––––––––

AFTER MY HOSPITAL VISIT, Luca drops me off at the Blackhall. The moment I step into the living room, my phone beeps, so I zip open my cherry-red purse that’s slung diagonally across my shoulders and take out my mobile.

Swiping the screen, I answer, “Good morning, Cam.”

“Morning, where are you?”

“Just got home from the hospital.”

“When will you be ready to go to the club?” she asks.

“I thought you were picking me up at noon.”

“I was, but I’m almost at your penthouse. Let’s go now so that we can catch up before we meet the men.”

“Okay. Julia’s already watching the twins.”

“I’ll be there in five.”

“I’ll come down,” I tell her and end the call, not bothering to unbutton my custom-made white wool coat before I move into the bedroom to update the sitter and kiss my sleeping babies.

Then I return to the first floor and when I get outside, Cam’s already waiting in front of the Blackhall in her sleek metallic BMW.

Opening the door, I jump inside. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She examines the bruise on my temple, pointing to it. “Oh, it’s looking much better than yesterday. How are you feeling? What did the doctor say?”

“Which question do I need to answer first?” I ask around a chuckle, and she sends me a mock glare.

“What did the doctor say?” she repeats in a sarcastic tone as I reach for the seatbelt to click it in place while she pulls onto the street.

“I’m fine. He did a CT scan this morning – just as a precaution,” I explain, blinking, as black blotches obscure my vision before they quickly disappear.

“You okay?” Cam glances at me, tucking her auburn bob behind her ear.

“Yeah,” I dismiss her concern, mainly because I need to talk to her about my fears. “Physically, I feel fine, but mentally, I feel like I’m drowning sometimes.”

She frowns yet stays quiet, giving me time to speak my mind as I finger comb my side-swept bangs. “I drown in worry. See, the fact that I had to run last night didn’t scare me nearly as much as the fact that I was leaving the twins behind. With Luca, I know he can protect himself. But my kids, Cam, they’re innocent.” My eyes blur, and she grips my hand in support.

“I know exactly how you feel; that’s why I stayed with Amalia and the twins. And I did mean it when I said that Adriano and I will always protect them. You know that, right?”

“I do, but I’m their mother – I should protect them.”

“And you did. You were smart enough to listen to Tez and take care of yourself to return to the club safely.” She bites her lip as if she’s pondering something. “Have you thought about how this is the way the men must feel every day, any time they protect us?”

“I have. And I don’t know how they do it.”

The corner of her lips quirk down in sadness. “Me either. Let’s make a pact. We need to start being aware of current Syndicate business. I think that’s unavoidable at this point. I need it for my own sanity.”

“That’s exactly what I said to Luca.”

“I know. Adriano told me, and he thought you and I had already discussed it, so I’m glad we’re on the same page. But I got the sense our husbands aren’t very happy about it.”

“Luca agreed with me.”

“To your face,” she puts in. “But think about it – will he really tell you everything or only the things he believes are necessary? Remember, they are first and foremost the boss and the underboss.”

Impressed with how cunning Cam is, I grin at her. “He would only reveal what’s necessary.”

“That’s what I think too, hence why we’re going early. Another thing I’ve learned from our men is that they’re likely to lose control when something like last night happens, and we need to make sure they don’t kill the prisoners before they thoroughly interrogate them. But we also don’t want to push them or interfere with their business. We have to pick our battles wisely.”

I didn’t even think about these details; however, Cam functioned as a captain within the Syndicate for a couple of months before she gave birth to Amalia, so she’s a trained member. And little by little, she’s teaching me to be more like her.

“We also want to know how they’re going to go about closing the sex club,” I add.

“Yes. And thank god they are. One less thing to worry about.”

“True,” I utter and then watch the skyscrapers blaze by until we reach Club 7, feeling more at ease because of my talk with Cam.

After she parks at the back entrance of the club, we walk inside to the dance area where employees are cleaning up, the sounds of them bustling around echoing off the fourteen-foot high ceiling.

We go up the staircase to the balconied second floor and Adriano’s corner office, but when we get there, the door is slightly ajar.

