crush, it’s real.”

She nodded. “I know.”

He laughed again. “Oh man! I never believed I’d feel this way. Never believed a wonderful woman like you could love me. Come here, you.” When he tugged her hands, she rose and stepped into his arms. They hugged tight and kissed as the breeze ruffled their hair.

They loved each other. Everything would work out. Somehow.

“We need to make love to seal the deal,” he declared. His phrasing made her grin. “We need to,” she agreed with pretended solemnity.

“On deck or below?”

She glanced at the sky. Now there were only gulls, but so far this morning she’d counted four small planes flying overhead or nearby. “Below. So I can concentrate on us and not worry about providing X-rated entertainment for people in planes.”

They went into the cabin, with its miniature kitchen and bathroom, small dinette and couch, and V-berth in the bow. The wood gleamed and everything was ship-shape.

It took only a few seconds to strip off their few items of clothing and spread a large beach towel over the V-shaped bed. The space intrigued Eden: so wide at the head yet tapering to a point at the foot; low-ceilinged so you couldn’t sit up; and dim because there were only two small portholes, one on each side. “It looks cozy but restrictive of movement.”

“Yeah.” He winked. “But on the plus side, there’s no one out here to hear you scream.”

She laughed. At his house, they had to muffle the sounds of their lovemaking so the noise didn’t carry down the hall to Miranda and Ariana’s room. “How liberating.”

There was more laughter from both of them as they climbed awkwardly through the rectangular opening at the head of the bed and got their bodies turned around. They curled on their sides facing each other and with tender hands explored each other’s bodies, almost as if it were the first time.

And then Eden rolled a condom onto Aaron’s hard length and, in classic missionary position, they made love slowly as the sailboat rocked gently from side to side. And with each motion, she thought, We love each other. This was the deep, special sense of intimacy that she’d always hoped to one day experience.

After they both climaxed and then held each other for long, wordless minutes, hunger claimed them. They managed, with a bumped elbow and knee and some chuckles, to extricate themselves from the V-berth and dressed again. Eden reapplied sunscreen as Aaron took their lunch from the fridge, and then they went to sit on the front deck of the boat.

As they ate, they talked about this and that: the news of the day, Destiny Island politics, whether shy Iris would ever find a boyfriend. After they finished eating, they stretched out in the sun and Aaron said, “Over the past couple of months we’ve discussed politics and religion, books and movies, and the pros and cons of both Destiny and Ottawa.”

“We have.” They’d found that in the important areas they were compatible, if not always of identical mind. Their differences were the good kind, stimulating rather than troubling. Eden was confident they were a good match.

“There’s one thing we haven’t discussed, though,” he said. “Children.”

“Wow, that’s a big subject, isn’t it? How many, when, philosophies on child-rearing, things like—”

“Whoa.” He sat up. “Uh, I actually meant . . . well, do you want to have kids?”

She blinked, and sat up, too, her heart suddenly racing. “Of course I do.” Didn’t he? Why had it never occurred to her, even once, to ask? “Aaron, you know that family’s the most important thing in the world to me. Tell me you want children.”

He gazed out toward the islet, where small waves splashed white froth against the rocky shore. “To be honest, the idea scares me. I think the worst thing you can do is have a child and be a bad parent. My mom was, and I figure her parents must have been, too, given how she turned out and how they treated Miranda and me. And then there’s Miranda, who loves her daughter and tries her best but keeps screwing up. That’s what family looks like to me. Why would I do better than any of them?”

She took a breath, her pounding heart slowing again. This wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t that he hated the idea of having children; he just lacked confidence. “Because you’re not an addict like your mom. You don’t have that kind of personality. And you’re not cold and selfish like your grandparents. You’re already established, settled, unlike Miranda. But look at her now. She’s working to improve things. I bet she doesn’t screw it up this time. And you wouldn’t either.”

“D’you realize how much pressure that puts on me? Like you think I’d be a perfect dad, and I can’t even imagine that.” He rubbed the heels of his hands against his temples. “I’d never measure up to your father.”

“Dad’s wonderful, but he’s not perfect. Nor is Mom. And nor am I. We’re human, which means we can’t be perfect, and neither can our relationships. Not ones like yours and mine, and not parent-child relationships. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be loving and wonderful and worth investing your heart in. Look at you and Miranda. As much as you argue and get frustrated with each other, neither of you could imagine life without the other one.”