“Just don’t tell Fallon and Cam,” Luca, standing with his back to me, instructs Tez in a strict tone.

“Don’t tell Fallon and Cam what?” I blurt out, and all three men turn around so fast that I’m shocked they don’t stumble.

Adriano grinds his teeth before he swiftly schools his expression as we tread inside and close the door. Cam sends me a knowing smile – she was right to suggest we come in early.

Luca edges in front of the padded chair and approaches me to press a kiss on my lips, replying, “Niente, dolcezza.” Nothing, sweetheart.

I glance over his shoulder when he pulls back and see his white dress shirt that’s stained with blood crumpled on the seat.

Pick your battles wisely, Cam’s words replay in my mind, so I comment, “Okay.” And I gesture at his shirt. “What’s with the blood?” Luca never comes home with dirty clothes and now I understand why. “What happened? Did you have a problem with someone?”

Adriano rounds his desk and beckons Cam to him, deliberately avoiding Luca’s gaze.

Cam struts up to him and tilts her head in question, yet he grasps her hips and drags her between his legs. “Stop scowling at me, because I like it. Nothing happened. We had an issue with one of the captives and had to end him.”

Adriano means Luca killed him, which Cam foresaw as well. For a second, she and I lock eyes. Then she cups Adriano’s cheeks as he loops his arm around her and grips her ass to tug her closer, looking up with a wolfish smirk.

“What’s wrong?” Adriano probes, catching our silent communication.

“Well, we were afraid you’d end them,” Cam replies. “Did you get some useful information out of one of them?”

“No, and we don’t need the one we killed anyway,” Adriano explains. “A guard is getting Rudd’s burner phone, so we’ll know who orchestrated this soon and we’ll handle it.”

Luca sits on the arm of the chair and pulls me to him as well while Tez checks some messages on his phone after he claims a seat next to us.

With my back to Luca, I lean against him, sensing he needs it, and he winds one arm around my waist, adding, “I don’t believe this will happen again because two men escaped and most likely have brought whoever’s behind all of this up to date.”

“So how will you handle it?” Cam inquires.

“We’ll end Rudd because he disrupted headquarters, and unless the other guy is someone powerful, we’ll do the same to him,” Adriano responds and lets go of Cam, deeming this discussion over and switching topics, “Why did you come early, Cam? Did you need me?”

“No, we just want to do something with the kids, so we wanted to get this over with,” she says honestly.

“I think you should have guards,” Luca mentions and my gaze shoots to him.

Walking around with guards is uncomfortable. I loathe it, and in this case, I truly don’t believe it’s necessary or else I’d never object. “Please, Luca, I don’t think we need guards at this point. I wasn’t the target last night during the raid.”

Luca’s nostrils flare as he studies me, and I feel his body becoming rigid, yet I can’t get into a debate with him because I’ll lose.

Hurriedly, I continue, “But I do need more protection. And...I want to have a gun too. I’ll also take shooting lessons.”

Luckily, after hearing this, Luca’s characteristic glare turns into a mischievous, lazy grin. In this moment, I grasp how we’ve grown and have learned to compromise to make our all-consuming love work in this ruthless underworld.

“I like how my way of thinking is rubbing off on you.” Luca tugs me firmly into him until I feel his groin in my ass.

Pressing against him as his smirk grows wider, I reply, “I need a gun then.”

“I can take care of that for you,” Cam interrupts. “And we’ll go to the shooting range together.”

“That would be great,” I tell Cam before Luca and I break apart when I realize there are actually other people in here, including Tez, who’s being quite inconspicuous but looks up as Cam and I flank him.

“This is...a weird conversation and is turning me on a little,” Adriano mutters, making Cam and me laugh.

“So will you tell us when you have an update or when the situation’s been handled?” I ask.

“Of course,” Luca answers, and I believe him with all my heart. Deep down, I’m addicted to the guilt-free way he loves me.

“However, Fallon, for today, I will have a guard follow you.”

I open my mouth, but he holds up one palm. “He’ll stay out of your way – you won’t even notice him.”

Seeing Luca’s torment and refusal to budge, I concede as always. Besides, I do recognize he’s correct and that it would be smarter to have some extra protection today. Especially since Cam and I are going out with the children.

Suddenly, Adriano rises, addressing Cam, “Anything else you need? We’re going to shut down the sex club now. We’re closing it effective immediately so that another raid doesn’t occur.”

“No, that’s it,” Cam replies, and he smacks a kiss on her mouth just when Tez glances up and asks me, “How are you?”

I move closer and stop beside his chair. “I’m fine. I went to the hospital for a CT scan. You?”

“I’m fine too.” He holds my gaze.

“It was scary in the tunnel,” I admit and he smiles.

“But you were brave.”

“Ah, thanks to you.” I grin back at him, but he looks past me and then away. Spinning around, I see Luca standing right behind me, wearing a lethal expression, and I frown, confused.

But before I can think twice about it, Cam stirs me into action. “Come on, let’s go.”

She urges me to circle around toward the door, and I pause to kiss Luca goodbye, waving at the other two men. Crossing the threshold, I run after Cam when she flies past me with unusual urgency.

After we reach the end of the hall, she pulls me to a stop. “I wonder how they’re going to go about shutting down the club? Since they wanted us out, I think we should stay. I’m curious to see how they’re going to deal with it. Aren’t you?”

“I got the feeling they wanted us gone as well,” I confess, much too curious myself.

Turning around, we sneak back toward Adriano’s office and hide in the security room next to it. Softly, I close the door and we tiptoe past the large screen and the desk that holds two computers and laptops, going to the connecting door and pressing our ears against it.

“Are they coming up?” Luca asks in an impatient tone.

“They’ll be right here,” Tez answers.

It’s quiet for a long moment and then I hear the rustling of feet.

“Welcome,” Adriano greets the girls, I presume. “We’ve brought you up here because Tez has an announcement.”

Tez takes over and adds, “The underground club has been compromised and is being shut down effective today.”

The overlapping shouting from what sounds like a dozen women starts, “What?! Why?”

“Calma.” Calm down. Luca’s voice cuts through, and it’s instantly silent. “This isn’t up for debate. You’ll get a generous severance in return for your silence, but you’re to leave the premises today and not ever return.”

“And remember, we have people everywhere,” Adriano finishes, “so if you talk about a supposed sex club inside Club 7, we’ll find you and kill you – and your family.”

Gasps arise.

“Are we clear?” Tez demands.

“Yes,” some women murmur.

“Then get your stuff and come back for your final paycheck before you go,” Tez instructs, and I hear the scuffling of feet again as they exit.

“That was easy,” I whisper to Cam, who jerks her head, indicating for us to leave.

Making as little noise as possible, we retrace our steps across the room and peek around the corner to see the last girl walking out next door before we slip out. We rush to the staircase and hurry downstairs toward the bar, making it appear as if we’ve been talking there the entire time.

After Cam glances up at the second floor, she begins, “I don’t know why he didn’t want us there. They actually did close the sex club.”

“Weren’t there any other employees at the club?”

“No.”

“But won’t any of the women talk?”

She pulls up her shoulders. “Apparently, Adriano doesn’t see them as a threat.”

Unexpectedly, two escorts pass us and we overhear their conversation.

“Shit, there goes your plan to seduce one of the rich owners from here,” a short redhead remarks to her equally short companion.

“Or maybe we need to up our game...”

Cam makes a face as I sneer at the two women who are both wearing jeans mini-skirts that show off way more than I want to see. Then, before I realize it, Cam follows them. Grinning, I go after her.

“I don’t think you need to up your game,” Cam comments from behind them, and they swivel around, arcing their thinly plucked brows.

Cam, who’s as tall as a supermodel, assesses them, her red lips curving up into a wide smile as she glimpses at me when I stop beside her.

Poised, she repeats, “I said you don’t need to up your game. You just to need scram from here.”

“Who the fuck are you?” redhead retorts with a thick Italian accent.

Cam hisses, “We’re wolves when it comes to protecting our husbands and kids. Stay away from the club. Stay away from Adriano and Luca, or we’ll find you. Like they said, they have people everywhere...”