“I guess that’s true.” He leaned closer and bumped his shoulder against hers. “So how many do you want?”

Relief made her beam. “Two or three. How does that sound?”

“Scary as hell.”

“But I’m in no hurry. I think a couple should spend a lot of time together and really know each other before they bring children into the world.”

“Sounds right to me.”

Yes, she and Aaron were compatible. They’d make a wonderful couple and wonderful parents. If Eden moved to Destiny, Miranda would come to accept her and the two of them would become close.

The decision was still a long way in the future. Eden wasn’t about to uproot her life and stress out her mom over a man she’d known for two months. Yet the more time she spent with Aaron—and the more time apart—the more she was coming to believe they did have a future together.

There was a month until the end of summer. Eden’s mom was doing a lot better and becoming more self-sufficient every week. She was optimistic that she’d be able to return to teaching in September. Kelsey would go back to McGill and life would pretty much return to normal. Eden would be released from caregiver obligations.

She and Aaron would continue to talk every day, to visit whenever they could, and maybe by Christmas they’d be ready to make a decision. It was seeming more and more possible that by next spring Eden might be living with Aaron on Destiny Island.

* * *

Eden sat at the desk in her home office checking texts and emails. The August night was hot and humid, oppressive outside, and she had the window closed and the air conditioner going.

A few nights ago, she’d complained about the heat to Marlise in an email. Tonight, Marlise had sent her a recipe for chilled gazpacho soup, saying it was perfect for hot summer days or nights. She added, “Come for a visit and I’ll make it for you. BTW, it’s not humid here. Just warm and sunny, with that lovely ocean breeze.” She’d added a smiley-face emoticon and also attached a photo of a gorgeous ocean sunrise, taken from Lionel’s deck. Marlise made no secret of the fact that she was lobbying for Eden to move to Destiny.

So was Iris at Dreamspinner. The two of them had clicked in that special way, like when you sit beside another girl on the first day of school, exchange a few words, and suddenly know you’re going to be BFFs. Iris might be shy, but the bookstore’s coffee shop was island central, and she was privy to most of the news and gossip, so she kept Eden updated—at least on all the items that were “for public consumption” rather than overheard secrets.

She’d lost touch with her friends here, except for having an occasional lunch with Ray. Now, because Navdeep was shouldering more of the workload and her mom was back on her feet, Eden had some free evenings. Maybe she should get in touch with the women she used to hang out with. But on the other hand, what was the point of rebuilding relationships if she ended up moving to Destiny?

More and more, she was seriously considering it. Ottawa seemed a bit oppressive in more ways than just the August weather. What used to strike her as old-fashioned charm now seemed stuffy. Eccentric Azalea hadn’t been so wrong in suggesting that it was a city of politicians and bureaucrats, and neither were Eden’s favorite people.

Of course it was also the city where Eden’s parents lived, and that was a huge check mark in the Ottawa column.

She glanced at the time. In a couple of hours, she’d Skype Aaron or he’d call her. Until then, maybe she’d read. With the air conditioner buzzing away. On Destiny, she could read on the deck and watch the ocean. Yes, there were lots of check marks in the Destiny column.

When she’d told him that she was warming to the idea of moving, he’d told her he was happy about that, but she’d also read relief in his eyes. He might move to Ottawa, but it would only be because he wanted to be with her, not because he’d really enjoy living here. If that was the case, how could their relationship thrive?

She settled into a chair with her book. She’d become hooked on the thrillers written by Kellan Hawke, the Destiny Island author. Quickly engrossed, she jumped when her phone rang. It was Kelsey, who didn’t even say hi. “Eden, you have to come over. Something’s going on with Mom.”

Eden rose and hurried to grab her purse and put on her sandals. “What do you mean, going on?”

“I don’t know. She had an appointment with Dr. Wong late this afternoon. Dad went with her. I was out with friends and just came home. She’s crying her eyes out and Dad’s trying to comfort her, but neither one of them seems up to telling me what’s wrong. Just come, okay?”

“I’m on my way.” Eden raced out of her apartment and ran for the elevator to go down to the underground parking lot. Dr. Karen Wong was her mom’s oncologist. Had she delivered bad news? Surely not; Eden’s mom had been feeling so much better.

In her little blue Smart car, she drove the four kilometers to the family home in record time. When she went in the front door, she called, “Hello? Where is everyone?”

Kelsey, in a pretty yellow sundress that contrasted with her worried expression, appeared at the top of the stairs that led to the second floor. “Up here.”