My grin deepens as the escorts scowl at us, but when they glance over my shoulder, I look back just in time to see Adriano and Luca, who both seem furious, storming down the black staircase. Evidently, they’re not happy that these girls are talking to us. Both Cam and I smile sugary sweet at them before they quickly turn away and almost run to the door that leads to the back entrance.

Cam braces her neck, massaging out the tension. “The men are rubbing off on us.”

“I think so too. These girls annoy me.”

“Thank god, they’re gone.”

“But then again, the regular clientele isn’t any better.” I steel my jaw.

“True, but we can’t worry about that or else we’ll go crazy.”

“Also true,” I agree just as the men halt in front of us and Luca demands, “What did they say to you?”

“Nothing,” I inform him. “We overheard them say they were going to target one of the rich owners.”

Adriano glares as Luca perks a brow. “Those two?”

“Yes, be careful with them. They’re out for money,” I warn and Luca grins widely, yet I don’t understand why and stare at him in question.

“You two don’t have to protect us; that’s our job,” he explains.

“But I want to,” I say fondly as he caresses my temple, which doesn’t hurt at all anymore, and latches his mouth onto mine.

“I’ll have a guard watch the escorts for a couple of days to make sure they don’t cause trouble. We’re going to handle the financial details now with Carmine and make a plan to close the club for a few weeks to start construction on the restaurant and relocating the club downstairs.”

“Then we can eat here as much as we want. There’s going to be a dessert bar, right?” Expectantly, I look at him.

“Of course, especially for you,” he vows and it fills my heart with joy.

Somehow he always manages to dispel my demons of fear and make me feel protected.

After Luca says goodbye again, Cam and I finally leave the club. Meanwhile, Cam makes an appointment at the shooting range for Friday and informs me that I’m getting a gun by the end of the week. Then we spend the rest of the afternoon with the twins and Amalia at Brookfield Zoo, where Amalia has the time of her life.

***

AT SEVEN P.M., I’M sitting Indian style on the couch, breastfeeding Noah and re-reading the same passage of my romance novel on my e-reader for the umpteenth time. Usually, I devour hundreds of pages in one sitting, but not this week. Tossing the device aside since I can’t concentrate on my book, I wonder where Luca’s held up. I’d hoped he’d come home early.

Abruptly, Noah stops sucking, and when I peer down, I see that he’s dozed off with his mouth hanging open in the cutest way. Amused, I button my shirt and place him in the bassinet that’s situated next to the couch where Milana’s already sound asleep.

Just then, the elevator door swooshes open and Luca steps inside our apartment. Drawn to him, I meet my husband instantly where he inspects the light bruise on my temple before kissing my lips.

“Hey,” I greet him. “I was just about to call you.”

“I left work as soon as I could.” He glances at the twins. “Have they eaten?”

“Yes. I just fed Noah.”

“Good.” Shrugging out of his exquisitely tailored navy suit jacket, he tosses it onto a bar stool and strolls toward the bassinet to caress both of the babies’ heads, saying, “I ordered dinner for us. It should arrive any minute.” He continues on down the hall. “I’m going to change.”

“I’ll get the dishes.” I go into the kitchen and grab plates and utensils and set them on the long oak coffee table. At that moment, the buzzer rings, so I move to the intercom next to the elevator and push the button for the speakerphone.

“Mrs. DeMiliano, takeout from Francitalia is here. Shall I send him up?”

“Yes, please,” I reply, and a few moments later the elevator glides open.

A skinny teenager hands me a big brown bag, and he leaves after I thank him since Luca has already paid. Dropping the bag on the table, I remove the containers filled with pasta carbonara and an Italian salad, and then I find the freshly baked ciabatta. The aroma of bacon and cream wafts up, making my stomach growl. And because dessert is my favorite meal, Luca has ordered both a pistachio and a chocolate cannelloni for me.

“Luca, I love you!” I call out. “You got me two desserts.”

Laughing, he responds, “I know you, dolcezza.”