After the surgery, they’d converted the downstairs TV room into a bedroom so Eden’s mom didn’t need to deal with stairs. She’d stayed there through the chemo and radiation, then moved back upstairs.

Eden ran up the stairs and then slowed her pace. She was supposed to be calm and in control; it wouldn’t help her mother if she acted panicky. When she entered the bedroom, her parents were both half-sitting, half-lying on top of the duvet. Her dad had his arms around his wife and she was curled into him, her face buried, her body trembling. He was stroking her back, his head bowed so that Eden couldn’t see his face either. Her mom’s ultrashort hair, which used to be the same shade as Eden’s but was growing back silver, was disheveled, the wig a mass of brown curls on the carpet as if she’d flung it away.

Kelsey stood by the bed, her fingers woven tightly together. Eden went to her sister’s side, pried one of her hands loose, and gripped it. “Dad? Mom? What happened?”

When neither acknowledged her presence, she bit her lip. It felt almost as if she and Kelsey were intruding. But the four of them were a family. Whatever this was, she and her sister needed to know so they could all pull together to deal with it.

“You went to the doctor today, Mom?” It took an effort to keep her voice steady. After receiving no response, she sharpened her tone, doing her best imitation of her mother’s teacher voice. “Mom! Dad! You have to tell us.”

The tone worked, at least with her father. He lifted his head, looking as old and shocked as he had when his wife was first diagnosed. “There was a little lump in her armpit.” His voice dragged out of his throat, each word sounding painful. “The doctor said it was probably just scar tissue from the surgery. She only did a biopsy to be absolutely sure. That’s what she said.”

Eden’s blood ran cold. She was aware of Kelsey squeezing her hand painfully hard, and she squeezed back. Trying to keep her voice steady, she said, “What did the results show?”

“It’s back.” Her father’s expression was bleak. “The cancer’s back.”

Eden’s heart stopped.

Kelsey made a gulping sound. “Oh God, no.”

Eden stared at her, seeing her own horror mirrored in her sister’s blue eyes.

Their mom pushed herself out of her husband’s arms and shoved herself off the bed. Her legs seemed shaky, barely able to hold her up, but she found the strength to pace over to the window, kicking the wig aside on her way. Turning to face them, she put her hands behind her to brace herself against the sill. “It’s not fair!” Her face was tear-swollen and red. “I lost a breast and I agreed to them removing the other one because they said it was safer.”

Anger heated her voice. “I did everything they told me! All the horrible chemo and radiation. I threw up, I lost my hair, and for what? To have the damned cancer come back?”

“It’s not fair,” Eden agreed. Still linked, she and Kelsey went over to their mother, and the three of them fell into a clumsy hug, Mom’s body sagging into the support of her daughters’ young, healthy ones. A moment later, Dad’s arms encircled them.

“I could die,” Helen whispered between sobs. “It’s come back and this time it may win.”

“It won’t win!” Eden said, hearing her father say, “You’re not going to die, Helen.” Kelsey chimed in with, “You can’t talk that way, Mom.”

Their attempts to reassure and encourage her only made her cry harder. When the tears finally eased, her husband helped her back to the bed, where she leaned against the pillows, tear-stained and drawn. “I can’t face it again,” she said bleakly.

“Dad?” Eden turned to him. “What exactly did the doctor say?”

He scrubbed a hand across his face. He wasn’t crying. She’d never seen her father cry, but he did look shell-shocked. “It’s a recurrence. It seems they didn’t get all the cancer cells the first time.” Bitterness tinged his voice. “Dr. Wong said it looked really good when she did the surgery, but they can never be sure. Just a couple of cells can be enough. And yes, they can survive chemo and radiation.”

“Shit!” Kelsey said, tears slicking her face.

Eden felt like crying, too, but forced back the tears. “What happens now?”

“Dr. Wong wants us to come back tomorrow,” he said. “To discuss treatment options.”

“All right.” Eden took a breath. “Let’s try to stay calm. Maybe it’s just a little lump and the treatment will be straightforward.” Calm was the last thing she felt inside. Mom was right. It wasn’t fair. Not that cancer was ever fair.

Dad nodded slowly. “You’re right. We need to talk to the doctor again, and then we’ll know what we’re dealing with. Your mom and I just heard those dreadful words and . . . well, I guess we overreacted.” He gazed at Eden. “You’ll come with us, won’t you?”

“Of course.”