When he returns, he’s wearing his black sweats that hang low on his hips, and the light glistens off his bare chiseled torso. As I kneel at the table and plate up, Luca claims a seat on the couch behind me, snaking his palm up my plum cotton shirt, warming my back.

I serve him a generous plate of pasta and salad before placing my own in front of me. Then I grab the warm bread and rip off a chunk, causing a puff of fragrant steam to explode from it. I bring up a piece to give to Luca and he leans forward, taking a huge bite as I sit down between his legs.

When I dig into my pasta, the sauce is so creamy that I nearly moan. Meanwhile, Luca strokes my hair gently, as if he can’t stand it when we don’t touch constantly, and it makes me feel cherished.

“Why were you held up at the club? And did you get the bar owner’s burner phone?” I ask, making a quarter turn so that I’m lazing against the inside of his right leg and can look up at him as he holds up his plate with two fingers.

“Yes, we have Rudd’s phone, but no calls have been made. I’m guessing that the two attackers who got away somehow informed the man who set this all in motion. So we have to figure out another way to connect with him, and Adriano and I will have to decide what to do with Rudd now. And I was delayed because we wanted to get everything rolling for the remodel of Club 7.”

After swallowing another bite, I probe, “Did you start the remodel already?”

“Yes, we’ve made a schedule. Adriano has appointed Tez to oversee everything, and he has to work closely with Carmine, who’s in charge of the financial details. Tez knows people in the restaurant business and he can get us a good kitchen staff right away. Also, after making a ton of calls, Adriano and Tez have found a good architect who can start ASAP. They’ve estimated that the remodel can be done next month, so Club 7 will be closed down the first two weeks of February, which is when we’ll relocate the dance club downstairs and change the décor of the first floor into a restaurant. And, of course, a professional kitchen needs to be built upstairs.”

“Wow, you guys work fast.” I break off another portion of ciabatta and raise it to Luca’s mouth, which he opens and then closes around my finger. Slowly, I pull it out as his wolfish smirk sends a tingle to my core. “Why are you shutting down the club so quickly?”

“Financial reasons. A remodel like this one makes it easier for Carmine to launder the Syndicate money through Club 7. We can pay a lot of contractors with cash and make ghost invoices. And since the sex club is closed, we need to use that area or else it’ll only cost us money.”

“Ah, I see.” Picking a grape tomato from my salad, I pop it into my mouth as Luca sets his plate on the table.

Then he combs my hair over to one side and massages my shoulders softly. A moan escapes me as he makes me forget the stress of yesterday. Gradually, his fingers trail up my nape, and when they mold my scalp, I sigh once more.

Regardless of all the chaos that surrounds us, his stress-free behavior pacifies me. Being with Luca brings sweet joy to my heart, and this is how we maintain a sense of normalcy while living amidst danger.

“Have you been feeling faint today?” he asks suddenly.

“Not really.” I let my head drop forward as he rubs the pad of his thumb up the back of my neck in the most comforting manner.

When he stops, I turn around, still seated in front of him on the floor, and look up through my lashes, recognizing the roguish gleam in his vivid green eyes. Then he lightly strokes his finger down my cheek as I place my hands on his strong thighs, his grin widening when I slide them up.

Bending forward, he frames my face in both hands with desperation, pulling me into a ravenous kiss as he forces my mouth open to sweep his tongue inside as if he needs to conquer every nook and cranny. And when I roam my hands up his bare sides, he growls into my mouth, skimming his palm down my curved spine to give my ass a possessive squeeze. Then he unbuttons my shirt, his lips ghosting down my throat and cleavage before he nips my breast as I arch into him, gripping his thick hair.

My limbs sizzle with passion when he lounges backward with the grace of a panther and gazes at me as if I’m the only woman in the world. Because I need to touch him, I scrape my nails down his flexing abs, making his arousal twitch inside his pants as I bend forward and kiss his sculpted chest. Moving down his body, I tuck my fingers into the waistband of his sweats and wrench them down, letting them fall to the floor when Luca lifts his hips to assist me. I peck his stomach, sliding lower and taking his black boxer briefs with me, and I kiss the crown of his erection when it jumps up. As Luca weaves his hands into my hair, I lick the length of his shaft and when I peer up, his gaze devours me, his dark hair toppling across his forehead.