“I want to be there, too,” Kelsey said, brushing dampness from her cheeks. “We’ll figure this out together.”

“I love you all so much,” their mom said shakily. “I feel like I’ve let you down.”

They all hurried to hug and reassure her. While Kelsey helped Mom take a sleeping pill and get ready for bed, Eden fixed her dad a stiff drink and took it up to the bedroom.

Leaving their parents alone, she and Kelsey came downstairs and exchanged a long, wordless hug. Then, feeling guilty for leaving her family but knowing she couldn’t stay any longer without breaking down, Eden drove home.

Her computer told her she’d missed Aaron’s Skype call. She poured herself a glass of wine—the strongest thing she had in the apartment—and called him back.

The moment she saw his face on screen, she began to sob.

“Eden? My God, what’s wrong?”

“It’s . . .” She pressed her fingers under her eyes, trying to staunch the tears as she struggled to speak. “Mom’s cancer is back.”

“Oh shit. Jesus, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.”

“I wish I was there with you.”

“I wish you were, too.” She took a deep breath, pulling herself back together even as she told him, “I could use a hug.”

“I bet. How bad is it, the cancer?”

“It seems there’s a recurrence, in her armpit. Mom and Dad were too upset to really take it in. We’re all going to the doctor tomorrow to get more information and to talk about treatment.”

“That’s scary shit. Your mom must be devastated.” Despite the limits of technology, she could see the sympathy in his eyes.

“She is. We are. Damn, Aaron, she was feeling so much better.” She raised her wineglass to slug back a healthy mouthful. “I feel so powerless. I wish there was something I could do.”

“I guess all you can do is be there for her.”

“This makes me feel vulnerable,” she admitted. “I like situations I can control. If it’s like this for me, I hate to think how truly awful it must be for Mom.”

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do. For you, for her, or for your dad or Kelsey.”

“Thank you.” As she reached for her wineglass again, she realized her head was pounding. If only she could lay it on Aaron’s shoulder and feel his arms around her. “Mom said it’s not fair. It truly isn’t fair to her. But Aaron, it isn’t fair to the rest of us either. Dad’s been through so much. Kelsey’s trying to be all mature, but she’s awfully young to be dealing with something like this. And then there’s us.” Feeling selfish and petty even as she said it, she went on. “What will this do to us?”

“There you go again, wanting to plan everything out,” he teased gently. “Everyone’s going to have to take this a day at a time. Right now, you don’t know exactly what your mom will be facing. Of course news like this is a huge shock, but maybe it won’t be such a big thing this time. They’ve been monitoring her closely, so they probably caught it really early.”

“I guess. But it can’t be good, having cancer again when it’s not much more than a year since her surgery.”

“Hang in there, Eden, and try not to jump to conclusions.”

“You’re right.” Of course she’d hang in there. Her parents relied on her to do that. And she wouldn’t jump to conclusions. She’d use the Internet to research cancer recurrence so she’d be thoroughly prepared to talk to Dr. Wong.

“Does Di know yet?” he asked.

“No. Mom and Dad were in shock. Kelsey and I are the first people they told. Maybe I should tell Aunt Di. Mom’s gone to bed now, but I bet she’d appreciate a chance to talk to her sister in the morning.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me.” He paused. “What could you use, Eden? What can I do for you right now?”

Find some way of holding me together because I feel as if I’m going to shatter into pieces. But out of long habit, she said, “I’ll be fine.”

“Sure you will. But how about letting someone take care of you for just a little while?”

She closed her eyes. Could she surrender control and let herself be looked after? Opening her eyes again, she admitted, “That sounds really nice. If you were here—” She had to break off, to choke back a sob. Why couldn’t he be here? “I’d ask you to crawl into bed with me and hold me. To speak in a low voice because I have a headache, and tell me stories about Destiny.” Anything to take her mind off the panic that threatened to overtake her. “Tell me about the baby seals, the orcas leaping out of the water, the hummingbirds doing that funny territorial dance.”

“Okay, then here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll sign off Skype and you go take a couple of pills for your headache, brush your teeth, and climb into your pj’s. Get into bed and give me a call. You can curl up with the cell by your pillow and I’ll tell you stories.”

The research could wait until morning. This was exactly what she needed right now. She guessed he’d done something similar for Miranda when she was little and feeling scared. He would do the same for his and Eden’s children.

If events didn’t keep conspiring against them and they did actually manage to build a future together.