Taking his arousal in hand, I slip my palm over the silky skin, causing Luca’s head to fall back, his thighs quivering as his entire body relaxes while he submits to me as easily as I give myself to him. When I squeeze him hard, he thrusts his hips, bucking them as I use my thumb to spread the wetness that’s leaked from the tip over the sensitive crown.

“Fuck, Fallon,” he rasps in a gruff tone – a voice he only uses with me.

It’s still a wholly overwhelming sensation to pleasure a commanding man like Luca. Taking his arousal between my lips, I suck as I pump the base, my fingers barely able to wrap around it. Luca gathers my hair into a ponytail, holding my head as I bob up and down, lapping.

“Make me come, dolcezza,” he growls as I press my legs together from the dampness pooling there.

I pump wildly, sucking hard while his cock swells. Luca locks eyes with me as he thrusts his hips up, his hold in my hair strengthening pleasurably. With a guttural groan, he orgasms, his seed coating the back of my throat and his grip staying firm as I swallow before he pops out of my mouth, slowing his uneven breaths.

I sit back on my heels, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand while Luca’s satisfied grin is pinned on me. With his fingers still tangled in my hair, he guides me up to sit astride him, grabbing my ass to plant a feverish kiss on me, until a noise from one of the babies has us stopping, and a coo becomes a wail within a split-second.

Around a smirk, Luca mutters, “It’s like they sense when we’re about to have sex.” And he nips my breast.

Moving off of him with a laugh, I button my shirt and scoot to the bassinet to see that Noah is awake and red-faced.

“You fell asleep before I could burp you. Do you need to burp, my baby?” I lift him up to cradle him against my chest and tap his back.

A soft burp comes out and he sighs loudly, as if it had been bothering him, so I rock him as I sit down next to Luca, who’s adjusting his sweats.

As Luca kisses his head, he whispers, “You really don’t want mommy and daddy to make you another sibling, do you?”

I nudge him playfully while he tucks me into him, placing his arm over my shoulder as he gets the remote and points it toward the seventy-inch flat screen that’s hanging on the opposite wall.

Together, we snuggle, stroking Noah, who has tumbled back into dreamland with the biggest smile on his round face.

Thankfully, our first evening of the New Year is quiet, and we try to hold on to a peaceful family with everything we have.

***

AT THE CRACK OF DAWN, I wake up when I feel Luca stroking my nape as I lie on my stomach in bed.

I squint one eye open, so he says, “I’m going to meet Adriano. Call me after you get up, dolcezza. Ti amo.” I love you. And he presses a kiss to my nose as I doze off again.

Sometime later, when I hear my phone ringing on the nightstand, I groan and reach out to see Dr. Calderone flashing across the screen.

Bolting upward, I cough to clear my throat and answer, “Hello, this is Fallon.”

“Good morning, Fallon. I wanted to call you as soon as I had the results of your CT scan, and I have good news for you. I don’t see any internal injuries. Have you experienced any dizziness?”

“No,” I reply, feeling around my temple and looking toward my vanity mirror hanging on the wall to my left, explaining, “And the bruise barely hurts. My temple is just a little red with some scabbed-over scratches.”

“Have you had any problems with your vision?”

“No.”

“Okay, that’s good. However, if anything changes, contact me.”

“I will. Thanks, doctor.”

“My pleasure. I’m going to call Luca next to inform him.”

“I know,” I retort around a smile, and he laughs before hanging up.

I immediately call Luca because it’s the first thing I do after I wake up when he leaves home in the early morning.

“Morning, dolcezza.” He picks up after the first ring. “Ah, I see you spoke to Marc? He’s calling me now too.”

“Yeah, he just told me that everything’s fine.”

“Bene.” Good. “I’m glad. He didn’t find anything worrisome?”

“No, he just told me to contact him if I experience dizziness or problems with my vision.”

“Okay. Did he wake you up?”

“Yeah, but I have to get up anyway.” Right on cue, Milana’s coos fill the bedroom.

I go up on my knees and scoot to the foot of my bed where the two cribs are positioned, but when I look down, I find Milana sticking out her tongue at me, and I snicker loudly.

“What?” Luca asks. “Are the babies awake?”

“Milana’s up. She’s playing with her tongue or something. I’m going to bathe her.”

“I miss you, so I’m leaving work after lunch – Adriano and I just have to assist Tez and Carmine with a few things before they set everything in motion for the remodel.”

“We miss you too – come home soon.”

“I will, dolcezza.”

“Ti amo.” I love you.

“Ti amo.” He hangs up, and I climb out of bed to shower before giving the twins their baths.

Thank goodness, Luca keeps his promise and returns home early, as he does for the next few days. Without my asking, he knows exactly what I need. He gives me a sense of normalcy and creates a typical family life, which I adore.

***

BY FRIDAY, THE WEEK has flown by because the twins keep me occupied full-time. In truth, I’m glad I don’t work as a copy editor anymore and I’ve given up my volunteer work at the community center. Besides, I’ve been busy taking kickboxing lessons, which are such a rush, since my self-defense classes – which Luca signed me up for – have ended. This has allowed me to get back into shape fast and get much stronger. So, while I have stretch marks, my belly is flat again and I look like I did before I became pregnant, only with wider hips, which my husband loves anyway.

However, this morning, I’m not busy with the twins. Quite the opposite, I’m standing inside an enormous concrete building in an industrial area right outside the Loop that reeks of smoke and gunpowder. The hall we’re in is separated by cubicles that are lined up next to each other and facing targets that are ten yards away.

Today, I’m taking my first shooting lesson, which will hopefully make me feel even more protected, and right now, Cam and I are the only ones here.

I’m wearing big army green headphones as Cam fires a round with her instructor since she’s been taking lessons and already knows how to shoot, while I’m merely a beginner. I slide the headphone back on one side to listen to my instructor, who, by the looks of his baby face, can’t be older than twenty.

He teaches me how to hold my black semi-automatic Smith & Wesson and explains, “I’m going to train you to make your movements fast and consistent so that you will get familiar with your own ability. First, you need to be able to load your gun quickly, without looking at it, your hands, or the ammo. You should be practiced enough that when you’re shooting – no matter how many rounds are in the magazine – you should be able to feel when the handgun is empty. Is it full now?”

“I think so.”

“Yes, this is how heavy a fully loaded Smith & Wesson handgun feels. Now unload and reload before we take a shot.”

I click the ammo out easily but fumble when I slide the new one in, so he says, “Just keep practicing and you’ll get the hang of it.” Moving up beside me, he continues, “Pull your gun up, as quickly as possible, to a firing position and focus hard on the front sight. Wait until you see a bit of the front sight between the rear sights and then pull the trigger. You should be able to land a hit in the ten-inch target.”

When I focus and pull the trigger, I’m a bit unsteady and miss the target, making him grin as I smirk sheepishly.

“Try going a little slower. The key is to practice accuracy, and then the speed will come naturally. Don’t worry.”

I grip the pistol in both hands and concentrate on the target for several seconds before releasing another bullet, and this time, it does hit the mark, but on the right side.

Not perfect, although it is progress and he commends, “See, much better. Keep shooting.”

Firing another round, I suddenly feel him tapping my shoulder.

Glancing back, I see Cam peeking around the corner, saying, “I’m getting another gun.”

And the instructor adds, “I’ll be right back. I’ll get an extra magazine for you, Fallon.”

“Okay,” I tell them both and turn back to my target, bringing up my hands and releasing more bullets, feeling exhilarated.

Then, unexpectedly, the fluorescent lights go out and the entire hall becomes dark.

I rip off the headphones and fling them onto the table as my sight adjusts to the darkness while I edge backward, looking to the end of the rows of cubicles and seeing that neither Cam nor my instructor has returned.

Alarm crawls up my spine while I hold the weapon against my chest. When I hear a creak, I duck down in the cubicle, sweat rapidly forming on my palms, and I wonder how to handle this as anxiety fills my every cell.